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A lot can change in a month. From little life changes like getting a raise at work or maybe even changing your hair and the way you dress- becoming a completely different person from the first of the month to the end, all the way to big life changes that you wish you could go back and stop from happening.
A lot can change in a month which is such a short amount of time in hindsight, but so much can happen, even the loss of a lifelong friendship you thought you'd have forever.
I heard once that a friendship that lasts seven years is more likely to last forever.
Five years is close I guess, but it's not seven.
At first, things were okay. The boys were obviously gutted, and so was I, but our relationship with Zayn Malik wasn't being questioned at all... as least not by us. Leave it to the media to paint a picture for the general public that isn't true.
The fans were clearly upset with a huge majority of people using the internet to say awful things about Zayn as if he's a robot instead of an actual human with emotions that needed a break from a life that was harmful to him. For awhile, I couldn't even get on my phone without seeing some sort of false article or rude tweet.
However, false articles only stay false when there's anonymous sources giving absurd quotes.
That all changes when the source turns into direct statements from Zayn himself.
One Facebook post and the world blew up. That's how all of this started. The tour darkened behind the scenes, each boy putting on a happy face for the crowds every night, but I fear even the real fans could see through it.
My mom called me when the news broke, just as saddened by the shocking revelation as everyone else. She didn't have Zayn's number so she asked me to pass on a message to him that she was thinking of him always and proud of him for being courageous enough to get out when he did.
It took a few days, but he eventually responded to my text and asked for Jane's contact information so he could thank her himself.
Long story short, he was still in good graces with everyone and contacting us about how he was already in the studio working on something he was extremely excited about.
We were all proud of him. We are still proud of him even if some of the boys don't want to admit it after everything that's happened.
Everything started when Zayn said One Direction's music was "generic as fuck" and that he wouldn't listen to it. He never kept his opinion's a secret about how the music the band put out wasn't his style, so it didn't come as a shock when he said that, but what surprised us all was how crass he was about it. That was the very beginnings of a cake, his statements being like the ingredients just sitting in the mixing bowl.
Twitter hasn't been the best place to be recently either. At least it was nothing between Zayn and any of the boys, but Louis wasn't taking well to his best friend's new company he was keeping. That was mixing the ingredients together and putting the cake in the oven.
Modest slowly started taking steps after that to erase Zayn from anything and everything to do with One Direction. He was gone from the website and all photos on social media. Thankfully the boys started their two month break from the tour and got to put all of these troubling emotions they were having into writing the new album, but I could tell that Louis, Liam, Niall, and Harry still felt like their worlds were crashing down. That was the cake cooling down and being iced.
The cherry on top of the cake was the Twitter fight a few days ago between Louis and Zayn. I don't know if they will ever recover.
I knew I had to do something just by how catty they've all become as if they're two opposing cheer teams in a Bring It On movie. I called Zayn first, but of course he didn't answer, so I called Perrie. She told me that he's been distant from even her which bothered me, because he's always expressed to me how much he loves her, so the fact that he's turning away from her is strange.
Zayn finally texted me after Perrie told me she got somewhat through to him, and all he said was how he just wanted to be done with everything. I didnt know how to take that, so I called him immediately and got nothing but an answering machine.
My next step was to get the other boys together despite their locations being spread all over the world.
Despite their reluctance, Liam, Louis, and Niall all agreed to come to Harry's house where I've been staying since tour halted to meet up to discuss what's been going on. Part of me knows they're all dreading it, but someone has to act like an adult and end this, and if that person is going to be me then so be it.
Harry's been locked away in his room all day working on a song for the band's fifth album, and from the mumbling I've heard from the other side of the door, I can tell he's doubting himself like always.
When I'm about to softly knock, I hear him begin to play a relaxing melody on his guitar before singing, "Same lips red, same eyes blue, same white shirt, couple more tattoos. It's not you and it's not me."
I smile to myself at the beautiful lyrics he's spent so much time perfecting, simply listening through the thin wooden door as he continues to paint his ex in a beautiful light, something she didn't always do for him.
