I know what they’re thinking. Why did I dye my hair back to black and blonde? Why did I cut it? What am I doing? I doubt I will see him again… but maybe he will remember me completely... Is that stupid? Is it really just wishful thinking? I hate this… the ache in my heart doesn’t leave me anymore. Before last night, I could just push it deep down inside me. Now… I can’t even do that…
“Shane?” Alexander looks at me, concerned.
“I’m okay, I promise,” I smile back at him, attempting to reassure him. Of course, he doesn’t believe it. Joshua and Alexander are the only two people that could see right through me. I don’t know why I thought I could lie to him…
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Shaney. He’ll come back, don’t worry,” he smiles at me. Somehow that makes me feel a little bit better, but only for a second. Joshua isn’t like most people. He’s not just going to come back so easily… right? I don’t want to get my hopes up.
Suddenly, Alexander grabs my hand so fucking tightly; I thought it was going to fall off. I glance over at him. His face lost all color and he’s shaking uncontrollably.
“Alexander?” I ask him. No reply, but then he points at something. When I look, the sight is petrifying. At the far end of the store, there’s a black haired boy, just staring at us. His eyes are bloodshot, his face as white as snow. He almost looks dead. I start walking closer to him, to get a better look, but when I do, he backs away. I start running towards him, but then I stop. I don’t know why I stopped. I was going to keep going, but it’s like something pulled me back. I stare intently at him. He then pulls his hair over his eyes. Oh my God. Taylor?!
“What do you want?!” I yell. People are staring at me like I’m crazy. He doesn’t answer me, but his lips curl into that same dark smile. His hand moves upward and he forms a gun out of his fingers, then pretends to shoot me. The trauma comes back to me and I start shaking violently. He shot Joshua…
Suddenly, he runs away as Alex, Steven, Ashton, and Alexander come over to me. I grab my bangs tightly and hang my head, closing my eyes tightly. I scream. It’s piercingly loud.
“OH FUCK, JOSHUA!” I scream, “YOU SHOT JOSHUA!!” the tears form in my eyes. He shot him. Twice, in the shoulder and then… I don’t know. I can’t get to him. Taylor’s pulling me away from him! I NEED TO GET TO HIM! Don’t die, Joshua!
“Shane! Calm down! Joshua isn’t here! We’re in Wal-Mart!!” I can barely hear Steven tell me.
I stand up and look around. Where did that bastard go?! I have to catch him! He has Joshua! I dart towards the direction he ran off in.
Steven’s POV
“I saw him!” Alexander frantically tells us.
“Who did you see, Alexander?” Alex raises an eyebrow.
“T-Taylor… I saw him. I showed Shane and he saw him too!! Shane is following him!”
“Steven, stay here with them, I’ll go take a look,” Alex says to me, which causes me to look at him like he’s insane. Alex runs off anyway. That prick.
“Ashton, protect Alexander with your life. If anything happens to him, I’ll kill you,” I glare daggers at her. Scared, she dynamically nods back. I run off.
Shane’s POV
I continue running, I found him again. He’s running out of the entrance. I follow him, gaining on him. Eventually I catch up and he suddenly stops. Taken off guard, I clumsily stop and glare at him, “Who are you?!”
“You’re worst nightmare, Shane,” he replies. He might look like Taylor, but he sounds nothing like him. That’s relieving.
“Who the fuck are you?!” I grab his shirt collar and pull him towards me abruptly. This Taylor impersonator is shorter than me, “how do you know my name?”
“We’ve met before,” he smirks.
“Where?”
“Doesn’t matter, I shot Joshua and I’m gonna do it again,” he giggles, “I hate Joshua. Joshua killed him. You killed him.”
My grip loosens and I let go of him, shocked. Who did we kill? Taylor? How does he know Taylor? Why is he here?
“What’s the matter, Shane? Afraid?”
I stare fixedly into his eyes, trying to figure him out.
“I’m gonna kill Joshua,” he sings in a weird melody, and then takes off running. I have to warn Joshua. Where is he…?
“Shane!” Steven and Alex run over to me, out of breath. I forgot they were here. I was so focused on the Taylor impersonator…
“I need to find Joshua,” I say to the both of them. They have never seen me look so serious before. Steven nods and replies, “I’ll go get the car, Alex, you can go get Alexander and Ashton.”
The car stops at Ashton’s house. I jump out and turn around, Ashton, come with me. The three of you should stay here. They nod, understanding. Ashton walks into the house and I follow. We’re greeted by her parents and then Ashton asks if Cadence and Joshua are here. The say ‘yes’ and we go upstairs. I tell her to wait in the hallway and I barge in on them. Boy, I figured I’d catch them doing some nasty shit, but this is just…wow.
“Shane, why are you here?” Joshua asks me, sitting on the floor completely naked. Cadence is on the other side of the room, dressed and is doing schoolwork.
“Why are you naked?” I raise an eyebrow.
“I’m sexy enough to be,” he smirks. I attempt to keep my eyes on his face, but fail. I stare downwards. Oh God, I wish I didn’t. His smirk grows and he stares at me playfully.
“Joshua, we have a problem,” I say to him, clearing my throat and looking away.
“Uh, yeah. There’s now two other people in this room and neither of them are naked with me.” He actually sounds disappointed at that.
“There’s a Taylor impersonator.”
“A wha…?”
“Someone that knows me cut and styled their hair like Taylor’s, dresses like him, and harassed me tonight.”
