Yoongi sits leant up against the mirror, his water bottle clasped in his hand, staring off at the polished concrete floor with a frown. He tries to catch his breath and stop them coming out as pants, but it's practically impossible with how hard his heart is beating. They'd finally concluded their dance practice after ten hours or so and yoongi was vying to head to the studio, but he was too tired to move much at the minute. He looks around the room and feels a little bit better when he sees Hoseok lying on the floor like a starfish, panting just as heavily as yoongi was. The rest are scattered around the room either leaning over their knees, collapsed on the floor or crouching with a water bottle against a wall. This was normally how their practices ended.
Yoongi takes another gulp of his water, trying to ignore the feeling of his freshly cracked phone pressed against his back pocket. He hoped if he ignored everything enough it would all just disappear. Wishful Thinking.
"Heading to the studio?"
Yoongi looks up from studying the floor to see Jimin standing over him, sweaty bangs hanging over his eyes and face in flusters of red and pink.
"Yeah," he answers, looking back down, not trusting himself to not stare at the drop of sweat falling down Jimins Adam's apple. "Staying here?"
"Might head to the gym," Jimin replies in a grunt as he sits down beside yoongi to lean himself against the mirror. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come with, but if you're going to the studio then don't worry about it,"
Yoongi looks up to guiltily meet Jimins eyes, he knew the younger didn't like working out alone. "Sorry, I really need to work on my tracks,"
"That's okay," Jimin smiles assuredly. "I'll just convince jeonggukie to go with instead, or I'll bribe tae or something,"
"He really likes the cookies in the vending machine, if you need bribe material," yoongi suggests.
Jimin laughs, wind chimes dance through the air again and yoongi has to fight to keep the smile off his face. "Thanks hyung," jimin giggles. "thats perfect, there's no way he'll refuse with that on the table,"
Yoongi laughs a little at Jimins blatant sarcasm, but it trails off just as quickly as it leaves his lips. He was exhausted and frustrated and every other synonym for wanting to fall asleep and never wake up. Jimin was a nice reprieve from it all, but it couldn't last forever.
"I suppose I should go now," yoongi grunts, standing up and stretching. He looks down at Jimin who stares back at him with big doe eyes. "Go convince tae, I believe in you. Fighting~"
Jimin laughs and stands up, "I'll try, have fun in the studio," he answers before turning and jogging towards taehyung who was lying face down on the floor in a way that which yoongi would normally be concerned about, if it weren't for his rapidly rising up and down back, that proved to yoongi that yes, the boy was in fact breathing and wasn't attempting to suffocate himself against cold concrete flooring. Which yoongi had imagined doing to himself only minutes prior.
Yoongi grabs his duffel bag and swings it over his shoulder, heading towards the door but stops just before he gets to it as Namjoon pushes off the wall and meets him halfway.
"Is it okay if I send you some mixes later tonight, for you to look over for me? It'd be a massive help, I think I'm having trouble cause I need another perspective," Namjoon asks, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Of course joon, you don't even have to ask," Yoongi says, patting the taller man on the shoulder.
"Thanks, hyung," Namjoon says gratefully, yoongi feels his shoulder sag beneath his touch. "Oh, and who was that on the phone earlier? You looked bothered when you came back in,"
Yoongi removes his hand from namjoons shoulder and shrugs. "Donno, some random person. I'll see you later."
Yoongi doesn't give Namjoon a chance to answer as he brushes past him and straight out the door. Doesn't even look at him to see if his lie is believed before he's marching down the hall towards his studio. Yoongi puts in his password and the door dings open, he lets it slam behind him as he drops his duffel onto the couch and collapses into his desk chair, face falling into his hands.
"Stupid stupid stupid," he chants, punctuating each word with a bat to his forehead. Yoongi sighs and rubs his eyes before standing again and going through the familiar routine of taking out his clean shirt from his duffel and changing, like he did after every practice. Sitting in sweaty and stinky clothing for hours wasn't on yoongi list of things that he enjoyed.
He collapses back into his chair and leans back as far as he can without the chair toppling backwards. Yoongis hand brushes against the bottom of his desk, feeling over the smooth underside of the glock he had strapped to the wood. He hated the feeling of calmness that washed over him when his fingers travel the barrel, because, what the fuck? No normal person was calmed by the feeling of a secretly stashed glock 9 against their fingertips. But then again yoongi wasn't exactly normal, never had been. No normal person stashes guns around his studio, or home. The glock 9 strapped to the back of his beds headboard was enough for anyone to know that yoongi was a little bit paranoid. But he had to be, and this whole situation proved that. Maybe he ought to stash a few more around the house, but yoongi shakes the thought away as soon as it arrives in his head when an image of jungkook holding the weapon appears in his mind, and then another of Namjoon accidentally shooting himself in the foot after touching the underside of the kitchen countertop, and then another of Jimin looking at yoongi like he's gone mad as he dangles the gun by the very tips of his fingers. Yeah, bad idea. It was risky enough just having them in his studio and bedroom, he couldn't risk stashing them anywhere else unless he made sure they were unloaded and had the safety on, but then what was the point of that?
Yoongi groans and takes his hand away form the gun, instead placing it on his keyboard and turning determinedly towards his computer.
He wouldn't think about anything and just get this track done. Just get it fucking done.
