ok i lied there's some angst.
but hey a double update!
♡♡♡
"Six months later, and finally you have the time for me," Jeongguk teased as he found himself sitting down in the same chair he did all that time ago in front of his father, but this time instead of that look of disapproval it was a proud one.
Funny, how much things could change in a span of time. To think, six months ago, Jeongguk was lost and pissed off and a mess when he entered this office last. He laughed looking back at it, really, how he used to be so stupid.
Fucking people when he couldn't stand himself or the stress. Chasing trouble to find a thrill, a purpose in his life that wasn't just volleyball. Spending time with friends that really weren't the people he used to love.
Six months ago, this was where he met Taehyung. He was leaning against that wall with his old hair and glasses, and his prim and proper school uniform that he remembered making fun of.
Usually he didn't pay attention to much people, but he remembered Taehyung taking up so much of his peripheral vision, it drove him insane. Maybe that was some sort of sign.
If this never happened, he wouldn't be dating the most incredible boy ever, or be falling so inexplicably hard for Kim Taehyung, every fiber of his being lived and breathed for him.
God, he couldn't really imagine himself without him, and hopefully that would never happen.
"I took a leave," His dad shrugged, adjusting his wired glasses over his shadowy features. Usually he was clean shaven, but telling by the last couple of months' events, his dad probably didn't have time to clean up.
"Had to visit your mom, help around, and see the girls again, y'know," He chuckled, folding his hands over his desk. "She's getting better, thankfully. Your mother is a fighter."
"Maybe she can make your Olympic game."
"Yeah, hopefully," Jeongguk nodded a little, playing with his fingers over his lap. "Are we waiting for Taehyung, dad?" He asked, glancing up to meet his father's gentle gaze.
His dad seemed a little surprised to hear him say his name, but the older Jeon was quick to mask it with a smile, "M'afraid that we don't need Taehyung here. Let's think of this as a little chat between father and son, hm?"
"Sure," He said, shrugging as he went along with it, "but I know we're probably gonna end up talking about volleyball so could we skip to that?"
"You're eager, hm. Well, I wanted to discuss your behavior lately, and thanks to Taehyung, I see you have improved greatly," His dad said, reaching over for the manila folder on his desk and spreading it open, revealing his student record.
"No delinquent activity. Your attendance is perfect, and I hadn't received any complaint of your sexual activity," He praised, flicking through the sheets of paper all under Jeongguk's name.
"Taehyung really must have had a good effect on you! Was it his disciplinary skills? Taehyung's very good at giving punishment to students."
"We can say that, yeah," Jeongguk swallowed thickly, staring awkwardly at his lap, trying to hide the way his cheeks flushed with a certain and rather embarassing warmth after getting inappropriate flashbacks to the night Jeongguk sent his history project in late.
"And I also heard Taehyung filed a moving request. You two live together willingly. I also heard you two are very friendly in campus," His dad raised an eyebrow at him, and god, Jeongguk wished they weren't talking about this right now.
"Think I heard something about dating rumors?"
"Dad," He murmured, voice slightly whiny, teetering on the edge of strained. "Can we please just talk about volleyball?" His dad merely chuckled.
"Jeongguk, I'm messing with you. It just makes me happy you found someone to spend time with," He let out a hearty laugh much to the embarrassment of his own son. "Taehyung's a really good person."
"He is," Jeongguk agreed, still refusing to meet his dad's stare unless he wanted to disintegrate into a puddle right then and there. "He really is."
He softened at the mere idea of him, and he found it humoring how easy it was to picture his face in his mind. It made sense, for he memorized every inch of Taehyung's body and his features so he could picture him any time he want if he missed him.
There was just something about seeing the little box of happiness on his lips that brightened up any room and erased every single one of his stresses. It was the way his mere presence made everything feel okay.
In the end, things would be okay, and one look at Taehyung reminded him that after everything, things will resolve. Things would make sense.
Taehyung thought it was dumb at first when he told him so while the two were tangled in the bed sheets back in Jeongguk's room. He was butt-naked, on his stomach, while Jeongguk leaned on his side, tracing his finger down the dimples on his back mindlessly.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" Taehyung asked, curiousity flashing in his narrowed eyes while he twirled a strand of Jeongguk's hair around his index.
"M'just trying to remember you," Jeongguk said, smiling lazily up at the older. "Can I not keep you as a memory in my mind?"
"Gguk, that's dumb. I'm right here. I'll never be a memory you look back on," Taehyung snorted, swatting his shoulder. "We'll be making memories together, not apart."
"That's sappy," He chuckled, a soft smile blossoming over his lips. "But I wanna keep you in my head just in case."
"Why? Are you breaking up with me already?" The older teased, resting his hand over Jeongguk's chest.
"Never," Jeongguk leaned up, pressing a kiss to his lips, feeling his smile against his own. "I just wanna treasure you, bun. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"I also heard you took him home. Are you two really that serious?" His dad's words snapped him out of his thoughts, and it took him a moment to realize his father was speaking to him this entire time.
