🎵 Let's not fall in love - BIGBANG
= Let's not fall in love. We don't know each other yet. =
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"You're really crazy, aren't you!" I forced myself off the ground despite the pain in my knee and charged towards Yuri, but Lia and Hera came between us before I could reach her.
"MOVE!" I yelled venomously but they wouldn't budge. I wanted to grab Yuri by the collar so badly and choke her. If she thought I wouldn't dare to fight back, she was wrong.
"Touch me and you're out," she stood there with her princess eyebrows raised.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I hissed in disbelief, and finally gave up breaking through the Lia-Hera barrier. But Yuri looked away ignoring me like I was insignificant.
Just where does she get that cockiness from?
Lia was madly begging me to calm down, and I had to take several deep breaths before speaking sensibly again. "An eye from an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, Yuri. You messed with me first."
This was my warning to her.
It wasn't 5 seconds before I unwillingly let Lia drag me out of the room. "Oh god Jisoo, are you okay?" She asked, checking my legs once we were outside.
"Why wouldn't you say anything?" I questioned her instead. It wasn't just about tripping me, but the way Yuri was getting everything her way didn't make sense for them to stay quiet and suck it in.
But Hera and Lia did exactly that. They didn't dare to defy her.
"I really want to help, Jisoo, I really do, but..." Lia said timidly.
"But what?"
"You shouldn't get on her bad side, Jisoo. She's got connections here." Lia explained and it immediately got me frowning.
That's why she's so arrogant?
"Because of that? Who's connected to a bitch like her?" I glared at the room they were in again. If my glares were lasers she'd be dead now.
"Ssshh, I heard from Hera that she's the niece of SM's managing director," Lia exhaled, "and that they're really close. Yuri's in this program but it's probably just a formality. She's definitely going to debut."
I scoffed again. In complete awe for what I just heard. "She doesn't deserve it."
Lia held my hand. "Please don't fight her, Jisoo. Things will only get ugly if you do. We don't know what will happen to us if she makes an issue out of it, mm?"
Is my debut really on the line because of some bitch picking on me? I am desperate for this trainee program but I'm not sure I can tolerate her.
"I can't guarantee this won't happen again," I muttered lowly. "You saw her, Lia. She's obviously messing with me."
"I'm sorry I can't help," she lowered her eyes. "But I can get you a drink, and help you clean that up a bit." She pointed to my knee, making me look down. I thought the fall only caused me abrasions but my right knee was bleeding a little.
Now that my anger subsided, the pain at my knees were finally registering. "Oh shi- how?" I bent over to take a closer look. It was more severe than I thought and I think it was because I skidded on my knee and the friction caused a cut. "Come on," Lia brought me to the bench a few steps away. "I'll get you some antiseptic for that."
"It's okay, it's not that bad." I waved. It was only a petty cut, what hurt was the pain lurking at my knee where big bruises started to show.
Lia shook her head, "no, you need to fix that. Cuts can get infected if you don't treat them. There's a pharmacy just downstairs, I'll be back."
"Hey, it's really not that serious." I held her back. "I'll just use a plaster and-"
"Lia?" Hera came out of the room, interrupting us. "Erm, Yuri's calling for you."
Lia pointed to herself, looking confused. "Me? Why?"
"I don't know, but she asked for you." Hera said to her before turning to me, but she kept avoiding eye contact. "And Jisoo, we're resuming practice in 15 minutes, so just be back before that, okay?"
I nodded my head and watched them go. I was always alone here and back in school but this moment felt especially lonely. Not that I have friends to begin with, but watching people walk away from me always digs a hole in my heart. I left the bench shortly after they disappeared into the room and decided to get some ice for my bruises instead. The pain triggered more every time I bent my knees and I realised this was going to be a problem if I had to dance in this condition.
What I needed to do was get myself healed.
...
"Hi, can I get a bag of ice?" I approached the beverage counter asking.
