I feel better today. A nurse comes to check on me but mainly I just hear voices and I have no idea who they are. I don't care. My arm is broken and I don't even remember how. I try my best to remember what happened that night. My mind is blurry about some things and not being able to talk to anyone is frustrating. I wish Daryl was here.
This place is locked up and the nurse never answers me when I ask about him. I refuse to think they hurt him. I'm sure if he were here, he would have found me by now. My heart skips a beat every time I hear the door opens. Like I'm waiting for him to come. But for now, I know I'm on my own. I don't trust them. Maybe Daryl was right, maybe there is no more good people. I didn't want think that at first. He was so hurt and in need... I needed to make him see there was another way of seeing things. He actually believed in the end... I smile when I remember his "mmmm". We didn't need to actually say anything.
I try to walk when no one is around which is very often. I have to get stronger. My legs are still weak and I have to get ready. I will get out of here. I miss my diary. But mainly I miss talking to him. We connected, I mean, after the fire he opened up and we actually talked a lot. Maybe it was meant to be, you know? I do believe there is a reason we end up together after we escape the prison. I still shiver at the memory of that cold day. It was Daryl who kept me going, I never said it but I was a wreck like I left a part of me back there. I miss my dad, Maggie, I miss them even Judith. I don't remember the last time I sang. I think it was back at the funeral house. Yes, Daryl asked me to. I loved singing for him. Maybe because he needed to feel he wasn't alone and knowing he was there made me feel safe. I still try to keep my faith. It gets harder because I feel like everytime I finally get some peace, it's taken away from me. Daryl gave me peace. That wild ride with messed up hair and no manners made me feel like I haven't felt since we left the farm. He made me feel like home. I didn't know if I was ever be able to feel like that again but I did. If anyone had told me, Mr. Dixon would be my peace, I think I would have laughed! Now it makes me sad. I don't know where he is and I miss him.
I try to avoid the window but there are no curtains. Sometimes I find myself looking outside and talking to him. I need him to know I'm ok. I know he is. He is tough and he taught me I'm stronger than I feel. That's why I owe him so much. He said I changed him but the truth is we changed each other. Maybe it's this apocalypse thing, you know? We lean on each other to feel, to hold on to the thought that we will be alright... Even when we have no idea what's ahead. Daryl showed me how to get going by keep going. That's the kind of men he is, honest and decent. A man like my dad. He keeps his word. And I swear I will keep mine for both of them. Because I miss them... Because I love them.