Take this one as a bit of a filler chapter before we dive straight into some more 'drama'...
Warning(s): mentions of drug abuse
Seven hours felt like seven years as withdrawals made it almost impossible for me to slip into a deep sleep. My body felt as though it was on fire one minute, and then borderline glacial the vert next. I was struggling--big time--and Nikki was blissfully unaware as he drifted off next to me.
With tired eyes and hazy vision, I wrapped myself up in one of the thick plaid blankets that I'd pulled out of the closet during the night, and headed downstairs when I heard Nona pottering around in the kitchen.
Nona and Tom were just the sweetest, kindest, most welcoming couple I'd ever met in my whole entire life. Nona, especially, reminded me a lot of my grandmother. She had the brightest smile whenever Nikki or myself brought up California, and Tom was so happy to see his grandson so content--but what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them, of course.
We spent the entirety of our first afternoon/evening, with the two of them, talking about home, about how the tour was treating us, our relationship, and I finally got to learn a little bit more about Nikki. I was very happy. Almost completely distracted.
But I still craved that familiar high. I told myself it was only another two days until I was able to get back into that bus, locate the stash, and spend hours with my husband getting higher than hell, having lazy sex and sleeping until we were ready to do it all over again.
"You ever seen snow like this before?" she asked with a laugh before she peered out of the drapes. My eyes widened and lips pulled into a smile at the sight of a sheet of thick, glistening snow laid across the once lush grass.
"We don't really get this kinda weather in California" I told her as she nodded "but I always used to visit family in England, and sometimes there'd be snow at Christmas time."
"England? Is that where you're from?"
I shook my head a little. "No. I'm from Los Angeles. But my grandma--my mom's mom--was from Wales, and she moved to London when my grandpa started work there. Then they relocated to California for a few years, had my mom, she met my dad when she was 23, and as they say the rest is history" I laughed a little, playing with my ring.
The way she was getting lost in the conversation made me smile--I could see where Nikki got that from.
"Well, that is just lovely. What do your parents do?"
I swallowed hard. She wasn't to know, but I thought that maybe Nikki might've brought that up at one point or another.
"My uh--my mom passed a few years ago, but she was your typical overbearing mother/Beverly Hills housewife" I rolled my eyes and she laughed softly, putting a hand on top of mine. "And my father was a lawyer. He's dead too, but that's alright. I didn't have the best relationship with either of them, to be honest, but my mom was trying to make it better before she died."
"Oh, sweetheart...I'm so sorry to hear about that" she told me sincerely, knitting her brows together when she noticed that I didn't seem to be too hurt by it all.
She cleared her throat before sending me a smile.
"And what about you? What do you do, or want to do?"
It felt nice to have somebody take some interest in what I had to say--I was used to people speaking over me.
"I was in college studying financial mathematics, but I dropped out a few years ago" she sighed softly, probably thinking that Nikki was the reason for my sudden change in heart. "But I'm planning on going back as soon as I can. I'd really like to be an accountant--I've always wanted to do something that nobody really expects of me."
"That's pretty wonderful, Christine" she told me and raised a brow "you know what you want, and that's impressive. Especially for somebody so young."
I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know how to get there, or if I was ever going to get there. At the rate I was going, burning out seemed more realistic than ever heading back to college.
A few moments had passed and Nikki still wasn't awake yet, and neither one of us wanted to be the one to force him up.
"What was he like?" I asked while fiddling with the strings on my pajama pants. "He's never talked to me about his life before he moved back to California."
"Well, our little Frankie--Nikki--was just so sweet; kind; cute...a little innocent, but not too much" she laughed softly to herself, turning to face me "he was the apple of my eye. I miss him every damn day, darlin'."
I nodded, frowning at the wave of sadness that seemed to wash over her as she spoke.
"But I'm proud of him. Tom and I, we're so proud that he's doing what he always wanted to do."
"He always wanted to be a bassist?"
Her eyes closed as she shook her head. "He always wanted to prove that he was worth somethin'. That he was worth more than what his damn mother had ever made him out to be."
I could feel a lump at the back of my throat, so I quickly swallowed it.
"My Nikki never had what he should've when he was a kid. We both tried to give him everything, but we never knew how. Especially when all he really wanted was for his mother to give a damn about him" my brows knitted together. Nikki never told me that--I always just assumed that he hated her.
"Now don't get me wrong, Deanna is my daughter and I love her--she's my own flesh and blood. But she never deserved a beautiful little son like Nikki. The boy needed so much more and, sadly, he never got it."
"He had you though, right?" I questioned. She pursed her lips for a few seconds before nodding.
