17. Consoler
To Comfort
"Alice?"
Alice blinked, staggering back as Theo turned, his hand ripping away from Emily's exposed thigh like he'd been burned.
"I can explain," he sputtered, stepping forward.
"I don't..." Alice's voice was strangled, a lump quickly growing in her throat. She took another step back, colliding with Finn's chest. His hands immediately moved to grasp her arms and steady her.
"There's nothing to explain, McKay. I think your actions explain plenty," Finn spat.
Alice swayed, her brows furrowed, her head spinning. Theo took another step forward as Emily hopped off the balustrade, pulling her dress down over her legs.
"Alice, please listen," Emily said, rushing forward. She paused a step away from Alice, and Alice pressed further into Finn, her heart pounding, her stomach turning.
She felt nauseous.
"I don't..." Alice repeated, the words refusing to come out.
Finn stepped around her, towering over Emily, his nose scrunched in distaste. "You're a real piece of shit, you know that?"
"No one asked you, Cauley," Emily spat back. "Leave Alice alone."
"No, how about you leave her the fuck alone. I think you've done enough."
"Alice, come on," Theo took another step forward, his eyes pleading. "It's not what it looks like. I was just—"
"Making out with her best friend," Finn supplied. He stepped forward, forcing Emily and Theo back. "Fuck off, McKay."
Theo saw red, furrowing his brow and stepping closer to Finn. He shoved a finger at Finn's chest. "That's my fucking girlfriend."
"Was."
Theo blinked at the sound of Alice's voice, turning to see her clenched jaw and quivering lip. "What?"
"Was your girlfriend," Alice said, her voice strained. "It's over Theo. You really couldn't last, what, an hour? Too much commitment for you?"
"Alice, wait—"
"You know what, Theo?" Alice croaked, shaking her head. "Just leave me alone."
She turned, ignoring his pleading voice, and sprinted down the stairs. She didn't stop as she ran through the library lawn, or around the locked library building, until she'd found a corner free from prying eyes.
Alice sunk to the floor, leaning her back against a school building she couldn't recognise. She took a sharp breath, inhaling the cold December air.
And she cried.
A sob bubbled up her throat, and tears fell over her eyes, dripping down her cheeks. She laughed bitterly at her ruined makeup and wrinkled dress, but the tears continued to flow, running into her mouth until she tasted salt.
She laughed because she wasn't even upset about Theo.
She knew she should have been. Theo was her, what? Boyfriend? Fantasy? Except, she had liked the idea of him more than the boy himself. She liked the thought of dating a rugby player. She liked the thought of sneaking kisses with Theo McKay, the boy her parents approved of—the boy the entire school approved of.
And when Alice began developing feelings for him all those months ago, it had been practically written in stone. Alice Travers always got what she wanted.
It had just seemed natural for the two of them to eventually get together.
But then she got to know him, the real him. She didn't care much for his sense of humour. She hated public displays of affection. Worse, she had begun to dread being alone in a room with him.
No, she wasn't mourning her relationship with Theo.
She was mourning Emily.
Emily was supposed to be her best friend. They'd known each other since they could barely speak. This was supposed to be their day.
Her heart wrenched and she let out a loud cry.
The sound of approaching footsteps came from a distance, and she turned quickly, dragging her palms across her skin to wipe away tears. She blinked as Finn rounded the corner and stopped at the entrance to the small alley, she sat miserably in.
The pair stared at each other in silence for a moment. Then, he walked towards her, his shoes crunching on the gravel with each step. When he reached her, he sank to the ground and sat beside her, their arms knocking against each other.
Alice released a shaky breath, silent tears flowing over her chin.
"Fuck them," Finn muttered, shaking his head.
Alice sniffled, pulling her knees to her chin. Her voice came out weak and warbly. "Leave me alone, Cauley. I can—"
"Handle yourself?" he finished for her. "Right, like you are right now?"
"Shut up," she muttered, pouting, but she relented, finding the company slightly comforting. A pause settled over the two before she said, eventually, "It's my fault."
Finn frowned, then furrowed his brows, his eyes dark. "What? No, it's absolutely not."
"It is. I couldn't give him what he wanted," Alice hiccupped. "I wasn't good to him. My parents would say—"
"Who gives a shit what your parents think," Finn sneered. "McKay is an asshole. And so is Emily."
"But—"
"There is no but." Finn turned, snapping his eyes to meet Alice. She stopped mid-sniffle, blinking through her tears. He shook his head at her, his jaw set and his expression softening. His voice grew gentle.
"Alice, It's not your fault."
"I just..." Alice stammered, pouting. "I don't know what to do. Everything is changing."
Finn sighed. He ran a hand over his weary face, then wrapped an arm around Alice's shoulder. He pulled her into his chest, stroking her arm as she sobbed.
