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T O B E T R U S T E D
( chapter thirty two )
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* . °•★| It was hard for Lyla to remember how life was before she knew about the pack and the Cullen's, in fact, she was almost scared about how normal it had all become to her. But when Jess showed up in her doorway, interrupting Lyla's intense boredom-induced staring contest with her ceiling, Lyla was reminded of how hard it all was to accept when she first found out the truth. She'd been lucky, having Paul by her side answering every question she had, but Jess didn't have that, sure Jared was her brother, but he was always with the pack and Jess wasn't going to walk into the wolf den alone.
"Hey." She greeted, unable to mask her surprise at seeing her ex-best friend.
"Hey." Jess said back, a guilty look twisting her face as she hovered in the doorway. "I know I should've come by earlier, but I just... I guess I didn't know what to say now that all the craziness has died down."
"Yeah, I get it... I hate that this is us now, talking to each other used to be as easy as breathing to us." Lyla sighed, pushing herself to sit up on her bed.
"It's my fault, I've been such an awful friend." Jess admitted through trembling lips.
"Jess, it wasn't—"
"Don't do that, I was a complete bitch because I was hurt." She interrupted, walking further into the room with tears in her eyes.
"And I was the one who hurt you. I'm so sorry about Paul and sneaking around behind your back." Lyla spoke quickly before Jess could dismiss her — because she knew, no matter what Jess did, it was her actions that triggered their fight.
Jess took a seat at Lyla's desk, turning to face the girl she once considered a sister. "Honestly, it wasn't even the fact that you were with Paul that upset me, I mean sure it hurt a little that the guy I liked chose you, but it just killed me that you thought I was so selfish that I wouldn't of been happy for you. I mean, you were my best friend, I want you to be happy no matter what, but I want to be apart of your life when you are, not cut out."
"I never intended to cut you out, or lie and keep it all a secret, and it definitely wasn't because I thought you were selfish." Lyla assured Jess, trying her best not to cry as they hashed it all out. "I was just so scared that it would hurt you, you'd liked him for so long—"
"And he never liked me back, that wasn't your fault and I shouldn't have acted like it was." Jess interrupted, almost sobbing as she explained how she felt. "I was just terrified that I was losing you, Jared wouldn't even look at me and then suddenly it was like you were drifting away. And then your mum came to town, and instead of you leaning on me it was Paul you ran to, and that hurt so much."
"I never even thought about it like that, God I'm such an idiot." Lyla chuckled through her tears.
"No, you're not, I am. I was insecure and scared, I should've just talked to you and instead I started acting like a complete bitch." Jess laughed too, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"Yeah, you did, I never thought you had it in you." Lyla joked.
"Thanks." Jess rolled her eyes, but she had a smile on her lips, the smile Lyla hadn't seen her wear in too long.
"Have you spoken to Jared much about everything?" Lyla asked, happy to feel she could speak to Jess like she used to.
"A bit, it's a lot to take in, and he's always running off to be with Kim or the pack." She then grinned. "How weird is it to say 'the pack' like its completely normal."
"That's what you find weird? What about the fact your brother and my boyfriend literally turns into a wolf?" Lyla combatted.
"Boyfriend? So it's official?" Jess practically squealed, and Lyla could barely contain her happiness that she had this Jess back.
She'd missed her more than anything.
"Um, yeah, it is." Lyla said, a stupid grin on her face as she looked down at her hands.
"Lyla Woodsen, are you blushing!?" Jess exclaimed teasingly.
"Shut up!" Lyla brushed her off, chucking a pillow at the giggling girl opposite her.
"Wow, you must really have it bad." Jess kept teasing.
"Yeah, yeah I do." Lyla admitted sheepishly.
"I never thought I'd see the day!" Jess laughed. "So, come on, I need details, how does this imprint stuff work?"
"Uh, from what the stories say, it's like a soulmate, the person you're supposed to be with. After they change into a wolf, when they look into your eyes for the first time they just know." Lyla explained with a shrug, though her heart jumped thinking back to that day when Paul imprinted on her.
"Oh my God, that's so romantic." Jess swooned. "Okay, you have to tell me, are any of the guys still single, because I need some romance in my life."
"Jess!" Lyla laughed at her friend's eagerness.
