Yoongi couldn't sleep. Again. His anxieties biggest torture method was insomnia, and while his panic attacks were always bad, something about being physically and mentally unable to sleep drove him crazy. A panic attack could be over in five to twenty minutes, but a drawn out anxiety attack like this, that kept him unable to sleep for hours upon hours was an entirely different kind of torture, and it felt never ending. Yoongi sighs and turns onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He had been interchanging between staring at his wall, his other wall, and the ceiling now for about five hours, and he was sick of it. Yoongi felt as if he hadn't blinked throughout the whole entire time, despite closing his eyes repeatedly to try and unsuccessfully lure himself into the land of dreams. This was more exhausting than running a marathon.
Finally, yoongi relents to his restlessness and stands, padding quietly out of his room and into the kitchen. Chamomile tea and chocolate always helped him sleep when he was younger, so he hoped it would help him now. He had slept little more than two hours in the past two days, this was getting ridiculous. But his brain just wouldn't stop rattling off his every worry, relaying his every concern, over and over like a song on repeat. It was driving him mad, and there was no way to shut it off.
The image of his friends all lying in a pool of their own blood with giant gunshot wounds in their heads, while yoongi held the metaphorical gun, just wouldn't leave his mind.
Yoongi shakes the image away and opens the fridge, finding a block of dark chocolate far in the back and pulling it out. But when he reaches up to the proclaimed coffee and tea cabinet, he can only find green tea and peppermint. Fuck. He should have stocked up on the last grocery shop, but he hadn't had this issue in months, so he just didn't think to. Yoongi rubs a hand over his face in frustration, deciding he'll just pop down to the twenty-four hour convenience shop down the street. It was worth the effort if he could finally fall asleep, anyway.
Yoongi turns and makes his way back to his room, dragging his feet, and finds a black hoodie to pull on. That paired with his black face mask, grey sweatpants and the slides he was going to put on, he looked like a slob. Whatever, it was too late for anyone to expect anything otherwise. As yoongi pads back down the hall, he accidentally brings his toe out at an awkward angle, and just his luck, stubs it straight into the wall.
"Ow—fuck," he hisses, immediately falling to a crouch to cradle his throbbing big toe.
And, just his luck again, a few seconds later the door to his left was being cracked open, and a head full of messy dark hair was being pushed through to look down at him on the floor with bleary, confused eyes. "Hyung?" Jimin asks, rubbing his eyes with a closed fist.
"Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you — Just go back to bed Min,"
Jimin does the opposite and pushes the door open a little more, stepping out into the hallway and closing it behind his back. "I—I heard you curse, I thought you hurt yourself," the younger was such a light sleeper.
"Just stubbed my toe," yoongi answers like an excuse. "Go back to bed,"
"Why you awake?" Jimin mumbles, yawning, and then seemingly taking in yoongi for the first proper time, his eyes falling onto the face mask dangling off one of yoongis ears. "Where are you going?"
"Just out to the convenience store to get some tea," yoongi replies, then stands up because his toe wasn't throbbing anymore and he was getting sick of Jimin literally looking down at him on the floor. "I'm not going to be gone for long,"
"Hyung, it's like three o'clock, can't you go in the morning?"
Yoongi rubs the back of his head. "I can, but I kind of want to go to sleep and I can't without chamomile tea, so." It felt kind of stupid to admit out loud, but Jimin doesn't mock him, just keeps his slowly awakening eyes on him, and frowns.
"I'll come with you, wait here a second."
"No, jimin—" yoongi gets cut off as Jimins bedroom door closes softly behind him. What a burden yoongi was becoming. Waking up Jimin and then having him come to the confidence store at three in the morning with him. Sometimes he wishes Jimin wasn't so kind. Jimin returns less than a minute later, wearing black sweats instead of his shorts, with Yoongis shirt still on, and a face mask dangling off his ear. Yoongi sighs, but doesn't protest, because the youngers mind was set and he was a stubborn mule when he wanted to be, so there was no point arguing with him.
"You're going to be cold." He says instead of protesting. Jimin shrugs.
"Everything's in the wash." He just replies, slipping past yoongi and towards the door so that yoongi has nothing better to do but follow. Jimin slips on some slides and yoongi does the same, grabbing his keys and wallet off the counter, he wasn't going to forget them again.
