Look at me writing in third person again....I've missed this!
Warning(s): drug abuse, violence
"Wake up."
Christine shook her head and pulled the comforter up to hide her face when Nikki wouldn't stop prodding at her sides. She whined because she knew that the reason he wanted to break her from her, well deserved, slumber was that he wanted to get high with somebody.
At that point in their relationship, she was no stranger to being used for her company. Nikki did it to her all of the time. Especially when Tommy was too preoccupied with his brand new flavor of the week, to be able to fit heroin time with his Terror Twin into his newly appointed schedule.
But she was just as bad for it too. She didn't like being alone and jacked up, higher than hell in the house all by herself. Nikki provided some kind of comfort and, ironically enough, a sense of stability that she never got when doing it with anybody else.
Maybe it was because he was her husband that made her feel that way. Or maybe it was down to the fact that Nikki understood where she was coming from when she said that she felt empty without heroin. Nobody else seemed to feel that same way.
"I've been thinking...." she trailed off as she rubbed the cocaine residue from her pointer finger against her gum, sighing out at the satisfying burn.
Nikki laughed humorlessly to himself and popped the cap off of a fresh needle. He looked up at her and the way she was deep in thought. His face softened, suddenly taking interest. "What about?"
Her lips curled into a smile as she fiddled with the lighter, clicking it and watching the flame bounce before her face.
"Chris," he snapped her out of whatever trance that she was in, and her smile never once faltered when she looked up at him.
"Yeah?"
"What were you thinking about?"
"Oh, that," she put the lighter down and shifted a little bit so her back was against the bed, and she was directly in front of Nikki. "According to astrology--"
Nikki scoffed. "Astrology?" she nodded "if you're gonna tell me that my horoscope for this week says that I'm a huge, good for nothing, asshole, then I already know. Vince already got that one covered." He sighed.
The band had been taking Vince's release, and immediate immersion back into making music, fucking hard.
Things were absolutely not going swimmingly for the four of them. And, to top it all off, Vince was going through a divorce which saw his time being unevenly divided between his lawyer and his band.
And, obviously, Sixx was less than impressed.
But they were on track, and the album was done by May of '85 to be released in June. Christine and Beth were convinced that 'Theatre Of Pain' was the worst album that the band had made, but they bit their tongues for fear of what might've been said.
"You are a huge asshole," she told him with a grin, and the way she just stared at him forced a laugh from Nikki. "But that wasn't what I was going to say."
"Alright, what were you going to say?"
"Okay, so I got this book from my nana when I was like thirteen, and it was all about the stars and what zodiac signs meant what and astrology, all that shit." He nodded in understanding, not really sure if he was interested in what she was about to say or not. "And when dad died, Anthony brought a box of my old stuff from the house...if you couldn't sense where this is going, in that box was like loads of old shit that I didn't realize my mom kept from when I was a kid."
"Let me guess...." he twirled the previously uncapped needle between his fingers, "the book was in there?"
"You're good that this."
"I'm good at everything, baby."
Not good at sensing that your wife has been cheating on you with your best friend--but let's save that for another, more.....important day. Sorry, Tommy.
"You're also big-headed and your ego stinks. BUT, like I was saying, that book is super insightful, and I was reading it with Beth the other night--she understands this more than what I do." She quickly got up and headed towards the nightstand on her side of the bed.
Chris grabbed the book and plopped down in front of Nikki, his eyes lingering on her form for a little bit because he just couldn't get how somebody so perfect was even real. Of course, he knew that she had her flaws, everyone did, but she was so undeniably beautiful, and kind--to a point--that he was never quite able to understand how he was the one that she chose to be with.
She could've had anyone. Yet she had him.
"I'm a Libra and you're a Sagittarius, and that means that I'm super diplomatic and a great listener, and you're really fucking philosophical and independent, right?" he nodded, his hands on her knees. "In terms of our personality traits, I think that's pretty spot on. And it also says that you're rebellious and a little too honest for your own good...and that I'm shallow and I overthink a lot, and I think that's true too."
"You're not shallow. You don't always look at the big picture, but you're definitely not shallow" she let out a laugh, shaking her head. "And I guess that you do overthink a lot, you've just gotta relax a little."