"What? Come on, Lyla, help a girl out." Jess begged, wiggling her eyebrows.
"You do realise you can't flirt your way into the pack, right?" Lyla reminded.
"Doesn't mean I can't try, and if I just happen to find my soulmate along the way, then who am I to complain?" Jess quipped happily.
"Okay, how about me and you go to Emily's house together? You can stare into each of the boys' eyes and see if you find your one true love." Lyla said in a sing song voice, laughing like she used to at Jess' hopeless romantic ways.
"Don't get my hopes up." Jess whined over-dramatically.
"I'm glad we can do this again. I missed you." Lyla said seriously.
"Me too." Jess admitted. "Oh, I meant to ask, how'd things go with your mom?"
And with that, Lyla launched into a long explanation of everything Elizabeth had said, the pair talking back and forth like they did before their lives got turned upside down, almost as if no time had passed. Their conversation was only halted by the thump of Paul jumping through her window, earning a scream from Jess and a giggle from Lyla.
"Uh, hi." Paul said, glancing awkwardly between the two girls who were now both lounged on Lyla's bed with packets and packets of chocolate and sweets between them, supplied by Jess.
"Hey." Lyla responded, that stupid smile reserved especially for all things Paul appearing on her face again.
"I, uh, probably should've listened out before just jumping up... sorry." He said sheepishly.
"Um, it's all good, I was just leaving." Jess spoke up, sending Lyla a reassuring smile. "I'll see you tomorrow, Lyl's."
"See you!" Lyla called after her as she left, a content smile left on her face as she looked at Paul.
"So, I see you two made up." Paul observed.
"Yeah, it's great." Lyla nodded happily.
"What is this? The month of forgiveness or something? First your mom, now Jess?" Paul teased with a laugh, taking Jess's place beside Lyla and helping himself to the sweets.
"And next you, apologising for stealing my food." Lyla quipped.
"Ha, ha. Like you could ever be mad at me." Paul waved off with that maddening grin of his.
"You're such an idiot." Lyla laughed.
"But you love me anyway." He replied cockily.
"Hmm." Lyla rolled her eyes, but no amount of effort would let her wipe the smile from her face. "Hey, you never told me what Brian said to you yesterday."
"He just said that he can obviously tell that he's not getting rid of me any time soon and all that stereotypical 'if you hurt her, I'll kill you' stuff." Paul said, displaying an awful attempt at mimicking her uncle.
"Sounds like Brian." Lyla chuckled.
"Eventually he'll learn to love me." Paul shrugged cockily.
"Oh, really?" Lyla raised a brow.
"Well, I got you to, didn't I? I doubt there's a single person out there as stubborn." He teased.
"Fair point." She laughed, as she always did around him.
Since being injured, Lyla had begun to really take noticed of that feeling she got when Paul was around — and even when he wasn't. It was like a pull towards him, a feeling of completeness that she'd never known before. All her life she thought she was broken because of her mom, but now she knew, it had nothing to do with that, it was Paul. She'd been missing him before she even knew there was something to miss.
"How does it feel for you, the imprint?" Lyla found herself asking the boy next to her.
He halted his movements, placing down the packet of food as he furrowed his brow in an attempt to find the words.
"It was like... being able to see clearly for the first time. Like I'd been stumbling around blind my whole life, and then I saw you and I had a purpose, a direction to head in." Paul explained carefully. "You know, I never wanted an imprint."
"How come?" Lyla instantly asked, turning more towards him.
"I don't know, I think it was just the idea of being tied to someone forever just... kind of terrified me." Paul avoided her eyes, as he always did when he spoke of his feelings. "I mean, seeing Sam's thoughts when I first shifted, how his whole world revolved around Emily no matter how much he hurt Leah, or even Emily herself, I thought it was bullshit."
He could remember how Sam had snapped at him to keep his thoughts to himself in the beginning, how Paul's judgement was clear as day. He saw Sam as selfish for chasing a love that had hurt so many, and he wasn't foolish enough to deny it was because of his parents. Their love was toxic and he was the one hurt as a child. It had carved his ideals into him mercilessly and his opinion had never changed — no love is real if it causes more pain than happiness. But he knew better now, he'd never seen all that happiness that came with it before, he'd only ever known the pain; until Lyla.
