Avery rolls her eyes as Theo eyes me suspiciously.
"Honey," Mom starts as she nervously looks from me to dad and then back to me. "I think you need to rest, we'll talk about it tomorrow." She says and then glares at dad when she sees his expression has not changed and he is not supporting her.
"You're right." Dad starts, his eyes fixed on me, "You truly have experienced nothing... you're young and if you don't do the stuff all the youngsters do, then when will you actually enjoy and live. So, what's your plan?" He says the last part with a faint smile, his voice already laced with excitement.
"What?" Mom angrily snaps. "You're encouraging her in this madness? She needs to visit her Psychiatrist again, not get into some... stupid thing!" Mom stammers in the last part and Dad narrows his eyes at her.
"What she needs is to get out of this environment, and by this environment, I don't mean this house, I mean this sick environment we built for her, not just in our house but in her mind as well, and for her to feel better she needs to get far away from it. I support her, like it or not. She can always work, hell she has to work till she gets sixty seventy years old until she retires, but she won't ever be able to do the things that she can do in this age." Dad firmly states, with the same authority he uses in his clinic for treating his patience or continuing some experimental treatment against his coworkers' will.
Mom looks defeated as she sinks back into her chair.
Dad looks at me, his expression immediately softening "So, what's the plan?"
I don't have any plans; it was a decision made at the moment!
"I guess doing things I've never done before." It sounded more like a question rather than a statement as I say it. I guess it's obvious I haven't thought it through and I'm unsure. "I want to travel! I want to see different places, try different food! See the different cultures I've read in books."
"We can go somewhere, if you don't want to go with mom and dad, the four of us could go," Theo says and I shake my head no.
"I don't want to go with any of you anywhere. That's not fair to me." I point out as I lean forward and press my palms to the table.
"You can't travel alone El! Don't be irrational! You don't know how to protect yourself, you won't even survive for a day."
Ouch.
"Well, that's the point I believe. She has to start somewhere, she has to learn at some point, for how long is she supposed to stay dependent on us?" Dad replies.
Theo opens his mouth but no words come out, he sighs as he shakes his head, knowing better than to argue with dad at this point.
Dad inhales deeply as he looks back at me, his green eyes already shining, showing that he has probably come up with a plan already. "Your brother is right, I can't just let you go like this, that would be foolish."
"Finally! Your senses took their time to work this time." Mom snaps, her voice dripping with annoyance.
Dad shakes his head, trying his best to hide his smile. He starts explaining his plan, with detail, all the while Theo keeps looking unsure as if he can't decide if this whole thing is a good idea or not, but Grace, on the other hand, keeps smiling widely and encouragingly at me. While Avery fixes her glare on me, her honey-colored eyes shooting daggers at me as she keeps drinking her wine and refilling it from the bottle.
I can't believe my ears and I can't believe dad is suggesting all these things! This is an awesome idea!
Mom though is glaring at Dad, her mouth half-open, as if she is contemplating whether she wants to argue now or would it be better if she waits.
Finally, Dad finishes with three strict rules that I must stick to no matter what.
"With these rules, I don't think it's a bad idea." Theo suddenly says, more to Mom than anyone, he then looks at me with his usual elderly brother's concerned look as he adds, "If you face any problem, you inform us immediately not caring about the time difference, okay? One of us should be able to get to you in time." And then he finally smiles.
Mom sighs, already accepting her defeat as she looks at me with worried eyes "Is this truly what you think you need?" she gently asks.
"I guess."
"So it's settled. Theo, get her paper works done, visa and plane tickets and everything, let's make the whole year count." Dad says brightly as he smiles at me.
I get up from my seat and walk to where he is sitting and hug him tightly.
***
Day three
Grace is standing next to my suitcase as she looks at the clothes I've chosen to take along.
She has tied her silky hair in a ponytail, wearing a pink shirt with jeans.
I push my glasses up and go through my checklist one more time. The plan is to go to Switzerland, to my uncle's hotel. I need to wear something that would fit Geneva's weather. As I go through my clothes in my head Grace's voice draws my attention.