"How can I relax when I'm in a relationship with a rockstar? My life isn't ever going to be relaxing...."
She trailed off as she stared at Nikki, noticing how he kept smiling at her as if he was expecting her to finish what she was saying. She bit her lip and shook her head, pulling herself from her thoughts.
"Anyways...apparently Sagittarius' and Libras are a great pair, relationship-wise, because air and fire signs are dynamic" she quickly scanned the book, and her eyes lit up when she found the exact part she was looking for. "Ah! here" she turned it so Nikki could see.
She put her pointer finger on the page and watched as he started to read.
"It says that because both of our signs are committed, that we thrive off of witnessing one another's success, and when we get into something we're in it for the long run--i.e our relationship, your career, my eventual college adventure. I think it's true, Nikki. I really think all of this is true. I mean, we always support one another. I always support you and the band, and whatever you want to do, and you always support me and what I think I wanna do."
"Is it really down to the stars, though?" he questioned and she raised a brow. "I always thought that this was down to the fact that we love one another, and want to see the other at their happiest."
"It is" she nodded. "It's definitely a case of how much we love one another. But I still think that our signs being so compatible further solidifies that, maybe, we were destined to end up this way."
"Destined to end up married at 21 and 25? Destined to end up addicted to heroin, cocaine and alcohol? Destined to end up living in a house that's too big to feel comfortable in, and driving a car that no normal 27 year old could even think about affording? Destined to fucking hate the lead singer of my band because he's a worthless, waste of fucking space asshole who only thinks about his own fucking self?"
Does he regret marrying me? she wondered.
Nikki let out a deep sigh, and she couldn't help herself from pouting. She shifted so she was next to him, and wrapped her arms around his torso while her head rested against his shoulder.
"I think this was all going to happen at one point or another, but maybe it all just happened too soon. You guys have never had money like this, or so much going on before...and it's hard to handle this sort of responsibility--obligation. Let's face it, Doc expects so much from you, the label expects so much from you, the fans expect so much from you, and you all expect so much from yourselves....maybe it's the pressure getting to you that's causing such a rift between the band."
"I don't know, Chris. I just think that ever since Razzle--"
"--stop bringing the accident up around Vince."
"Why?" he looked down at her, biting the inside of his mouth because he didn't want to ruin a perfect moment by snapping.
"Because he's hurting too, Nikki. He's still mourning his friend, mourning the life lost. And he feels dreadful about what happened, he has to live with what he did..." her voice cracked a little bit, but she swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. "The more you bring it up, the shittier he is going to feel, and the worse the relationship between the four of you is going to get because Vince will start to distance himself from you. I'm just saying, you need to start thinking about how your mouth is going to get you into trouble."
He groaned. She was right. But he couldn't let her know that she was right, because he was stubborn.
"Nikki, look at me" he refused to oblige. "Listen to me when I say that Vince is a good guy, and you know that Vince is a good guy, alright? Nothing has changed. He's still the same old Vince you know and somewhat love, and you need to treat him that way. If you don't, then I don't think this band will last much longer."
She really is a great listener....he thought to himself.
He remembered drunkenly rambling onto Christine about all of that, about how he knew Vince was still the same, but it was hard for him to get to grips with what had happened--and she couldn't blame him.
They sat in complete silence. The only sound came from frustrated sighs and the clicking of a lighter.
"Are we gonna cook up or not?"
Christine just nodded and let Nikki at the stash, kicking herself because she recognized how harsh she came off.
When she wasn't inebriated, bits of the old Christine would often shine through. The assertive, confident, dominant Christine that Nikki admitted to falling in love with. She was changing so much every day, before his very eyes--and he just wished that there was something that he could do.
Heroin was to blame for a lot of things.
Lots. Of. Things.
And Christine was under the impression that the reason Nikki was so pissed whenever in the company of Vince, was down to the fact that he couldn't forgive him for what had happened to Razzle. And that was partially the reason why. The other part was that he was the one to teach Christine how to shoot up heroin.
He never wanted her to do it because he knew that, like when she tried cocaine, she'd instantly get attached to it. He didn't want her to get into trouble like he did.
But it was too late.
"Be nice to him, babe. Please," she grabbed a hold of Nikki's hand and used her purse to shield her face from the flashing of cameras, as the pair of them headed onto the red carpet.
