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Shehnaaz read the headline in her news feed that broke her heart to pieces all the more.
Shehnaz is the friend every one needs. BB13 winner spills beans about link up rumours. Calls her, 'just a friend' .
The article had read. She knew it was true and had accepted it but it hurt her nevertheless. The helplessness had returned and she needed a solution to cure the sting in her heart.
Sometimes she wondered if it okay to shed this amount of tears for the man who could never think of her as someone more than just a friend. Also, the sight of Jasmine's arms around this waist unknowingly increased the ache a thousand folds.
What's with her stupid heart? She puts all her efforts to be strong, to not be affected and all it takes is just one move from his side to make her go weak in her knees all over again.
She needed a break, she really did.
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Sidharth had been trying to call her since afternoon. He had a hunch things were not going to be 'okay' once she gets to know about his interviews.
Not that they were dating , neither did he confess that he loves her. But the sight of her with a gloomy face or being upset because of him had always put him at unease.
It is like he can't settle with peace if there's anything that troubles her. He cared for her . He really did . Why exactly? He himself didn't know.
But the matter at hand was more important than him introspecting his feelings . Shehnaaz wasn't home since morning and it is afternoon now.
Somehow he had this intuition that sana's absence was related to his answers and damn him if knew the why he felt the need to explain her why he said what he said. For heaven's sake, they're just friends!
He had called shehbaaz who himself had no idea about his sister.
Baaz- yaar shoot hoga. Tu itna kyu apna sarr dukha Raha hai. Kushal se baat krle.... Achha Mai rakhta hu abhi
Kiran k maa pyo nu mil lu.
Shehbaaz seemed to be in a world of his own. Not that he could blame him. Her brother did not know the cold exchanges happening between him and her . He didn't know about the fall out . He didn't know why Sidharth felt that the friendship he had fought so hard to keep almost felt like collapsing And Sidharth certainly did not plan on ruining shehbaaz's meet with his girlfrien's parents.
His heart raced faster than it normally would, then dropping at the same time. As the minutes passed, his worry turned to anger and by early evening he was furiously brimming with rage.
Who the fuck is so irresponsible?
Anger
Worry
Rage
Tension
Emotions kept churning inside him . He was so restless he had no idea how he still hadn't died of extreme heart palpitations.
And then, he witness a rush of emotion he never knew he would feel.
Something deep, something grave . Something that felt so much like ..
Fear.
No, not the cowardly sentiment he had experienced every time she was in her ' shera Wali mata' mode. Yes he had been scared of her getting 'hurt' since Bigg boss days but this was different. This was sheer horror of losing her.
Sidharth thought he should stalk her on social media to get any clue where she was.
Tik tok- no trace .
Snapchat- no trace
Twitter- again no trace.
.
.
.
.
Instagram- no trace either.
He felt sudden irritation towards all those pings that tagged him and was almost on the verge of throwing his mobile when he accidentally clicked on the heart at the bottom right of his Instagram feed.
He saw people tagging 'sidnaaz' on a post where she was sleeping.
Sleeping ?
After ruining his entire day she has the audacity to sleep? And where the fuck has the princess gone to take the much needed nap? He thought sardonically.
Without further ado, he clicked on the feed and there.
It was a clip from Mahi's live chat with some entertainment channel . She was talking to the interviewer when the talk turned around her newly born daughter Tara.
''Tara is a blessing for me and Jay and we're so happy to have her in our life and aapko pata h iss time I have another of my favorite girl in the house. Come I'll show you two cuties'' mahi said and turned the camera angle so that it showed Shehnaaz sleeping on the rocking chair holding Tara , Mahi's daughter's head resting peacefully at shehnaaz's chest .
Her eyes were closed and despite how angry he had been , how ready he was to lash at her he felt he had been drugged with euphoria . It was as if an addict had been given his daily dose of drug. The restlessness was put to ease and he could not help but notice how cute she looked with her eyes adorably shut, and arms wrapped protectively around Tara.
People went crazy with that snippet and Mahi had called shehnaaz , Tara's maasi. He was happy for her , to have found a great friend cum sister in Mahi , apart from him who does she has here? And with the amount of insecurities that lingered in his heart, he feared if his name in the list of her mains would wipe off soon. Though, She sure has given her fans an 'aww-dorable' moment to store forever and ever in his hearts.
Seeing her intact in the mobile screen somehow wasn't enough for him. Sidharth hastily made his way towards Jay and Mahi's Residence. He knew he shouldn't drive rashly , especially when he knew where she was , safe and sound. But unknown to him, his actions just happened involuntarily.
Mahi was surprised upon seeing him there. He stood at the entrance of 'Bhanushali's' apartment with Jay's wife at the other end. And he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off from searching her. He didn't even knew he was craning his neck over Mahi's petite figure to have a look at the woman who had made his heart so ill at ease.
He saw Mahi who gave him a funny look , raising her eyesbrows unable to comprehend why he was so fidgety
Mahi- Kya hua Sidharth? Aise gardan tedhi krke Kya dekh rha h?
"Umm...kuchh nhi, Mai wo.. Mai bass.. urghh. Sana h Kya yaha pr?" He mentally closed his eyes shut, fearing how desperate he must be sounding.
Mahi was however unperturbed. She gave him a confused glanced and then smiled . Denying politely.
Mahi- wo abhi thodi der pehle hi chali gyi. Subha se mere paas hi thi. Kuchh hua h Kya usse? Sad lag rhi thi. Usse puchha to bss smile krke topic avoid krr rhi thi.
And his heart sank. He was right. She was indeed hurt. As much as he despised the creatives of Bigg boss, or the game show's house itself. Being stuck there at least made him be with her all time. Now that she has the whole Bombay to vanish , torn his insides.