Gently pushing the door open, he stops after a moment when his green eyes flutter open upon hearing me and his face softens when the singing stops emitting from his throat. His ringed fingers stop plucking at the guitar strings, the soft melody forgotten as silence follows the slowing vibrations.
"You don't have to stop," I speak softly as I sit next to him on the bed. "It was beautiful."
All Harry does is twitch his lips into a small grin that is hardly detectable, reaching over his guitar and crossing out some lyrics he must not have liked from his journal. With a small huff, he runs his hands through his long hair before reaching over and angrily ripping the pages out.
Instinctively, I reach over and latch onto his arm to stop him, leaning over his lap to snatch the crumpled up papers from his hands. "What are you doing?" I ask with confusion screwing up my face. Sitting back down, I try my best to flatten out the pages over my knee, thankfully saving them so they can still be read. My eyes skim to the top where I see the title says Two Ghosts.
"Modest said it doesn't fit the album, so I'm trying to make it better, but I don't think I can," he grumbles, moving the guitar off of his lap and onto the floor.
Scooting closer to Harry, I take his hand and clasp my fingers with his before setting our intertwined hands in my lap. "Did you ever consider that you can't make it better because it's already perfect?" I ask.
"It's not perfect," he breathily laughs to himself with a small shake of his head, eyes falling to the ground.
"Okay then. It's not perfect," he looks up at me in slight surprise at my words, probably expecting me to keep gaslighting his ego. Even though what I said is true, the song sounds perfect, maybe that's not what he needs to hear. "Take your time, and keep working on it. Save it for when the time is right."
He lets out a small huff that gets followed my a tiny chuckle at my words, his eyes crinkling slightly with a smile. "I think that time is a lot closer than I thought," he mutters.
"And what is that time exactly?" I question him.
"A break," he states nonchalantly, making my face fall slack in surprise. "I'm just saying that maybe Zayn's choice wasn't such a bad one."
"Are you the only one that feels this way?" I ask worriedly while running my thumb in reassuring circles around his hand.
"I don't know," he shrugs. "I don't want to leave the band or anything. It just feels like two months isn't really enough time off after the last five years especially since it isn't even actually any time off since we're spending it writing an album."
His eyes search mine for validation, and I give it to him. They do need some well deserved rest, but the only way they're gonna get it is if they fight. Management tends to forget that these boys aren't just walking money bags. They're people who spent the last years of their childhood thrust into the spotlight, compromising every aspect of who they are for the sake of a false image carefully created for each of them.
"Just make it through the next few days, and the conversation we're about to have with the boys, and then you'll get your break. Or did you already forget about our two week trip to Paris that we've only been planing since February?" I ask cheekily with a small nudge to his shoulder.
"I haven't forgotten," Harry pulls his hand from mine and wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me so closely into his chest and pressing a kiss to the top of my head that my nose is overwhelmed with the strong smell of musky vanilla.
I instantly wrap my arm around his middle and nuzzle so deeply into him that my head is resting at his upper stomach right against the butterfly that his black shirt is hiding. "I know it's only two weeks, but hopefully you'll have at least some time to think and reset, so when you come home, you'll be re-energized enough to get back into the band full force."
"Yeah, I almost kind of wish your mum wasn't coming though. You know I don't like to share you," he growls into my ear making the hairs on my neck stand up. Harry starts tickling me suddenly making me kick my legs out and lurch away from his body with a shocked scream, but he's quick to grab me around the waist and hold me down.
I keep cackling and begging him to stop, but he keeps jabbing his fingers into my sides with the most childish laughter leaving his lips seeing as he's obviously enjoying his knowledge of how ticklish I am.
The only thing that stops him is the sound of the doorbell ringing from downstairs, and thankfully I'm able to use his distractedness as an escape where I straddle his lap and hold his wrists tightly between us.
