TWO MONTHS LATER...
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{sydney.cross} been too long
kathrine.scott- taking over the world
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hater- you are the absolute worst
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sydeny.cross.updates- Sydney Cross, Harry Styles, and others perform in NYC
"You will do amazing love, just like always." I stared up at Harry as he rubbed my shoulder trying to comfort me. You would think after becoming more well known and doing more performances I wouldn't be as nervous anymore, but no. I was freaking out like usual, but not for the reason everyone would think, especially Harry.
I was going to do it.
I was going to tell him.
I was going to tell him I love him.
Two months ago when we were at the beach and I finally came to the realization that I did in fact love him, I tried my best to tell him. I really did, but I couldn't do it. I would overthink everything, even though he reassured me multiple times that he loved me. I knew that I couldn't just tell him, thats not how I work.
I had to tell him by song.
As cheesy as that sounds, I honestly think that will be the only way I can force those words out of my lips.
Besides that, these last two months have been absolutely incredible. Me and Harry spent almost every single second of the day talking. He made me feel so loved and he made sure I always knew that was how he felt. It was definitely weird how open Harry was, cause I could never imagine Harry being like this only a year ago.
He has just made me fall deeper in love with him.
Like now as he held me close to his body as he playfully swayed with me in his dressing room trying to comfort me and sooth my nerves. It just feels so weird, but so good.
I was also super nervous today because it had been two weeks since I had last seen Harry physically. He was promoting his new album and doing different concerts, while I was writing songs and preparing for my tour that was coming up in a couple of months. I couldn't help the nerves that swam through my body overthinking everything while he was gone. Luckily, I could always call him and he would know immediately how to make me feel better.
I really do love him.
"You feeling better, sunny." I laughed at the new nickname Harry has started calling me, before nodding against his chest and tightening my arms around his waist.
"Yeah, thank you for calming me down." I looked up at Harry to see him smiling softly down at me, before reaching down and planting a kiss on my temple before whispering against my hair, "Love you."
I couldn't help how much those words affected me. When ever he said them to me, I immediately felt so much better. He was like a drug to me. Every time I was around him, I just felt so much lighter and happier. All my usual nerves and overthinking were gone, as soon as he would cuddle me.
He just made me so happy.
He was it for me.
There was no way anyone would make me feel like how he does.
Before I could reply to him, I light knock interrupted us. I looked at the door behind us to see Jeff popping his head in slowly with his eyes closed.
"Are you both dressed?"
I couldn't help the ridiculous laugh flow through my body at his question. I couldn't blame him from asking though. These last two months, have not only been filled of love and cuddles, but much more if you know what I mean.
Harry has also been staying with Jeff in his apartment in New York, so when I came down early to see him we didn't waste time before ripping each others clothes off. We didn't even try to make it up to the guest bedroom. So when Jeff walked in with groceries, it was quite the scare.
Poor Jeff.
Harry un wrapped his arms from around me and walked over to Jeff, before playfully smacking Jeff in the head. Jeff immediately opened his eyes before whining, "Hey, what was that for." I laughed at Jeffs childishness.
Jeff finally looked over at me before giving me a smile and saying, "Glad to see you again Sydney, glad it is fully clothed this time." I couldn't help the blush that creeped up my neck to my cheeks at his comment.
I probably looked as red as a watermelon.
Harry smacked Jeff against the head again before saying, "Don't say things like that about my girlfriend, what do you want?"
My embarrassment quickly turned into giddiness and happiness at Harrys comment towards Jeff. Girlfriend, I like the sound of that.
My thoughts were once again interrupted by Jeffs voice as he spoke towards Harry, "Just wanted to tell you that you are up in 10 minutes, so get your ass out here." Harry nodded towards Jeff, before taking my hand and leading me outside his dressing room towards the stage.
It has been so long since I have watched Harry perform at a concert. When we broke it off, I use to watch clips of him on stage, which always caused me to have a huge meltdown. Things were different now and I was super excited to see him roc it like he always does. He always puts on a terrific performance for his fans
Before I knew it, Harry was pulled away from me to go on stage, so I quickly gave him a kiss before whispering, "Smash it baby." My words caused Harrys lips to fly up into a huge smile, before he kissed me once more and hopped up the stairs to the stage.
