It seemed to be that Alex was always mad at Barry for something.
He had gotten used to her angry eyes and scowl on her face when she approached him. Her yelling had also been something that he had gotten accustomed to mostly because she meant well by her words, even if they did come out in a harsh tone. Barry Allen was used to her being angry because he knew how much she worried about him.
This time, it was just the same as all the others when she paced back and forth in front of him, spewing out words of worry, anger, and thankfulness that he was okay. Barry sat and took it all in, watching as her facial expressions changed second to second. This was something that he knew was going to happen.
The night before, Barry and Alex had joined up at the West home since Wally returned from Earth-3. He had a good time with Jesse but was glad to be back home. Joe came back, telling the gang that he told Cecile the truth about everything, along with their secret identities. They had told him that it was okay to tell her.
However, while the five of them were laughing and having a good time, Barry seemed to zone out after a little while. When they finally got his attention again, he ran off saying that he would be right back. He wasn't. After an hour, Alex called him worried sick about where he was and what happened.
Turns out that he had not only figured out who Savitar was, but had gone after him as well. Barry promised that he would explain everything the next day when the whole team was there. It didn't mean that she wasn't going to get mad at him that night for being stupid enough to face Savitar alone.
So, while Alex belted her heart out about how he should have known better to go after him alone, Barry only admired how much he loved that woman. By the end of her speech, Barry had pulled her into his arms and they collapsed onto their bed. He was safe, and that was all that mattered.
The next day, they arrived at STAR Labs with the dreadful news about who Savitar really was. It turns out, that after Alex's death, Barry goes back in time over and over again in hopes to defeat Savitar with time remnants. One of those remnants lived and turned into Savitar.
It was an endless loop with no beginning and no end. Barry had created Savitar without even being aware of it. Attempting to save Alex from death was the reason that she was killed. It took her a little bit of time to finally wrap her head around the fact that under that big metallic suit was a man with the same face as the person she loved most.
After explaining what he knew to the team, Barry left the group in hopes to think about this truth. Alex chased after him, finding him down in the speed lab on Cisco's treadmill. To no surprise, it seemed like he was upset about finding out that it was another version of himself trying to kill her.
"What was he like?" Alex asked, as she made her way to sit next to him. Barry only hoped that knowing that it was his remnant that was trying to kill her wouldn't deter her away from the real, present him.
"Broken. Kinda reminded me of you a little bit," Barry told her. Alex sarcastically thanked him for comparing her killer to herself. "You know I didn't mean it like that. It's just that, after all this time I though that Savitar was some monster and it's just some broken part of me that never found happiness.
"He said that it was like looking in a mirror and he was right. But not just the way that he looked. It was in his eyes, the pain that was inside them. I've seen it in myself, I've seen it in you. When I think about how violently my parents died, sometimes I want to repay that violence with more violence. I want to make someone hurt as much as I do."
"But you don't" Alex snaked her arm around his. "You're a good person but I know what you mean. That pain, that anger, I know all to well what it can lead to. But it's what makes us human. We live through the pain and the sorrow so that we get to enjoy the happiness and love too."
"I don't think that the others realize how easily it is for anyone one of us to become like Savitar. Jay told us that we weren't gods but we could be. It wouldn't take much for any speedster, especially you. I know you worry about that but I'm just - what am I going to have to become to stop Savitar?"
"I do worry about that," Alex admitted. Everyone knew that she was constantly worried about having such a loss that she would become the one evil that she never wished to become. "But, you, Barry Allen, this you right here, right now, has too much love in his heart to turn evil. Savitar isn't you, he's the worsts part of you but you're never going to lose the good inside you, whether I'm here or not."
"Hey! Oh, bad time?" Cisco ran into the room, noticing that the two seemed to be in the midst of a serious conversation. Barry brushed it off and asked what was going on. "I just came up with the best idea ever, or the worst. But at least its an idea. Come on, I'll show you guys."
Hand in hand they followed Cisco back up to his lab. Whatever his idea was, they would take it. With just barely a month left until Alex was supposed to die, they were getting worried. Alex could tell as the days grew near that Barry was clinging a little more tightly to her each night. He was scared to lose her.
As they walked into the lab, it took Alex a moment to realize what she was looking at. "Oh, geez, I haven't seen this thing in a while." It was the machine that they used to rid her memories of other people, except now, it looked to be fixed up and better. She shivered, remembering the pain that it brought the last time that she used it. "Oh wait, Cisco, you're a genius."