"He did. But he wanted his mother, sweetie. I don't think we were ever gonna be able to fill that hole in his heart, the part of him that could only be complete with Deanna's undivided love and attention...I curse her out every single day for that."
My heart ached.
"You ever met her?"
"No, never."
"When you do, you'll understand why Nikki holds as much resentment towards her as what he does" she sighed out, while still smiling ever so slightly. "Like I said, she's my baby girl, no matter how badly I could throttle her for all that she's done. But she was a terrible mother, and if I could turn back the hands of time, I think I would've taken him under my wing before he ever had the chance to get corrupted by her and those damn men she brought back home. That was no life for a kid."
I really admired how candid she was, how brutally honest, strong, and remarkably caring that woman was. Bits of her shone through with Nikki, and I'm really grateful that I got the chance to meet with her when I did.
"He better be looking after you" she said out of nowhere when tampering with some pots and pans.
I nodded to myself and took a sip of the piping hot cocoa she'd handed to me, and smiled. "He is. He's always looking after me."
Is he, Christine?
"And you're content?"
"Extremely. Your grandson has no idea how happy he makes me."
Really, Christine?
My tongue ran over my bottom lip to suppress a smile when I heard the faint creaking of wooden stairs.
Nona sent me a knowing look before she nodded to Nikki, who's hair was just a mess, and his eye bags could certainly put mine to shame.
"There's my boy" she cooed when he headed over and met her height to peck her cheek--I wanted to melt at the sight.
He grabbed a piece of toast from the table before his hand was running across my shoulder, and he leaned in to kiss me. "Good morning, Sixx" I let out softly when he pulled away and stood against the counter.
"Morning, angel."
Angel!?
"Did you sleep well?" he asked with a tired smile.
I nodded, almost fully blushing at the brand new pet name he'd adopted for me. I was hoping he'd keep that up.
"Yeah, real well" I lied. "So did you by the way you were snoring all night."
He shook his head. "I don't snore."
"Yes you do" Nona and I said almost completely in sync, and Nikki scoffed while flaring his nostrils.
He pulled out a seat at the table next to me, and wrapped his arm around my shoulder so I could lean into his side.
I stared up at him and started to frown when I realized he was only holding onto me to distract himself from the come down that was about to rock his shit.
"What're you two kids up to today?" Nona asked before turning to the back door when Tom made his presence.
Nikki started to smile, squeezing me that bit tighter. "I was gonna show Chris around all the places Tom took me as a kid. She wants to know about Boise, so she'll know about Boise."
"That's great, son" Tom nodded to him before smiling at me "you're one lucky girl, Christine. Nikki here knows all the best places in town."
"I'm very excited, I haven't been to Idaho before."
"Really?" he asked and I smiled, shaking my head. "You ever been out of California before? Y'know, besides when you go on these rock tours?"
Before I could answer, Nona was laughing and swatting his back as he sat down.
She smiled over to me, tilting her head. "Her family lived in England, so she's probably traveled more than what you have, Tom."
Nikki furrowed his brows out of shock and looked down at me, brows raised. "England? You never told me you were from England."
I shrugged. "It never came up. And I'm not. My nana was from England, I'm from California."
"Is there anything else I don't know about my wife?" he asked with a smirk, but I couldn't tell if he was just doing that to mask the fact he felt bad for never asking those questions.
I shook my head.
Tom cleared his throat and turned to Nikki, pushing his coffee mug to the center of the table.
"So, you kids have been with one another for three years, ay?" I gasped a little, completely forgetting.
Maybe I would've remembered if I wasn't too busy thinking about when I could start chasing my next high.
"Tom" he growled, shaking his head with a little grin. He looked at me and bit the inside of his lip.
I nudged him a little but he rolled his eyes, "three years...god, is that all?"
Nikki let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Aw, is that why you wanted to show her 'round?" Nona teased, watching him blush. "You wanna take her on a little date for your three years...Tom, how sweet is that?"
"I mean, it's not quite three years yet...right?" he questioned as he scratched the back of his neck.
I thought about it for a couple of seconds before shaking my head. "No, it isn't. Give it a couple weeks and it'll be three years."
"Right...but we're gonna be on the road now all the way until December 21st, and this is really the only time we get to ourselves without the guys, and--"
"--quit rambling, Sixx" I cut him off and smiled. "I can't wait for you to take me out."
Nona simply squealed in excitement.
"Let me clean myself up, and I'll be ready" I pecked softly against his cheek, excusing myself from the table before heading back upstairs--still wrapped up in that blanket.
Light flooded in through the little window in Nikki's room, illuminating the space and giving the illusion that it was a picturesque summers day. But it was very far from that.