He gave her a feeble smile and muttered a swift bye. Leaving her apartment. He had asked her if she had any idea where shehnaaz would be, Mahi shook her head in a no. He checked with Vikas , but he did not know anything too.
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He stood at the steps of their building waiting for her arrival. His fingers drummed on his knuckles .his feet tapped the floor and his eyes were fixed towards the building's entrance.
It was almost as if a blind had seen light for the first time when he saw her walking in carrying a couple of bags in her hand, slightly shaking her head to get rid of the bangs falling on her face as her hands were occupied.
Shopping?
And suddenly all he knew was that he was walking towards her with double the amount of frustration he had stored in him since the entire morning. His face flush with anger. His steps felt heavy as though he would burst if he put too much pressure .
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"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN'' brought her out of the trance she had been. Shehnaaz looked up to find Sidharth glaring at her, his nostrils flared. And yes, she was scared. He cowered back a little.
"Sho..shop..shopping'' she says closing her eyes shut. No matter how Frank she was with him, there would always be a part of her that is scared from his Kabir Singh mode. Though his attitude was one of the reasons that attracted her, she couldn't deny it sometimes petrified her.
And right now was 'sometimes'. She did not even know what she has done wrong but couldn't help but feel like a child who had been caught steeling sweets by her mother.
The sight of her shut eyes did something to rage in his orbs. They relaxed a little and he pulled her into his arms, into his chest. His hands rubbing her back constantly.
"Kaha thi subha se pata h kabse dhoondh rha h hu. Dimaag nhi h Tere andar pata h mujhe lekin Kachra bhara pada h Kya? Bina kisi ko bole kaha gayab ho gyi?''
Normally, she would have hugged him back as close as she could. Normally she would laughed at him for being riddiculously scared too. Normally she would kissed his face senseless for being so cute.
But this was not normal. She wondered if it was okay? To let him come so near to her when they shared nothing. In Bigg boss she thought he was camera conscious and he didn't say anything openly because of the private person he was. Now that she knows the truth, this intimacy made her uncomfortable. It scared her too.
She did not want to interpret his actions for something else other than his protectiveness. But what is she supposed to understand when he holds her the way he does? The way she is captured in his arms now!
She fought the urge to drop the bags in her hands and encircle him and she fought back the tears that threatened so hard to come.
In the end, she decided against it. She will not read his care and affection for something she thought was love. So shehnaaz did not hug him back as much as she would like that.
"Sidharth chhod'' she says , her voice getting muffled in his chest. Sidharth didn't hear. he just held her.
"Sidharth" a little louder this time yet soft. Her voice was so so soft. " Sidharth... Let go of me'' .
" Hmm?''
"I said chhod mujhe'' she says coming out of grasp and gasps as she couldn't help but notice his eyes. Blood red.
"Kaha thi bakogi ab?'' he barks and she looks away unable to meet to his eyes.
" Bore ho rhi thi.. to Mahi di k yaha chali gyi, Tara k saath thi fir shopping prr'' she says lifting her hands up, showing her bags.
"Agar bore ho rahi thi to neeche mere paas aa jaati aur ye Kya Gadhapanti h phone kyu ni uthati tu Mera?'' he's getting angrier at her nonchalant demeanour .
"Mera phone ghar pr hi reh gya . Hrr jagah carry nhi krti use to uthati kaise. Aur tujhe Kya hua h itna kyu chilla Raha h '' she says looking down, her own patience was wearing thin.
"Kyu chilla rha hu? Do you even have any idea how fucking scared I have been the entire day?'' And her head snaps up, she looks into his eyes and gets lost somewhere.
The tension between them so evident, it tears her heart apart.
"Kyu?'' her voice almost a whisper. The look her eyes startles him. So much love , so much fear, so many .. accusations. So many questions that he has to take a step back in order to not fall. And for a moment he doesn't know the answer to her 'why'.
"Kyu mtlb Kya?.... Dost h tu Meri---'' he begins but is cut off by her and with the way she sees him he wants himself dead.
"Friend.. yeah right.'' she says. Shehnaaz turns around quickly and wipes the lone tear that escaped with the back of her hand. And faces him again.
Friend. She says to herself. Reminding herself of the place she has in her life.
"Chal koi na. Thik hu ..Tere saamne hu. Ab Mai thak gyi Sachi bahot zada. Bye'' she goes toward him, stands on her toes, lightly grabs the seam of his T-shirt in her tiny fists. She kisses his cheek, tilting her face and he could swear he felt the world stop for a moment. This wasn't one of the kisses she usually showered on him . This was soft and slow. Her touch lingered making him go week in his knees.
Before he could react or do anything she goes from there. He opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out and the door of the lift was already closing. He stayed in the same position. Not getting if this was okay to be this affected by her.
She was again getting lost in this wormhole of emotions she decided she wouldn't. It choked her to not be able to weep properly fearing if shehbaaz would hear it. Shehnaaz loved her brother who was currently going through the most beautiful phase of his life with Kiran. She wanted him to explore his relationship with her and not get worked up in her broken love life.
And she fell into an uneasy sleep.
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When he woke up at 11 in the morning, he thought he should apologise for shouting at her yesterday evening. She didn't even know he was searching for her. Though he will definitely scold her for forgetting her mobile phone . He got ready and made his way towards her floor. Both of them could have a nice breakfast after that. He had his shoot in the afternoon about which he was glad.
He ringed the doorbell and though he was happy that she had opened the door , The condition of her face made him groan. Her eyes seemed too small and her face looked pale. She smiled weekly at him , confused at his appearance but didn't question him. He followed her into the living room.
The sight made him clench his fists.
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(People are allowed to be vulnerable and so is shehnaaz so it is okay if she falls weak. Don't complain and have faith. Everything is gonna be okay. Okay?)
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