Jeongguk blinked, "Um, yeah. We're serious about it." His dad's eyes widened, what seemed like a mix of genuine happiness and shock filtering through his aged features.
"That's amazing. I'm happy if you're happy son. You chose well," Mr. Jeon smiled brightly, shutting his file closed. "In that case, to make you happier, I want to let you know that I sent your applications out a bit back."
"You did what?!" Jeongguk shot up in his seat, clutching the sides of his chair. He did not do that. This had to be some joke?
"Sent it all around. You're quite the popular student. Colleges all over Korea and some overseas want to have you," His father nodded proudly. "I know you want to stay in Seoul, but there's some good colleges in Japan if you're going to play for them."
"Japan?" He asked, brow furrowing as he sank back into his chair, the excitement in his heart thrashing around his chest, but for some reason this didn't feel too good. "What do you mean?"
"They want you to leave for Japan right the day after graduation."
"W-what?" Jeongguk froze, suddenly feeling like a weight just slammed down on his shoulders, forcing him to his chair.
"Oh? I thought you knew that the Japan team wants you to live there. They're more than happy to have you, so they requested me to ask you this," Mr. Jeon's enthusiasm drifted off when he realized his son was slumped in his seat.
"Is that not what you want?" His father asked, but Jeongguk after some time, he shook his head. He slowly peered up at his father, lips pressed tight, and throat suddenly closing shut.
"It's what I always wanted," Jeongguk murmured truthfully, vowels wobbling off his tongue. "T-That was my dream." But why didn't he sound happy?
"Oh son, is this about Taehyung? This opportunity is a once in a life time, and I'm sure he would get it. It's your career, and Taehyung's the first of many. You will find someone when you settle—,"
"—Dad, he's not just another person," He cut him off, inhaling sharply as he tried to get a grip of himself. He curled his fingers into fists, letting them drop into his lap like paper weights.
"Jeongguk, I'm just saying," His father retorted. "You are young and good looking and smart. This boyfriend of yours is the first of many. You have the rest of your life to find someone permanent—,"
"— He's not just some temporary fling," Jeongguk's voice trembled as he struggled to meet the older man's stare. "He's so much more than that."
"Jeongguk, you're only seventeen. It's teenage infatuation."
"No," Jeongguk whispered, chest hollowed, his heartbeat merely static in his ears. "I know I have my whole future on the line. I already know everything."
Then why haven't you made the choice? He closed his eyes, unable to swallow the lump forming in his throat. Why didn't you make the choice if you know what it is?
"Then why aren't you jumping on this opportunity?" His dad asked, pressing further. "This is all you ever wanted, son. This is what you worked for! Don't tell me you're throwing it away—,"
"—I'm not throwing it away!" Jeongguk suddenly snapped, sitting up straight in his chair.
His jaw clenched, realizing what he had just done, how wrong that was of him. He steadily sank back into his seat, watching his father's expression fade into something unreadable. Fuck, he messed up.
"Jeon Jeongguk, I don't want you to throw your life away for a boy. I understand that he means a lot to you, and that maybe you might love him, but you shouldn't hold eachother back," His dad's tone was surprisingly soft, gentle even.
"Look what it did to your mother. I made her miserable, holding her back," He murmured. "I don't want you to miss out on something."
"I know dad," Jeongguk sighed unevenly, running his shaking palms down his face. He leaned forward, face covered as he tried to calm his breathing.
"If you love someone enough—,"
"— You'll want them happy even if it isn't with you. I know," He whispered half-heartedly, glancing up from his trembling hands. "But Dad, what if I'm not happy?"
"Well that's just love, son. Nobody wins. Everybody loses at one point. And if you want my opinion, I say let them go unless you're willing to work for it," His dad said. "It can work, but it's better to end things before they crash and burn."
But that's not fair, he wanted to scream, to shout, and tell him. That's not fair you're making me choose. He wanted to fight back, to tell him he was so fucking wrong, and yet he couldn't because he was right. Painfully right.
Because he had to choose, and whatever decision he made would hurt everyone and everything.
Fuck, he didn't want to choose. He didn't want to make the decision, knowing Taehyung would be broken if he left, and there was no way he could live with himself if he was the one who put out the brightness in Taehyung's features.
And there was no way he could live if he threw away his volleyball dream.
"Dad, I really...," Jeongguk's voice drifted off, the words stuck in the hollow of his throat as he tried to fight the burning in his eyes. "H-He's so important to me." He whispered weakly.
"I know he is," The older man replied quietly.
"I don't want to lose him. I c-can't."
"I know, son. But whatever happens, I'll support you," His dad murmured, "and I know it's hard, but this is your future. Think about it some more, yeah? You got those training camps next month to help you decide." He nodded numbly.
"M'sorry it has to be this way Jeongguk," He sighed.
Me too, Jeongguk thought, slouching forward in his chair as he scrambled to put at least one coherent thought together in his mind but failing every time, for the words in his head slipped past his hands and broke apart.
They clumped together, creating this confusion that left him torn in half. His eyes stung, burning faintly as he blinked rapidly, trying to keep himself together in the presence of his father.
