It was a perfect day... for them, but for me, I am still confuse about my feelings. I don't know if I am happy or sad, excited or not knowing that today is my wedding with the man... that I loved.
Wearing a grandiose gown, a light make-up, with my parents over there, watching me with their teary eyes. I can say that... I couldn't ask for more if marrying Fabian can make them happy. I know that they're just concern for my future, kaya sa abot ng kanilang makakaya, mas pinabilis ang aming kasal.
The truth is, I don't really have a plan about having a husband. I am already contented with my parents, friends beside me, the power, and the money. Being a successful woman is already enough for me. But is it really enough... if I'm not happy? If there's always a missing piece in my heart?
"Thankyou for always being there, Venus. For fighting for me even if I don't deserve it," he said his vows.
I let out a small laugh. Really, huh? Really? Are you doing that again because it was your mother's order? I laughed bitterly. Nakakatawa na ang lahat ng tao rito ay nabubulag. Akala nila kaya kami nagpakasal, dahil mahal namin ang isa't-isa. They didn't know that I was forced to marry him.
"I want to be with you everyday, to sneak up from behind you and grab you by the waistline, and tell you that I am very proud of you because you are a strong woman despite of all the pains, heartache, headache, tears that I gave you." He said in a low voice. "I just want to hug you from the back and slowly guide you back towards... me," his voice cracked.
A tear fell from his eyes but it didn't affect me. Binalot ako ng takot, ng galit, habang nakikinig sa kan'yang mga salita. Scripted ba 'to? Kinabisado niya ba kagabi ang kailangan niyang sabihin sa akin dahil sabi ng Mommy niya?
The pain from the past that I get through was still haunting me after seeing him again. Lahat ng pagmamakaawa ko, lahat ng iyak ko, ng pag-inom ko gabi-gabi, 'yong tipong naiwala ko ang sarili ko dahil sa pagmamahal sa kan'ya, lahat 'yon nanumbalik sa akin hababang nakatingin sa mga mata niyang kanina pa lumuluha.
"From now on, I assure you, Venus Arleth Ocampo, that I will never leave you again. I may be an asshole, a jerk, but this jerk loves you wholeheartedly, this asshole loves you so much. . ."
I looked very solemn in front of him, in front of everyone, for them to know that I am really not happy marrying this man. I may be an arrogant but this was all because of him. If he didn't let me feel that I was worthless, hindi magiging ganito ang magiging kalalabasan. But yeah, baka nga ganito ay dahil hindi ko siya buong napapatawad... at hindi pa ako nakaka-move-on.
I could still remember our first kiss. The day he challenged me. It was just a peck but I felt those feelings that I have never felt before. Gano'n na lang talaga ako siguro kabaliw noon sa kan'ya. And now, our kiss right now is different. Kahit na sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako tutugon, my lips and emotion were really a traitors.
My knees tremble as I stared at him. Parang ang tagal niyang hinintay 'to. Parang ang tagal niyang hinintay na mahagkan akong muli. Parang kinukurot ang puso ko nang maalala ko ang mga sinabi niya kanina. Nasasaktan ako dahil sa iniisip ko na inutusan lang siya ng Mommy niya, na lahat ng ito ay hindi niya gusto, na sumusunod lang siya dahil gano'n niya kamahal si Tita Fiona.
I cried, not because of happiness but because of regrets. I regret giving him my virginity.
Gano'n ang naging takbo ng aming kasal. Pumalakpak ang mga bisita, niyakap ako nang mahigpit ng mga kaibigan ko, lalo na ang mga magulang ko. Hindi pa rin sila makapaniwala na kasal na ako at mapapalitan na ang aking apelyedo. Kahit na nanghihina ay nakihalubilo pa rin ako sa mga bisita at pilit na ngumiti sa kanila.
"We are really happy for you! Oh my God! Sabay na tayo mag-honeymoon!" Melanie embraced me excitedly.
"Walang mangyayaring gano'n," I smiled bitterly.
Fabian stood beside me. He pulled me closer to him to hold my waist. Nakita niya ang paninitig ko sa kan'ya ngunit nagkunwari siyang abala sa mga bisita dahil ayaw niyang pakawalan ako mula sa kan'yang pagkakahawak.
"You are really beautiful today, Vena!" Devi pecked me on the cheek but Fabian pulled me against her.
Humalukipkip ako at tiningnan siya nang masama. It was just a kiss from Devi! Bakit niya ako hihilain palayo sa kaibigan ko?
"I want an alone time with my friends, Fabian. It's a girls talk so please, umalis ka muna," I said in a cold tone.
He heaved a sigh and stared at me for how many minutes before he nodded his head. Tiningnan niya ang mga kaibigan ko at ngitian ito. I heard my friend giggled and I rolled my eyes in irritation.