I couldn't help the proudest smile take over my features as the lights shined over him and the crowd screamed at his presence.
Thats my baby.
Thats my boyfriend.
Thats the man I love.
***
Harrys set was indescribable, it was that good. He always put on a brilliant show, but tonight he killed it. He was full of smiles, cheeky jokes towards the crowd, and he danced the night away, which the crowd especially loved.
When Harry started singing Watermelon Sugar, my body couldn't contain itself as it moved to the beat.
"Watermelon sugar high
Watermelon sugar high."
As Harrys set was coming to an end, I was starting to become more nervous as the minutes passed. I was now really starting to realize what I was doing.
I was going to tell him I love him.
I was letting all my walls down, when I tell him those three words.
It was too late to change my mind, since I had already sent in my song choices a few weeks back of what I was going to sing.
Knowing myself, I was probably going to chicken out.
"Thank you New York!" My thoughts were pulled as I heard Harrys voice as he thanked the crowd.
Fuck, it is my turn.
Before I could really think about what was happening, a microphone was placed in my hands and I was pushed towards the stage. I took a deep breath, before walking up the stairs to the stage and smiling as big as I could muster at the crowd.
At my presence, the crowd seemed to go even wilder, as the screams got louder. All my nerves and worries quickly dissolved at the acceptance of the crowd and fans.
Sometimes I forgot how big I have become in such a short amount of time.
I quickly greeted the crowd, before signaling towards the band behind me to start the first song. As soon as the tune started to play throughout the arena, the screams got louder and every single nerve left me.
This was what I loved more than anything.
Having the opportunity to perform in front of so many people. It was still so foreign to me how so many people loved my songs and would sing them constantly.
I was so grateful.
The stage was my happy place. It was where I could be one hundred percent myself and not worry about my anxiety, my struggles, my sadness, my family, and any thing else that bothered me.
The stage had always been my home, but things have changed a little.
I had two homes now.
I could confidently say that Harry has become another happy place and home of mine. Harry made me the way performing does. It gave me such a strong amount of happiness and adrenaline. I loved performing and I loved Harry and no matter how many nerves I had, it was time to take a huge risk.
I had the main two things I loved right with me at this moment and I wasn't going to take it for granted.
As I danced around the stage with the crowd dancing and singing along with me, I have never felt so lucky and thankful. This was what I always wanted. This dream wasn't just for my mom anymore. No, it was for me. I had always wanted to be a popstar and here I was singing my heart out.
I looked out at the crowd and pulled my microphone away from my mouth and extended it out to the crowd, as a signal for them to sing. I smiled as they sang along, cause even if I didn't feel like this anymore, I was more than proud to get to look back at all my emotions throughout the years and share them with everyone. Cause who knows, maybe this song helped someone find their worth like it did me.
"Yeah, I hope that it was worth it, fucking Josslyn
Yeah, I hope that it was worth it."
***
My set was going spectacular and I haven't had this much fun on stage in forever. I was dancing along to every song, even if I probably looked ridiculous.
I felt so comfortable and confident.
I felt even better knowing that Harry was watching me and enjoying my performance as well. When ever I would look at him from the side of the stage, he was dancing and singing along to my songs.
He was the absolute cutest.
After I finally finished my second to last song, I reached down to take a sip of water. I kept hearing screams and muffled voices of the crowd ahead of me and I couldn't contain the goofy smile that took over my features.
I walked back to the middle of the stage and brought the microphone up to my lips to announce the final song of the night. I was starting to feel the nerves again, but I knew I had to do this. I wanted to do this.
"I wanted to thank you all for coming, it means the world to me that you guys came to see me and these incredible other performers. I really do hope you all enjoyed yourself tonight." I heard more screams at my words, which caused a giggle slip through my lips.
I took a deep breath before speaking again, "I do have one more song for you all that I actually wrote not long ago. I have not released it yet, so I guess you all will be the first to hear it." I heard more screams at my words, which caused me to look to side of me to see Harry eyeing me suspiciously.
I sent a bright smile over in Harrys direction, which caused him to blow me a kiss in return. My heart melted at his action immediately.