Fuck, this shouldn't be so hard, and yet, here he was, making the decision that could end everything.
But he realized there was still time, and there was a chance he could have both. Yes, he could have both, but the more he told himself he could, the less he believed his own words.
♡♡♡
♡♡♡
"Why are you here and not on some hot date?" Jae shoved Jeongguk gently to the side, making space on Yugyeom's single bed for the both of them before bringing his feet up and crossing his legs.
Honestly I don't know either, Jeongguk wanted to say but he couldn't bring himself to speak unless he wanted to burst into ugly, frustrated tears. It really wasn't an option, so he kept his mouth shut.
"He came to our door an hour ago," Yugyeom said, leaning against San as the duo were on the floor, playing videogames on the tv they managed to shove into their dorm.
"He hasn't told us a thing, so we gave him banana milk, wrapped him in warm blankets, and we let him mope," San waved his controller at the bundle-shaped Jeongguk.
"Poor guy looked like a lost bunny."
"Jeongguk, if something's wrong, why didn't you go to Tae?" Jae asked him, nudging his side. "You never come to us like this, and you know that."
"Jae, just let him be," Yugyeom said with a sigh. "We tried to get him to open up but he won't budge."
"If he wants to drown his sorrows in banana milk, let him! We all cope somehow."
"I think if he wants to talk about it— fuck you Gyeom! Eat my ass you little shit nugget!" All three boys stared at San, genuine concern mirroring in their confused stares. San chuckled awkwardly.
"Sorry. We're playing mario kart," He gulped, gesturing at the screen in front of them. Jae merely raised an eyebrow at his cousin, and San simply ignored him, returning back to the game.
"What San meant was that we let him be," Yugyeom finished for him, averting his attention back to the screen.
"We're here when he needs us."
"Well that is a shit plan," Jae mumbled beside Jeongguk, leaning back against the wall as he fixed his stare at the two idiots playing videogames.
"You do know we can talk right?" He turned toward the older, expression still as his gaze met Jae's. "I know I'm no Taehyung. I don't know you like he does..."
"But I'll give it my best shot if you let me."
Jeongguk studied the older, teeth biting down on his lips, picking at the skin. Jae wasn't really one to have his emotions (or his heart) out on his sleeve, and his usual accessory was the typical frown that the three of them found very endearing in his own edgy Jae way.
But this time, the frown he wore was different, and he wasn't just saying that. Jae's brows were drawn together, and there, in his usually unbothered eyes was a flicker of concern— worry, even.
It was rare coming from Jae, who pretended like nothing ever bothered him.
Or well, until now, and Jeongguk supposed he could try. It wasn't Taehyung, but he would try. It wasn't like he was able to face him anytime soon without struggling to breathe properly but not in a good way.
Being suffocated around Taehyung was the last thing he wanted to happen.
He jutted his chin over at San and Yugyeom, hoping Jae got the idea, and luckily he did. Jae forcefully threw a pillow at Yugyeom's head, sending the poor guy toppling forward.
The blonde turned around to shout a profanity at him until Jae gave him a death glare, causing the curse to die on his tongue.
"You could've just asked," Yugyeom grumbled softly. "You're like a scary, evil vampire, Jae-hyung." The oldest rolled his eyes.
"Scram, losers," Jae lifted another pillow to chuck at San's direction, and thankfully the two got up and understood. Yugyeom nodded toward Jeongguk, even patting his shoulder as he ushered San out.
"When you're happy, I'll challenge you to a game of mario kart, alright?" San said before Yugyeom tried to push him out the door.
"Challenge him later. Let me take you to the coffee shop downstairs," Yugyeom grabbed the boy by the shoulders, forcing him through the door. "We'll be back."
"Yes indeed! I'll be back, caffeinated, and it'll be your turn to be destroyed at the hands of Choi San!"
"C'mon you little munchkin," Yugyeom spared an apologetic look at Jae and San, finally getting him past the door. "Feel better Gguk!" He called over his shoulder, hand on the door handle.
Jeongguk nodded, a smile twitching on his lips before he bit it back, averting his gaze to his lap. Leave it to Yugyeom and San to make things feel okay for even just a second.
Eventually, the chatter and complaints died away, and the screams of San threatening to barrel roll into Yugyeom ended. The dorm surprisingly fell silent, leaving them both alone. Jeongguk inhaled shakily, leaning back into the wall, fingers digging into the blankets wrapped around his shoulders.
"So, are you gonna tell me why you're avoiding your boyfriend?" Jae asked, drumming his fingers over his thigh. "We could start there."
"And I know it's not because of bad sex 'cuz you talk about him banging you to another intergalactic dimension all the time."
"Was that really necessary?" Jeongguk croaked, smacking Jae's shoulder as he felt that familiar flame brush over his cheeks.
"It got a response out of you, so yeah," Jae smirked smugly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Are you gonna tell me or not? We got all the time, and if you don't, I must result to torture."
"You wouldn't," Jeongguk snorted. Jae rolled his eyes.
