sᴇʟғɪsʜ | ᴊᴏɴ ᴍᴏxʟᴇʏ
( ᴀᴄᴛ ᴏɴᴇ, ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ғɪᴠᴇ )
ALYSSA OPENED THE door to her house, jon standing in the doorway. her dog, coco, barking. "come in," alyssa said and jon stepped in. alyssa grabbed coco, "shh coco, it's okay." alyssa said, she let coco down and she started to smell jon. "sorry about that." alyssa said as coco finally let her guard down. "don't worry about it." jon said.
"uh so," alyssa said, going into the kitchen, jon followed her. "we can go out back and talk." alyssa said. jon nodded, alyssa filling her wine glass up. "do you want any?" she questioned, jon shaking his head. "no thanks." alyssa opened her fridge and grabbed a beer out, "want this?" alyssa asked, he smiled at her, "sure." she handed it to him, "thanks, lyss." she nodded, she started to walk to the back door, "c'mon coco." alyssa said and coco followed her and jon out.
alyssa sat down, jon sitting across from her. "you start." alyssa said, looking at jon. "all i've got to say really is why are you avoiding me so much? for as close as we were i didn't think it'd be so.. awkward as you've made it. you won't look at me, you won't talk to me, you won't even be in the same room as me." alyssa sighed, "i just wanna know why. it was never like that before. we were so close but now it just feels so different." jon explained.
she took a drink of her wine, "i have a lot to say to you, jon. a lot." alyssa said, looking around. "well i'm listening, alyssa." jon told her. "we were really close for a very long time. when you left wwe, you cut me off, jon. it seemed like you just disappeared completely and just didn't exist anymore. jon, you were my best fucking friend." alyssa took a deep breath in, thinking for a second.
"you not only left wwe, but you also left my life. i really thought you were gonna stay in my life and i thought we'd still be best friends but i was wrong. i was really fucking wrong. i texted you to check in on you. i called you every single day. but i never got an answer. there wasn't one day that went by that i didn't think of you. i constantly wanted to make sure you were okay because i cared so much about you. but you didn't care about me-" jon cut her off, "alyssa-" this time alyssa cut him off. "let me finish, jon." he backed off and let her talk.
"you didn't care. maybe you did but you didn't care about me the same way i cared for you." alyssa took a drink of her wine, "and now coming to aew and starting to see you everyday after not seeing you for over a year.. it doesn't feel normal. you don't understand how hard it is for me to see you everyday knowing that you were the one who cut me off. you were the one who stopped communicating. it's so weird seeing someone who i was so close to but then left everyday. i went from seeing you everyday for eight years straight to not seeing you for a whole fucking year and now seeing you everyday again."
"i just wanna know why, jon. why did you do it?" alyssa said, lightly spinning her drink around. "i'm sorry alyssa.. but i can't get into that right now. i just can't do it." alyssa respected that. she knew jon very well and knew that it was hard for him to open up and she respected the decision he made. "alright, if you can't do that then i respect that." alyssa said. "i missed you, alyssa." jon said. "i missed you over that year that i didn't see you or talk to you."
"did you? did you really? because quite honestly jon, it didn't seem like it." alyssa said, feeling a little bit of anger start to boil up. "i did alyssa. i did miss you." jon said. "i was hurt, you know? you hurt me. a lot. hell, jon i'm still hurting." alyssa admitted. "i know and-" alyssa cut him off. "but you don't know. you don't get how hurt i was. it hurt me so fucking much to know that you want nothing to do with me." alyssa explained.
"i was angry with you. i'm still angry with you for leaving the way you did." alyssa said, looking at her pool, watching the water sparkle in the sun. "i would be too. i can't blame you for being angry. i deserve it." jon said. "you do deserve it. i didn't deserve any of that." alyssa said. "you think we'd ever be as close as we were?" jon asked. "honestly jon," alyssa took a deep breath in. "i honestly don't know. i would love to be close like that but you made it seem like that's not what you wanted."
"i feel like you made it clear to me that that's not what you wanted anymore. you made it very clear to me, jon." alyssa said. "well i wanna make it clear to you that that's not what i want anymore, lyss." jon told her, looking at her for any sign of forgiveness. alyssa ran her fingers through her hair, "it took me six months, jon. six months to get over the fact that you weren't coming back."
"i told myself for months that i was over it. that it didn't mean anything to me. but in reality i'm not over it. every single thing reminded me of you. everyday i would tell myself, 'he's gonna call, he's gonna text. he's gonna do something to tell me he still wants me to be in his life.'" alyssa said.
"you don't know how bad i wanted to call you but i couldn't bring myself to do it." jon told her. "i waited forever for that call." alyssa said, blinking away the tears. "i know and i'm sorry." jon seemed sincere. "could you forgive me, alyssa?" jon quietly asked. "i shouldn't. i really fucking shouldn't forgive you, jon." alyssa said. jon's heart broke, "but no matter what you do, i can't stay mad at you." alyssa said quietly.
"as much as i want to pissed off at you, i can't be." alyssa admitted. "i want to be angry at you. i want to yell at you. i want to scream at you but i just can't do it. i cant bring myself to do it." alyssa told jon. "i don't want you to be angry at me even though i deserve it. i deserve for you to be angry at me." jon said to alyssa, alyssa nodded. "you do deserve for me to be mad at you."
"i feel like i should just scream at you and never talk to you again. i went a year without talking to you and i should be able to go longer. but honestly, jon, that year without you was hell. you were the one person i trusted with my life. we traveled together, we stayed in the same rooms together, we worked out together. we did everything together, jon." alyssa said, keeping in her tears.
"i just don't know how to handle it all. i don't know what to do. i feel like avoiding you is the best option right now. it kills me to have to say that. it kills me to say that to you, jon. i hated not being friends with you. i was the one that was there for you through every single fucking thing. i was there for you when you were too fucking drunk to function. when you couldn't walk because you were drunk off your ass. it was me every single time, jon. but you threw that all away like it meant nothing to you."
"i did throw it away and i regret that. but it meant everything to me, it really meant everything to me." jon said. "i know you were there for me through everything and i appreciate that so much. i don't regret any of the time we spent together, you were the family that i never had growing up." alyssa finally let the tears go.
"then why'd you let it go?" she put her wine glass down, "if i was your family why did you leave?" alyssa let out a very quiet cry that jon barely heard. "it's a long story that i don't know if i can get into, alyssa." jon said. "then don't.. but when you're ready jon, i want you to tell me. i want you to know that no matter how angry i am at you, i'm still here. i'm still here for you because you were my best friend. even if i want to be angry at you and scream at you and maybe even hit you, i still care for you." alyssa and jon laughing at her last statement.
"i still care for you, alyssa." jon said and alyssa smiled, nodding. "always. i'll always care about you." jon continued. "i'll care about you and be there for you even if you don't want me to be in your life anymore."
alyssa knew that she wanted jon to be in her life, she'd felt guilty about telling jon that she didn't want him in her life. she had been waiting for that moment, the moment where he said he was sorry and he still wanted her to be his best friend.
"same with you jon. even if you don't want me in your life, i'll still be there for you no matter what." alyssa told him. "alyssa, sorry to tell you but you're stuck with me again."
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AUTHORS NOTE:
i love jon and alyssa sm🥺 i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because i really enjoyed writing it!! i love you all💕