Paparazzi, reporters, and plenty of eager fans swarmed the building that the band was about to make their presence in. Chris smiled to herself when she saw Tommy and Vince interacting with girls outside of the venue, and let out a laugh at the way Mick just kept striding past them all.
"Nikki! Christine! Over here!"
"Ignore them" he gripped her hand a bit tighter and kissed the top of her head when he could feel her start to tense up. She wasn't used to that sort of thing. She always had Beth distract her when the guys were talking to paps, and they were usually able to just slip straight into places. But she didn't have Beth anymore--so Nikki took that as his cue to step up.
"Nikki! How are we feeling about this album!?"
"It's sick," he told the reporter as they continued down the carpet, not even looking in the man's direction.
"Does your wife like it?"
"My wife has a name."
"Dude, sorry, does Christine like it?"
"Christine can speak for her fucking self!" He barked back. "And she doesn't wanna talk to you, so can you please fuck off out of her damn face?"
"Nikki, it's fine," Chris rubbed his arm and smiled at the reporter. "I like it...I like it a lot. Now, if you'll excuse us, we have a party to be at." She turned to him with a grin as they got to the door, giving him that knowing look. "See. It isn't difficult to be nice. Now do that with Vince."
The old Chris would've ripped that motherfucker a new one for being so irritating. Nikki nodded and gave her a tight-lipped smile, just thinking about how fucked up she must've been to not let everyone around them get to her.
When they first met, there was nothing that Christine hated more than obnoxious, loud, rude people. She hated it. That's why she hated Nikki. She'd always tell him to stop being so miserable or so full of himself, and she'd often tell him to shut up when he was getting on her nerves.
But it was like she didn't care anymore. Like everything was going over her head, because she just couldn't be bothered to cause any sort of argument, or she just didn't want any attention on her. And he just figured that it was the latter because she was always fucked up and, despite actively going out in public when she was high, she didn't want everyone to know that she was using.
'Everyone' being her overly intrusive and judgmental sisters.
Christine patted his chest before she broke away from him and headed towards the bar, and he talked to some brute that he recognized by the door.
She watched him in awe. She was proud of him, proud of what he had done, what he was doing, and what he was going to do. She had high hopes.
"Can I get a Jack and Coke?" she pursed her lips, trying to decide what to get. "And I'll take a vodka lime too, please."
The bartender nodded with a smile, grabbing a glass from under the counter. "Of course, Mrs. Sixx."
"Please, call me Chris. It makes me feel normal."
"Normal?" the girl laughed, flashing her pearly whites. "When you're married to Nikki fuckin' Sixx, nothing is normal. But if that's what you want, then I can do that, Chris."
She was right, nothing was normal. Nothing about Christine's life with Nikki was even remotely normal.
She didn't do normal things, she didn't have normal friends, She couldn't do anything without Doc McGhee or Doug Thaler breathing down her neck because anything that she did might've directly affected the band and their image....it was hell.
It was so bad that she turned to shooting heroin a lot more often. Alone. And she decided that was the only thing keeping her sane. So she did it all the more--to keep a loose grip on reality.
Chris handed Nikki his glass and he thanked her with a kiss on the cheek, before he threw an arm around her. She rested against him as he and Tommy made conversation with members of Ozzy's band, and a few other men that she knew the faces of, but she couldn't put a name to if her life had even depended on it.
But she wasn't complaining. She was having a good time, even if she was just observing.
"...and when we go on this tour...dude, it's gonna be fucking sick!" Tommy blurted out excitedly, before turning to Chris. "I've got this huge ass drum contraption thing that I'm gonna be strapped to, in the air, spinning around in circles, rocking the fuck out, and probably puking my guts up on."
"You really think that's a good idea?" he nodded. "Even after the Jack chugging contests that you and Nikki do together?"
Tommy nodded again, this time with a dopey smile. "Yeah. What's the matter with that?"
"I just think it's dangerous...."
Nikki scoffed and stared down at her as she furrowed her brows. "And drinking, shooting heroin, and snorting cocaine isn't?"
"I didn't say that." She stated flatly.
"Well, I think it's sick" Nikki moved his arm from around her and fist-bumped Tommy, Christine instantly recognized that he was starting to fall back into that shitty mood that she knew all too well.