"Oh yes I would. I'm a scary vampire who has lived a thousand years with my own torture chamber. Be my guest and be my next victim," Jae said sarcastically, even snorting lightly when the younger gave him an unamused look.
"What? I'm trying to be funny," The older raised his hands up in defense, a chuckle slipping past his lips.
"You sound morbid," He murmured, unable to fight back the little grin fluttering on his lips. "And you don't have to torture me. I was just gonna tell you I was talking to my dad about volleyball."
"Ooh the sport where you hit a ball around really hard, shout, and slam it to the ground," Jae nodded, ignoring the eyeroll Jeongguk gave him. "Is it about the Japan thing though?"
"Bingo," Jeongguk nodded, shoulders slumping the second his ears picked up Japan. "My dad told me sent all my college applications, and apparently I got some opportunities in Japan."
"That sounds... oh shit. Is this what this is about? You have to choose between volleyball and your little lover boy?" Again, the younger nodded. Jae sighed softly, shifting so that his hands were between his legs.
"I thought I knew what I wanted, but then I met him. I met Taehyung," Jeongguk whispered, staring at his palms as though he was searching for the answer he desperately needed, and yet there wasn't one.
"I had it all figured out. I denied my friend over the summer who had feelings for me so I could focus on volleyball. I spent every second I could on it to get where I am," He murmured softly, letting his eyes fall shut.
"Volleyball is my dream, Jae. It's my life."
"But what about Taehyung?" Jae asked, and fuck, Jeongguk was ready to tell him every reason why he appreciated him, wanted him, and couldn't stand a second without him by his side.
But he simplified it, instead saying, "He's the best part of my life." And that seemed to be enough for Jae, for he hummed along, nodding at every word.
"Have you two talked about it?" This time, he shook his head. Jae tsked. "You dumbass, you need to talk about it. If you don't talk about things—,"
"— I know. Trust me, I know," Jeongguk ran a hand down his face, wanting to erase himself for how fucking conflicted he felt. "I know, but I don't know."
"This is a hard decision," Jae said smoothly. No shit. "But it's not impossible. You can make a choice that either caters to all you want, or you just choose one or the other, which I'm sure you don't want."
"Exactly," Jeongguk shoved his fingers through his hair, slightly tugging at his scap, wincing at the dull ache in the back of his skull.
"It's either Taehyung, or volleyball, and people are telling me both won't even work."
"Why are you letting them tell you what to do?" Jae raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't listen to them. This is all between Taehyung and you. They shouldn't even matter." He wished it was that easy.
"But what if they're right?" He retorted back, grasping at a fistful of locks. "If I choose Tae, and all my hardwork is gone. If I choose volleyball, the best thing that's ever happened to me will leave."
And I don't want him to, he didn't say, but the both of them knew what he truly meant.
"Jeongguk, I can't tell you what decision to make," Jae stressed. "I can give you my input, but in the end, this is your decision." He watched as the younger deflated beside him.
"But, what I think, is that you shouldn't have to choose if you really love both. You can make it work, but it will be hard since you'll be gone a lot. It's not impossible. It's there, but it's not easy either," Jae explained, his hands moving along with his every word.
"You can try it, but you have to talk to Taehyung. You can't cancel on him, and you can't hide from him, alright?" The older sighed, his fingers grabbing onto his shoulder, squeezing him.
"You two are together— boyfriends. You're not two individuals anymore," Jae whispered. "There's so much more to consider and you need to talk it out to figure this out."
"W-what if I fuck up?" Jeongguk asked, voice slightly cracking as he forced himself to meet the older's surprisingly gentle stare. Jae squeezed his shoulder harder.
"Then you fuck up, Gguk. We all fuck up, and it all matters on the way we handle those fuck-ups," Jae murmured. "We create damage and we fix damage. It's who we are, and we won't learn unless we fuck up and own up to those mistakes."
"I don't want to make a mistake, hyung," Jeongguk shook his head, his bottom lip beginning to tremble. "This i-isn't some life lesson. This is Taehyung, and my career. I-I'm losing something either choice I make, and I-I don't want to."
"I-I don't know how to handle this," He continued, stumbling over his words as his throat suddenly began to swell shut once more.
"M'scared, Jae. I-I don't want to fuck up."
I don't want to lose Taehyung.
But even so, deep down he knew he didn't want to lose volleyball either. He dreaded the idea of tossing aside an opportunity he spent years working hard for in order to achieve his dream, and yet, part of him hated the idea of it if it meant losing Taehyung.
God, this was complicated, but there was no where in him that ever regretted involving himself with Taehyung. If he didn't, he couldn't imagine where he would be, or what he would do.
He was on the verge of losing his mind, losing his purpose, until he met him. Until he enchanted him with his stupid puns and dad jokes, won him over with his dorky smile, his personality, and being the only thing besides volleyball to hold his heart.
He loved volleyball ever since his mother showed him how to play, but the way he felt for Taehyung wasn't enough for a small, overly-used four-letter word. No word could possibly contain the same amount of care he had for him.