"I know," he muttered. "I'm sorry."
"First Heather." Alice sobbed, her voice croaking and hiccupping. "And then Theo started becoming distant." She paused to release a loud sob. "I should've seen it coming. I should've... I should've known... or—"
"No," Finn interrupted with a murmur. "You trusted him. You trusted them."
"And Emily, I've known her my whole life," Alice continued between sniffles. "Why would she... I just don't understand... Did I do something, or..."
Her voice faded into a sob, and Finn dragged her closer, his grip tightening around her arm.
"Why is this happening?" She blubbered, her tears staining Finn's shirt. She clutched onto him as another sob wracked through her body, her dress catching on the dirt and rocks beneath her legs. "Why did he have to..."
She wept, her voice croaking and hiccupping and sniffling, tears flowing freely down her face, running her mascara and smudging her foundation.
Finn rubbed her shoulder affectionately, attempting to warm her from the cold December air, but Alice felt none of it. All she felt was nausea and horror, the flipping of her stomach and the horrible twisting of her heart.
She loved Theo. She loved Emily.
How could they have done this?
And yet, Alice didn't have the energy to become angry. Her tears drained her energy and eventually she was reduced to quiet hiccups and heavy eyelids. Finn continued to rub her arm and she wondered how long they had been sitting there.
Suddenly feeling very embarrassed, she pulled away from his chest and gazed sheepishly up at him.
"Cauley," she began, her voice croaky. "Finn, I'm—Oh, God—I'm sorry. Your shirt is ruined."
Even though he'd worn an all-black shirt and blazer, it had wrinkled and covered in dark wet spots. Alice blushed at the sight of it.
"It's fine," Finn said, shaking his head. He quirked a brow at her. "I'll charge the dry-cleaning bill to your tab."
Alice released a small chuckle and moved to stand, but Finn was faster, quickly getting to his feet and offering a hand to pull her up. She took it, her fingers frozen from the cold, and brushed off her dirty dress.
"I must look terrible," she sighed, pursing her lips. "I can't go back in there."
She imagined how she must look, with her wrinkled, dirty dress and running mascara. Her mother would murder her if she looked like this in high society. She shuddered at the thought. Besides, her heart still ached, and her shoulders slumped in fatigue.
And she definitely did not want to see Theo or Emily again.
"You should go home," Finn agreed, running a hand through his slicked back locks. "I'll tell your parents you were feeling sick. Make up an excuse or something. Don't worry about it."
Alice blinked in surprise. "Really? You'd do that for me?"
"Such little faith in me?" he teased, cracking a smile. When she continued staring at him in confusion, he ran a hand over the back of his neck and shrugged. "You just had the shittiest party of your life, Travers. Of course, I'd do that for you."
Alice smiled coyly despite how her heart wrenched at his words.
"Thank you," she muttered, her voice small.
"Will you be okay getting home by yourself?"
Alice nodded. She pushed her hair out of her face and ran her palms over her blotchy cheeks once more. She huffed determinedly. "Thanks again, Finn. Really. For... everything."
He smiled, hesitating before turning and leaving her alone. And her tears tumbled out in the silence.
***
Alice could not sleep that night.
Her parents didn't arrive home until well past midnight, having spent the rest of the day visiting different socialites and networking. They'd briefly checked on her, deliberately ignored her tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyelids before announcing she must have a fever of sorts, and then left her alone to sob into her pillow.
All she could think about was Theo's hand creeping up her best friend's thigh.
She thought of Theo's recent disappearance, his terrible excuses to be alone and not see her—she wondered how long this arrangement had been happening. She was humiliated.
How many times had Emily asked about Theo, accepting Alice's excuses when, she had been the reason behind his disappearances? How many times had Alice made a fool of herself, gushing to Emily about him when it had all been one sided?
Her heart panged at the idea and she released a loud sob, weeping beneath her thick duvet covers. She'd spent an hour in the shower, letting the hot water wash away her tears, but it wasn't enough.
She knew it wasn't her fault, yet she couldn't help but think about what she could have done to prevent it. What she could have done with him to prevent it.
Alice had always known what her role would be as a woman born into high society, much less a woman that looked like she did, in a country where their circles did not involve people like her—in a business owned by a father that looked nothing like her.
Alice was born into the word proving her self-worth. She had become a toy of sorts. A Barbie who welcomed guests. At parties, she was nothing more than a portrait on the wall—something fun to look at when guests felt like it, but otherwise, merely an extension of the wallpaper itself. There to look pretty. There because she had been placed there, leaving not an option.
She had a role to play, and she should have played it with Theo. With Emily.
She was supposed to be at Theo's house, right now, cuddling and maybe even doing more. But instead, she was curled in her bed, sobbing into her knees in the dark.