Fuck, I love him so much.
I turned back to the crowd before taking a deep breath and speaking, "Here is Butterflies."
"I was just coastin'
Never really goin anywhere
Caught up in a web I was gettin kinda used to stayin' there
And out of the blue
I fell for you."
I fell for Harry so quickly, I couldn't help myself. He charmed my ass off and I couldn't help the love he made me feel. I was an idiot to think that I didn't love him anymore.
"Now you're lifting me up, instead of holding me down
Stealing my heart instead of stealing my crown
Untangled all the strings round my wings that were tied
I didn't know him and I didn't know me
Cloud nine was always out of reach
Now I remember what it feels like to fly
You give me butterflies."
I flicked my eyes away to the crowd and made direct eye contact with Harry. He was swaying as I continued to sing these lyrics that meant the world to me. I'm not good at just saying my words like he is, I have to sing them, which is a great talent of mine. I want him to know how he makes me feel.
"Kiss full of color makes me wonder where you've always been
I was hiding in doubt till you brought me out of my chrysalis
And I came out new
All because of you."
I have come out of me cocoon, whenever I was around Harry. He always made me feel special and like I could always be myself. He made me feel like a butterfly. He made me feel free, beautiful, and special. He made me feel loved to know end.
"And now you're lifting me up instead of holding me down
Stealing my heart instead of stealing my crown
Untangled all the strings round my wings that were tied
I didn't know him and I didn't know me
Cloud nine was always out of reach
Now I remember what it feels like to fly
You give me butterflies, yeah
You give me butterflies."
He gave me the best kind of butterflies whenever I am around him. He makes me feel like a teenage girl all over again and even if it is embarrassing getting caught blushing every second, I wouldn't change it for the world.
"Now you're lifting me up instead of holding me down
You're taking my hand instead of taking my crown
Untangled all the strings round my wings that were tied."
Our relationship has been through so many ups and downs and in the end, we made it out. In the infamous words of Louis Tomlinson: We Made It. We both have learned so much about ourselves and become better for each other. At the end of the day we are made for each other. The way my humor fits perfectly with his, how our hands fit together nicely, how our bodies hold each other perfectly, and how we both have so much love for each other.
"I didn't know him and I didn't know me
Cloud nine was always out of reach
Now I remember what it feels like to fly
You give me butterflies
You give me butterflies."
We are soulmates. We are just two people in love with each other.
"Ooh, ooh, mhm."
We are two popstars in love.
The screams that filled my ears were music to my ears. I felt the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes as I kept my eye contact with Harry. I could see the tears in his eyes, but this time it wasn't from heartbreak.
No, it was from love.
With as much courage as I could muster, I looked at Harry with as much love I had for him in my body and said into the microphone, "I love you."
I couldn't give a shit if I just outed us, I had to tell him. All I wanted was for him to know and feel the love I had for him.
Before I could get his reaction, I turned back to the crowd and thanked them, before walking down the stairs of the stage.
I did it.
I had never felt so proud of myself.
When I walked down the stairs, I came in contact with Harry as he looked at me with so much love. His smile was the brightest I have seen, even bigger from when he was on stage.
It was just us too.
There was no one to interrupt us.
Before I could focus on what was happening, Harrys lips were on mine. I immediately reacted to his kiss and pulled him closer, which caused a smile to break across him face.
He pulled away a little before whispering, "I love you so much." My smile matched his as I replied to him, "I love you too."
I could see Harry trying his hardest not to cry as I looked in his green eyes that were glossed over. He deserved so much love.
I pulled him to me again and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster. I could feel a couple of tears on my cheeks that I knew were mine, but I couldn't bring myself to pull back, because I know those tears were of happiness.
I have never been so happy, I just want to scream it out to the world.
I love Harry Styles.
_________________________________________________________________________
Fuck, I'm crying...
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Give it a vote and a comment!
I hope you all are still staying safe and PLEASE GO WATCH HARRYS MUSIC VIDEO OF WATERMELON SUGAR, it is as perfect as him.
also Butterflies is by Kacey Musgraves! (bomb ass song)
Love you all!
-Lexie xx