Sure, he was young and his experience with all of these types of things weren't as finessed, but one look at Taehyung and he knew. He knew this was his always, his person, his best friend, and the boy that won him over since the start.
That should have been it— the deal breaker— but it wasn't. What was holding him back?
Jae merely sighed, throwing his arms around the younger and pulling him close. It was a bit awkward, for Jae wasn't really one for expressing his love with skinship, and Jeongguk felt a little odd being caged in his bony arms, but neither of them said a word.
While it might have been awkward as hell, Jeongguk appreciated it.
"I can't promise you that you won't fuck up, and it's scary. I get that," Jae murmured, leaning his head against Jeongguk's.
"But you should give this more time. You're clearly not ready for anything."
"Eventually I have to choose though," Jeongguk mumbled, feeling the older awkwardly rub his hand up and down his back. He gently nudged his stomach, which made Jae exhale in relief and went back to just simply holding him.
"Yeah, and I'll support whatever you choose. I'm sure Taehyung will too," Jae patted his shoulder. "It will all make sense in the end, Gguk."
"Hopefully," He inhaled shakily, trying to believe his own words. "Thank you," He added, swallowing back the worry clogging his throat and forcing a weak smile onto his lips.
"It's nothing," Jae patted his back gently, the edge of his lip tugged upwards. "Everything will work out if you put your mind to it. Now go to your boyfriend. I can feel Yugyeom and San's presence outside." He chuckled lightly, pushing Jeongguk off the bed.
"How can you do that?" He found himself giggling, pushing back at Jae but nonetheless, getting to his feet as he tossed the blanket back at him. Jae simply shrugged.
"The vibrate on strong frequencies of dumbassery," Jae said, and that was enough of an explaination.
Before Jeongguk could reply, the door burst open, and there stood Yugyeom and San holding bags of pastries and sipping what looked to be iced coffee. They eyed one another and back at Jeongguk and Jae, who seemed equally amused.
"Is Jeongguk leaving?" Yugyeom asked, pointing his straw toward him. Jeongguk nodded, walking over to where the two stood and patting each of their shoulders.
"He's gonna see his boyfriend," Jae teased, earning an eyeroll from Jeongguk, though deep down both of them knew he didn't mean it.
"So you're choosing dick over us? Mario kart?" San asked, to which Jeongguk let out a laugh at— one that wasn't at all forced, and finally he felt like he was breathing even if it was for a moment.
"I'll see you guys later," Jeongguk eventually said, before waving goodbye to the boys and heading out to go back to where his home was.
"Did he come to a decision?" Yugyeom asked, crashing beside Jae on the bed while San went back to play some mario kart.
"Nope," Jae said, crossing his arms. "Nowhere close to a decision, but I have a feeling he's going to take a while."
"We all know he doesn't have a while. The school year's ending, and we're all graduating," San called over his shoulder. "It's either volleyball or Tae."
"We all know they can't make both work," San said in a matter of fact way.
"Long distance is rough on a lot of people."
"Talk about having faith in them," Jae grumbled, chuckling a pillow at his cousin, who managed to dodge it. He turned to Yugyeom, who flinched, holding his arms up to defend himself.
"I didn't say anything!" Yugyeom defended, "and if you ask me, I kinda want them to stay together. We all know it's not just some teenage love thing. Gguk's world spins for Taehyung."
"Well you got a point," San piped up. "But if his world spins for him, wouldn't he have chosen him already?"
"Yeah, but then there's volleyball. Jeongguk's been playing for years. He just met Taehyung a couple months ago," Yugyeom sighed, slouching when he realized this wasn't as easy as he thought.
"This sucks man," Yugyeom cried out, sadly drinking from his straw. "I want them to work out!"
"Me too," San agreed, staring down at his lap. "They give me a reason to believe in love." He pouted.
"You guys," Jae sighed, shaking his head. "We gotta support Jeongguk no matter what. We're his friends, so whatever he chooses, we back up."
"Why do you sound so sure?" Yugyeom grumbled.
"Because," Jae said, "I have an idea of what he's going to do. M'not gonna say—,"
"—Well you gotta say it now!" San said, turning over to look at them both. "You can't be all Mr. Brooding and not tell us shit after you declare it!"
"I was not brooding."
"Yeah you were. Jae, you're the defintion of an edgy e-boy on tiktok who posts videos of them with their LEDs lipsyncing to some depressing audio."
"That's very descriptive," Jae raised an eyebrow at his cousin. "Should I be concerned?"
"Just tell us what you're thinking!" Yugyeom cut them both off. "Please," He added, and soon enough, Jae gulped, giving in.
"Fine," Jae whispered. The two others sat up, listening to him closely, quietly.
"The thing about Jeongguk," Jae murmured softly, scratching the side of his neck. "Is that while he lives and breathes for Taehyung, his heart beats for volleyball. Volleyball has been a part of him since the beginning— it's his life line."
"So what are you saying?" Yugyeom asked, the skin between his brows creasing. Jae shrugged, a tired sigh escaping past his lips.
"It's either he chooses the thing that gives him life, or the one that makes him feel life is worth living."