"Do you really think books are necessary?" She asks as she leans over my suitcase and inspects the Harry Potter books, lord of the rings, and the series of A song of ice and fire books.
I shrug and then nod, "What else would I be doing when I'm in my hotel room?" I ask and stand next to her.
"You can read their eBooks or even listen to audiobooks. You're just making your luggage heavy."
"But they don't give the feeling of reading a book," I say back and she starts to laugh.
Okay, I know I sound stupid, but I think she has seen enough of me in the past days that she's probably gotten used to it.
Practically looking at it, she's right but what would I do without my books?
I know this whole trip is to make me a better version of myself but old habits die hard.
But I can buy new books where ever I go... I scratch the back of my neck and put some of the books away.
Grace smiles at me proudly, I return her smile.
I can't believe she's going to be my sister in law... she's even kinder than Avery!
"How about you put these away too?" She picks two of my shirts, one yellow and the other white. "You can buy something from there," she adds and I nod.
"I think you're ready," she says after one more time looking my stuff.
"Thank you so much, Grace!" I say with a bright smile as she shuts the suitcase and draws the zipper.
She grins at me, "I had to spend some quality time with you, before you leave. What better opportunity than this." She says and we walk out of my room.
"I think you'll have to call Theo every day too, he's freaking out." She says as we start to walk down the stairs.
I chuckle saying, "I think so."
We enter the living room, and sit next to each other.
"You know... Theo had told me a lot about you, almost everything." She suddenly says, in a completely serious tone.
"Everything?" I ask in confusion.
"Yeah, the whole being bullied in school, your friend dying, you getting rejected in that examination and..." she mumbles but her voice trails down.
I look at her with my eyes narrowed, she takes a deep breath and says, "You getting sick," but when she looks at me she immediately notices my confusion.
I did get sick a lot but none of them were that serious.
"He told me one time he thought he's going to lose you for good... you spent three weeks in the hospital." She softly says.
I slowly nod my head, that time. Well, I wouldn't exactly call it getting sick, but apparently he does. I shouldn't feel annoyed at him but I do. I don't let the memories of it overwhelm me as I try my best to push it away, but the guilt is steadily rising in me.
"He was really scared, we were dating that time... I still remember, I called him and suddenly in the middle of the phone call, he started crying out of nowhere saying he thinks you're going to die. He really loves you, don't mind the things he says."
I nod my head, he's been acting weird since I decided to go on this trip, it never crossed my mind the incident that happened almost five years ago is still in his mind.
"I know," I sigh.
"He's worried, he was talking about you the whole night, he's really worried and scared. He wants the best for you, even if he sometimes fails to express it in the right way." She softly says.
I start to laugh, Theo has a way of expressing his thoughts, I wonder how she gets along with him.
"Thanks, Grace," I say with a smile.
At that exact moment, Avery walks in with a bottle of wine in one hand and a half-filled glass in her other hand. She rolls her eyes as her gaze lands on us. She plops on the other sofa and empties her glass of wine.
"I have to say, you're smart." She starts while opening the wine bottle.
I look at her skeptically, she pours the wine in her glass, up to its brim. She looks up at me and shrugs. "I hope you don't want any, I didn't bring any spare glasses." She says.
Grace politely thanks her as she uncomfortably shifts next to me.
I wonder if Mom and Dad had a different approach towards Avery, how she would've turned out to be. Definitely wouldn't have been the person she is now.
"When's the wedding?" I ask.
Grace looks at me surprised, then kindly smiles and says, "Next summer probably."
"Why so late?" Avery asks, looking up from her glass.
Grace shrugs and says, "Theo wants to buy the apartment we'll be living in before we marry, without anyone's help, and it's really expensive. He wants to be settled in his job too, and I still need to find a job."
"Man, you two are going to be fossils before you get the chance to have kids." Avery says and then starts laughing.
Grace looks at her with her mouth agape.
Avery's crazy.
"Well we need to secure our future before we do anything," Grace finally says.