Instead of the pharmacy, I made a trip down to the canteen. Trainees weren't allowed at the canteen unless it was our meal time allocated by Sohee. The canteen was out of bound otherwise but I didn't understand why Sohee was so strict about it.
I wouldn't think that this is against the rule if I was just coming by for a packet of ice, but I most certainly regretted doing so.
A gang of handsome young men paraded into the canteen, talking among themselves, and they looked very much like... EXO. My eyes grew big when I registered that and I immediately dropped down, hiding behind a display bar so that they wouldn't see me. But I completely forgot about my injury. When I bent down, the pain at my knee was so excruciating that I had to bite my lip and suck it up.
These bunch of idols... there was no way I could forget them anymore.
Sheesh, I need to get out of here now.
"Miss?" The lady at the beverage stall called out to me when I was about to run away. I raised my hand at her and she spotted me right away. "Here's your ice but... what are you doing?"
I chuckled embarrassingly, randomly touching the display bar in front of me. "Nothing, haha." My knees still hurt but I forced myself to squat-walk towards her, all for the ice. "Thanks." I received it with a smile.
"Your knees okay?" She noticed, probably because I was struggling with my movements.
"Honestly? No," I chuckled again, "but thank you." I replied.
We said our friendly goodbyes before I turned back to check on the guys. They settled down a few tables away, so if I ran towards the exit right now, it should be quite unlikely for them to notice me.
I rose from the ground and took off until a man obstacle decided to appear in my face. "Ugh!" I bumped into his chest and stumbled back a bit. It took a second for me to recover and find awkward guy standing in front of me. What fate is this? My heart skipped a beat the moment we made eye contact, and boy he looked so dreamy. "You..." I pointed at him, getting mesmerised by him once again.
"What brings you here?" He asked in a gentle friendly manner.
"What's your name?" I asked the first thing that came to mind. I bet his name is as handsome as him. All day long it was the one thing I was curious about so I didn't want to wait any longer. But I realised I just ignored his question.
"What?" He raised his eyebrows, looking slightly surprised.
"What?" I repeated after him.
Am I even hearing myself? I sound so dumb...
He flashed his pretty smile in return and made my heart flutter even more.
But I soon snapped back to reality when I heard the EXO guys laughing among themselves, and realised that I was now standing in the open and very exposed.
"Shit!" I panicked immediately, grabbing the guy's hand and yanking him down to the ground with me. There we squat behind the display bar again to hide away from sight. "I'm sorry," I whispered to him for making him do this with me the second time, and stayed as still as possible while keeping a straight face even though my knee was, again, hurting like craaazy.
"Why are we hiding?" He questioned, which made me question myself.
Why am I hiding?
I frowned, finding no answer to that. "I don't know, I just feel like we shouldn't get caught. We peeked at their dance practice yesterday after all, and it's not right."
"You know it wasn't right but you peeked anyway," he reasoned. I couldn't agree more.
"I can't help it, their dance was just so captivating. How can I look away?"
"Not because they're handsome?" He joked, and I eyed him at that.
"You're handsome too," I replied without a thought, and my cheeks started to burn.
Why am I suddenly so honest?
"But that's not the point, obviously. Anyone can be an idol if they're pretty, but not anyone can be as good as them. Just know that... they're officially my role models," I smiled, giving them a look of envy as I peeked through the gaps of the display bar.
"You don't even know them," he angled his head studying me and I nodded to that.
"Yeah I don't, but I can start now. There's a lot to learn from them," I turned back to awkward guy and he was giving me an amused look. "What?"
"Nothing," he smiled again.
Yikes, I'm falling so hard for that smile. I shifted my squat a little when I felt my legs start to numb, but the pain at my knee made me wince slightly. I always forget about it.
"Oh shit, what happened to your knees?" He noticed my bruises.
