I curved my lips into a wide smile, as I held the recommendation letter to my chest.
I was being directed to a firm instantaneously and at such a young age? I'll make history.
"I have to tell Jennie." I thought. But then, I sighed as my smile began fading. "Right." I then lightly chuckled to myself. "I can't. We're supposed to stay away from each other. And I'm not going to be the first cave." I then shook my head, standing to my statement. "Nope. Not me."
My smile widened, as I then remembered the words in the letter.
Change the world. We need lawyers like you, and I want you to start now. There's no time like the present.
He did have a point, and I was more than eager to begin my journey...
I ended up spending the day fixing up the house and then shopping in the avenues. I stumbled upon a rather cute necklace that actually had Jennie's name on it. I smiled, as I grabbed the necklace, and lightly brushed my thumb over the print, thinking about her. Of course, I had to buy it.
The more that time had passed by, during the day, the more I began to miss Jennie's presence. And I realized just how much I needed to see her. It also made me remember about 2 years we were separated.
Was this the same feeling? Did I feel the same pain in my heart that I did then?
And...for 2 years?
It was crazy to think how one person could have my every attention and concern so naturally and so willingly. It was crazy how I felt about her, how I would do anything for her, without thinking twice.
"Why did I come up with this challenge again?" I thought, out loud. There was no reason to willingly allow myself to feel this way, when Jennie is still around, and when I knew where I could find her.
I had decided to take a walk down the streets in the main city, to clear my thoughts. Being outside, especially in a busy and lively environment like this seemed to help me do just that.
I breathed in the fresh air, smiling, as I rested my hands in my pockets. I listened to the music from my phone, as I watched as many others were doing the same thing I was doing, walking. They seemed to enjoy being out here, rather than stuck in a house, like I did. Or maybe, they were lost in their thoughts...
"Hey."
I arched a brow and pulled the ear plugs that were in my ears, as I stared at the man who had seemingly greeted me.
"Hi?" my response turned more into a question.
"Don't worry. I am not here to hit on you."
"Oh, that's nice."
His face went pale, as his hands then went spastic. "No, no. That came off wrong. I mean, you're a really pretty girl, but I am into other men... and I am not the type of guy to-to impose on a female... or male, not to single out a gender. It's just-"
"It's okay." I smiled. "I didn't assume as much."
He let out a sigh, before returning my smile, relieved.
I learned that his name was Seokjin, and Seokjin had an interesting story to tell. We had a very nice discussion. Well, really he needed someone to talk to, because he left as though his life was falling apart.
But surprisingly, listening to that man that night had given me insight on what I should do with my current predicament. And the fact was, Seokjin and I were struggling with the same thing...
"When Namjoon and I were together, it felt amazing. Just being near him would please me." Seokjin said, smiling. "And whenever he would talk about Politics, his face would light up, giving him a brilliant glow. He was beaming, and I would always kill to see that look on him."
I smiled, as I continued to listen to him and his story.
"I would always think to myself, 'what if we were more?' What if we were together, and I could claim him as mine. But... I never told him, and I live with that regret and guilt every day." he stopped walking along side me, as his face then lowered, staring at the ground.
I slowed down, eventually to a stop, and turned around to get a sight of him again.
He looked so sad, so broken. No... it was more than that.
He looked... lonely.
And it's when you're alone, when you can truly recognize and re-evaluate scenarios.
"S-Seokjin." I spoke, weakly, witnessing him in this state.
His head slowly lifted, and soon he flashed me with a dull smile. "What was your name again?"
His question caught me by surprise, therefore it took me a moment to give him a response.
"Jisoo." I smiled, approaching him.
"Jisoo." he repeated, his voice serious. "Have you ever felt that way before?"
I thought about his question for a moment and came to the realization that I did. I absolutely did. I fell in love with Jennie, and every cell in my body wanted her to be mine and only mine. But I was too cowardly to tell her how I was feeling. I was a coward. But, after Jennie's confession on how she couldn't date anyone because she's a public figure, I felt my heart shattering in my chest, along with all of the withering hopes I had and all of the lingering dreams of us being together.