“What’s with the new hairstyle? Well, old hairstyle. I remember you had that style at camp. Yeah, now you’re not as unfamiliar to me anymore.” Did he just ignore me?!
“That’s not important, Joshua! Aren’t you listening to me? You might be in danger!”
“Shane, you need to calm down,” he stands up and starts towards me. I back away from him, out of fear. Why fear? I’m afraid that he’s going to touch me and I’m just going to lose it. I can’t…
“J-Joshua, you should stay back,” my voice is shaky. Cadence turns around and stands up, forcing me to back into her.
“Guys, I know you wanna do your fag shit, but I’m trying to study.”
…What?
“Why aren’t you angry at me?” I ask her, confused, “I kissed your boyfriend.”
She just laughs and pats my head like I’m some child, “He isn’t my boyfriend. Never has been, sweetie.”
WHAT?! Okay… REWIND!
The day after Joshua dumped me, she was over my house. They were holding hands and kissing. Every time I saw them, they were acting like a couple. Joshua didn’t correct me, when I called her his girlfriend… Although neither of them said they were together, I just assumed because of the way they acted.
“You said you wanted a girlfriend!” I yell at Joshua. Cadence takes this chance to sneak out of the room. I guess she doesn’t want to be a part of this anymore. She quietly shuts the door behind her.
“Yeah, but I changed my mind. I just didn’t want to commit,” he replies, ashamed.
“You asshole! How could you do this to me?!” I cry out. I raise my fist and attempt to punch him, but he evades it.
“You should stop hitting me.”
“Why? You going to hit me back?” I scowl at him.
“Why would I do that?” he looks confused.
“Taylor said you abused him. Why would it be any different with me?”
“Why do you keep bringing Taylor up? He’s dead. He’s gone, Shane. He ain’t ever coming back.”
"Because he was your boyfriend at one point!"
“So? I have never raised my hand to you. Why would I start?”
“You remember?” I ask him, surprised.
“Well, yeah. You mean more to me than Taylor ever did. Taylor was just a stupid little bitch that turned obsessive after our first date. I couldn’t take it. He was so overbearing, immature, and he was the abusive one. I left him because he reminded me of my father,” he blinks a few times, but then shrugs, “but… I couldn’t stay away from him at the same time. I guess the fact that he was like my father was why I thought I couldn’t run away.”
“He said your father was abusive… and that you killed him…”
“I remember he used to hit me a lot…” he pauses and goes into that trance-like state, “I was twelve or thirteen. It was raining that day. I pissed him off so he stripped me down and put me outside in the cold. I thought I was going to die. I was out there for a half an hour before he dragged me back inside. He asked me if I learned my lesson.
That was when I finally stood up to him and told him off. He didn’t like that and punched me in the eye. I got up and started running for the door. He started chasing me, yelling things that made no sense. I remember him saying that if he caught me, I was dead. Well, he caught me. That man towered over me. He was so scary. He grabbed my throat and squeezed. I couldn’t breathe. I knew he wasn’t going to let go, so I panicked and I poked him in the eyes. He let go and I ran to the kitchen. I grabbed the first sharp thing I saw; a carving knife. When he got in there and saw the knife, he started laughing at me and told me I didn’t have the balls to do it.
I remember it so clearly. I threw the knife at him and he moved out of the way. He just laughed at me again. I screamed as loud as I could as he came at me. He pounded on me continuously… It’s a little fuzzy after that, but I remember someone pulled him off of me. They helped me up and then he started pounding on them. I crawled over and grabbed the knife and I did it. I stabbed him in the back. I blacked out and woke up in the hospital…”
Joshua isn’t even with us anymore. He’s so deep in his memory; he’s in that hospital bed. I see tears well up in his eyes. I have never seen this side of him before… I walk over to him and embrace him tightly. He flinches at first, but then he hesitantly hugs me back.
“Joshua…”
“Sh-Shane… I killed my own father…”
“You had to. It was self defense. He was going to kill you,” I try to calm him down. He’s sweating and shaking hysterically.
“Y-you know why I don’t treat you like Taylor?”
“Why…?” Do I really want to know?
“You’re the only person to never hurt me.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve punched you like three times now,” I shift my eyes.
“I deserved those,” he chuckles a little, calming down, “I mean you never just hit me for the hell of it. I think I kept going back to Taylor because I felt I needed the beating. I lived with it for so long; it was all I was used to. My father brought women home to have their way with me and they would beat me. I never had sex with the same person either… and then he started bringing home men. People would pay him to fuck me, Shane. I grew up with violence and sex. It’s all I knew. I didn’t know what commitment was. I didn’t know what love was. I didn’t know that people like you existed.”
“Joshua…” I stare at him, completely shocked. He’s opening up a door that has been locked for years. He’s telling me everything.
“I met you. I thought you were just gonna be another awesome fuck, but then I felt nauseous and a pain in my heart. I’ve never felt that before. It was like… if I wasn’t around you, I had to find you. You filled my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was so distracting and painful. I didn’t want anyone else. I had to have you and when I finally did, I couldn’t get enough. I tried to fuck someone else, but I couldn’t. I was scared you’d hate me for it. When Taylor forced me to be his boyfriend, I was always nauseous. Touching him and not you made me feel like I was the worst person in the world. I’ve never felt like that before. It was scary…”
“J-Joshua… why are you telling me this now?” I’m fighting tears right now.
“Because, I remember. Because, I don’t want to keep anything from you anymore. Because, I love you, Shane. Please… be with me again. I need you.”