Why did you react that way seeing Johnny kiss that girl? It was none of your business what he wanted to do with his free time.
You don't really understand what just happened, it was like you got possessed by someone else. It was like this person took over your body for a few minutes to protect your heart. You got embarrassed. What were you going to do now? You just fired Johnny.
Maybe it was better that way. He never got to live his life for himself. He's always lived for someone else. This would be a good opportunity for him to discover himself.
Suddenly, you stopped thinking about him. Were you going crazy? You just hit that guy and told him that he disgusted you. Now you're feeling bad for him. You tapped yourself in the head. You needed to cool off, clear your mind.
You took a taxi to the abandoned park again. You needed to calm down and process everything, but also you needed to figure out what to do now about all this. Once at the park you sat on the swing like you always did and took off these very uncomfortable heels. Barefoot was the best way to go. This just reminded you of the night Johnny came to heal you. Right then, the scene where he kneeled down to cover your wounds with bandaids replayed in your mind. This triggered a cascade of memories. They flashed back in your head like arrows.
One by one, each very clear.
The first time meeting him, thinking he was some rude new student. Then later finding out he was your new bodyguard.
The time he took the cut for you from Rin's sharp pen.
The time he saved you from getting robbed at the subway station.
The time when he saved you again from those drunkards.
The time he made your birthday a happy memory again.
The time he took you shopping.
The time he cooked for you.
The time he helped you reconcile with your father.
The time he carried you on his back from this very playground you were in.
You smiled stupidly reminiscing all of this. You fell deep into your thoughts again. Coming to a realization with yourself. You finally let your true feelings prosper and admitted it.
You were deeply in love with Johnny.
So deep that all your emotions always seemed enhanced when around him. So deep that he brought out the best and worst out of you. So deep that you couldn't see yourself live without him. So deep that it hurt seeing him with someone else.
You gasped into empty air and stretched your arms out. Life sucks, you thought. Even though you just had a fight with him, you still wished he was here next to you. You let it out. His name. You spoke it out loud.
you: johnny suh
out of nowhere
johnny: yes?
You jumped out of fear, how did he get here?
you: my god, you need to stop doing that!
johnny: I'm sorry
you: for?
johnny: overreacting, being a jerk, everything. i didn't mean to anger you
you: johnny what are you doing here, i fired you
johnny: i just can't seem to stay away from you.
you: johnny listen i don't—
johnny: no y/n you listen. there's something you need to know. do you remember our conversation at the school infirmary?
you: vaguely, it was so long ago
johnny: do you remember what you said about me?
you: i've said a lot of things about you johnny
johnny: the part about—
you: oh! when i said you weren't capable of feeling any emotions at all?
johnny: yes. do you remember what i replied after?
You think you understood where this was going. You got quiet and shy.
johnny:
there's a reason why i can't stay away from you, there's a reason why i want to protect you at all costs, there's a reason why i acted this way after you rejected me and why i wanted to make you want me.
Your gut was correct. This was going where you thought it was going. You looked at him in despair.
you: johnny please don't say what i think you're gonna say
johnny: i told you i was capable of one thing
you: don't
johnny: y/n, i've loved you since we were kids
That was it. Those were the words you were afraid to hear.
~