"And what do you think he will choose?" San whispered softly, his voice almost drowned out by the sound of the television.
Neither one of them said a thing, dreading to accept that they already knew his choice. It was obvious.
"Volleyball," Jae croaked, words breaking apart, unable to hold together. "It's going to be volleyball."
♡♡♡
"You're finally back," Taehyung leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest when he noticed the younger slide inside from behind the door.
He glanced up at him, their gazes meeting, and from there, Taehyung flashed him a small smile. He slowly started toward him, walking to his boyfriend, oblivious to the way Jeongguk tensed when he finally approached him.
He reached out, his hands sliding up Jeongguk's arms and over his shoulders before sitting on the junction where his neck met his collarbones. The older stared right at him, smile struggling to hold before he pulled him close.
"I missed you today," Taehyung murmured, and that was true. He would have said he was lonely, but he wasn't.
Lately, when Jeongguk was busy doing whatever he needed to do, he spent his time with his friends. On the days Jin and Hoseok were free, they spent their time together and hung around, watching movies, or eating food until they were stuffed.
But other times when they were too busy, he spent that time with Jimin.
He honestly didn't think it would have worked out, for he was still a bit skeptical of Jimin's sudden change of heart. He wasn't stupid; he wasn't going to forget that easily what the older did to him.
Although, the lunches he shared with Jimin when Jeongguk was AWOL happened to lighten up his mood when missing Jeongguk made him frown more often and become all whiny and sad. It was odd, but it Taehyung liked his company.
They ate in the cafeteria, and every day they had something new to talk about. Sometimes it was about volleyball and school, and other times it was the basic conversation starters.
Favorite colors, memories, food, comics, songs— the gist of getting to know someone. In that time, no conversation went boring, and those moments reminded him of the summer before all of this happened.
The way Jimin threw himself onto the nearest object when he laughed, how his eyes turned into little half moons, and the way his laughter was so contagious it ended up making Taehyung burst into his own.
He somehow forgot about time around Jimin, and he supposed that was what good company did. They ate and talked about everything and nothing, and then the nostalgia he once missed became a moment he guessed he appreciated.
But nothing beat the times he spent with Jeongguk.
There was nothing left in his heart for Jimin anymore.
"I missed you too," Jeongguk replied after what seemed like forever, his soft and gentle as his hands found their special place on his waist.
"How was your day?" He asked, cupping his jaw with his palms, reveling in the way Jeongguk's fingers dug into his hips as if he let go, he would lose him.
"Tiring. How was yours?" Jeongguk leaned forward, his nose brushed against the side of Taehyung's cheek. Taehyung simply hummed.
He wasn't going to tell him about Jimin just yet, for he wasn't sure how he would react. They never talked about him, but from what Jimin told him was that they had a nasty fall-out. It explained why he was quiet for a week, but other than that, he didn't know anything about their relationship.
Made him wonder what else Jeongguk was hiding from him, to be honest.
But he pushed all those thoughts aside for later, focusing on the fact Jeongguk was here now! In front of him! Finally touching him!
"It was okay. Boring without you though. You missed the entire half of the school day," Taehyung said, feeling the younger trail his lips over his jaw.
"My dad wanted to speak to me, and I had a meeting with the Japan coaches," Jeongguk explained to him, warm breath tickling his cheek. "M'sorry, Specs"
"Don't be. You're busy, and I'll be busy too, so you won't have to worry!" He said, letting his eyes fall shut as the younger's lips drifted down the expanse of his neck.
"Busy? Why's that?" Jeongguk asked, mumbling against his throat. Taehyung shivered, hands finding purchase on his shoulders when he nipped at the skin, teasing it between his teeth.
"End of the school year shit. Have to plan the dances, graduation, and get stuff for the incoming freshman. I have college stuff to sort out," He said, gripping Jeongguk's shoulders harder.
"So we won't see each other anymore?" Jeongguk pulled back, his brows creased. Taehyung lifted an eyebrow at him.
"What makes you say that?" Taehyung lightly punched his chest. "You're being weird. Of course we'll see each other. We'll make time."
"Right, we'll make time," Jeongguk repeated, and for some reason he sounded detached, distant, but before Taehyung could reply he was kissing him.
He couldn't think when Jeongguk's lips were on his, moving fluently over his own, slowly, carefully as he seemed to kiss him with this sort of hesitation the older wasn't quite sure whether it was a figment of his overthinking tendancies. But he casted it aside, pulling him closer, eager to taste more.
God, he missed Jeongguk. Missed his warm musk that intermingled with his detergent that made his clothes smell all fresh and wonderful. He missed the warmth of his mouth against his own, the softness, and his mere presence that released this particular burst of happiness throughout his system.
It hadn't been long since they had last spoken, but he supposed things felt a little altered since Jeongguk cancelled their date tonight for the first time.
Hopefully it wouldn't happen again, but seeing that they were busy, he might as well prepare himself.
"Wanna eat first?" Taehyung asked, pulling away for some air, his forehead leaning against Jeongguk's.