A light knock came from her door and she froze. Her parents were long asleep, and the house staff wouldn't disturb her at this hour. She quickly rubbed her tears away with the palms of her hands and sat up, blinking through the darkness.
"It's me," came a low voice through the door. "I know you're awake, Travers."
Alice raised her brows in surprise. "Cauley?"
The door handle pushed down, and the door creaked open. Cauley, dressed in trackpants and a loose black t-shirt, stepped into her room. His hair was damp and messy, blond strands sticking in all directions.
He shut the door quietly behind him and stood awkwardly by the door.
"What are you doing here?" Alice asked, trying to level her voice so it seemed as if she hadn't been crying. She glanced at the alarm clock on her bedside table. "It's three in the morning."
"I figured you couldn't sleep." He shrugged.
Alice laughed bitterly. That was an understatement. It felt like every time she closed her eyes, the image of Theo's lips on Emily's flashed in front of her. No matter how exhausted she felt, she couldn't sleep.
"You figured right," Alice muttered, sinking into her sheets. "How did you get in?"
"Kitchen door."
She chuckled croakily, and he sent her a lopsided grin. A heavy silence enveloped the two, before she sniffled quietly, and her voice grew quiet. "I just keep thinking about it."
"I know." Finn sighed.
Alice's bottom lip trembled, and she pulled the covers up to cover her face. "I just don't understand. Why would they do this? And after everything else that happened? They were supposed to be my friends."
"I know."
"I want to be angry, but I just..." her voice morphed into a wracking sob and she squeezed her eyes shut as hot tears trailed down her cheeks. Her eyelids were already red and rubbed raw from all her crying.
Finn crossed the room and, within seconds, was seated on the edge of her bed, stroking her back lightly as she hiccupped. The bed dipped where he sat and Alice tilted towards him.
"I hate them so much, but I love them, and I can't help it." She cried, her voice cracking.
"I know," Finn muttered. His hand moved to stroke her hair that had stuck to her teary cheeks, pulling it out of her face. "It's not your fault."
"You know what's funny?" Alice asked suddenly. She shifted on her mattress to face him. "I got a text one time telling me that Theo was sleeping with someone else. I just... I wonder how long this has been happening. Who else knew?"
"It was probably just a coincidence," Finn attempted, but Alice didn't believe him. She huffed, flopping back down onto her pillow and letting the tears flow freely. She sniffled, rolling her eyes.
"This was supposed to be the best night of our lives," Alice continued, tears flowing over her lips, leaving a salty aftertaste. It felt as though all of her thoughts were suddenly tumbling from her mouth. "It wasn't supposed to go like this. We dreamed of this day for years."
"I remember," Finn said, shaking his head. "You and Emily wouldn't shut up about it when we were kids."
"I can't believe she would just—She's supposed to be my best friend," Alice wept. "She was all I had."
Finn sighed, shifting so that his legs were on the bed, and pulled her to rest against his chest. He raked his fingers through her hair, shoving it out of her face, and wiped his thumb beneath her eyes, catching fresh tears.
She melted under his touch. She had never expected him to treat her as gently as he was now. She gazed up at him, at his clenched jaw and furrowed brow.
"That's not true," he said. "You have me."
Alice sighed, relaxing against his chest. She almost wanted to laugh at this situation. She never would have imagined Emily would betray her like this, and Cauley would be the one to comfort her. The roles had been reversed somewhere along the way.
"I haven't slept beside you in, like, ten years."
Finn laughed, his chest vibrating through her. He moved, wrapping both his arms around her, and his warmth enveloped her. "It's been a while."
"But it's just like I remember," Alice said, her voice growing even quieter. Her eyelids drooped shut and she inhaled his scent.
Finn smirked in the dark. "Is it?"
"Well, you smell more like tobacco than you did then," Alice teased. "But you're still a thousand degrees warmer than I ever am."
She was partially telling the truth.
His shoulders had grown broader, and his chest had become harder. His hands were larger than when they were kids, practically covering her entire head as he stroked her hair. And his voice—it had dropped incredibly low and each time he spoke, it rumbled through his chest to her ears.
"Keep your cold toes away from me," he shot back.
Alice hummed in response, too tired to laugh. She paused for a moment, sniffling quietly. Finn's fingers continued to tangle in her hair, lulling her tears and adding to her fatigue.
And she no longer saw Theo and Emily when she shut her eyes. The ache in her heart was slowly turning dull. She sighed in content, gravitating towards the warmth of Finn's body.
"Stay here with me, please?"
Her eyes were closed, and it was dark, so she didn't see Finn's lips tug up in a gentle smile. She almost missed the way his thumbs rubbed the goosebumps from her skin, and she wondered if she could hear his heart beating in his chest, or if that was her own blood pumping in her ears.
Her breath slowed, and she was on the brink of sleep when Finn's voice whispered back.
"I'm not going anywhere."