The two stay in silence as they slip out of the dorm and into the elevator. Jimin yawns and yoongi feels guilt gnaw at his insides. "Sorry for waking you up." He mutters again, slipping his hands into his hoodie pockets as they step out of the elevator when it dings open.
"It's fine, I was in and out of sleep anyway," the younger replies, bumping Yoongis shoulder good naturally, as they step out into cold night air and turn down the street.
"How come?" Yoongi asks, looking over at the younger and resisting the urge to pat down a sticking up piece of hair on the very top of his head, making him look like a sprout. A cute one though.
"I accidentally drank my caffeine protein shake after dinner instead of my caffeine free one and it gives me irregular sleep," he says, and yoongi nods along to his words. The lights overhead were reflecting in the youngers eyes beautifully, making them sparkle with all kinds of colours. "How 'bout you? Why couldn't you sleep?"
"Donno," yoongi lies, looking away and down at the very wet pavement. The rain had only stopped a little bit ago, he had watched it slowly stop pounding at his window and listened to his room get engulfed in silence after the rain has fizzled out. Stopped racing droplets down the glass about two hours ago. He kicks at a loose rock in the pavement and watches it bounce out into the relatively empty streets. "Think maybe I can't shut my brain off," yoongi jokes, and then kicks another rock.
"Anxiety?"
Yoongi hums. "Something like that."
Jimin was looking at him, yoongi could see him in his peripheral vision, and feel his gaze on him. But eventually Jimin looks away, shoving his hands in his sweats.
Yoongi listens to the pitter-patter of their feet hitting the cement, feels the water droplets on the ground wet his cold toes and regrets his decision to wear slides. But maybe he doesn't regret waking Jimin up as much as he'd let on before. His presence was nice, comforting almost. Warm against his side.
"How come chamomile tea helps you fall asleep?" Jimin suddenly asks, breaking the silence.
"Not sure. The smell just kind of makes me sleepy," yoongi answers. "I googled the most natural things to help you fall asleep when I was younger, and chamomile tea came up, so I just started drinking it from there. But I'm not sure if it actually helps me sleep or if I've just convinced myself it does,"
Jimin hums. "Maybe I should try it."
They step into the well lit convenience store, pulling on their face masks even though the cashier doesn't even spare them a glance. Yoongi goes straight for the drink aisle, walking past a seemingly endless array of different instant coffee — having to stop himself from grabbing any — and finally to the teas. Yoongi takes down familiar a yellow box and turns to Jimin, but finds him missing. Yoongi looks to the other side and still Jimin wasn't there, where had he gone? Yoongi takes the box with him and continues down the aisle, the fluorescent lighting of the small store was almost overwhelming, and he kind of wanted to leave as quickly as he could. Eventually he finds the fluff of dark hair he was looking for, crouched on the ground of the cereal isle.
"What are you doing?" Yoongi can't help but ask, watching in amusement as Jimin turns over a very unhealthy looking cereal box in his small hands, staring in concentration at the ingredients.
"This used to help me sleep when I was a kid, which is insane now that I think about it because the sugar levels are astronomical," he answers, looking up at yoongi and brandishing the colourful box. "Also, the layout of this store is so wrong, down there—" he points down the aisle. "Is lube and condoms and tingly vagina stuff, and next to it is baby food and baby formula, like, what the fuck?"
"Didn't know the layout of stores was such a concern for you, Jiminie,"
"It is if they're that fucked," the younger huffs, and then stands with the cereal still in his hand. "Anything else you think we should get?"
Yoongi smirks. "How about some tingly vagina stuff?"
Yoongi easily dodges Jimins hits as the younger blushes fiercely down to his neck. "It sounds so gross coming out of your mouth,"
"And it doesn't coming from yours? I've literally never heard you say vagina in my life," yoongi counters, letting Jimin hit his arm this time just because he was too tired to dodge again. Plus, his small hands couldn't really do much damage.
"Whatever. Got your special tea, mister totally straight man?"
Yoongi scowls and pushes past Jimin who just laughs and follows him. "I'm bisexual, you ass."
"I know that," Jimin laughs. "It's just funny,"
They get to the counter and yoongi takes Jimins cereal from him, handing it to the very tired and annoyed looking cashier before Jimin can protest.