"I know, Harry, but I invited her because I haven't seen her since Christmas, and she's been obsessed with France my entire life," I gasp out, trying to catch my breath from his tickling attack. "The woman can practically speak French like it's her first language, and she's only been trying to teach me since I came out of the womb."
"I know, I know," he sighs.
"Just promise me," I hold out my pink to him, releasing my hold on his wrists. "Promise me that you'll hold on until our trip and stop being so hard on yourself."
His eyes fall from mine to my outreached pinky, the gold flaked irises questioning whether he can promise me that or not. Harry's internal battle would have lasted longer if the doorbell didn't start ringing off the hook signaling that of Louis' impatience. He takes my pinky with his, squeezing tightly as he says, "I promise, Georgia Rose."
When we get downstairs and let the boys in, the five of us pile into Harry's living room that still holds all of the boxes from when I shortly moved in after escaping my dad's last September.
Harry and Niall sit next to each other on the couch while Louis sits in a chair at one end of the coffee table, Liam sitting in another velvet chair at the other end. I stand in front of them all with my hands on my hips, ready to reprimand them like a mother would to their naughty child.
"This has to stop," I begin.
"Uh," Louis starts to laugh as if he doesn't know what's going on. "What's got to stop, Beauty?" His face only falls when I give him my death stare that's known to be so deadly it ends lives. Usually Celia and Charles, Bennett when I gained the courage, would be the only people on the receiving end of it, but not today.
"Don't be a dumbass," I state bluntly, making Louis glare at me, Liam's eyes widen, Harry's face go soft, and Niall start laughing with reddening cheeks.
Niall's laughter is the only sound in the room for a moment as everyone shoots dull stares his way seeing as this simply isn't the time, but he doesn't get the memo until Harry jabs him in the side with his elbow, obvious irritation gleaming from his eyes that look especially sea green today versus their normal emerald color.
"Sorry," Niall mutters, pressing his lips into a thin line and pushing back into the couch cushions with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Liam," I turn my sole focus on who's been deemed the boring and responsible one, forced to babysit his four brothers since the beginning even when he wanted to cut up and have fun with the rest of them. "You've got to snap out of it. Zayn is gone and isn't coming back, okay? I know you miss him, and the whole thing came as a shock. Don't get me wrong, you're allowed to be sad, depressed even, but it's not like you're completely alone. You have us, so take that emotion and put it into your music. You deserve happiness, Liam, so grab it by the throat and make it yours before it completely runs away."
The brown eyed boy's eyes fall from mine when I'm done speaking, and he simply watches as his fingers fiddle with each other in his lap.
"Niall," I turn to the happy go lucky blonde who's been lucky enough to never be labeled with anything, however he's had to deal with being one of the two members that management didn't believe in for far too long. "I know it's easier, but you don't have to act like you're invincible- like nothing can hurt you. It's okay to be sad instead of always being so hard and laughing at everything to take the pain away. You've lost a brother. Your family- us," I motion to everyone in the room. "Even the fans know that you need time to be sad and to heal, so take it. Take time away from music if you have to. I know how much you love to golf."
My final words about Niall's favorite sport finally cracks a genuine smile from him that isn't actually being used to disguise some deeply hidden emotion. It's relieving to see.
"Harry," I then look at the boy who has my entire heart, being labeled as the womanizing asshole that will sleep with anyone when in reality he is the exact opposite and has so much respect for women. "Stop making jokes in interviews that Zayn never existed when asked about him and how you're all taking his departure. It's not funny and it's not quirky."
His face falls, and he looks away irritatedly when he realizes he's about to be scrutinized too.
"I thought it was rather funny," Louis shrugs, all the other boys agreeing with him in unison.
"Okay maybe it is," I hold my hands up defensively as they all look at me like I'm stupid. "But it's not making things any better with him. How do you think Zayn feels when he sees that shit? Probably the same way you feel when he talks badly about the music you've all put out as a band. Harry, you've taught me so much about the person I want to be and strive to be everyday, so don't let your hurt and anger make you lose sight of that. Treat people with kindness even when they don't deserve it."
