Kao knew what phase he was in. So the sudden waves of happiness or sadness, sudden silly thoughts that made him doubled with laughter or small things that made him cry, they didn't overwhelm him that much. He was still a normal human being, thank you very much he'd dare you to say otherwise if you don't value your bones.
He giggled as he washed his hands happily. He had Thada to break their bones. Shu.. monsters, don't tell him!!
He giggled again at the silliness of how he was sharing secret talks with his babies who weren't yet born. And why was he calling them monsters? He didn't know, he just picked it up from Thada who talks to them before they sleeps every night. He always calls them monsters. Kao throws tantrum but really, he likes it too. Weird..
"Ihihi.."
"Aren't you too bubbly for a person who had an accident?"
Kao stopped laughing immediately as he turned off the faucet and tried to walk out but Pete stood in his way. Blocking him.
"I.." Pete gave him a hesitant look but held onto Kao's hand when he tried to walk past him. "Wait! Please! I swear no more crap! I just.. I just want to apologise to you"
Kao blinked. He looked up at Pete's face and frowned. "You got in a fight again?" Was the first thing he spoke.
Pete touched his mouth and sighed. "I guess.." he looked at Kao's face who blinked at him innocently. He looked healthy, a bit chubbier.
Not like two to three months ago when he was always sleep deprived and tired.
Seeing Pete stare at his so intently, Kao poked the hand holding him with his index. "Let go of me.." he pouted.
Pete let go immediately, feeling flustered. "I.. are you okay? Did you get hurt?"
"How did you.." Kao stopped. He didn't think of it before but the whole class asked him and Sandee was beside herself, nagging him.
He looked at Pete's face again and sighed, unconsciously moving his fingers on the wound on Pete's face. "He did it, didn't he?" He asked a surprised Pete. "I'm sorry.."
"Why're you sorry?" Pete asked him curiously. He leaned against the basin. "You still live with him? He's a brute"
Kao's face expression changed. "Weren't you going to apologise to me? Come on, do it" he said coldly.
Pete blinked.
"Go on, apologise for sleeping with me by mistake, apologise for every single time you were a bastard to me in last one year, apologise for all the times you bullied me and then apologise for the harsh thing you did or said to me, come on!"
Pete opened and closed his mouth, Kao never speaks like that, does he?
"I.. I.. I'm sorry.."
Kao smiled thinly. "See, that wasn't so difficult now, was it? You should clean your own dirt before pointing at others, don't you agree?" He patted Pete's shoulder and moved past him but then stopped when Pete called him.
"So you scored a place with those.. bikers and now you're all smart mouth?" Pete blurted out. "What if it was me who beat him?"
Kao turned to look him in the eye. "I will cut your dick and shove it up your ass! It won't hurt much, now would it? You already have something stuck up there by default"
Pete gaped at Kao.
Kao blinked at him with fake innocence. "What? Cat got your tongue? Huh? Don't wanna.. push me around any more? I like doing that don't you?" He smiled sarcastically. Well blame his pregnant ass, but he likes himself for the look on the bastard's face.
"I really wanna know what's so good in him?" Pete said in low voice. Almost a growl. He was just being nice, worrying for the bastard for nothing. The bastard didn't deserve his worry when he had his guard dog for that. He didn't even have a scratch on him!
'I wish you'd gotten run down by that !' He thought to himself angrily.
Or.. he just thought he did.
Kao blinked. He looked down and put a hamd on his belly. "You really wish that don't you?" He asked in a small voice. Pete stood up from where he leaned.
"I..I.. I didn't.."
Kao chuckled, blowing deeply to calm his tears. "Yeah.. you never mean what you do.." his voice cracked. He sniffed in looked Pete in the eye. "You really wanna know? That brute has never called me a faggot.. he never made me feel small, he has never ever tried to take advantage of me and he's always kind to me and he was there for me even when he didn't have to and he's there for your-" he shut up abruptly. Realizing what he might've told Pete, he sighed to calm himself down before speaking again, slowly this time, more to himself than to Pete. "He isn't even asking anything in return, nothing" he sniffed. "I wish it was him.." he sighed and looked Pete in the eye.