I sighed, thinking about Yuri. "It just happened," I frowned. Speaking of that bitch reminded me that I still had practice to go back to. "Freak, I gotta go." I said right after checking my watch. Hera said to be back in 15 minutes but I've spent about 10 minutes hiding around here.
I looked out to the guys again before making my move. They were busy chatting among themselves but one of them in a black windbreaker kept looking around. "Where did he go?" The windbreaker guy said.
I could tell that he was waiting for someone.
"Whoever they're waiting for, he better show up soon," I groaned impatiently, complaining to awkward guy. "I feel like I'm stuck here because he wouldn't stop looking around," I pointed to the windbreaker guy.
Awkward guy started laughing. "Are you that in a rush?"
"Well, yeah," I couldn't help but smile back at his brightness. Awkward guy suddenly stood up and I looked at him wide eyed. "What are you doing?" I said in hush tone.
"Helping you escape, come on." He held out a hand for me. I was almost touched by the gesture but there was no way I could walk out with him without being noticed.
"Oh, hyung!" One of the EXO guy waved at awkward guy.
THEY KNEW HIM?
I stared at awkward guy, confused and in complete shock. "You know them?!" I whisper-shouted.
He nodded subtly at me before replying to them. "Go ahead, I'll join you later."
I froze for a few seconds, afraid that they might actually come over and find me here. "They're not looking anymore, come on." He helped me up by my arms and left the canteen with me. When we were out, I stood face to face with him.
"You knew them?" I asked, my doubts on him rocketing sky high. Was I the only sensitive one who thought we shouldn't get caught?
"Yeah, I work with them. It's okay for them to see me."
"Uh," I tried to process the information. "Then why did you hide?"
"I hid together with you," he replied calmly.
"What?"
"We peeked together, didn't we? And we're not supposed to get caught." He said. I stared at him for a while. Awkward guy made sense... he did but I still couldn't understand where this was going. "Anyway-"
I held my hand up and cut him off, raising my eyes. "But you know them and I don't."
"Does it matter?" He squinted his eyes wondering. I paused at everything he said.
"I don't know," I exhaled with a frown.
God, I felt dumber by the second.
"Anyway, I thought you said you had to go." He interrupted my thoughts but at the same time reminded me where I had to be.
"Oh shit," I breathed. I was going to make a move but stopped because I felt emptier than usual.
Was I missing something?
"My ice!" I whined when I realised, looking back into the canteen and spotted the plastic bag of ice lying on the floor. I paced back and forth for a second, hesitating if I should go back in there for that but my phone started ringing. I looked down and Hera was calling.
"I can get it for you," awkward guy offered, but even if I had it now, I had no time to ice it over my bruises anymore. I spent way too long hiding from the idols and being distracted by awkward guy, but practice comes first.
"It's okay, it's not important." I sighed and gave him a short smile. "Thanks anyway, I'll make a move first."
...
"You're out if you're late one more time. I don't expect you to do much but at least show up on time so that you don't waste everyone's time." Yuri snarled, but the words just went in and out of me.
I changed into long pants to hide my bruised knee and was back at the practice room, but I couldn't focus again because all I can think about is awkward guy.
I grabbed my own hair like a madwoman. "Why... didn't... I get his name..." I cried dryly to myself. It struck me so bad because I finally got to meet him again but I didn't find out the one thing I was dying to know.
"Ahhhh!" I ranted to the air. The short time spent with him wasn't enough for me to comprehend anything.
Did awkward guy run away too because he had to? Or because I made him to? Because I remember taking his hand and escaping together...
"Y-You okay?" Lia poked me softly.
The three of them eyed me like I was crazy, and I quickly cleared my throat and clap my hands together. "Practice! You said practice. What are we waiting for?"
And we were back to practice. The session resumed for a long while and it was enough to distract me from awkward guy. Man, I really wish I knew his name to stop calling him the awkward guy. Anyway, I struggled a lot more for practice because of my bruised knees. Our modified dance required a lot of bending and kneeling so it was really torturous for me.