She rolled her eyes. Fuck this she thought to herself, heading off towards the bathroom, noticing how Nikki didn't even try to stop her.
Chris didn't know what to do. Walking away from the only person who made her feel comfortable in such a social setting, wasn't the best idea that she ever had.
High, drunk, and slightly paranoid, she pulled out a carton of cigarettes and made a beeline for the bar once more.
A warm pair of hands landed on her waist. "Fuck!". She let out as her chest heaved, and she turned around, putting a hand to her head. "God, Vince. Are you trying to kill me?"
"Of course not" the blonde let out a laugh. "Are we safe to talk? Is Sixx gonna come over here and beat my ass?"
"Possibly," she side-eyed him as she fixed the bottom of her dress. "But he's probably more pissed with me than what he is with you."
Vince pulled a face and swiped the cigarettes from between Chris's fingers, earning a salty glare.
"What did you do?" he asked as he put a stick between his lips and fished around his pockets for a lighter.
"Nothing. I just said I think Tommy's drum spinning death-trap is dangerous," she shrugged. "And then Nikki got pissy with me, so I came over here to smoke. So, I would like my cigarettes back please."
He handed her one and a light and watched as she sparked up. "It is dangerous, you're right. But Tommy doesn't give a fuck, does he? He lives dangerously," he raised a brow and exhaled the smoke, wondering if she understood what he was getting at.
"He told you again didn't he?"
Vince nodded. "Every last thing. Even about that new bellybutton piercing you got."
"Well it's not a new piercing, I got it when we were in Vegas....but I told him not to say anything."
He gently grabbed at her arm and waved people off as he pulled her to the back door of the club, making her go outside first before he was leading them both to the secluded smoking area.
It was bitterly cold. Chris was shivering, even underneath her leather jacket, and she struggled to get her teeth to stop chattering together.
"He told me the day after we got back to the studio--"
"--That wasn't even a whole week after it happened," she let out, dejected.
"Don't worry that pretty little head over this, alright?" he put a hand to her shoulder and rubbed his thumb over the freezing leather. "He told me in confidence, so I'm obviously not gonna rat you both out. You've done so much for me Chris, it's the least I could do."
"Why did he tell you? Did he tell Mick? Oh my god, does Doc know? Because last time he made it pretty obvious that he might've known--"
"--He only told me. And the reason for that was, it was eating at him too much, and if he didn't let slip to me then who knows what might've happened. You know what that guy is like, you know that anything he does goes straight back to Nikki, but he couldn't tell him--that's why he told me."
Vince Neil was right. It didn't happen a lot, and Chris hated when it did, but he was right.
She stared aimlessly into the dark, inhaling and exhaling the smoke. "Do you think Nikki will hate me when he finds out?"
"I don't wanna say that he will. But, I don't wanna say that he won't either." Vince put an arm around her shoulder and she rested her head against him, producing a somewhat content smile. "I think it'll hurt him a lot, yeah. But I don't think he'll hold it against you forever."
"But he will leave me. And he'll probably file for divorce too," she wiped a tear from her cheek. Even the thought of a life without Nikki made her stomach churn, and her throat dry up. She didn't know how to even think about living without him.
"You'll figure this out, Chris. You always do."
"Not since I started doing coke and heroin, Vince. I feel like a completely different person" a light breeze forced a shiver down her spine, and she jolted still. "I don't like myself anymore. I'm too easy."
He raised a brow, urging her to continue. She just sighed.
"I hate myself more and more every single damn day. And it's like, now that I've started it, I can't stop. I've lost control on everything. My life sucks because I'm too jacked up to do anything. I don't want to fuck my husband anymore which means that he's out, pounding groupies because I'm not giving it to him. All I'm doing is crying, puking and screaming at Nikki, and I'm just wondering why he hasn't left or fucking made me leave for good already."
Vince smiled and winked at her.
"What?"
"Because he loves you."
She scoffed, stubbing out her cigarette. "And how do you know that?"
"How do you think that I know that?"
"Well it's not like he talks about me to you guys," he raised a brow and Christine could feel herself start to blush. "He talks about me?"