"To me.. that brute worths thousand times more than you! A spineless coward who can't even be comfortable in his own skin! So you hate all those who are brave enough to do that. You can't even say a single sorry for your own mess and instead, you go on creating more!"
Pete frowned. "Wha.. what do you mean not comfortable-"
"I. Am a man. Who likes other men. Yeah, you wanna call me a faggot? So be it. But don't you forget before saying that to me how you loved bending the faggot on your own bed and fuck all night long!"
"KAO!" Pete was about to push Kao but Kao shoved him away first.
"Shut up! I'm not done talking here!" Kao snapped and pulled out picture from his bag, slapping it at a surprised Pete's face. "The next time you wanna put your hands on me, you better remember this!"
Pete blinked. Looking at the weird dark image. What is this?
He looked up to find Kao storming out before he could even ask. He looked down at the thing in his hand again. What the fuck even happened here? Wasn't he apologising? Then how come it ended up like- damn.. Kao looked hot!
"I am losing my shit!" He grabbed his head.
##~~
"Ihihih!"
Forth smiled seeing Pharm giggle happily. The boy had just forgotten everything else and sprawled down to play with the pups.
"Oh my Gawd! Ain't you two the cuutest huh?!" He was talking to the puppies, patting them when one of them started nibbling on his shirt sleeves. They were so small, they haven't even started teething properly.
"Aww where did you get em?" He looked up at Forth with sparkly eyes.
Forth smiled widely. "Didn't you say you both loved cute dogs?"
Pharm blinked. Then he gasped. "OMG! You did not!"
Forth crouched and patted the teenager's head. "See.. when I said that I kinda liked you both, what I actually meant was that I love you both so so much too"
Pharm narrowed his eyes. "Ha ha nice. But no!"
"What?" Forth gaped.
"I love them" Pharm grinned at the puppies and then shot a glare at Forth. "But!"
Forth blinked.
"Just because I'm a kid old man, doesn't mean I'm easy!" Pharm stuck his tongue out at Forth and stood up. "Keep them safe and happy, I'll come play with them another time! Byi byi pups!!"
##~~
"Hey come on, one game!"
Thada looked up and gave the guy a stoic glance, not saying a word. The guy just raised his hands in surrender and went back to play, throwing the ball to another one.
"Ey Dash! Don't bother em dude! He ain't got no time for us!!" The tall and thin guy with piercings and a body covered in tattoos that were very much visible from the loose hanging tee he wore. "He's busy playin sugar daddy!"
"Sugar and him? He'll give diabetes to sugar itself!" The third one grabbed the ball and scored.
The three of them laughed while Thada remained seated just like before, with no expression on his face. None of them had any concerns as to what the other one did. They just played together, drank and smoked or raced. No they didn't fight or did drugs. They all had part time works after class. Thada, was a tattooist. Hippy, lead vocalist for a rock band, Dash was a cook in a small but popular amd cozy restaurant while Pong was a mechanic. June worked at a computer and electronics shop while May was a stylist. They all had talents.
(I have no idea why I added these guys here. But they won't have a major role in the story. I guess I wanted to lighten the mood a bit and tell about Thada's side a bit🤷♀️)
"Yeah, it's more like him and June are adopting their first couple's pet together!" Dash sneered.
Hippy scored. "Ey speakin o' June! He's already on his way back! Ey Pong you bastard! That's foul!"
"Why?"
"Ask 'im" Hippy pointed at Thada who was looking away, not interested in the talk what so ever, but hearing that, a very rare, faint smile appeared on his face.
The three guys stopped playing to gawk at him. He was smiling? For June? Hell-o!!
"To protect my virtue" Thada spoke, the smile still on his face.
The three guys had their jaws hitting the floor.
"His..?"__Dash
"I didn't know he had a virtue"__Pong
Hippy just gaped at Thada.
But before they could even start to say or ask, a pale guy with uniform, a backpack and glasses on his eyes wandered in the court, looking around lile he was lost. But they knew he wasn't. They knew who he was.
"Yo Thada! Your baby panda got loose from his cage!"
Thada looked up in time as a huffing Kao sat beside him on the bench.