"Okay, just please, hindi crush at mga guwapo ang pag-uusapan," nilakasan niya iyon para marinig nina Devi.
Mabilis akong tumango at tinulak na siya palayo sa amin dahil hindi ko talaga kinakaya ang kan'yang presensya. It takes time, I know. I know that in some other day, mapapatawad ko na siya at matatanggap ko na ulit but please, not now. Hindi ko pa rin kaya, lalo na't ngayon lang ulit kami nagkita.
"Fabian is sincere, Vena," sambit ni Bella nang maglabas ako ng hinaing sa kanila.
"No! Nabubulag ba kayo? Nagpakasal siya dahil gusto nina Tita Fiona. Alam niyo naman na masunurin 'yon. Nakakabuwisit talaga!"
"Hindi mo rin alam. Puro ka kasi galit. Pinapairal mo 'yang galit mo, Vena. Hindi ang naman ikaw ang nasaktan. Halata sa mga mata ni Fabian na nasaktan din siya sa nangyari sa inyo noon," she said then drink the cocktail.
I breathe heavily after hearing her words. Talagang galit ako sa kan'ya at sariling nararamdaman ko lang ang iniisip ko to the point na nababaliwala ko ang feelings ng ibang tao. Oo, Possible ang mga sinasabi niya.. but, uh huh? Si Fabian? Siya nga nagtaboy sa akin tapos masasaktan? Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya noon na ayaw niya na akong makita pa tapos masasaktan? Hipokrito talaga!
Tumayo ako ron at pansamantala silang iniwan dahil kukuha ako ng pagkain, pero hindi ko pa rin maiwasan na isipin ang sinabi ni Bella. Yes, it was possible. I can see his efforts even though, madalas ko siyang minamalditahan. He didn't give up after I said those foul words to him, instead he pursued me and tried to lighten up my mood everytime I am tired from work.
I shook my head and tried to forget those thoughts. I'm not going to believe his traps this time. Yes, Vena, it was just a trap! So don't you ever let your guard down because Fabian is just playing with your feelings again!
"Hi," someone interrupted me. "Mas maganda ka pala sa personal." He smiled sheepishly.
Pinanliitan ko siya ng mga mata dahil hindi ko siya kilala. Perhaps my Daddy knows their business or he's a friend's son dahil karamihan ay 'yon ang imbitado sa kasal ko. Nakangiti pa rin siya sa akin kahit na masama ang timpla ng aking mukha.
"I'm sorry?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, I'm sorry for being an ass, by the way I am Aziel," naglahad siya ng kamay. "I came to see you. I am infatuated with you since then. Nakikita kita noon sa mga IG post ni Melanie, but I never had the chance to talk with you, ngayon pa lang."
I shook hands with him. My lips parted in surprise. Ang tanga naman nito! Saka aamin kapag kasal na ako! Ang laking tanga! Ano ba 'yan? Sayang!
"Hello," I smiled sweetly. "Kain ka lang diyan. Maraming pagkain diyan," tinuro ko ang mga pagkain at pinalambot ang aking boses.
"Sayang nga lang at kasal ka na. . ." Humina ang kan'yang boses.
Tanga ka, e!
"You can still find a woman that is really meant for you. You know, sooner or later," I chuckled sexily.
Nagpatuloy ang aming pag-uusap hanggang sa nagiging malapit na kami sa isa't-isa dahil sa ganda ng usapan but I was taken aback when someone grabbed my arm. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko si Fabian na matalim at madilim ang tingin kay Aziel, mabibilis ang kan'yang paghinga, at umigting ang kan'yang panga nang makita ang lalaking nasa harap ko.
"Sorry to cut your conversation but my wife and I need to go," mariin niyang sinabi bago ako hinila palayo roon.
Hindi na ako nakapagpaalam pa kay Aziel dahil sa sa sobrang bilis ng lakad ni Fabian. Mahigpit din ang kan'yang hawak sa akin ngunit 'yong higpit na hindi masakit. Kitang-kita ko pa rin ang inis sa kan'yang mga mata nang makalayo kami roon. I want to say something but seeing his expression, oh nevermind, I just want to keep my mouth shut.
"Goddamn it, Venus! You are already my wife, so definitely, stop flirting with others!" He roared.
"Duh, I am not flirting! I am just talking with him! Nothing more!"
"Do you still want me to remind you that you are Venus Guerrero now? Married with Fabian Guerrero, huh?"
"Luh! No need, 'no! Mas'yado ka namang proud na asawa mo na ako," mahina kong sambit ngunit hindi 'yon nakatakas sa kan'yang pandinig.
"Of course, who wouldn't be proud having you?" He sincerely whispered.