I heard the rain drop from the clouds onto the pavement, as I stared at the window, from my bed. It was strangely comforting to hear the sound of the rain. It was like a cleanse. It was just a light drizzle though, so it was nothing alarming or anything. It was nothing to be scared of.
After admiring the rain for about half an hour, I decided that I needed to rest. Tomorrow was going to be a big day for me, because Jennie promised me that she would take me to her work for the day, and show me how the cameras work. I basically get to see her filming famous actors and actresses making their movies, before they even get out, which is super exciting. But more so, I get to watch her act as well.
I then shut out everything, and tuned into the rain, as my eyes lowered. Every drop pulled me closer into my sleep, and every drop made me feel more and more relaxed.
I felt my lips curve into a smile, as I wrapped my arms around my teddy bear, imagining it to be Jennie. "Hmm." I mumbled in my sleep, my eyes still closed but loosening a bit.
I felt the teddy bear suddenly return my embrace, and it was strangely warm and...inviting, so I tightened my grip on Mr. Cuddles.
I then felt a gentle kiss on my cheek, which sent chills down my spine. Jennie, you just kissed me.
My eyes slowly began to open, and the figure began to be visible to me. It really was Jennie, and not my teddy bear. Oh gosh! What did I just do? I'm letting my emotions get to me again. I'm being such an overly-affectionate friend. But wait!
Realization struck me.
She kissed me. My only crime was embracing her.
And in that very moment, something came over. It was as if I was in a trance, a spell. Jennie faced the other direction, as my arms stayed locked onto her waist. "I know she's awake." I thought to myself. "Why is she trying to pose as if she's sleeping? To fool me? Is she only messing with me?"
I slowly released my grip on her slim body, and marveled over her beautiful figure. Like I said before, it was as if I was under her spell, and I didn't know how I felt about that just then. I watched as she 'slept' and once she squirmed around, still facing the opposite direction, my heart beat fastened. She was always so cute when she squirmed around. But this...it was too much.
I slowly raised my covers. I wasn't sure exactly if she was awake or not, but I didn't want to risk the possibility actually waking her up, so I thought to be cautious. I then walked into the kitchen and lifted my arm, reaching for a glass. "Water will help clear my mind and help me fall asleep." I thought.
Suddenly, I heard rain drops pouring harshly outside, and I almost jumped when something soft grazed my hand.
"Can you get me a glass as well?" I heard a gentle and seductive voice behind me, as I felt her breath close to my ear. I felt my body stiffen, as I realized Jennie was behind me. What game as she playing at?
"S-sure." I stuttered.
Though I couldn't see her smiling, I felt it. I felt her sinister smile, and it sent chills down my spine, electrifying ever ounce of courage that I possibly had. I was so embarrassed.
The whole night made me quiver and left me with so many questions that jeopardized everything. I was straight. She was... straight? At least, I thought she was. All of the boys in high school fell over heels for her. But that didn't necessarily mean she was straight. It just met she was very attractive in all of their eyes. I don't blame them for liking her. The only person I blamed was myself. I felt like I was betraying her in a way. She looked into my eyes and summoned my friendship. She was counting on me to be a friend to her. Yet...
No, I can't think about this. It's just confusing. Back to that night.
Her hands brushed over mine as I grasped the glass, shaking slightly. "Oh God, I hope she didn't notice that." I thought to myself.
"Why are you shaking?" I heard concern in her voice. And my nightmare continued.
"O-oh. I just...had a n-nightmare. Yea, so I thought a glass of water would help me feel better and fall asleep again." Though that wasn't exactly the truth, it came close.
"Ah." Yes! She bought it! "Well, I'm sorry to hear that chu." she said, her voice still filled with concern.
"Thanks..." I muttered. I then quickly grab the glass and go to the fridge to fill it up half-way.
Drunk drink drink.
All I wanted that moment was to run away. To be anywhere but near her right now. I wasn't thinking straight, and I was soooo tired. In fact. Maybe that's why my mind was all loopy. It was due to the lack of sleep. That thought comforted me. The possibility alone that something as silly as that was the source of my problems. All I needed was sleep...
Silence filled the room, as I chugged my water down throat, and then lightly coughed over it. I guess I was drinking too fast. I laughed at my predicament.
Jennie, however, didn't laughed. Her eyes widened and her eyebrows lowered as she rushed to pat my back. "Are you okay?" she asked.
I nodded shyly, and headed towards the door that lead to the porch. It was slightly wet from drizzling, but it didn't stop me from wanting to go out there.
Jennie followed me out there, hesitantly though, as she noticed the rain. "It's a bit cold out here, isn't it?" she said, coming closer to me as I rested my arms on the cliff.
"You don't have to be out here." I finally stated. I glanced at her for a brief second, then redirected my attention to the sky. I then hold out my hands, cupping them, inviting the little drops of rain to gather.
She projected a miniscule smile as she watched me do this. She then asked me another question. "Why are you?"
I stopped leaning on the cliff and splashed Jennie with the water I had collected, playfully. "I don't know." I chuckled.
Jennie just looked at herself and said, "Must you splash me?" acting hurt.