"Next time!" He said coldly. "If you decide to fight my battles for me again, make sure you atleast break their jaw for good or I'll break yours!"
Everyone else blinked. Thada just grinned. "You saw his face?"
"I did. I didn't like it first. But now I wish you had taken something off.. let's say an eye or his gums maybe" Kao huffed cutely.
Thada raised his eyebrow. Yup, definitely monsters. "Hey.." he patted Kao's head, speaking in a soft tone. It made his friends cringe. "Tell me.."
"I met him, he said sorry, only he didn't exactly meant it and made me feel even more bad and I'm mad and I'm hungry and.. why are they all looking hot?" He asked, tearing up seeing the three guys in front of him. Thada covered Kao's eyes for good measure and barked at the boys to dress properly who complied.
What exactly properly meant? They didn't know.
Kao huffed again when he had no more naked abs to drool on. "I'm hungry! I hate you! You hid all my chocolate!"
"Here.." Thada hurriedly handed him one. Then he glared at the guys. They shared looks among each other and went back to play with shrugs. Fine!! They won't care if the little tiger bites his head off.
"Calm down huh.." Thada pulled Kao to sit beside him. He rested himself comfortably while biting on the chocolate and watching the game. Thada sighed in relief. The storm was over.
"King kong.."
"Hmm?"
"I told him" Kao informed. "I mean, I guess I did"
>>SILENCE
"Oh my GOD!!! I TOLD HIM!!"
##~~
"Ya ya yum yum! Phood!!"
Beam smiled and fed the boy in his lap who ate eagerly while performing baby dance for the whole cafeteria to enjoy. He even utilized his hands to fill them with food and smudge his mouth when Beam neglected to feed him by a second or two. This kid never really gets tired of his shenanigans. Ever!
And that was not it. Just in a few hours, the whole hospital knew who his majesty Arthit Vongviphan was, courtesy of his tupid dada shouting his name every now and then because he managed to run out of the day care twice in just one day because he wanted to pway doca with his dada.
Or have seriously talk with ukka keety or walk around like he owned the place, ordering people around to find his ukka gaffa who apparently disappeared after promising him a gipha.
(Arthit language101: Pway doca means play doctor while ukka keety and gaffa are uncle kitty and giraffe. Gipha means gift)
So basically Beam knew since the boy was already almost three, daycare would not be the best option. Especially since he knows his father was there all the time. This was bad.
It was not that Beam exactly mind it before. He actually found it amusing, how Arthit had that charm to just take over and own everything around him but today, it was tiring.
"Hey.. slow down"
"Aathi hngwy!" Arthit pouted at him. "Dada no geeb Aathi phood! Woof ea dada!"
(Arthit language101: Beam sometimes tries and fails miserably to scare Arthit with 'wolves will eat you' so he would listen. But Arthit just throws it back asking wolves to eat Beam instead)
"Oi! You want your dada to be eaten by wolves?" Beam gaped at the boy.
"Eumph!" Arthit nodded, pouting with his lower lip pushed out.
Beam gave him an unamused look. "Then who will fill your fat tummy all the time? Normal people only have meals three times a day"
"Eh?" Arthit blinked. He didn't know that!! He had to keep dada safe from wolves then!
He hugged Beam tightly, staining his clean baby pink shirt with sauce. "Aathi waab dada!"
Beam cringed. Another shirt!! This rascal!
"Hey.." Beam looked up to find Tim.
Tim smiled thinly. "I'm sorry.. I won't take much time. I just.. I wanted to thank you"
Beam blinked. Arthit waved at Tim happily and took the opportunity to dirty his face and clothes more with food.
Tim smiled down at him and sat beside Beam, facing him. "Thanks.. for not turning your back on Kit. I know.. none of them basically deserve it.. but it meant a lot to him that..you didn't.."
Beam blinked again. Not sure how to respond to the man. Then he remembered it. "You!"
"I'm Tim. I was friends with Forth and.. Lam in university, we used to hang-"
"I know that! I saw you today.. you finally got the courage?" Beam asked.
Tim narrowed his eyes. "What are you exactly? A magical eye or something? How did you know? I'm not even sure you were mentally present on the times you joined Pha and Kit to hang out with us"
Beam shrugged. "I'm smart. Unlike the rest of them. I like to observe before I indulge myself" he smirked. "Does he know?"