"Why thank you, my favorite person in this room," Cisco did a little bow. Barry looked confused between the two. "We're gonna stop you from making new memories. Savitar knows everything we're gonna do because he remembers doing it, he's future Barry. So, what if Barry can't remember what we're doing now?"
"You want to mess with his brain?" Joe questioned.
"I mean, they already used this thing on me - the old version anyways. You did improve it right? Because it was a bitch to use it last time. I still get headaches thinking about it," Alex rubbed the back of her head just thinking about it. Cisco promised that he improved it and that Barry would still remain Barry.
"There's two types of memory, Allen," Julian tried to take over. However, Cisco was quick to stop him claiming that this was his presentation and he was the one that was going to deliver it. Julian rolled his eyes but allowed him to continue his previous explanation about what they were going to do.
"This is the part of the brain that retains information before sending it to the cortex to be stored forever," Cisco pointed to the left side of his head. "So, what if we block that chain with a magnetic disruption?"
It was quite a smart plan. Savitar would never remember what they would come up with to defeat him meaning that he would never be two steps ahead of them anymore. Until this was all over and they could trap him, they would be safe from Alex dying and one step closer to changing the future.
Barry agreed to the plan, he was willing to try anything at this point to save her. Though there was concern that they were trying this without Caitlin, the team had faith in Cisco and his tech abilities. Alex tried to argue that she would look it over but Barry already said that he fully trusted Cisco.
Reluctantly she stood by his side, waiting for Cisco to 'get zapping' on his brain. Alex grabbed Barry' hand as Cisco pressed down on the tablet to activate it. Barry's eyes went wide for a moment but he didn't seem to be in any pain. "Alright that should do it," Cisco announced. "How do you feel?"
"I feel fine," Barry told the rest of them. He looked down at his clasped hand with Alex and forcefully wiggled out of it. Alex raised a questionable eyebrow at him. Several times his name was called out but not once did he reply to them. After realizing that everyone was looking at him, he spoke. "Who's Barry? Who are all of you? What's going on? Seriously, who are you guys?"
He seemed to be getting more and more panicked. "It's okay, Barry, stay calm," Alex tried to place a hand on his shoulder but he only ripped himself away from her. She held back the pain of his actions, knowing that this wasn't him. "Cisco!" She glared over at him. "I told you I should have looked at this thing. 'Trust me, Alex, I know what I'm doing'. Obviously not!"
"Where the hell am I?" Barry asked one more time. Alex tried to tell him that he was in STAR Labs. "Labs? A laboratory? What are you guys? Are you experimenting on me?" He worried even more, trying to stand up. He had completely lost every memory of who he was. Alex was shocked but what was going on.
"No one is exp- well, yes technically yes. But it was consensual," Julian tried to help calm the situation but it didn't seem to help. He pushed away from everyone and stood closer to the door. She couldn't imagine what was going through his head. He was stuck in a lab with six random strangers and no memories.
"You were?" Barry didn't seem to be aware that they were in fact experimenting on him. "Why can't I remember anything why can't I remember my name?" He felt around his pockets to try and find his wallet and ID. "My name is Bartholomew Henry Allen, that is not a good name. Are you sure I don't go by Bart? Bart feels more natural to me, can we go with Bart?"
Cisco tried to coax him to get back in the chair so that they could try and fix things but he just got more rattled and began backing away from everyone. "No! no, I'm not getting in the chair. No, how do I know that you didn't kidnap me to do some weird brain surgery on me? Or maybe you're like those criminals who trick people into hotel rooms and steal their kidneys. Do I still have my kidneys?"
"Barry! Bart! Whatever the fuck you wanna be called," Alex exclaimed, trying to get him to focus on her. She held her phone out towards them. The picture of the two of them lying on the couch together was on the screen, followed by a picture of him with Joe and Iris. "We're your friends, your family. We just want to help you."
"You have pretty eyes," Barry looked from the pictures back up to her. "Oh my god, sorry that just kinda slipped out. I'm sure that your boyfriend, girlfriend, I don't judge, or do I? Do I? No, that feel wrong, I don't ju-"
"Barry it's you," Alex flipped to a different picture- one that proved that they were together. "You're my boyfriend. Look, I know that you're scared and confused but we're here to help you. You can trust us. Trust me."
