I don't really remember getting ready for school, or how I got here. I'm not even sure what I'm wearing right now...all I know is that behind these doors is my new school...and in my hand is Sam's letter...and that's really all that matters.
I had better go in...the steps and street in front are completely empty...the Canadian flag flaps loosely, jangling in the slight wind that sweeps across the fallen leaves in ripples and whirlwinds.
I'm scared...obviously...but perhaps not as much as I would be...because its inevitable I'm going to have no friends here. I don't want any...maybe I'm just bitter...I don't know...all I know is I'm not going to try.
I run the pad of my thumb across the soft paper square, clutch my suitcase in my other hand and pull myself together, walking up the steps and into the school.
The corridor echoes with the sound of my footsteps. I make my way up to the reception desk and manage to pull together a few words to explain myself to the receptionist. She takes a long time phoning people, and getting me to fill out forms, but eventually I'm escorted to another room with my senior teacher and dorm advisor...
I should explain. I'm boarding.
Yeah, my mum sprang it on me just this week...she sorted it all out beforehand and now, here I am, with just one suitcase with all my possessions in my hand, and a hole in my heart I don't think will ever be filled.
The teacher explains the school rules to me, gives me my dorm key, introduces me to the two students I'll be boarding with and gives me a lanyard and timetable, then she lets the students show me the room.
Madison seems to be the most talkative of the two, Abigail interjects comments whenever she can, but together they're undeniably loud compared to everyone I'm used to. I feel even more closed up.
The room is fairly modern, with one bunk bed and one single, a long desk under the window, three built in wardrobes, shelves, soft chairs and a beanbag on the floor, and an en-suite shared bathroom. The walls are pale blue and the carpet and curtains a darker shade, but the walls are almost completely covered with posters and paintings and little postcards, and the floor is littered with clothes which Abigail hastily shoves into a wardrobe. Although we all have the same bedding, blue again, they have filled their beds with cushions, quilts and the odd stuffed toy. I pull my bag up next to my bed-I get the bottom bunk.
"Soo, aren't you gonna unpack?" Maddy says, folding her arms and sitting on the end of her bed, the single one. I look down at my suitcase, the blank space that is my bed, my space of wall, my third of the otherwise cluttered desk. My head.
"Yeah...I guess"
"Well, we've got all day, but don't take too long I've got to give you a tour of the campus as well..." She smiles broadly, "anyway whilst you unpack why don't you tell us more about yourself..."
I kneel down and unzip my bag and start throwing my clothes onto my bed,
"Is that all you've got?" Abby says, raising an eyebrow quizzically.
"Huh...oh, yeah...I didn't bring much from England, I'm meant to be going shopping soon..." I say automatically, monotonously.
"Ohh...well do you know where you wanna go? Cause we could take you tomorrow?" Maddy offers.
I think for a second. It's better than going with my mother, I guess, and at least then I'll have help choosing clothes that will let me fit in here. "Alright"
"Cool, okay...well we'll take you to the mall tomorrow, Abby can drive us" she grins, swinging her legs enthusiastically, then she jumps up, "this is your wardrobe here, do you want me to help you out?" She says, pulling out a metal hanger and twisting it a little in her hand.
"Um, yeah...sure" I say, then I remember to add in a smile--might as well be friendly...I hand her a pile of tops and jumpers to put on the hangers and continue to unpack my bag. She's surprisingly quick, my clothes are all away in just a few minutes. I put away all my toiletries in a cupboard in the bathroom, and my books and pencil pot on my part of the shelf above the desk. We also have a small TV on the wall, wedged between a large Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs poster, a canvas with a painting of a waterfall, a Chinese New Year calendar made of bamboo, several small postcards from an art gallery of various artworks and a film poster from one of the Harry Potter films.
"You know T.E.E.D?" I ask, pointing to the poster,
"Yeah! I love them!" Maddy says, "I mean, I like a lot of music...but they are in my top...uhm...ten?" She laughs.
"A lot of this stuff is British..." I say, looking at the Harry Potter poster, the T.E.E.D one, another above Abby's bed of the Tardis...
"So we're not allowed to love British culture?" Abby laughs loudly. I giggle.
"We're actually so excited you're our new roomie...there's a lot of other student who are pretty jealous" Maddie grins
"Cause I'm English?"