I really wanted to complain about it but I didn't want to look whiny in front of the girls, especially since Yuri tries to pick a fight with me for every word I say. Each time I kneeled or bent my knees to dance, I clenched my teeth and endured the pain. I honestly had no idea how much longer I could endure but was trying my best to hide it.
"Jisoo, you're so damn slow! Why can't you keep up with the rest? Is this all you got? Are you already tired?" Yuri put her hands on her hips and pointed me out.
I was strangling her in my mind. Like, 99% of the time.
I sent her a dead stare. "Yes, I'm tired."
And in pain because of what you did to me.
"What are you going to do about it?" I provoked her for no reason. Just suddenly felt like it.
She clenched her fist and approached me. "I'll do whatever it takes to get you off the stage. You'll be so sorry for your attitude," she warned with that bitchy smirk and I felt my right eye twitch. She keeps using the stage to threaten me now and I hate to admit it but I was slightly worried that she might really have the power to.
As much as I wanted to argue, I swallowed my anger back down and diverted my stare away.
"Okay, from the beginning everyone. We'll record our dance this time so do it right." Yuri finally walked away, thinking she just won our petty fight.
...
I was deadbeat by the time we called it a day. Since I returned from the canteen, which was about 2 pm in the afternoon, the only time we had a break was shortly for dinner at 7 pm where we survived on a tuna sandwich. I checked the time that showed half past 2 am, and I was famished. Yuri, Hera and Lia returned to the girl's dormitory that was just beside the main building to rest, but I didn't follow since yesterday because each team had to squeeze in one square room and I didn't want to live with them.
I went back to the Sapphire practice room instead and crashed to the floor with all my belongings. It finally marked the end of a torturous Saturday and I was so exhausted. I would sleep on the cold hard floor like this, but my knees were hurting much more after torturing them the whole day and I couldn't leave it like this if I wanted it to heal faster.
I sat upright, rolled up my pants and brought my knees close to study it. They looked way more terrible and bruised than before. All I learned was to rub ice against it to make it better but the canteen was definitely closed at this godly timing.
I let out a heavy sigh as I got reminded of awkward guy again. How I wish he would appear again if he had nothing better to do. That's when I heard a knock at the door, but it can't be that coincident right?
I still jumped up with my hopes up high, only to yelp at the pain at my knees because I wasn't careful enough. "Ugh!" I groaned while the door swung open before I could get to it.
"You okay?" Awkward guy rushed in to help me sit on the floor again. "Damn, I don't remember seeing your bruises this bad just now."
"It just happened," I said. My cheeks burned upon seeing him, and seeing the way he concerned over me made me dance a little on the inside. "You really have nothing better to do, huh?" I smiled, then realising the way I phrased my sentence was weird.
God, I sound like I was scolding him.
He looked at me cluelessly and I dropped my smile, stuttering. "No, wait, I'm sorry, I don't mean it in a bad way. I just-" I paused to take a breath.
Breathe, Jisoo. Speak nice.
"I'm just glad to see you again," I said, searching his eyes while I can.
"Me too," he laughed lightly, returning my gaze and I think I felt fireworks light up inside me. He then fetched something from the plastic bag he brought with him, which I didn't notice until now. Out came two packs of ice and he passed one to me, and the other he lightly placed on one of my knees.
"Thanks," I said and placed the second pack on my other knee. "How did you know I was here though?"
"I didn't, I was just trying my luck." He said as he sat himself down comfortably. "And I'm lucky."
I laughed. How could he say all of that in a straight face and look so cute? It's a pity he wasn't an idol because I bet he could win the hearts of all fans, and I would be his very first.
"You know, I thought about you a lot in the last two days," I admitted and he looked a little surprised at my straightforwardness. But I wasn't shy about it, I was more curious. "Because you haven't told me your name," I ended with a chuckle.
He broke into a smile and reached out his hand like a gentleman. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jongdae."
