Shut Up, Padfoot!

77

"Did they leave? There's no one here."

"I know."

The floorboard creaked as he rotated his foot. He blinked and turned to me, eyes registering my appearance. Pupils dilated and the color rose to his cheekbones, curls falling in his face. His stormy irises swirled under the weak fireplace flames.

I wanted to melt and felt myself grow lightheaded with emotion. The look on his face winded me. He stood in shock and the sleepiness faded.

Time stopped and a flash of white flickered quickly over my vision. I blinked to rid of the mirage and watched him try to formulate a sentence.

"Cry?"

Hearing my name come from his mouth made me sob. My chest went up in knots and every moment of our lives passed through my mind.

He took a step in front of him lightly. Almost like I'd break and be gone forever if he made rash motions. Breathing passed my hurting heart, I conjured up enough to speak.

"Yeah.. it's me."

He rushed forward. I couldn't even make out what happened until I felt myself in his arms.

My arms wrapped around his neck and he pulled me tight to his chest. His nose ran along my neck and I could feel the trembles in his embrace.

He cried, his own tears on my jaw. My nails dug into the fabric of his shirt. The empty coldness of my soul vanished when his warmth overtook me. Our own roaring of flames flickered and drowned the loneliness of seventh year.

The torn piece that was taken from me the moment the knife entered my body is now reattached.

Souls that were made for each other. One made from the raindrops of dripping clouds and the other from the lick of flames on wood.

He pulled his head from the crook of my neck. The broken expression on his face made me cry more and I couldn't bear to look further.

"You're alive," he gasped out.

"Yeah..Siri, I–"

He kissed me.

His mouth pressed into mine and our tears mixed together sinfully. His hand ran along my jawline and sent shivers down my spine. My hands shook when I took his cheeks into my grasp. Droplets fell down my nails and my knuckles.

Lemonade wafted and a dream-like feeling that can only happen is with him. My life was made for him. Every rebirth, every lifetime, every reality, I was made Cry Phoenix for Sirius Black.

He pulled back, his hand pushing back my hair and other wiping my tears. I lowered my eyes and leaned into the hold.

Even when death lurks on the corner, when I know I have months left, he gives me hope. Makes me feel like in the end, I'll live a fruitful life. Encased in the clutch of my lover on the outskirts of humanity.

"You're here.. you're here, Fawkes," he breathed.

I nodded, not able to utter another syllable. He rested his forehead on mine, not letting me go. If he let go, I'd fade.

"I love you, I love you so much. God, I love you," he blurt.

"I love you, Sirius," I murmured.

-

Waves crashed onto the shore. The salt stung my skin and clung to my hair. The warm sunset burned me and sand stuck to my heels.

I doubled down and fell to my knees. My vision blurred and minerals crunched under my nails. The beach where my soul lies. The place where I come when death is seconds from taking the essence that put me on this Earth.

"Goddamnit! I was just with him! I was just with him!" I shout.

Beach foam surfaced and water soaked my legs. The sparkling of the sea was so comforting in the past. But when I got everything I wanted... it fell right through my fingers.

"Cry," I heard.

I squeezed my eyes shut, anger flowing through my veins. I know she's there. I know she's looking at me and waiting for me to address her.

"Why can't you let me be happy? I had him, I was with him. He was right here!" I yelled.

My hair flew into my face and the wind of the shore bit my skin. She was next to me now, I can tell. She's not supposed to be here. She's supposed to be gone. Did the cleansing ritual do nothing? Was I under the wrong impression?

"Cry, it's not the right time. You knew when it came to Lily but you let your emotions in the way. You weren't supposed to be with him yet," she said.

"Leave me alone. You're just a spell. You don't mean anything," I demanded.

"This timeline will be shattered if he knew you were alive. Fix it," she explained.

My eyes flew open, staring down at an identical version of me. With her perfection, it just irritated me. How dare she? How could she ruin this all?

"I don't give a shit about the timeline. I don't care about anything but him," I bit back.

She frowned. Her dress dampened with water and her feet sunk into the sand. My rage grew the more I looked at her. How can she be so untouchable? When she looks like me? Why can't I?

I leaned in, my hot tears dripping from my jaw and teeth slightly bared. My temper seethed the longer I reside here.

"I would burn everything and anyone until I get him," I spat.

She sighed with a soft reply, "I know you'll do the right thing."

Rolling my eyes upward, I breathed in to compose myself. She fell back on her heels, leaving her crouching position. Her presence sickens me.

The belt of the ocean took my hearing, drowning out everything else. I can't believe I'm back here. I need to get out. I need to get out. I need to get out.

-

"I love you," I said.

"Fawkes, don't..."

"Obliviate."

-lana