Samiel Asghedom
"Samiel, nice to finally meet you"
Damirus therapist shook my hand with a smile at her front door before she let us in.
""I hope she didn't tell you nothing crazy about me"
"No of course not just the basics" I chuckled knowing even if she did her therapist had to keep her information confidential.
"Thank you for helping her, I'm happy to see her growth"
"I only asked the questions and gave some advice your girl here did all the hard work to gain and maintain sobriety"
"I can really maintain it now that I'm super pregnant" Damirus announced proudly her therapist jaw dropped and eyes got wide.
"No freaking way!"
"Four months, we are having a little girl"
Dr. Shay's shock continued.
"Well congratulations to you both, I am going to get you guys mentally in shape for your bundle of joy"
Never had I been to a therapist, niggas from the streets never believed in seeing a professional for help but for my woman and our baby girl I would.
"So are we a couple or working on it?"
"Both" Damirus replied smiling, sitting down on the couch beside me, I put my arm over her shoulder.
"I know a lot about Damirus from these past few months I want to put focus on you Samiel, can you give me some things you want to accomplish during therapy?"
" My communication skills I'm harsh when it comes to speaking and I wanna learn how to talk to Damirus without throwing shots or with anger that's not how I wanna treat her or want our daughter to witness"
Dr. Shay jotted down notes in her book, Damirus gave me a smile and nod.
"Was your household like that growing up"
"Nah my parents had their issues when they were together but they never let me or my siblings hear or see them fighting"
"So what do you think cause your approach to be so aggressive? I pushed my glasses up.
"It had everything to do with me being on the streets when I was selling drugs as a teenager, the first thing we learned from the OG's was show no emotion and be ready for anything so I was all about fighting to show my strength and it stuck with me"
I wanted to learn how to be more gentle with Damirus and I wanted to be more gentle for my daughter I couldn't let myself be mean and disrespectful to them.
"Okay so Damirus I want you to tell Samiel how his words and tone effect"
" I feel small and it takes me back to how I was treated as a child"
Damirus picked at her nails staring down at her lap, I didn't know anything about her childhood or what she went through growing up so this would be my first time hearing about it.
"I think it's best if you go further into what was going on within your childhood to help Samiel understand how his behavior hurts you"
Damirus leg bounced and tears dripped onto her jeans, she chuckled looking up at the ceiling.
"I'm already crying"
"Damirus it's okay this is apart of your healing, don't be afraid to cry" I reached for the tissue box taking a few out helping wipe her face.
" Right, the way you speak to me makes me think about how my mom and her boyfriend used to talk to me, especially him when I-
She paused lip quivering, I rubbed her belly.
"When I tried fighting him off every time he-
I scrunched my brows, my hand paused from rubbing her belly. I put two and two together knowing she had been a victim of sexual assault.
"Every time he raped me from the time I was five up until I was sixteen and he would use my favorite foods as a way of payment to keep me quiet that's why I'm so insecure now with my weight and why I use food as a way to feel better because when I was younger that's all I had to lean on to console and comfort me"
My eyes burned, I cleared my throat a few times rubbing knees trying to shake the emotions I was feelings just hearing about some nigga hurting Damirus when she was a little ass girl.
"Samiel what's going through your mind right now? I see you are getting upset"
"I ain't never mean to make her feel bad like that, my words toward her had been harsh but my intentions were good all I wanted was for her to seek help on her own"
"That shows that you care, you weren't going to tell her what she wanted to hear you were giving her tough love like you thought she needed"
Damirus wiped her face nodding.
"Looking back at it now I could understand what he was trying to do for me, he just wanted to see me sober and genuinely happy and because I was under the influence I couldn't see that at the time"
I kissed her cheek rubbing her belly.
" But on the other hand I loss a lot of people in my life that were close to me and he knew that and knew I had some sort of abandonment issues but ignored it"
"Don't tell me this, speak to him" I turned my body in her direction.
" I wanna move forward with this and not have to bring it up and seem like I'm dragging the situation it's just I'm fearful I don't fully trust you and I don't know if this will happen to me again, my worst fear is you leaving me and our baby behind if things get tough for us"
Damirus spoke her truth and I wasn't upset I knew the position I had placed her in was tough and if I was in her shoes I wouldn't trust me either.
"I understand your trust issues but know I would never walk away from my family, you are my family Mirus and I know I fucked up and left you behind when you needed me the most but I swear on everything I won't do it again"
"I want to trust you fully I just need your patience while I work through emotions and pregnancy hormones making me a little more hostile"
"With everything you put up with being patient is the least I could do for you and supporting you through therapy while getting my own so we can move forward and be happy"
"You see how good he is with words this is how we got here"
Damirus joked rubbing her belly, I nodded in agreement I had a way with words and it didn't hurt that it helped me get intimacy with my girl, something we still hadn't done since our reunion.
"Living situation I know you are based out of Crenshaw Samiel and Damirus you are still living out here what are your plans before your bundle of joy arrives?"
"We haven't really gotten into that"
"I have no problem taking the back seat on this and allowing Damirus to make the decision on how our living arrangements will be"
"He says that now but he is deeply rooted in Crenshaw with all the businesses he owns with his brother I would feel guilty taking him away from that"
I would give that all up just to be near her and my daughter I wanted her to understand they came first my work came after.
"I just really wanted to continue my therapy because I'm not one hundred percent yet"
"And I'm willing to stay out here with her while she does it and if she wants to stay we'll stay if she wants to go back to LA then that's where we'll go"
I was serious about doing whatever I needed to do and make sacrifices that were necessary to keep Damirus.
"I also don't want you to resent me if I do wanna stay, it sounds all good now but things and people change and you may just be saying this because you are on cloud nine about having a baby"
"Yeah I'm happy but that's not clouding my judgment, I don't make the same mistakes twice"
"If I may add stability is very important in a child's life so you both need to come to an agreement on living arrangements because moving around and not having a permanent home takes it toll on a child" Dr. Shay added.
"Like I said before it's wherever Damirus wants to stay I'll be down with whatever to be around her and our baby"
"Damirus?"
Dr. Shay and myself turned towards her to get some sort of hint or answer on where she wanted to settle down at.
"If I get to pick than can I get another month here to finish therapy and then go back home to LA?" She asked me.
"Whatever you want you get baby"
I had five months to get my shit together and to upgrade my home to make it into our home to raise our baby girl and be married.