Last night I was locked in my room while they all discussed. In the morning, I woke up, grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom in the room they gave me...
Daniel was in there. I did a little jump not expecting him there. I turned around to leave but he grabbed me.
"Hey where are you going" he said.
"Back to my room, I was going to take a shower...", my voice trailed, Then I noticed a black bag on the counter, "what's that?" I asked looking in the of the bag direction.
He grabbed me close and put a hand on my back and another on my wrist, I didn't pull away because I knew that would anger him. I knew what he was capable of.
He smiled and said "if your a good girl you will get to find out.".
"Okay well I'm going to go shower", I said trying to make him leave, he let go of my wrist.
He started moving the hand that was on my back, lower, and lower. Until it was on my ass.
"Look you know I don't like you like that", I said moving my body away from his.
"Do You think I care?", He questioned. Hunger in his eyes.
I slowly walked away and turned on the shower, I felt his hot breath on my neck- he grabbed my body and spun me around so I was looking at him.
"Please, don't do this... again" I said the last part slowly.
"You're so cute... when you're afraid.", he smiled and leaned in closer. He smelled great like woods and cologne.
"Are you going to be good? ", He sighed moving back.
"Yes", is all I said. He leaned in and kissed me, shoving something in my hand.
It was my journal and a gel pen, I leaned in and hugged him giving him a kiss on the cheek, I can play this game too.
My journal was a thick black book, I had it specially hole punched so it was like how you tie a corset with a blue ribbon so no one could open it, and then my name written on the top.
He finally left the bathroom, and I jumped in the shower.
I wore a black lace bra and panties, black leggings and a neon crop top that said Meow on it. I grabbed my purse and book as I headed downstairs.
Adam saw me and smiled, "where are you going?", he asked.
To fuck your mom. Where the hell do you think I'm going?
Instead I said, "I don't know".
"Need somewhere to... Draw?", he questioned my book. I nodded.
He motioned me to follow him. A room with a ton of boxes that were clearly being moved out of there, yet in the back was a clear area and a nice couch. I sat down while him and Blake worked on clearing this out.
I've never let anyone inside my book, my book is my walls. What I say goes. I unlace it neatly then prop it on my knees.
Countless new ways to die litter every few pages. Death isn't the end it's... Silence. I don't have to get a high when I'm in my own walls.
I flip to a fresh page.
The page just before it I had placed a photo, I had met a girl younger than me. Just a little younger. Her name was Serena, although we went to different schools we had so much in common. It was the only photo she ever let me take of her, confidence radiating her half smile because of the new band shirt she bought. She was a Junior and I was a Senior in the photo. Two weeks ago I ripped my self from the picture, I will never get it back.
That warm smile, freedom. Now I'm scared of my own best friend.
Worthless.
You can't even fight.
Kill yourself
Do it.
Oh wait, you already tried- how'd that work out?
Pathetic.
I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes. Why won't it stop. My mind, like a broken record telling me I'm worthless.
Blake popped next to me and I closed the book, relacing it.
"... Are you okay?", he asked.
I nodded.
No you're not.
Liar.
Look at you!
No wonder your parents di-
"I'm feeling a little sick", I said cutting off the voices.
He didn't see it as a cold, well I assumed because he reached over and wrapped me in a hug, patting my back.
Losing myself in the hug I couldn't help but grab the keys from his neck.
You did it again.
When will you stop?
You can't.
I slipped the keys in my pocket.