"That all for tonight?" She asks, leaning her chin on her palm and looking extremely uninterested. Yoongi nods his head and then pays with his card, taking the plastic bag out of her outstretched hand and saying goodnight, because he can't just smile from under this mask. She doesn't reply, and yoongi leaves with Jimin straight behind.
"I feel bad for her," Jimin mutters, taking off his mask to let it hang. "Thanks, by the way, for paying,"
"Least I could do," yoongi replies, shrugging and taking off his mask. "And me too, must suck having the graveyard shift,"
"Ever had it?" Jimin asks as he falls into step beside yoongi on the pavement.
Yoongi shakes his head. Even though he supposed dealing drugs and firearms in the middle of the night counted as taking the graveyard shift. "Thankfully no, have you?"
"Yeah, during the first year of University I had it for like a week because one of my coworkers quit. They couldn't hire anyone else at the time so I had to take their shifts. Pay was great, but when you're going to dance practice all day and then working all night you feel kinda like a dead man walking," Jimin says. "What were your jobs before being a trainee anyway?"
Jimin sighs. "Whatever I could get, I guess. Back of house cleaner, retail worker, I even sold a few songs back then. But I kept getting ripped off, so I had to stop doing that," drug dealer, arms dealer, even got paid to beat up a few people once.
"You never talk about about before you were a trainee," Jimin points out softly. Yoongis hand tightens around his bag so tight he can feel the plastic constrict.
"Not much to talk about. Honestly I feel like my life started after I became a trainee, not before." Yoongi shrugs.
"Really? Because the way you met that man, myungdae, sounded interesting,"
"Yeah," yoongi laughs. "We got into a lot of trouble. I think we've been banned from all the shops in our hometown, I wonder if we still are,"
Jimin bumps his shoulder. "See, that sounds like something worth talking about,"
Yoongis small smile falls from his face. He turns to look at Jimin, but before he can reply he notices the younger was pulling his elbows close to his body, small goosebumps pimpled his arms, and he was shaking. Yoongi grabs his arm and jimin stops to look at him.
"Yah, I told you you'd get cold, c'mere," yoongi grabs Jimins shoulders and turns him towards him, shucking his hoodie over his head. "Arms up,"
"No, wait, it's fi—"
"Up," yoongi orders, cutting off Jimins protests. The younger huffs, but reluctantly lifts his arms so that yoongi can shove his hoodie over his head. Yoongi holds off on the smile that wants to break free when seeing Jimins hair fluff up adorably under his hood, stops himself reaching out to pat it flat. "There, warm now you brat?"
Jimin scowls, his cheeks flushing. Yoongi wonders how many times he would get the younger to blush. "I was fine,"
"You were shivering," yoongi counters, as they start to walk again. "Besides, you look cute in my clothes," yoongi turns just in time to see the younger duck his face in the front of his hoodie, hiding his no doubt red face behind the fabric, and he laughs at the sight.
"Shutup." Jimin mumbles, bumping yoongis shoulder.
Thankfully yoongi doesn't have to walk in the cold for long as they quickly near the entrance to the lobby. Yoongi pulls it open and lets Jimin slip inside first before following him to the elevator. They get inside and yoongi feels more tired than ever.
"Maybe you won't need the tea," Jimin speaks up, pointing at yoongis half closed eyes. "You look like you're going to fall asleep standing up, hyung,"
"I wish, It's not about how tired I am, if I can't shut my brain up I won't be able to sleep."
They step out of the elevator and walk back down the hall, yoongi unlocks the door and the two kick off their shoes and walk to the kitchen. Yoongi places down the plastic bag on the counter and pulls out his tea and Jimins cereal.
"Well, maybe if you talk about it it'll help," Jimin mutters as he pours out some dry cereal into a bowl, not adding any milk, and hopping up onto the counter, watching yoongi as he turns the kettle on. "Yknow, it always helps me to talk about what's bothering me with someone,"
Yoongi leans against the opposite counter and watches Jimin eat his dry ass cereal with a frown, but doesn't comment. "Maybe." He mutters, looking away and to the floor.
"Well go on then, divulge in me, hyung,"
This time yoongi flushes. "That sounds wrong,"
"You know what I mean," Jimin rolls his eyes. "Stop trying to change the subject. You can tell me anything, you know that right?"