"Why eat when I have you?" Jeongguk teased, and there, that sparkle. It was there, and Taehyung felt his chest ease having that sort of comfort.
"You're horny already?" He giggled, flicking his boyfriend's chin (he would never get tired of calling him that).
"Can't even wait an hour?"
"I waited all day, baby," Jeongguk muttered, leaning forward and quickly working his way back to his neck, teasing the skin with his teeth before suckling love bites in their wake.
Taehyung's eyes fell shut, a low, throaty rumble vibrating in his throat as Jeongguk sucked harshly on the bare flesh before swiping his tongue over the blossoming hickey. He tilted his head back, sighing while he fiddled with Jeongguk's collar.
"Take me to your room then," Taehyung whispered, acting on whatever this hot twisting feeling in his stomach was. Jeongguk nodded, and swiftly, he scooped him up, carrying him like he weighed nothing.
Jeongguk kissed him on the way, completely engrossed and relying on mere memory to make it to Jeongguk's bedroom. This time it was eager, more passionate, messy even, for their noses bumped and edges of their teeth clinked.
He kissed him like he was trying to erase his memory, make him forget everything unless it was Jeongguk. Then all his thoughts would be just him, and that he didn't complain about.
It was all hasty, fast-paced, lust-driven, though Taehyung didn't see anything wrong with it. Clothes were quickly discarded, hands grabbed at whatever they could, touching, feeling, sliding over smooth expanse of skin. Lips danced and tongues clashed in a frenzy of want and need.
Jeongguk hadn't said a word even when Taehyung was naked beneath him, moans tumbling from his lips onto the pillow as the younger fucked into his prostate from behind. He gasped, clawing at the sheets, pushing his hips back to meet every thrust.
Usually by now, Jeongguk would say something, would tell him he was beautiful, or at least crack some sort of joke to ruin the mood before picking it back up together again.
But this Jeongguk was oddly quiet except for the occasional grunt when he snapped his hips, plunging further into his boyfriend in order to pleasure him properly.
Clearly, something was on his mind when Taehyung glanced at him over his shoulder. It held Jeongguk in this fog, and there, the stars in his eyes were harder to see. Taehyung bit down on his lip, turning back to his pillow, hoping this was all in his head.
Of course, the sex never failed to be amazing, and when they came, Jeongguk got up to clean up silent yet again. Even when he cleaned him up of their cum and Jeongguk pressed his naked body into the slot behind Taehyung, not a single word was exchanged.
It was weird, and maybe he supposed Jeongguk was tired today. Something had to be on his mind; it was obvious when Taehyung shifted around to face him.
Jeongguk was staring off into space, seemingly not in the same place Taehyung was. Brows creasing, he lifted his hand up to his boyfriend's cheek, heart jolting when Jeongguk blinked, snapping out of his daze.
"Are you alright? You're awfully quiet tonight," Taehyung brushed aside his sweaty locks behind his ear, concern lacing his vowels.
"Just thinking," Jeongguk muttered, leaning into his touch. At least there was that.
"If you weren't in the mood, you could have let me take care of you," He whispered, stroking his cheek, fingers running down the curve of his jaw.
"Is there something you wanna talk about?"
Something shifts over Jeongguk's features, and what looked like a grimace made Taehyung's heart clench. He scooted closer, warm body pressing against his beneath the cover of Jeongguk's duvet as he used both of his hands to capture Jeongguk's face in his palms.
"You can tell me," Taehyung murmured, smiling softly at the younger, whose gaze flitted over to meet his own. "I'll listen."
"I had a talk with my dad," Jeongguk started, and finally, Taehyung could release his breath. So it wasn't something he did wrong. Good to know.
"We were discussing stuff about me joining the Japan team and all of that," He explained, voice wavering ever so slightly that Taehyung almost missed it.
"They want me right away."
"And what do you mean by right away?" Taehyung asked. Jeongguk inhaled sharply, reaching up and placing his hand over the older's.
"I'm going to be more busy, Tae," Jeongguk cleared his throat. "More trips to Japan. More camps. More hours spent at practice." Upon hearing those words, the smile Taehyung wore slipped from his lips.
"So what are you trying to say?" He asked quietly, hands on Jeongguk's jaw falling limp.
"I'm not saying anything bad, Tae," The younger murmured. "I'm just saying that I'm going to be more busy, and we need to figure out what we're going to do."
"So you're leaving me?"
"Taehyung," Jeongguk started, but the older cut him off.
"Breaking up isn't an option," He breathed, the words falling out of his mouth before he could shove them back in with the rest of his thoughts. But it was already too late, and Jeongguk's hand retreated to his side.
"Never said we were going to break up," Jeongguk said, and there, in his eyes, hurt glowed faintly in the pools of dark brown.
"I told you I'd never break up with you."
It was already too late. Panic was already seizing his throat, making his lungs tight and his heart race faster in his squeezing chest. Taehyung swallowed, nodding dumbly, but it was then did he pull back from him, staring at the space of sheets between them.