See? I knew his name was as handsome as he looked!
I shook his hand back smiling too, "I'm Jisoo." His hand was warm and it reminded me of yesterday when we escaped hand in hand.
Ahhhhh.
"I have so many questions for you and I don't know where to start," I told him that and my stomach started growling. I held my belly tightly wishing it would stop the growl, but it obviously didn't work. Think my face went crimson.
Jongdae chuckled and pointed at my belly too, "I think we should fix that first."
...
Jongdae helped to ice my bruises until the pack melted to water, and right after we went to the 24-7 convenience store outside the building to get ourselves cup noodles. I may be rich and born eating buffets since young but nothing beats a simple cup noodle because they're quick, delicious and warm to the tummy. Even though they were my favourite, my parents hate that I survive on cheap things like that so every time I ate it, I had to do it secretly. The usual process of paying and filling our cup with hot water was done so we were left waiting for our noodles to cook up.
"Tell me now," I started, sitting across Jongdae at the table. "Why were you there yesterday?"
"I feel like I'm being interrogated," he began with a calm joke. "But I told you, I work with them. It's no surprise for me to be there."
That answered half my question only. "So you only ran away... because of me? Because I made you?" I frowned, feeling a little guilty for dragging him along yesterday. It only made sense that way because if I didn't pull him along, he probably didn't have to run... then I hopped up. "O-Oh my god, you're not here to catch me now, are you? I swear I won't say a word. I only told you about EXO's dance practice, n-not to anyone else!"
"I know, I know, relax." He chuckled at my sudden fluster. "Eat up, our noodles are ready," he plucked open a pair of wooden chopsticks and put them on my cup noodle.
"You know? How would you know? You don't even know me," I frowned. How can he trust someone he's just met so easily?
"So you want me to expose you?"
"What? No!" I defended immediately.
"Then what do you want me to do?"
"I want you to-" I stopped there.
Where was this conversation going again? Even I was lost in it myself.
"The point is, you shouldn't trust people so easily. You only met me two days ago. If I were you, I wouldn't be so sure about me."
"I know a good person when I see one," Jongdae said confidently, eyeing me and I chuckled at that.
"I hate to break it to you but it doesn't work that way," I picked up my chopsticks and finally started digging in.
"It works for me, or at least from what I can see."
"What would you know?" I shook my head.
"Enough to see through the person you are," he said with confidence.
"You're blind." My eyes were on my noodles as I spoke but I could sense him crossing his arms.
"Why're you trying so hard to prove me wrong?" He said.
"Because my experience tells me so. Everyone is a lie until you see the worst in them." I placed my chopsticks back down. It was hard for me to eat if we carried on this conversation.
He stared at me intently. "You have serious trust issues."
"I'm going to agree with that. It's better to have some than have none and be fooled."
"Something happened to you before, right?"
His question completely froze me up.
Normally, people would be asking things like 'what happened? who hurt you?' to make you talk about it, and I usually refuse to say anything more. But Jongdae was different, I could tell that he said that to understand why I was acting up.
"Yes," I confessed for the first time, averting my eyes away. I never ever talked about it so easily, not even to Jaehyun, but with Jongdae the truth just spilled out.
"Don't let your scars affect you for the rest of your life."
"It's not affecting me," I replied with my eyes lowered.
"It is," Jongdae insisted. "You're still young, Jisoo, but you're not happy."
Those words stung my heart so badly. I felt so naked because he saw right through me, and I started tearing up a little.
"Is this some kind of ted talk now?" I laughed it off, trying to compose myself at the same time. "Oh my god, the noodles are so soggy now!" I stared into my bowl and stirred at it.
For the rest of supper, he knew to avoid the topic and I eventually kept it out of my mind. We talked about anything else but that, and I couldn't be more thankful for his maturity. This man was really something.
In just a day, a stranger turned my curiosity into something more. And something about him made me want to keep him close... which was so god damn unlike me.
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