Yoongi bristles uncomfortably at Jimins suddenly serious gaze. He knew he could tell him anything and not be judged, in theory. But in practice it was a little harder to do, he was sure even Jimin had his limits. Yoongi couldn't just say his father was the boss of a big time crime syndicate that he used to be apart of, and soon he was going to have to undergo a very dangerous ploy to try and get himself out of taking over after his father dies, which could potentially result in himself and all his friends dying terrible, painful deaths. Yeah, yoongi couldn't just say that.
"I know, Jiminie. I just, don't like to talk about that stuff, you know that," yoongi mutters, turning around to make his tea when the kettle clicks off, and so he doesn't have to face Jimin.
"But bottling it all up is going to do more damage. It's better to just let it out now, while you can," Jimin pushes. "So, tell me what's wrong, I'm not going to judge you."
Yoongi sighs, turning around and holding the very hot mug between his palms. The burn gave him a little confidence, made his thoughts a little sharper. But still, he can't look the younger in the eyes and instead looks down at the swirling brown drink in his hands, and at the steam slowly billowing from it. "It's really not that big of a deal," yoongi breathes. "I just, I mean, I don't like having to see my father again after so long. And I know he's my father and I should care about him dying but if you knew what he did to —" he sighs, stopping himself. "It's just that seeing him again is bringing up a lot of bad memories, and I'm not very good at shutting them out anymore, not like I used to be. That's all it is."
Yoongi takes a sip and listens to the sound of cars outside the window. Listens to the faint horns from far away and the sticky rolling of tires on wet cement. When he looks up, Jimin is already looking at him, bowl of cereal in his hands empty. A frown was pulling the sides of his lips downwards, his eyes looked conflicted.
"Hyung, that is a big deal. If it's keeping you up at night then it's a big deal. You... you shouldn't have to see him again if you really don't want to. Not if it's affecting you that much," Jimin frowns. "But I see why you think you have to, so I won't ask. I want to know why you hate your dad so much, but I have a feeling you're not going to tell me,"
Yoongi takes another sip, it burns a hot line down his throat. "Sorry." He mutters, but his eyes look gratefully over towards the younger, who just smiles softly and shakes his head, hopping off the counter and walking towards yoongi.
Yoongi watches as the younger takes the tea from his hands and then hugs him. Resting his head on yoongis shoulder and wrapping his arms around yoongis neck, so that the elder hasn't got much of a choice but to wrap his own around his waist. Yoongi closes his eyes and drops his head onto Jimins shoulder, breathing out a sigh of relief at the youngers familiar scent and warmth. Just this could lure him to sleep, he's sure.
"Thanks for talking to me, hyung." Jimin mutters into the skin of yoongis bare neck.
"Thanks for listening." Yoongi replies, tightening his arms for a second, and then releasing. "You go off to bed, m'just going to finish my tea first, alright?"
Jimin steps away, but shakes his head. "I'll go with you, after you're done."
Yoongis heart pounds in his chest, and while a protest threatens to leave his lips, he stops it by clamping his mouth shut. He always liked having the younger be there with him while he slept, it was a comfort that he didn't have the privilege of getting very often. But when the younger slept next to him, yoongi always had the best rests he's ever had, and right now, truth be told, yoongi didn't want to be alone. So he doesn't say anything as he finishes his tea and feels his eyelids get considerably more and more heavy, feels his limbs get droopier and droopier until he's sure he could fall asleep on the kitchen floor. When he puts his mug in the sink, Jimin is grabbing his wrist and dragging him down the hall towards yoongis room.
Yoongi barely registers the door closing or his ass hitting the mattress, until he's lying down and he can see faintly see Jimin leaning over him through bleary eyes.
"You cold?" Jimin asks. Yoongi shakes his head and turns to his side, putting an arm under the pillow and patting it.
Jimin smiles softly at him, and pulls yoongis hoodie off over his head. The younger slips under yoongis covers and pulls them over the two, resting his head on the pillow and yoongi can't help but wrap an arm around his waist and pull him back against him.
"M'better now." He mumbles into the back of jimins neck, watching in tired fascination as goosebumps erupt across the youngers skin.
"Go to sleep, hyung."
And yoongi does. He closes his eyes and lets himself slip away, with the familiar warmth of Jimin pressed against him, he just sleeps.
And it feels amazing.