"That's a bit hypocritical of you to say, don't you think, love?" Louis buts in, making me cut my eyes at his hunched position in the comfy chair. "I'm sorry, but aren't you the one who told her stepmum to fuck off when asked to be in her wedding?"
"I'm sorry," I mock, eyes narrowing and my inner bitch rearing her nasty head. "But did you not just hear a word I said. I'm trying to change, Tommo. Don't even get me started with all the shit you've been pulling lately," I growl, causing everyone's eyes to widen in shock at my anger, Louis simply continuing to shoot daggers at me with the raging sea he calls eyes.
"I don't get the point of what you're trying to do here. If you're talking about what happened on Twitter, I didn't start that load of bullocks, he did," Louis sneers. "Doesn't matter anyway. He's dead to me, and I won't be apologizing for anything. He brought this on himself for working with that idiot and sorry excuse for a producer. Our music is shit? We'll prove him wrong with this album, and the one after that, and the one after that," Louis is yelling now, making my own eyes widen in shock at his anger, but what makes my stomach drop is when Liam sits up, preparing to speak.
"I kind of thought Made In The A.M. would be the last one," his deep brown eyes search the faces of Niall and Harry who obviously seem to agree, but are too nervous to make that clear with Louis' current state.
"Our contract is almost up, Lou, and do you honestly want to sign your life away again for five more years?" Niall adds nervously.
Silence plagues the room, everyone watching Louis nervously while I struggle to stay standing. The whole idea of them ending One Direction is news to me, and I'm not sure how to take it. They obviously feel like it's the right time for them to do this, so I'm not going to fight it, but I can't help that even though I'm their best friend and in love with one of them, I'm still a fan.
"I guess you agree then, Harry?" Louis asks, blue eyes dead set on green.
"It's not a break up, Louis," Harry sits up and leans his elbows on his knees. "It's just a break. We all need it."
Louis looks more hurt than I've ever seen him, and I didn't think I'd ever see him look worse than he did the night Zayn left. He was counting on Harry, the one who has loved and embraced this band the most since the beginning, and to have him agree with the others was like a stab to Louis' chest. All he does is turn his head away with a defeated nod, staring off into the void.
"That's what we'll tell the fans, right? That this is just a temporary hiatus?" Louis stands up and starts throwing his arms around angrily which makes me jump back in surprise. "How long will we tell- I'm sorry, lie to them? Huh?" His blue eyes widen in fury at his fellow bandmates who all sit still with their mouths open in shock at Lou's outburst. "18 months? Five years? Maybe ten?"
"Louis-" I start.
"No!" He points a finger angrily at me before turning his anger back at Liam, Niall, and Harry. "You lot have a chance at making it solo, but me," his body caves as he points at his own chest. "I don't have half the talent you all have, and that's been made perfectly clear to me since the beginning."
Liam jumps up from his seat, a low growl of anger and hurt coming from deep within his throat. "You know damn well that isn't true! Every single one of our best songs has been written by you, Louis, so I don't know what you want me to call that if it isn't talent!"
"Well then go ahead and mark me the forgotten member, because that's all I'll ever be if we break up. A songwriter for other people to take my songs and make them their own. Happy fucking hiatus, boys!" Louis seethes before turning on his heel and storming to the door, slamming it behind him so harshly that the frames on the walls shake.
When I turn back to the remaining band members, Liam has sunken back into his chair, slowly shaking his head and all the red hot anger leaving his face. Harry has his bottom lip pinched between his thumb and index finger like he tends to do when he's stressed. Niall on the other hand looks like he's on the verge of tears as he leaps up and runs after Louis, the door closing behind him much more quietly than a moment ago.
All I can do is stand there and watch everything unfold, none of this going how I hoped it would. "Shit," I breathe out, my body tense with worry.
And I knew then, you turned it on for everyone you've met, but I don't regret falling for your fool's gold.