Tim didn't answer.
"You should tell him. He's.. not very confident in himself" he smiled at Tim. "It would give him that confidence"
Tim blinked. "What the hell are you made up of?"
Beam smiled and looked down. "That.. is an excellent question"
"Damn! Forth was one lucky bastard" Tim smiled. "I'm sorry.. you had to go through that"
Beam nodded. "Yeah, me too" he said shortly.
Tim stood up from his place. "I just wanted to thank you, it took him years to get out of the misery.. he left him in. He.. all three of them.. they're not happy or.. peaceful. And.. I know you don't have to care. But you did. Thank you!"
Beam looked up at Tim. He nodded.
Tim frowned. Thoughtfully. "You know.. I'm Forth's friend and Kit's.. boyfriend. But I saw what happened. You're not obligated to do anything for.. any of them" he smiled looking at Arthit who didn't once look up or interrupted their talk. "I hope you're happy with your life"
"I am. Thank you" Beam said. Tim nodded and walked away to find Kit.
Beam sighed.
"Dada.. wha aapen?" Arthit asked him, blinking at him confusedly.
"Nothing baby.. dada is tired" he pecked the boy's hair.
"Aw.. Aathi bow on it?" He tried to lift himself to blow on Beam's forehead. Beam smiled and pecked the boy's nose.
"Let's do rounds and then go back home, shall we?"
"Eumph" Arthit nodded worriedly. Beam patted his head and fed him more.
That night, he went to lay down with a heavy heart.
Yeah, he couldn't bear to see Kit like that. He knew Kit's condition. He had been living for over two years now, seeing Pharm battle with it. He couldn't ever turn his back on that. Not when his own child suffers from anxiety disorder. Not when he had by experience, seen the pain of the person living with it. He could never, in million years, be able to look his child in the eye of he walked away from Kit.
So yeah, call him soft. But seeing the things in the world that he had seen, Kit's crimes against him were really just a drop in the bucket. And he was already living hell with his condition. Plus, Beam forgave them all a long time ago.
He promised his little Kiara he would never have enough space in his heart for hatred. He remembered that day. It was the day she would be one, had she survived long enough to come into the world. He lit a candle for her, promising to make sure other little angels lile her would come to their parents. Promising that his heart that loved her so much will only be filled with that. Love.
But that did not mean he was okay with it. It didn't mean his heart won't feel heavy. That he had now forgiven Kit and they were back to scratch. No. It wasn't. He was human after all. How could be possibly do that?
Did it mean he failed hos promise?
Why was life so unfair to him?
Why can't he just be that? Happy and peaceful in his life with his children. Was that too much to ask?
Why did he not rid himself of their memories? Why he had to show them to his boys? Could he not.. just for once.. be like them? Throw away the past like it didn't matter?
Why was he always hurt? Why even after so many years he still remembered Pha's care for him and Kit's nagging and Forth's touch? Why he couldn't stop hearing that small, heart warming chuckle of a sweet little baby he never had?
He held his head. He will go mad. Can't Pharm and Arthit atleast give him a break? Can they please not do that to him? Can't they stop dragging him down to the paths that only bear his scars all over again?
The door of his room opened and the kids sneaked in. Pharm helped Arthit up on the bed who hurriedly climbed on Beam, hugging his waist like a koala. Pharm hugged him from the side. Beam sighed and hugged them back.
It was too much for him. Too much. He lost all his patience and control, tears running down his eyes as he sobbed painfully, letting all his pain out. The kids hugged him tightly. Not letting go.
"We got you dad.. we got you" Pharm spoke to him and kissed the tears away from his cheek. "We're here.."
"Dada.." Arthit teared up. He didn't know what was happening except that his dada was hurt. "Aathi waabu"
##~~
Ta da.
I know. I know. I ended it on a heavy note again.
So Kao gave his ultrasound to Pete. Does that even count as telling him?
And Beam is overwhelmed by all his emotions. It happens to the best of us. I just wanted to share with you all why he's so willing to forgive and move on. Even when it hurts. But he has his remedy.