"Yeah... and while you're securing it, Theo will have three different love affairs, and one of them will definitely be with his assistant," Avery says with a fake sweet smile and takes a sip from her drink.
Grace's cheeks turn bright red as she glares at Avery, "He won't cheat on me," She says with confidence.
Avery shrugs while saying "Whatever you say," and takes another sip from her drink.
I shake my head and sigh. I hope she doesn't ruin their relationship.
Eventually, I get up and leave the living room, walk up the stairs, and into my room. I sit on my bed and take in my room. I won't be here for another year.
I don't know if this is going to work, if this will fix things... fix me, but I hope it does.
Six nearly seven years of medication didn't fix my brain. The chemicals that were supposed to balance out my brain's chemicals failed to make me normal and happy. I don't know if I'm being foolish for hoping that a year of going around the world would fix the way I think, see and feel.
What other option do I have though? I'm so tired of the way I am, so sick of myself that I'm almost ready to do anything to get rid of it.
I really do hope one day I can be normal.
If such a thing as normal exists.
I shake my head and sigh, pushing away those thoughts. I stand and pick my checklist, as I once again go through it.
A loud knock on my door makes me look up from my checklist. Avery walks in, the bottle of wine and her glass not in sight.
She closes the door behind herself, then she starts to walk around the room.
She looks at my suitcase and then finally she fixes her gaze on me. She shakes her head, crosses her arms in front of her chest then shifts her weight from one leg to another.
"You fucking drama queen," she huffs. "You've got some fucking talent... always making everyone pity you," she spats and takes a step closer to me. "Always getting what you want,"
She runs her finger on the edge of the suitcase, "Always being the good girl... the flawless one." Her head snaps up, her eyes shooting daggers at me, "Always making me look bad in front of everyone, you bitch." She spats.
I take a step back, wrap my arms around myself, "Avery," I start.
"Oh shut up you cry baby," she snaps and takes another step towards me. "You're a fucking loser, you know that right? And traveling around the world isn't going to fix that. You're a lost cause, Eleonor and honestly, I wish you would've died that night." She says with a smile and takes another step towards me.
I stare at her blankly, she's just mad at Mom and Dad for that night at dinner, that's why she's saying all of this. I know she doesn't mean them... she couldn't possibly mean them, she's my sister!
She's just emptying her frustration from Mom and Dad on me, that's it.
I try my best to not let her words affect me.
"What do you want Avery?" I ask.
She scoffs and rolls her eyes, "I came to say thank you." I narrow my eyes at that, confused, what does she mean? "You won't be having any sort of accomplishments for a whole year, that means I won't be compared to you for a whole year, won't be reminded that my sweet little sister is way better than me, and how I can never be a pain in the neck like you. That's it." She offers a tight-lipped smile and walks past me.
"Hope you have a safe flight, you worthless piece of shit." She says and opens the door, "Oops, I meant little sister." And walks out of my room and away.
She's just had a rough couple of months, that's it. I think to myself as I sigh. I can't blame her, anyone in her place would've turned out to be the same, or maybe even worse!
Time relatively speeds up as the day turns to night and Mom and Dad come back home.
Mom checks my stuff a few times and goes through my pills, explaining how to take them for the hundredth time, she even starts checking me up like her patients, until dad and I manage to convince her I'm fine and I'll be fine.
When Theo arrives, a surge of anxiety and excitement washes through me as it means that the time has finally come.
We all -except Avery of course- head to the airport.
The drive was too short for mom's liking. It was almost impossible to break free of her embrace in front of the airport entrance.
Dad constantly saying how proud he is to have me, as Theo constantly kept saying to be careful and call him whenever I felt the need.
Grace is the only one who wished me luck.
I break free of mom's embrace for the fourth time, with a final farewell and a wave, I walk away from them and into the airport, dragging my suitcase along with myself.
Hopefully, this trip will fix the broken parts or at least make me a better version of myself.
Maybe at the end of this, I'll learn to be truly happy.
+++
((First of all, thank you for reading this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Don't forget to vote and comment on what you think about this chapter and Eleanor and Avery and even what are your guesses for the upcoming chapters?))