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Barry had been called down to CCPD at the request of Cecile. Thankfully with her knowledge of who Barry really was, it was easy to explain what had happened to him. She said that it didn't matter because he needed to testify if they were going to get this big time arsonist locked up.
Alex hadn't gone down with them, as much as she wanted to. She stayed with Cisco and Julian to hopefully figure out how to return him back to normal. They had come up with nothing and when Iris called, they realized how little time they had. Instead of fixing Barry, they would have to come up with something to get him to testify.
Julian had suggested that Alex could simply just shift into him and testify in his place. She didn't want to risk shifting into him and losing all of her memories as well. They crossed that idea off of the list as well. It wasn't worth the risk for her to potentially forget everything as well.
Alex left the moment that Iris called. Barry was feeling down on himself about not being able to remember anything and if there was one person that would be able to cheer him up it was her. She encouraged the guys to come up with an idea without her, hoping that it wasn't going to be a ridiculous scheme.
Using her speed, she raced down to the precinct to meet up with Iris and Barry who were holed up in one of the offices with the doors and blinds closed. Thankfully, no one noticed her speed in to the building. She came to a stop, right between Iris and Barry, who were silently waiting for her.
"Whoa!" Barry exclaimed, amazed by her sudden appearance. They had confirmed earlier that he didn't even know that he was the Flash or that he had powers. It was probably best to keep it that way and Alex felt like an idiot for showing her powers off to him. "How did you do that?"
"I, uh, have powers," Alex explained, scratching the back of her head. "I don't know about you guys, but, uh, I'm starving."
"Me too, even though we just ate. That's so weird huh? Am I usually a big eater?" Barry asked. He rambled on for a little while longer before Alex cut him off, asking if Iris wished to join them for lunch. She declined, saying that she was going to go back to the lab to hopefully figure something out with Cisco and Julian.
Alex walked alongside Barry down the street to Jitters. It was the closest place to the precinct that she knew that they both loved. Along the way, Barry fired question after question at her. He asked about how they met, how long they had been dating, stuff like that.
She ordered them both a coffee and some sandwiches to quench their hunger. "Okay wait, if we didn't like each other when we met, how did that change?" Barry asked. He demolished half of his sandwich in only a couple bites. She laughed, thinking that no matter how much he forgot, he still had the same eating habits.
"That's a long story. We didn't like each other because I was kind of a bitch to you and our friends when I first met you guys. It was you that changed me, you showed me kindness that I didn't have in my life for a long time. You showed me that there was nothing wrong with letting people in my life."
"You sound like you were some edgy goth," Barry laughed, to which she had to join along with. Alex argued that she wasn't like that. "Okay, so then how did we start dating? If my kindness changed you so much than I only assume that I'm just as romantic as well. Did I do good?"
"Well, our first kiss was in a public bathroom so I mean you didn't do that well."
"No! Wow why would you decide to date somehow who made their move in a bathroom? I must be a pretty lucky guy. " Barry smiled, not believing her words. She only nodded, confirming that what she was saying was true. He laughed. Alex watched him with an admiration. It had been so long since she had seen him laugh and smile so much. Part of her wished that they never had to bring back all of his pain. "What?"
"Nothing, it's just. It's been a long time since I've seen you this happy," Alex truthfully told him. She changed the subject and decided to hopefully remind him a little bit more about himself by showing him more pictures. He looked at old pictures of himself from high school along with ones of him with the West family.
She followed up by showing him an album that was dedicated to just them. The very first one had been one that Cisco managed snap of them. They were in the cortex, Alex had her arms around Barry and her head resting on his chest. She didn't even remember what happened that day but it looked like that hug had fixed everything.
Barry scrolled through all of the pictures, smiling at how cute of a couple they were. It wasn't until he reached one of the more recent ones did he question it. "Why are you wearing an engagement ring here? Why not anymore?"
"It's uh, complicated," Alex began, setting her mug back on the table. "You proposed to me, and I did say yes. We just recently called it off." He asked why. "We both live very busy lives, it just wasn't the right time for us. We promised each other that we would consider it again down the road."
It was a little bit of a lie, but she had never seen him so happy in her entire life that she didn't want to tell him the real reason that they cancelled the engagement. Alex wished that he could stay light hearted like this, for years he was always dragged down by his past and all the trauma he endured.