"Hear me out," Jeongguk whispered, though his voice was muted over the rush of blood in the older's ears. "I just wanted to let you know okay?"
"Yeah, I know. I hear you," Taehyung lied. He couldn't hear him. All of it was static in his ears; a white noise he couldn't stop.
"M'not trying to imply anything bad, but this is my chance. I worked hard for this," He said softly, trying to reason withhim. "This is my dream."
You're my dream. Jeongguk said a bit ago, hugging him while the two of them were beneath a tree in the courtyard, studying together since the weather was decent. I dream about you all the time.
Funny how those words suddenly came to mind, crushing him even though they probably held no significant meaning.
Volleyball was Jeongguk's everything— Taehyung knew he could never compare to something that made up the entirety of his life when he was just a replaceable part.
He shouldn't be this hurt; did he even have the right to be hurt? He even knew this all along, that one day Jeongguk would leave because he could never be enough. It was pathetic comparing himself to a sport, but it was the truth.
Jeongguk cared more about volleyball than anything else. It would be foolish of him to even think he would ever come close.
In fact, Jeongguk probably never loved him. He could just be saying it without meaning it. People did that all the time, right? Right? Love was overused, and nowadays it was tossed around, the meaning losing significance with every careless usage.
Did people even love anymore? Or was it just a word to make them feel better about themselves? A word that was now just another empty promise?
"Taehyung, please," Jeongguk started when the older pushed himself up with his arms, now sitting as his shoulders trembled, hands grabbing fistfuls of sheets.
"N-no, it's okay," Taehyung whispered, unable to hear himself. "I get it. You have volleyball. I know it's your priority and—,"
"— Don't talk like that Tae. Don't be like this," The younger propped himself up on his elbows. "You know how I feel about you too."
Taehyung stiffened, and before he could stop himself he whispered, "Do I though?"
"Stop," Jeongguk reached out to grab his wrist, but the older pulled himself away, shaking his head as he tried to fight the walls behind his eyes from breaking and releasing dreaded tears.
"No, I-It's fine. I-I expected this anyways. Y-you go do what you feel is more important," He rambled, unable to stop himself shaking his head as his fingers gripped the sheets until his knuckles were white.
"It's clear what you really want."
"Taehyung, let me talk," Jeongguk was now sitting up, his voice firmer, and he wasn't so sure if he was imagining the irritance in his words.
"We don't need to talk," Taehyung whispered. "We know the answers, and you know that."
"Taehyung—,"
"— Don't. I get it. I do," The older exhaled shakily, breathing quickening. "Volleyball is more important than me. I get it. I've always known that."
"You can't just say that," Jeongguk stressed. "Tae, you don't—,"
"— I love you." He blurted out without thinking.
"Y-You what?" Jeongguk blinked, the tension from his voice fading along with his words as the sentence became a mere whisper on his tongue.
"I love you," Taehyung murmured, unable to meet the younger's questioning stare. "There, now you know how I feel about you."
Jeongguk didn't say anything, and the longer he waited, the more it felt like his heart was being torn to shreds. To think if he blurted it out all of a sudden and just said it, he would say it back.
To think if he just put it out there, Jeongguk would tell him, and he didn't.
Jeongguk didn't love him.
"You don't know how I feel about you," Jeongguk started, but the older scoffed. "You're not letting me tell you, Tae. And don't throw that word around so carelessly like that." Ouch.
"I'm not ready for that, Tae."
"Then when will you be?" He snapped bitterly, the sadness that enclosed around his throat injecting him with this bitterness, frustration even.
"What else are you not gonna tell me?"
"Where is this coming from. I'm not hiding stuff from you," Jeongguk whispered. Liar. You liar.
"Sure," Taehyung wiped at his eyes, blinking back the tears as he grabbed the thin blanket and wrapped it around himself before facing away from the younger. "Sure you aren't."
"I don't want to fight you."
"I don't either," He whispered, lying down on his side, facing the wall so Jeongguk didn't have to see the silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Then why are we fighting?" Jeongguk murmured. "I don't like this."
"Me either," Taehyung wiped at his eyes.
"I'm sorry Taehyung. I can't fight you," the younger said, but he didn't answer.
Instead he willed his eyes clothes, focusing on controlling his breath because god, he felt like he was going to die every second his lungs cried out for oxygen.
Jeongguk didn't say anything more, and the bed beside him was still heavy, so at least he didn't leave. But as Taehyung lied there, hugging his naked body tight, sniffling ever so softly while hot tears fell down his cheeks and onto his pillow, he was in pain.
Nobody ever prepared him for this type of pain. No scrape, or jammed toe, or broken bone could ever compare to the way his heart felt like it was torn out of his chest and stomped all over.
No parent could ever prepare their kid for the feeling of a heart breaking until it hit them when they least expect it.
Nobody told him even a crack would hurt this much.
But of course, he kept quiet, not having the energy to fight anymore. After all, Jeongguk didn't want to fight for him, so what was left to do?
If Jeongguk didn't want to fight, maybe he shouldn't want to either.
♡♡♡
who's side are you on👀👀