"Yeah" she says
I smirk a little to myself, baffled at their interest in me, and take my rucksack to the desk to empty it out.
"Who's 'your Sam'?" Maddy says suddenly, my heart freezes.
"What?" I say, spinning round. Maddy is holding the letter in her hand, I feel sick.
"Is he your boyfriend? He sounds so sweet..."
My mouth has gone completely dry...what do I say?
"Yeah...yeah...s...he's...I had to say goodbye to h...him in England..."
"Ooh interesting...so are you guys still together?" Maddy says. I wish she'd put the letter down...I feel like it's being tainted...just her touching it makes it a bit less personal, a bit less magical...
"Um, no I dunno, we've not really broken up but I guess there's nothing to stop me dating someone else here" I say,
"Do you want us to set you up?" Abby says, her eyes glittering with excitement,
"No...nah...I'm fine..."
"Nooo, you've got to let us help...we've all got boyfriends here!" Maddie whines, "look, ok, you're pretty much unpacked now, I'm gonna take you on a tour of the campus now and I'll point you out all the hot single guys we see ok and if you see one you like, tell us! C'mon, we're pro at this"
I don't actually say yes to this, but suddenly being pulled out of the room by Abby and Maddie and down the lavender walled corridors, through the 'girls lounge' and out into the cool sunlit courtyard at the back of the building.
There are people everywhere...it makes my head spin slightly...someone whizzes past on a small bike yelling "hey" to Maddy, Maddy yells back, then turns back to me,
"That's Luke, he's dating Taylor...over there is Dylan...he's single but I dunno if you'd go for him...um, that's Nathan...he's single...but he just got out of a big relationship with Alyssa...oh, hey Cody!...yeah that's Cody...he's dating Ashley..."
This continues for the entire tour, by the end I'm seeing stars and I can barely remember the names of my two roommates...let alone Nathan and Daniel and Brian and Hunter...
I did seem to catch one guys eye though. I wasn't interested in any of them...I don't know, my relationship with Sam has changed me...but even if some of the guys did stare, there was definitely one who I think I left an impression on...enough that he came up and introduced himself.
Austin.
He's good looking I won't lie, but I just don't see guys in that way any more...
Well...I don't think I do...
Tonight, after dinner and TV in the lounge, and more TV in our room, and the rest of the packing, more getting to know me and an hour long visit from our next door room mate, Jennifer, we finally get ready for bed.
After that, at midnight, they're still talking, but I drift off.
That night I dream that I'm kissing Sam on the edge of a cliff, but suddenly a gust of wind pulls me off. I expect Sam to catch me, or jump after me, but instead she just watches me fall and then turns away and melds into a crowd of people from my old school...
I fall into the sea, but instead of being cold and suffocating, it's comfortable, and I realise I'm lying on feathers. I roll onto my side and come face to face with Austin...he reaches out and touches me and suddenly I realise I'm naked.
The feathers swirl up around us and pull us down until all I can feel is feathers on my naked skin, and his body pressed up against mine. I'm suffocating...there are feathers in my mouth and I try to call for Sam...but she can't hear me. I see the top of the cliff again. She's holding hands with Jaimie, and Rohan is kissing her neck and breasts...she's naked too...they all are...
Suddenly she straddles Rohan and kisses him full on the mouth, and turns her head and kisses Jaimie...and Austin is kissing me and touching me, and I feel like bruises are blossoming all over my body with the horror and the violation and the pain...
I wake up dewy with sweat and run to the window, sweeping the curtains across and looking up at the moon between the trees...
I catch sight of the small folded square of paper on the table. I pick it up and kiss it.
That's when the tears start.
I fall asleep again clutching the paper, my arms wrapped around the pillow I've twisted from under my head...wet from tears but I don't care. I kiss my palm, kiss the paper, and try my hardest to kiss Sam, but she's too far away. She can't feel it.
~~~~~~~~~~~>>~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you liked it! And hopefully my limited knowledge of Canada isn't too awful...but yeah, that was a *slightly* longer chapter than last time haha. I've got so much in mind for stuff that's gonna happen now, I've just got to find the time x__x
Please comment, vote and fan if you enjoyed reading it! :3