I can hear my breath.
Rain pattered on my skin. Heat waves sizzled down under the droplets. My back ached and I could see the sky circle above me.
Groaning, I peered sky high. Birds flapped against the wind in desperation to get back to their nest. The clouds swirled like paint in their pot and I breathed quietly.
My robes are in ashes. My body feels renewed. I am reborn.
"Cry? Cry, shit shit shit, Cry!"
My heart soared and my throat closed up. His voice brought me back. He loves storms but I've cursed them now. Rainy days will bring bad memories.
I'm here. I'm really here.
I'm alive.
Tears welled up and I demanded myself to keep them in. Footsteps tread on the grass, rustling closer by the second. My body felt cold and I noticed my clothing was gone as well.
"Padfoot?" I weakly called.
My voice felt small and incredibly insignificant in this world. The wet blades of grass thread between my fingers.
With some effort, I stabbed my fingertips into the ground and anchored myself. Trying to lift myself up, the slick of the rain made my hand slip.
My back slammed into the earth once again. Holding back tears, I pounded my fist into the ground with frustration. Goddamnit, I'm so weak.
"Oh my god," I heard his voice.
Suddenly, he fell to his knees by my side.
I choked on my emotion but relief filled me as I saw his worried eyes above me. His face is covered with his tears and my heart ached.
"Siri.. I-" I stammered.
His hands shook as he held my face in them. He gasped out and laid his forehead atop of mine. He laughed out and cried at the same time.
"You're alive, you're alive.. you're alive," he chanted.
Grunting, I watched his closed eyes and delight on his face close to mine. His body soaked in the rain but he didn't care.
"Yeah-" I choked a laugh out, "-I'm.. I'm alive, Siri," I confirmed with disbelief.
"God, thank you. Thank you," he cried.
I swallowed and shivered. He noticed, pulling away. Quickly, he slipped out of his robes and draped them over my bare body.
Grasping his forearm, I struggled to pull myself to my elbows. My breath quickened and I grew lightheaded. The act became difficult and I wish I never was here.
"Fuck! Why can't I just do this!" I yelled in the downpour.
His hand pressed on the small of my back and he supported me instead of letting me do it on my own. He pulled my upper body into his lap.
"It's okay, baby, it's okay. I got you," he reassured.
"Padfoot.. why am I- why does this keep happening," I helplessly asked.
"I don't know, baby. But you're okay now," he comforted.
"Am I?" I replied.
He didn't respond. I couldn't keep it in. The trauma of the situation set in and a wave of fear hit. My tears fell and my chest constricted.
My nails dug into his bicep and I couldn't see through my tears. He pressed his hand between my shoulder blades and held me into his chest. I clawed at the fabric of his shirt and sobbed.
The rain hit harder and I became more afraid as it did.
"I don't know if I can keep up with it," I choked out.
"Shh, shh, you're alive right now. That's all that matters," he cried.
We held each other under the grey sky. We sobbed into our embraces and focused on the fear that grows over the minute.
I'm so hopeless.
I can't even get to my feet on my own. I fight my own mind and set fire to the ones I love.
I wish I didn't know about any of this in my first year. But I'm not ever going back. The past remains a sweet reminder of what my life could have been.
Racing each other in the hallways, charming our classmates, whispering our deepest secrets in the dark..
Could've just lived in the year forever. Could've done headstands when we were supposed to be in detention. Could've held a pendant over our palms to see if it circled, could've laid under the sun as we skipped class.
"Cry! Sirius!" Remus shouted over the loud droplets pounding on the ground.
Sirius looked over his shoulder and saw Professor Mcgonagall, along with many other students charge through.
"C'mon, let's get up, Fawkes," he urged.
Whimpering at the pain, he held my arms and helped me to my feet. I clutched his waist and my calves shook as I adjusted to the stance.
I fixed the robes over my body to shield myself. James was the first to get to me.
His fast speed slowed as he neared. The worry turned to relief and he held my shoulders.
"Cry.. I thought- I thought you were dead," he breathed out.
He stared into my eyes and I knew he was crying as well. Spluttering and smiling, I placed my hand over his.
"I'm here. Prongs, I'm here," I comforted.
"I- I can't belie- I'm so glad, oh my god," he stuttered.
His brows relaxed. From behind him, I met the image of Remus. He ran as fast as he could. He slipped on some grass but he recovered and he soon enough, stood in front of me.
James stepped away, a hand to his mouth and glasses dotting with water.
"You- are you okay?" Remus questioned.
He held the side of my face and his thumb ran along my cheekbone to check if I really was okay. Fluttering my eyes to keep my vision on him clear, I smiled sadly.
"Yeah, I'm okay," I confirmed.
Moony pulled me into his arms, holding my torso close to him. Struggling, I wrapped my arms around his neck. Despite the pain, I would rather relieve the worry from the ones I love. I'd rather make sure they don't fall into despair than hurt physically.
Peter caught sight of me and fell to his knees. The idea of my death lifted and he hit happiness and he sat with delight over the fact that I'm alive. His fingers dug into the grass and he sobbed to himself.
"Where is she? Cry?!" Lily shouted.
Lifting my head from Remus' shoulder, I peered to see Lily pushing her way through the students. Moony let me go and ran his hands through his hair.
"Lily.. Lily," I breathed out.
She slipped on some grass and she fell on her side. She sobbed and struggled to get back to her feet.
Without thinking about what it'd do to my body, I settle one bare foot into the ground and ran. I clutched the robes to keep it covering me, and ran as fast as I could.
Wet mud splotched over her body and she splattered herself dirty. She stood right when I got close to her.
Running into her body, I embraced her petite body into my arms.
We stumbled and she exclaimed and cried. Her face buried into the crook of my neck. The rain and her tears mixed and her body shook. She shivered and held me close.
"Cry..." she whispered.
Squeezing her tighter in reassurance, I listened to her pray under her breath. She chanted and prayed as much as she could. She thanked God and she thanked Jesus. She held her cross necklace as she prayed.
"I'm okay," I reassured.
Her prayers ceased soon and she relaxed. She pulled back, wiping her cheek with her wrist and smiling wide.
"I'm so glad," she said.
Her grin slowly faded though.
Lily's eyes shifted from mine to behind me and they widened to saucers. "Cry.. look."
Furrowing my brows, I slowly turned my body. I peered at the scene behind me.
Children examined and whispered theories. The Marauders stared in horror and Professor Mcgonagall urged the students to go back inside.
"What the hell?" Lily said.
A perfect circle of grass ran black and burnt.
Almost like a gardener dyed it and trimmed it. A large puddle of blood lay in the middle and the grass surrounded it.
I was in the middle of the circle.
But no trace of blood was on my body.
-lana
this one was a bit of a filler chapter i assume!