"And then I saw you. I felt like an idiot afterwards, all I wanted was to be near you. I was pathetic." He laughed. "I let Jared kick my ass after that, I hoped it would knock some sense into me."
"Jared kicked your ass?" Lyla asked through a giggle.
"Yeah, the guy was completely heartbroken, thought I'd stolen his imprint. I mean, this was early on so our anger was still a big issue, and Jared had never really had a temper before so, he struggled." Paul explained. "We never talked about that either."
"What?"
"The you and Jared thing. We never really talked about it." Paul said casually — or as casually as he was capable.
Lyla raised her brows in surprise, but at Paul's earnest look cleared her throat.
"Um, there's not really much to say. It was always an unspoken thing." She shrugged.
Thinking back, she realised how young and naive they had been, even though it was only a year ago. They'd been waiting, thinking that they would end up together one day. She knew now that she wanted that because it was easy with Jared, he was her friend, and she knew he'd never purposely hurt her.
Paul scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You were all he thought about for the first few months. I know it wasn't unspoken."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"He'd think about the two of you kissing a lot." Paul ground out.
He knew it was unreasonable to get angry about this — truly, he did — but just the thought of Lyla around someone else was enough to send him off the rails.
"And now me and you kiss a lot, so what?" Lyla asked calmly.
"It was horrible after I'd imprinted, he hadn't found Kim yet, so it was you on both our minds everyday. We got into so many fights." Paul continued.
Lyla didn't know what to say to that, looking down to her hands in her lap. Just the thought of them fighting over her left her riddled with guilt.
"But once he found Kim, he came to me, apologised and gave his blessing. It was kind of weird, he became my best friend, my brother." Paul continued, seeing the guilt on Lyla's face.
"Do you think there's a chance one of the guys will imprint on Jess." Lyla finally spoke up, trying to change the subject.
"I mean, it's possible, but it's unlikely." Paul answered. "It's supposed to be really rare for us to find our imprint, but already half our pack has."
"Wait, so not every wolf has an imprint?" Lyla perked up.
"Well, supposedly they're out there, but out of all the people in the world... I guess it's kind of unlikely that they're always going to find each other." The wolf explained. "I think it's the spirits' way to keep us shifting."
"What do you mean?"
"As long as we shift, we don't age. Someone's more likely to do that with the promise that maybe someday you'll find your imprint." He told her. "Like Quil: he'll keep shifting, staying the same age, until Claire catches up."
"So, technically, you're immortal." Lyla phrased slowly, disbelief filling her voice.
"Yep." He nodded.
"And you didn't think to tell me this?" The girl scoffed, only half playfully. "I'm gonna be all old and wrinkly and you'll be here looking exactly the same?"
"Not if I can help it." Paul looked at her seriously, continuing at her questioning look. "It's one of the reasons I'm trying to control my temper. My priority was so I wouldn't hurt you, but I also want us to have a life after the pack, and we won't have that if I keep shifting."
"So, you'd give it up? What if something happens, what if there's another army of freaking vampires? You wouldn't just sit out." Lyla immediately responded worriedly, sitting up to face Paul better.
"I'd have to. It's weird to think about, but... Sam's already mentioned it, he wants to settle down, raise a family with Em. He asked Jake to be alpha." Paul informed her calmly.
"What?" Lyla gasped.
"He said no, obviously. The guy's enough of a mess over Bella that he thinks turning down alpha would give him a better chance with her." Paul shrugged, used to Jacob's incessant thoughts about the leech lover. "That just means the role will go to Jared, but him and Kim will settle down eventually; so, then I get to be alpha, until me and you wanna leave the pack."
"'Me and you'? Paul, this is your pack, I could never ask you to leave them." Lyla frowned.
"You wouldn't have to, it's not a question of 'if', it's 'when'." The shapeshifter told her easily. "The pack is my family, but you're my life."
His explanation was simple, but the words were as true as any he'd ever said to her. His pack were his brothers, and he'd be loyal to them until the day he died, whether he was a wolf or not — but Lyla was his everything, and that was something he never thought he'd feel for one person after so long of being angry and bitter and so alone.
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i feel like these are kind of boring chapters, just a lot of talking, but obviously she's still recovering and i really wanted to show her relationship with Jess healing.
anyway, things should pick up again in the book soon!