I leaned against the chest of drawers he had pushed right up against the wall, and stared out into the garden. A sense of general comfort washed over me at the sight of snow on the ground, snow falling, and the foot prints leading from the path that Tom had cleared, across the grass and all the way up to the house.
Snowflakes settled against the frost coated panes, melting away almost as soon as they made contact with the glass. I was completely lost in observing my surroundings.
To me, there was always something so compelling about snowflakes. How they're so intricately and so beautifully formed when they condense from nothing but water vapor, and how they spend so long traveling down to the ground or whatever they land against. How they're so delicate yet they manage to survive the fall. But when they're exposed to a harmful surface that sees them in the completely wrong environment, they're destroyed--like they never even existed.
And I suppose that would be a good way to think about life. How you spend your every waking moment working hard to make yourself into something, to keep yourself alive, to fulfill one's telos, when one little thing as simple as being blown into the wrong territory has potential to destroy you completely.
Maybe keeping that in mind would've been beneficial to me.
It was freezing.
A thick cheetah print coat, that I had to dig out of my mom's collection before we left, and the most ridiculously fluffy scarf did the best at keeping me warm--but it was still borderline arctic.
"You sure you're warm enough in that?" I asked Nikki, concerned that he was getting cold because he was simply wearing his usual leather clad attire, but with a thick blue scarf. He nodded, intertwining his fingers with my own.
"I'm fine. Are you warm enough?" my lips curled into a pout and I shook my head, hoping that he'd take pity on me and wrap his arm around my shoulders.
"Baby, it's like twenty degrees" my teeth started to chatter together and Nikki laughed. "I'm fucking freezing."
He rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses and fished around in his pocket, pulling out a pair of leather gloves and handed them to me. "Quit whining."
I gratefully took them from him and shook as I put them on my hands. Nikki grabbed at my left hand again as we continued walking down the sidewalk, and I found myself smiling at how he wanted to hold me so close to him.
"I've officially decided that I hate snow" I let out in a sigh and he just scoffed.
"You don't say that when you're stuffing your face into a mountain of it." I rolled my eyes when he kept sniggering, rubbing his thumb over the palm of my hand.
"You're gonna have to get used to this. When we go to Europe it might be snowing."
"Really?" he nodded without even looking at me. His attention was on some place across the street. "Fuck. Is it too late to say I'd rather stay at home?"
"What? You don't wanna come?" he asked frantically, stopping dead in his tracks.
"I was kidding, Nikki" I squeezed his hand and he let out a sigh of relief "I'm just not looking forward to this sort of weather again...I don't like being cold."
"Well, I know a sure fire way to get you all hot and sweaty, so you won't have that issue" he told me with a grin, causing a blush to sweeps across my cheeks--but I was certain that it wasn't noticeable given that my face was already bright red due to the cold.
All day, Nikki and I roamed Idaho and he showed me some of the spots that he'd retreat to when he was younger.
Getting to see the trails and parts of his home town that he loved, was a great feeling. I could see how happy he was to be back, how reminiscent he was as he told me stories and talked about what he and Tom used to do together--their relationship was a lot stronger than what I ever thought.
"This place has changed a fuck ton" Nikki looked around as we sat on a bench overlooking the, surprisingly bustling, city.
I rested my head against his shoulder and put a hand on his knee, smiling to myself at the way he was really observing his surroundings.
"Do you ever regret leaving home?"
He thought about it for a couple of seconds before shaking his head.
"If I stayed here, then we never would've met" he rubbed a hand over my back, smiling down at me and I felt a tear in the very corner of me eye. "And I'd never have met the guys, Mötley wouldn't be a thing...I miss it a lot, but home is Los Angeles. With you."
"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me" I let out in a laugh and he shook his head.
My fingers gently traced over his knee as we sat in a comfortable silence, watching as the night started to draw in and get a little darker a little faster.
Despite not being able to focus on anything for longer than ten seconds without physically shaking, I felt as though I was content with Nikki. Finally.
"Sharise said that you're worried about me" I sniffled against his jacket, lifting my head to watch his expression soften. "Are you?"
He licked his bottom lip and nodded.
"Why?"
"You're my wife. I'm always worried about you" he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, but the way his body tensed up as he answered me was an indication as to how he really felt.
He was too scared to bring up what Sharise and Tommy had said to him--but I was fine with that.
"I know I don't always show it, but I care about you, Chris. I'm always thinking about you. Even when you're with me and I know that you're alright."
I blushed and let out a soft laugh.
"I'm serious."
"I didn't say that you weren't, honey."
"Honey?" he asked, amused.