"All the time. And he writes songs about you, kid. Don't underestimate your man. He worships the ground you walk on, Chris--even if he is a dick to you most of the time."
"But that still doesn't mean that he loves me. He might just talk about me because he has nothing else to talk about," she rolled her eyes. "He probably only talks about me because--"
"--Stop kidding yourself, you little fucker," she scoffed and stifled a laugh at the goofy expression that he held. Choking out a quick "thanks" as she smiled. "He loves you, stop trying to make yourself think that he doesn't. He loves you so much, and he talks about you because he cares about you, and wants everyone to know that he cares about you."
"What does he say about me?"
Vince sucked in a deep breath. Should he have told her about what Nikki really said? About how he wished she never got into coke because that got her into heroin? Or how he missed the way she used to be, how she used to put him in his place, because of how she started to just let him walk all over her and do whatever he wanted?
"He says he's proud of you," she blushed. "Well he doesn't say the words, but he says he's happy that you're thinking of going to college--but it's obvious that he's proud of you, Chrissie."
Chrissie. She hadn't been called that for a while.
She smiled. "Alright, I believe you."
"Good, because I'm not lying. Sixx loves you more than you could ever imagine...just remember that when you're having doubts."
"But..." she sighed, "Tommy said that he's been cheating on me--"
"--Of course he'd say that. He fucked you, Christine!" Her right hand covered his mouth, and he scowled at her, but he quickly realized that his level of intoxication forced his words out a little louder than what he had intended.
"If I move my hand, will you please pipe down!?" Chris whisper yelled. He nodded. "Fine."
"Your hand smells like heroin" she rolled her eyes and rubbed her hand down her jacket. "Anyways, like I said, of course, T-Bone was gonna say that to you. He'd try to use what Nikki did to you as means to justify that he fucked you too. And before you say anything before I went away, Nikki wasn't into groupies like we were, alright?" she nodded and pursed her lips. "He might've fucked chicks when I wasn't there, but I can promise you that none of it meant anything if he did. Trust me. It never does."
"Thanks. That made me feel a trillion times better, Vince."
"Hey, you fucked his best fucking friend. You're in no position to talk about this shit" he laughed. It was condescending, but she knew he wasn't trying to be a dick.
"Shut up."
Chris was quickly left with her thoughts when Vince eyed a blonde and headed off in her direction, but not before asking if his little brunette friend was doing alright. She wasn't. But she didn't want to talk to him and have his brand new moral compass overpower anything that he was about to say.
She was suddenly left feeling guilty. For thinking that Nikki didn't love her, more so her and Tommy having their occasional rendezvous.
Paranoid that the drummer had said something, given the way that Nikki was scowling in her direction, Christine sucked in a deep breath and waltzed on over.
"Where'd you get to?" he asked before taking a pull of the whiskey in his hand.
"Outside."
"With who?"
she sighed, biting her lower lip.
"Who were you with Christine? Because I know you weren't out there on your own."
"I was with Vince, alright? Because he was the only one who didn't shit down my throat for no damn reason," she let out calmly--a lot calmer than what she had wanted.
Nikki didn't want to argue with her, but the way she was just staring at him, waiting for an apology for snapping, absolutely didn't sit right with him.
"Right....right," he nodded, clenching his jaw. "And I'd bet you were talking shit about me too, weren't you?"
Chris couldn't help but laugh. "Is your head that big?" Tommy sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head before sipping his beer. "You seriously think that everything is about you, don't you?"
"You didn't answer my fucking question."
"I don't need to answer your fucking question! I was talking to Vince about things that don't concern you!"
Well......
Her face started to redden and her eyes welled up with tears of anger. "And what's it even to you!? Who I talk to, and what I talk about, is nothing to do with you! You don't need to know everything!"
"Why the fuck are you getting so defensive?" he questioned as her bottom lip started to quiver. "Do you have something to hide?"
Nikki's tone was patronizing. She could feel herself starting to shake. Like she was on the verge of either breaking down or lashing out and hitting him.
And she was fine.
Until Nikki snarled, shook his head, and opened his mouth, coming out with that classic Nikki charm.
"Were you really talking to him, having an innocent conversation?" She nodded, her throat drying up when her mouth opened to speak, but he cut her off, stepping closer to her.