He didn't get it fucking done. He almost did, but when he listened to it over it sounded like a twelve year old just discovered windows movie maker for the first time. So needless to say, it was a bust. Again. But he had listened to namjoons track and sent back his critiques, which were very minor and just simple adjustments. He thought about sending in his own mix to get some feedback, but then decided against it because he didn't quite feel like dying of embarrassment today. This was meant to be his niche, so why the fuck was it so difficult all of a sudden?
Yoongi knew why, a day ago writers block had been his biggest problem, now his biggest problem was trying not to think about his friends getting shot up in a drive by because of his psychotic father. So, his head wasn't in the right place.
Yoongi throws off his headphones to hang around his neck, and stretches so that his chair leans back almost to the floor. He felt like crying. Stupid, pathetic tears that his father would have surely slapped his across the face for. It had taken him years to even so much as think about crying after he left, because every time he did he imagined his father leaning over him, spitting 'men don't cry, do you want to be a man or a fucking boy? Lie there and take it or I'll fucking give you something worth crying over!'
Yoongi shakes his head, his father was all he could think about. Stupid memories kept pushing themselves to the forefront of his mind, memories he'd spent years suppressing and trying to forget.
But now he just couldn't shake them. No matter how hard he tried.
Yoongi presses his face against his keyboard, the keys press against his cheek uncomfortably but somehow his eyes still feel heavy with sleep, like he could drop off at any moment. But instead he stands, gets his wallet, and leaves the studio with a ding of his door closing and walks the long empty hallways to get to the vending machine. He looks over the familiar packets of chips and chocolates and then smirks slightly when he sees all the double choc chip cookies were somehow missing. Taehyung had played at a hard bargain, apparently. Good boy, yoongi thinks as he punches in the number for a plain chocolate bar and drags his card over the scanner.
"Guilty pleasure?"
Yoongi jumps a little and turns to see jeongguk standing behind him with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face. Yoongi cracks a smile and bends down to pick up his chocolate.
"Yeah, needed it," yoongi murmurs. "None of my fucking tracks are working,"
"Maybe I could help?"
Yoongi smiles. "Thanks gguk, but I've already trashed them all so there'd be nothing to help,"
Jeongguk frowns, a sad little downturn of his lips that makes yoongi feel guilty immediately. "All of them?" Yoongi opens up his chocolate bar and takes a bite, humming. "Well, maybe a change of scenery would help?"
"Yeah, I was thinking about going down to namjoons stu—"
"No, hyung, I mean a proper change of scenery. Like, the gym? Jiminie and tae are down there now, but I think Jiminie and I are the only ones actually working out, taehyungs just sitting on the yoga mats eating a bunch of cookies," jungkook says, "I don't know where he got them,"
Yoongi chuckles. "I think I might know." He throws the half eaten chocolate in the bin and turns back to jeongguk. "And sure, why not, maybe it'll get my creative juices flowing or whatever the fuck,"
Jeongguk laughs and yoongi smiles at the sound.
"Did you want something?" Yoongi asks, gesturing to the vending machine but jeongguk shakes his head.
"I was just coming back from the bathroom," The younger answers and yoongi hums as the two start walking back down the hallway side by side. "So, you got writers block or something?"
"Yeah," yoongi sighs. "Had it for a while, can't seem to shake it this time,"
They walk in silence for a minute until they get just outside the gyms door and yoongi reaches out to push it open.
"Hyung, are you okay?" Jeongguk asks just as yoongi is about to go inside. Yoongi turns towards the youngest to see his face set into an unfamiliarly vulnerable expression, his eyebrows bunched and bottom lip drawn between his teeth, anxiously rolling the skin like gum. Yoongis heart almost shatters at the sight and somehow as he opens his mouth to reply, nothing comes out. He doesn't want to lie to jeongguk, but he knows anything that comes out of his mouth would be.
But luckily, as he opens and closes his mouth in a way he imagines to be close to a disjointed goldfish, the door of the gym swings open and yoongi turns back around with a jolt, away from jeongguks worried expression and towards a flushed Jimin, standing in the doorway.
"I was just about to come get you, I though you fell in and somehow drowned yourself in the toilet, gguk," jimin says, looking at jeongguk and then slowly turning his gaze towards yoongi. "Yoongi-hyung?"
"Change of scenery." Yoongi just replies, pushing past Jimin to fully step into the gym and immediately spotting taehyung, who was draped over an elliptical with three empty cookie packets dusting the floor around his feet. "Working hard, I see,"
Taehyung sits up so fast he almost slips off the seat. "Yoongi-hyung, why are you here?"
"Contrary to popular belief, I'm here to work out," he says sarcastically, crossing his arms. "Can't say the same for you,"
Taehyung pouts and sits up. "Don't exercise shame me." He grumbles.
Yoongi giggles as Jimin comes in behind him and scowls. "I never should have listened to you, you lost me fifteen won in double choc chip cookies you know,"
"Taehyung drives a hard bargain, that's not my problem."
Jimin hits him and this time it's yoongis time to scowl. After that they all decide to go towards the cardio machine, which quickly turns into a competition of the three youngest to see who could run the furthest without stopping. While yoongi gives up with sore legs to sit on the floor and watch the three idiots try and trip each other up from their seperate machines. He laughs along with jeongguk and jimin when taehyung trips and face plants on the floor, but he can't get completely into it. Maybe it was the looks jeongguk was shooting him anytime he had the chance, quick little concerned glances and frowns. Because jeongguk was the most observant of them all, along with taehyung, and yoongi needed to be careful of that.
He needed to be careful indeed.