"Yeah. You called me angel today, I thought we were trying out new pet names" I shrugged, leaning backwards against the bench.
Nikki just laughed and got up, motioning for me to join him. He let out a deep breath, pulling me into him. "Honey...honey...I like it" I raised a brow "it's sweet, and it sounds so fuckin' sexy when you say it."
"Alright, honey" I grabbed at his hand when we walked back down the trail, leaning into his arm.
We made the most of our little day in Idaho by spending every last second together--stone cold fucking sober, by some absolute miracle.
Once we got back to Tom and Nona's we were back to our old tricks. Nikki cooked up and I watched, waiting patiently for my turn.
The day we left was very bittersweet. I was still high, Nikki was on a comedown so vicious he had to drink his emergency Jack just to be able to get through the twenty minute cab ride from his grandparents' to where we were meeting the guys. I knew I'd miss Nona and Tom a hell of a lot, but I just hoped that one day I'd get to see them again.
Heather nudged my side as she, Sharise and myself were stood at the side of the stage, watching the guys play the last half of their set.
"What?" I asked.
"You look very...solemn."
"Solemn?" I choked out "what's that supposed to mean?"
Heather shook her head and laughed. "You just seem to be very pensive. Is everything alright?"
I nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
She licked her lips in slight annoyance when I refused to add any more to the conversation. I leaned against one of the equipment boxes because I felt myself start to get a little light head--due to excessive alcohol consumption--and carried on watching the show.
Before I knew it, Vince was thanking the crowd while Nikki was throwing his bass to the side and stormed his way over to me like a cheetah about to attack its prey.
"He looks mad..." Sharise mentioned but I smirked, shaking my head. "He isn't mad?"
"No. He's horny" I added right before I headed towards him.
My chest heaved at the way his eyes zoned in on my chest, his hands quickly grabbing a hold of my ass as he leaned in to brush his lips against my ear. "Did you enjoy the show?"
I pulled his face towards mine to initiate some sort of kiss, and moaned into his mouth as his lips and tongue started to work in sync with my own.
He squeezed my ass again, letting out a groan when my teeth sank into his bottom lip. I hummed and nodded.
"I have something for you..." I whispered into his ear, reaching for his hand.
"Is it a blow job?" he asked, hopefully.
I chose to ignore his comment, instead leading him towards his dressing room. His eyes lit up because he probably thought that I was going to strip down and ride him on that leather couch. But he would've been wrong to assume that.
"Sit. And close your eyes."
He complied as a a grin started to pull at his lips, but soon faded when he realized whatever was happening wasn't going to end with me writhing and moaning in his hold.
"I said close your eyes!" I told him, laughing at how impatient he was getting.
Making sure he wasn't peeking, I grabbed the little pink gift bag I'd planted behind his dressing table before she show, and made my way over to him.
"Okay, you can open them now."
He raised a single brow and reluctantly took the bag from me. "What is it?"
"Well, if you take it out of the bag, then you'll find out."
I took a seat next to him, watching in anticipation.
"Babe" he turned to me as he put his hand in, quickly recognizing what it was. "I--I didn't get you anything--"
"--it doesn't matter" I smiled, waving him off. "Think of it as a belated anniversary/early birthday present."
"Fuck. Chris you shouldn't have..."
"I wanted to give it to you sooner, but I didn't wanna have to get you another, less meaningful gift your your birthday" my hand squeezed his knee as he was completely transfixed, pulling the camera out of the bag. "I remembered you saying how badly you wanted a new one after your old camera broke..."
He put it to the side, pulling me into his lap as I giggled. "I love it" he pecked against my lips, smiling as he did so. "Thank you, angel."
"You're very welcome. I hope that you're gonna utilize this and take loads of pictures of what we're all getting up to on this tour...but why do I feel like you'll be taking pictures of us in bed?"
"Because I'll be doing exactly that" he ran his hands up and down my sides. "But seriously. I wasn't expecting you to do that for me. So thank you, Chris. I mean it."
"And I meant it when I said that you're welcome. I just wanted to make sure you had a camera again, because I know how much you love your photography."
"Fuck. I don't deserve you." I laughed as I shook my head, running my fingers through the ends of his hair.
Nikki lifted his head a little and took one of my hands in his, lifting it to his lips. "Chris."
Was he about to say it?
I hummed, almost physically melting at the way he delicately traced circles around my palm with the pad of his thumb.
He was going to say it.
"I love you."
A single tear fell to my cheek before he wiped it away, and I couldn't not smile down at him.
"I love you too, Nikki."
I love you too, Nikki, but I let your best friend fuck me twice and neither one of us have any intentions of telling you about it.