"Why would I ever let you go like that?" Barry asked. He rested his head on his hand and looked at her with dreamy eyes. She didn't want to explain why he was unable to marry her, it was a hard decision on them both. All of a sudden, his phone buzzed with a text. "I got to get to the court house."
"Yeah, of course. I'll see you later," Alex nodded, thinking about his words about letting her go. Barry debated whether or not to go in for the goodbye kiss, he decided not to, and awkwardly left the coffee shop. Alex felt her whole body fill with grief, was it the right thing to do to bring his memories back?
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Julian and Cisco's idea hadn't worked. They gave Barry these glasses that would read off a script for him to say, however the moment that he got a single bead of sweat on them, they fried. The arsonist got let go and Barry felt like it was all his fault. There was nothing that he could have done but guilt still flooded him.
After the trial, Alex had picked him up from the courthouse in her car and brought him back home. The whole way there he spoke of how he felt bad about not being able to do anything now. She couldn't help but admire his dire need to help people without even knowing who he was.
Alex unlocked the door to their home and ushered him inside. She peeled off her jacket and hung it up on the rack right by the door with him following her lead. The moment that she flicked the lights on, he admired their quaint little home.
It had changed a lot since he had moved in. Before, Alex had no decorations in her house. Barely any pictures were around and it looked like a stock home. Although it was still a beautiful apartment, his move in had changed it into the home that she always wanted.
Little mementos, decorations, pictures, even decorative pillows were scattered everywhere. It was something that they had worked together on to fix up and she couldn't be more happy with the results. "This is our place? How do we afford to live her? Wow, you have great taste."
"This was mostly you, Bare," Alex gestured to everything that he had picked out when they went shopping together. He shuffled over to where several picture frames stood up. He grabbed the one that she had gotten him for Christmas with his parents and their rings. "Those are your parents, do you remember them?"
"No, why did something bad happen to them?" Barry asked. Alex felt a tightness in her chest. All of Barry's life he was driven by the death of his mother, and more recently, his father. Not knowing the truth was the biggest reason as to why he was so light and filled with joy.
"They died," Alex placed her hand on his shoulder. "It was unexpected, but they died peacefully. That's when you moved in with Joe and Iris, they took care of you."
"When did I move in here?"
"Another long story," Alex chuckled. "I was in an accident a couple years back. You moved in while I was at the hospital without even telling me. I was nice enough not to kick you to the curb," she joked partially. "You came into my life at just the right time, Barry Allen, and you haven't left my side since."
"I have a pretty good feeling why," Barry stepped closer to Alex. This was the first time since he had lost his memory that he was willing to get close like this. His hands delicately grabbed her hips. Slowly, he leaned down to kiss her, he was hesitant at first, but she had promised that it was okay.
Alex dragged her fingers up his chest up to cup his face. She waited for him to deepen the kiss, not wanting to spook him off. There was a literal spark between them, just as there had been once before. She watched in flash time how he discovered his speed again, running from place to place with no control of his body.
Before he could tumble over the couch and into the wall, she grabbed him with her own speed and sturdy him. "What just happened to me? Do I have the same powers as you?" Barry questioned, still in her arms. At least he figured out that he was a metahuman again. She told him to sit on the couch and wait for her.
Alex pulled out her phone to call Joe to let him know what was going on. He was with Iris as well and told her that they would meet them at STAR Labs as soon as they could. If Barry was going to relearn how to use his speed that was the best and safest place to do it. She shoved her phone into her back pocket and joined him on the couch.
"You're going to be just fine, Barry," Alex assured him. Hesitantly, she grabbed his hand. For her, it had been an uncountable amount of times that she had done the action, but for him it was the first. Thankfully, Barry seemed to relax his hand in her hold, even if he couldn't remember anything, he knew that he felt safe with her. "These powers that we have, we saved a lot of people with them."
"So we are super heroes then?" Barry asked. He was slowly starting to piece everything together but it was taking a long time. He wished that he could remember everything, especially after disappointing so many people because he couldn't remember. "What are our names then?"
"Well, I'm Mirage, and you're The Flash," Alex told him. She wanted to tell him more about what they did but almost every story that she could think of off of the top of her head resulted in a bad ending for someone. He didn't need to know the backlash of being the hero. "Come on, let's get you back to the lab where you can really test out that speed."
"Wait, wait," Barry stopped her. "Can we maybe do a little more of that kissing again?"