Castiel is perusing YouTube — possibly for new performances or interviews from Dean that he hasn't seen yet, though he would never admit to it — when he finds a video entitled "Dean Winchester roasting Castiel Novak and Jo Harvelle for ten minutes straight." Naturally, he needs to watch it.
~~
"I hear you've just come out of a bad breakup," the interviewer says. "How are you holding up?"
"Oh, I'm fan-freaking-tastic," Dean replies with a grin. "I finally get to focus on my career and my music instead of petty high school drama, and I've never been so excited."
~~
"— a really happy album," Dean says, likely in the midst of a much longer answer.
"I can't help but notice that you said 'at the moment,'" the interviewer says. "Is the album not finished?"
"Not quite," Dean says. "I thought it was, but recent events in my life have kinda kicked me into a creative mood. I'm actually heading to the studio later today to record something new."
~~
Dean is pushing his way through a crowd of paparazzi, looking agitated as he shoves people out of the way in the midst of all the camera flashes. If the last clip was any indication, he's probably heading to the studio. Everyone is yelling out different questions for him, which he ignores.
"How do you feel about the breakup?"
"What are you working on?"
"Was Jo cheating on you?"
"Is this going to be on the album?"
"Are you going to write a song about Castiel Novak?"
That last one seems to get his attention, because he says an angry, "I'm writing about myself and my feelings, nothing else."
That ignites a clamor of voices, but "Feelings on what?" seems to be the loudest question.
Dean makes it to the door, but just before he goes inside, he says, "Feelings on being stabbed in the back."
~~
Dean is sitting at a table full of food with James Cordon, which can only mean one thing: it's time for Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.
"Dean, I am going to give you..." James eyes all the horrible food on the table for what Dean will have to eat if he doesn't answer the question. After a long, thoughtful pause, he finishes, "the cow tongue."
"Oh, god," Dean whispers before pretending to vomit. He waits until the crowd is done laughing to say, "I will answer literally any question you have, but don't make me eat that."
"No one makes us do anything," James says with a grin. He picks up the card with the question on it and reads allowed, "'Have you ever been cheated on by a celebrity?'"
The audience cheers and whistles, and Dean pauses. It's common knowledge that the only celebrity he's ever dated was Jo, and so this is a thinly veiled bribery to get the answers everyone's been asking for.
Without a word, Dean picks up the cow's tongue and takes a bite.
~~
Dean is standing behind a podium with Jimmy Fallon, a giant screen reading "Would you Rather?" behind them. On each side is a question mark, which Castiel knows will soon turn into a photo of the two choices. The goal is not to state what you personally would want, but to guess what the audience voted on. Castiel only knows this because he already watched this interview/gameshow, but it was funny so he'll watch again.
The man asking the questions, whom Castiel will never remember the name of, asks Dean, "Would you rather have the ability to fly or the ability to turn invisible?"
"Ooh, that's a good one," Dean says. "I feel like it depends on what exactly turning invisible entails, you know? Can you turn your clothes invisible? Can people walk through you?"
"Dean, no one else asked these follow-up questions," Jimmy says, amused.
"Well, duh," Dean says. "But what would you think that they would think?" He eyes the audience for a moment. "Okay, personally, I think invisibility is way cooler. Like, I don't know about you guys, but there are a few people out there that I'd like to be able to break into their houses and write 'bleep you' on their walls and just freak 'em out."
The video cuts off there, which is Castiel's rude awakening that this was probably a reference to him and Jo.
Well.
That's awkward.
~~
"There are rumors that you're working on a new music video with Taylor Swift," the interviewer says.
Dean bursts out laughing at that idea. "Oh, god. That'll be the day, won't it?"
"I take that as a no, then?" the interviewer guesses.
"Yeah, I did just wrap up filming a music video," Dean says, "but it was all me. Artistically speaking, Taylor Swift is way out of my league."
"Oh, I wouldn't say that," the interviewer says.
"But it's true," Dean says with a shrug. "Besides, I've implemented a rule starting with my next music video that anyone playing my love interest has to be single so we don't fall in love and ruin a perfect existing relationship."
"Really?" the interviewer says, interested.
"No, I'm 100 percent messing with you," Dean says. "I mean, I'm really not collabing with Taylor Swift, but I totally just made up that rule." With a shrug, he adds, "And besides, I'd like to think I'd never work with someone who would stoop that low."
And it keeps going.
For.
Ten.
Minutes.
Castiel doesn't even try to finish it. Dean is doing a fantastic job pretending he's pissed. Maybe he should go into acting — and no, Castiel's not just saying that because he wants to play the love interest and hope it carries over like they're pretending it did with him and Jo.
Okay, so maybe that is the reason. He's lonely, gay, and wants to fuck. That's not his fault.