I felt so discouraged.
"Yea. There's this girl..." I let my mind wander to her, as an image of Jennie's face, her glistening brown eyes, and her luscious brunette hair had entered my thoughts. She is so beautiful. I thought. "... I really want to tell her how I feel. There are many times where I have come close, but... it's well... complicated."
He pierced my eyes with an intense stare. "Don't make the same mistake I made. Go to her. Tell her."
"Now?" I said, my eye widening, and the beat of my heart quickening at the mere thought of her.
"No better time than the present." Seokjin smiled, before leaving me there, alone, to think about everything.
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When night soon approached, a once light drizzle had become a downpour in just seconds. I was soaked, to say the least, my hair sticking to my coat.
Great. I thought. And I didn't think to bring an umbrella.
After Seokjin and I departed, all that consume my thoughts was the fact that I needed to see Jennie. I needed to find her and talk to her. And I was both excited and terrified because I was preparing... preparing myself to confront her. I was getting ready to put everything on the line for her and tell her just how much she means to me.
It may lead to a rejection. In fact, the odds were definitely not in my favor, but... she was worth it. I had to at least try. My biggest regret would be if I never told her and if I were to go on with my life never knowing.
I started walking again, along the sidewalk in the city, watching everything that I had once passed, pass by me again. The streetlights were lit, but they were very faint, lighting over only really the sidewalk. No one would be able to see but a silhouette of a person across the street.
I maintained a steady pace, as I continued to think about her... and Jennie. I didn't know exactly where she was, but I was determined to find her.
I mean, realistically speaking, there were only a few places she could be. There were only a few places she would go to, like her office, if she were working, or perhaps the store. She could have been at the park. Or maybe she was just at home, but then again, probably not, because we had this little game going on where we're trying to avoid each other. If we both were to stay home, that would be increasingly harder.
"Jennie why did you choose the red one?" I asked as Jennie slipped a red rose through my brown wavy hair.
Standing in the garden behind the park, Jennie pulled my hair back, behind my ears, and played with my hair. As she did this, she told me, "Because of the meaning behind the red rose." she smiled. "I think it suits you best."
I had reached a stop sign at a crossing road, and I looked both ways, waiting for the flashing light for clearance.
"The meaning huh? And what does it mean, Jennie?" I smiled back at her. The red rose that was in my hair brought out the red in my lips, so my smile was more alluring.
"Well, I could tell you, but wouldn't you remember longer if I showed you instead?"
I nod as she grabs the top of my right hand and places it on a red rose that was still planted in the garden.
The light finally flashed yellow, and I began crossing the street, as the numbers counted down.
"Do you feel that?"
I stared at the red rose and wondered what exactly I was supposed to be feeling. "I feel..." I hesitated. "I feel-"
"Love?"
As I allowed my thoughts of Jennie to continue invading my mind, my pace quickened. My walk soon turned into a run, as I felt this overwhelming urge to see her, to find Jennie.
My heart stopped for a moment as I switched my focus from the flower to Jennie's face, and I nod slowly and then faster as I became more sure of my answer. "Yes..." my smile widened as I agreed with her. "Love."
Just as the taxi was making its stop in front of me, I lifted my head up, from my phone. My eyes lit up at the person I was seeing before me, across the street. At first I had my suspicion, because the umbrella, in which she was holding, had plagued my vision, but no. It was definitely her.
It was Jennie.
Jennie's jaw dropped ever so slightly, as she finally took sight of me a second after I did. She looked at me with such longing eyes. I knew that look because it's exactly the one I was displaying.
I slowly closed the passenger door, never letting her out of my sight.
"Hey? Are you getting in?" the taxi driver's voice rang in the back of my head. I was so lost in Jennie's eyes that I had almost forgotten completely where I was and what I was doing.
I ran across the street, not bothering to look both ways, which fortunately for me, there were no cars.
I jumped into Jennie's arms swiftly, causing her to step back, at the sudden impact. I was... excited to see her, to put it simply.
"Jennie..." I breathed, taking her scent in. I snuggled into her arms further, as I firmly wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her close, "I... I missed you."
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