"Dude..." he threw his middle finger up at Tommy when he tried to intervene, backing Chris up against the table.
"Stop trying to intimidate me, Nikki," she let out with a tone so raspy, she sounded as though she was struggling to catch her breath. "If you want to scare me so bad, why don't you just hit me--"
He cut her off with an almost manic laugh.
"I'm not gonna fucking hit you." He growled, his nose mere millimeters from her own. "Is that what you think of me? You think that I'd intentionally hurt you when you piss me off?"
"You threw a bottle at me," she retorted, refusing to let him live that down. "It looked pretty intentional to me."
"I didn't want to fucking hurt you!"
His yell was loud enough to bring the entire party to a standstill. Her eyes widened when she noticed that everybody's attention was on them, a crimson blush sweeping across her cheeks.
"Well, you fucking did!" She threw back.
Nikki just stood still, noticing the hurt wash across her face, the anger in her words. She hadn't raised her voice at him like that in so long. She hadn't gotten mad at him in so long.
"You know what? Fuck you, Nikki! Stick your party up your fucking ass. I'm going home."
"You're not going anywhere" he grabbed her arm as she went to walk away, her eyes landed on his hand as he kept an iron grip on her skin.
"Get off."
"No."
"Nikki" she warned, "get off of me."
"Stay."
"No," Chris said through gritted teeth.
"Nikki, just get off of her."
Tears started to well in her eyes when he stared down at her, some unrecognized emotion flashing across his face.
His system was flooded with heroin. He wasn't thinking straight. In his mind, he wasn't doing anything wrong. But the look on her face, and the way she squirmed under his hold, made him realize that he was hurting her.
"Please" she choked out "let go of my arm."
He just nodded. Blinking a few times, trying to pull himself back from a misconstrued reality, he let go.
"I'm--I'm sorry, Chris--"
"--don't say it" she shook her head, adjusted her purse that was over her shoulder, and rubbed tears from underneath her eyes. "Just leave it."
Nikki bit the inside of his lip, feeling guilty. Everyone was looking at them, everyone had just seen the way he was with her. He felt like the biggest asshole on planet earth.
"Are you still gonna go home?"
She nodded. "yeah, I am" her words came out broken. "I think you should too."
"I don't wanna go home, I'll stay here."
"Alright, whatever. I'll leave the front door open for you."
Christine didn't give Nikki so much as another chance to speak, before she headed to the front of the club, tears streaming down her face.
She knew he wasn't going to be going home that night.
She knew that he'd be out scoring, getting high with Tommy in a place where he didn't have any responsibilities.
But it was fine by her. She didn't care. Or that's what she told herself.
"Hey, Chris!" she turned around with a little smile, watching Vince head over in her direction with a blonde on his arm.
Great, she thought.
"You're heading home?"
"Yeah...Nikki wasn't too happy that we talked," he let out a laugh, pulling a face. "Soooo, I'm going home. You?"
"Yep. Sharise and I," he motioned to the blonde and Chris gave her a wave, raising her brows--his type was so blatantly obvious, "we're gonna hang for a little while. Wanna join us?"
She weighed up the pros and cons and just shrugged.
"Why not. My place?"
"Uhh, I don't know, Chris" Vince was uncertain. If Nikki had seen him there, he'd go ape shit.
"Come on, Vince. He won't be home tonight. Hell, he probably won't even be home tomorrow" she laughed "you don't want me getting fucked up on my own, right?"
Her puppy dog eyes and the way he could never resist when she would bat her lashes, made him give in. "Fine" he stated right before she squealed. "But if Nikki gets back and kicks my ass, I'm blaming you."
"Nikki will be too fucked up to even think about kicking anybody's ass. You're good."
She was right. He didn't roll in until midday, almost seven days after the party. And Chris was worried beyond belief.
She found out that he and Robbin had taken a spur-of-the-moment vacation to some tropical island, right before the album was set to drop, and had failed to tell absolutely anybody their whereabouts.
When he got home, he had some serious hell to pay. But when he stripped down to shower, exposed his tan, bare chest, Christine couldn't keep her hands off of him.
Sex...a lethal weapon, often used to get one out of a sticky situation. Or, in some cases, a lethal weapon that causes a pretty sticky situation.......
The both of them were safe. This time.