"I must." we both chuckled, and I found myself leaning closer to her, as we stared out into dark of the night, once more. I felt my arm brush her leg, and I noticed Jennie stiffening after that. Was she nervous? Did I causer her to ber nervous? "Ummm..." I cleared my throat.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Jennie said, frantically as she realized her leg touching my arm. She then gulped, showing how uncomfortable she was. I mean, I was too, but seeing her in that state was almost impossible, so it stunned me.
"No." I cleared my throat, matching her. "It's really okay. I didn't even notice." I lied.
"Oh." she laughed nervously.
I bit my lip, struggling on what words to say now. "What should we talk?" I thought. "The kiss? My embrace?" I really hoped she was not awake when I did that. So embarrassing. Then I dared to speak and asked a question I didn't really want to hear the answer to. Mostly because no matter the answer I would lose. "Do you love me?"
Jennie's eyes started to water, almost instaneously, but I foolishly mistook that for the rain, and not for her truest feelings.
"Of course I do, Jisoo." her voice cracked a little. Though she was good at hiding how she was feeling, I could see through her. The conversation was tugging at her heart, and the last thing I wanted to do was force to dig deeper, like what I've been doing.
What a terrible friend.
Instead of persisting, I gave her a big and warming smile as I kissed her cheek. "I love you too."
Her eyes widen as soon as my lips pressed against her cheek, probably because it reminded her of when she did that to me just earlier that night.
"I'm glad you love me 'cause it would suck if it was only one-sided. Like, if all this time, you were only pretending to be my friend." I joked.
Jennie's eyes lowered slightly, as she intensely stared beyond the cliff. "I wouldn't do that to you, or anyone, for the matter." she wiped a tear snuck it's way down her cheek. "That's just cruel."
My eyes widened at the sight, and not knowing if what I was about to do was right or wrong, I wiped Jennie's tears away with my thumb on my free hand.
Jennie's intense gaze at the sky resurfaced in focusing on my face. Her light brown eyes locked onto mine, as I return her gaze. I then brake my stare as I glanced at my hand, which was still on Jennie's face. It was definitely there for too long.
About to move it, Jennie stopped me by placing her hand over mine, forcing me to stay put. Jennie? Her stare began to be intoxicating. I felt my throat closing in, disabling me to breathe properly, and my eyes dilated as her stare continued to pierce through mine. Why did she have this effect on me? It should be illegal.
Her eyes then lowered even more, and I noticed her staring at my lips. I gulped at the sight, but for some reason, I didn't run. This was a sign that I needed to run away... and fast. I would always avoid compromising positions like this, or anything that triggered my forbidden feelings that she made me feel. But I didn't.
I didn't run.
I place my glass on the side, freeing my hand, and placed it on the other side of her face, as I leaned in slowly. I guess I was asking for her permission to lean in even further.
Our bodies were only inches apart by that point, and I felt her breathes on my chin, as she held onto my neck gently, pushing me even closer to her.
I felt my lips getting moist imagining her lips pressing against mine, but that never happened. She pulled away when we were only centimeters away. We were so close to sharing our first kiss. The thought teased me and bummed me out so much. But why? Why would she pull me in, leading me on, just to reject me. It was such a mean thing to do.
She let go my neck and lushed my chest lightly, causing me to step back.
I tilted my head in confusion, and arched my brow.
"Jisoo." Jennie whispered, wiling the remains of her tears. "We should probably got to sleep now."
All of me wanted to scream 'no!' All of my nerves ran crazy. Though my mind told me that going to sleep was the best possible thing I could do right now, my body yearned for something else. I wanted to kiss her. Instead of acting on my impulses, I nodded in respond and uttered a shaky "Yes."
Her eyes still locked onto mine, as she intensely stared into them. Though we weren't as close as we were before, I could imagine her heart beating as fast as mine was, and could feel her pulse as if I was not so distant with her. She didn't want to go to sleep either. I could tell that much, but she stopped the kiss before it could even begin. She stopped the destruction that I tried so hard to prevent.
But not hard enough.
Jennie tilted her head to the side, then smiled at me. Her eyes had that sparkle once again. Her beautiful eyes. You could lost in them. "I'll help you go to sleep." she said, putting the covers over her, remembering that the reason I was awake was due to a 'nightmare.' I followed her action after closing the door to my room.
"How?" I questioned.
"I'll play something on my phone." she grabbed her phone, and a minute later, I hear peaceful sounds like pouring water out of a glass, or a wave rushing over the sand of a beach. It was soothing. "It's waves. Ocean sounds." she clarified. "I used to have trouble falling asleep too, sometimes. And this would help me."
"I like it." I complimented.
"I thought you would." she grinned from ear to ear, as she watched my breathing slow down.
I yawned as I grew to be more tired and comfortable underneath the covers. It was nice. I wanted to get lost in a dream, a distraction from my fate. It was my fate to adore Jennie, though I was so oblivious to that adoration being more than it really was. I was in love with her. That almost kiss told me that. But, I would never act on it. I couldn't risk losing her, even if it meant crushing my heart. I rather it be mine than hers.
I had to be more careful with keeping my urges in.
I guess that's something I should thought about.
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