I couldn't breathe.
It choked me.
Did I fail?
I shivered and tears stained my cheeks.
How could this happen?
This wasn't possible.
Why wasn't my name amongst the fifty candidates who passed?
Pain weighed in my chest and my heart dropped.
Where?!
My heart crashed into acid in my stomach.
I had failed.
The phone trembled in between my fingers as I browsed through the Topper's list for the last time.
Holding back the moisture in my eyes, I placed the mobile into the old lady's hands.
"Oh! Don't."
"Please, I need to use the restroom. Is there one around?"
I interrupted the lady before she could say anything pitiful and steadied my trembling self on my heels.
"Please, it's urgent, " I said on the verge of having a large breakdown.
The smile on the lady's face drowned in sorrow and accompanied her pitiful stare.
Her eyes flashed with concern, those pale wrinkled beauties harbored more lines no matter the amount of concealer.
"Stalls are this way, please, come with me."
I stole a glance at Jana, and she nodded in approval.
Her ponytail did a little swirl with her gesture.
"Wait, this might be helpful."
She handed me a few wipes which I grabbed without any appreciation.
"Take care of yourself."
The old lady guided me through the plastic blonde mannequins, the colorful hats on the stands, and the matching pairs of swimwear.
I brushed a rebellious tear from my eye and flipped my wavy hair to my back, not minding where I plopped my heels.
"The door to your left, " the lady mumbled and smiled in the classic tune of the music, playing in the background. "I'm waiting for you here."
Tears already licking my cheeks, I hurried in and pushed the door which led to an empty stall in the hallway.
I hated myself for being so ungrateful.
I should have thanked the old lady, but I didn't.
No time to thank the lady, my condition needed to be dealt with instantly, away from the public.
I won't like them to see me cry, and get over-emotional.
Without any further ado, I locked myself up in the stall.
Leaning my back to the shiny yellow frame, and letting all the grief out; my eyes watered to my chest.
Later on, I cleaned my face with one of the wipes.
I wasn't one of those nerds with thick lenses and flowing intelligence, but I burned midnight candles and mastered all the materials from preparatory school.
The human systems, the physics, biochemistry, sociology, and psychology stuff.
I mastered them at my fingertips.
I did my best and no question disturbed me while we were writing.
I penciled out all the correct answers, but the worst happened.
Yet, I failed.
I rolled my heavy eyes to the ceiling and pointed a finger right up at the ceiling.
My mouth lacked the words to describe my pain.
I didn't add any sweetness to his name, cause the man sitting in heaven didn't look out for me.
My time, my hopes, my career, I devoted to him and what did he give me in return?
Failure, hardships, and a lifetime in the bed of the worst man who ever lived.
Why didn't he save me from all this havoc?
He was being unfair towards me.
My heart shattered into pieces as I watch my dream escape through the back door; the wind pulled its strings so fast that I couldn't meet up to save it.
I dreamt of medicine and talked about medicine, and today, I didn't make it.
I fell flat.
Seconds went by, minutes sped by and my loud cries faded into sobs as I dried the tears on my cheeks.
I unlocked the door and walked to the sink.
Observing my swollen eyes in the mirror on the wall, I splashed some water on my face, washing out the tear stains.
I was broken, yes, forever.
BEFORE WALKING OUT, OF the restroom, I practiced my fake smile a couple of times and repeated a lie to myself till it felt like the truth; there was hope, Ellis.
Yet, I didn't believe it.
I was tired of always lying to myself.
Like a miracle, the old lady didn't question me as we walked toward Jana.
Jana's worried eyes tangled mine as we stepped into her presence.
"If you want us to leave, we can get going. I won't mind shopping tomorrow."
She yanked herself from a little brown cushion.
"No, let's get the shopping done."
Behind my words stood the agony in me, but I didn't want to express my weakness.
I had to be strong and continue with my escape plan even though the chances were thin.
I planned to escape, and so be it.
I ignored the thick air of disappointment inflating my lungs.
I smiled at the old lady. "I don't know much about fashion, so anything decent will do."
"Umm. . . I have things that might interest you. It's this way."
She ushered Jana and me to the lift and set our destination to the second floor.
For the past hours, Jana took the lead, from casual wear to swim-wears, night wears to lingerie, and shoes to jewelry.
She chose with taste and we ended up with ten shopping bags.
"In a minute, someone will come help with the luggage."
The old lady excused herself and rushed to some clients nearby.
Jana settled the bills.
I didn't like the idea of wasting tonnes, of euros on clothing when we could give the money to the poor and the homeless.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I met with a muscular figure, elegant in a casual green shirt and black pants.
"Shall we?"
He grabbed our bags and began walking out of the boutique before any of us could answer him.
Jana chuckled and helped me out of the sliding door.
We walked out of the crowded commercial avenue to Jana's car.
The multiple shopping bags were tossed into the backseat of Jana's convertible while we sat in the front seats.
Jana pulled out of the way and began her drive to God knows where.
The drive went silent until Jana spoke.
"There is a nice cafe in this neighborhood, should we stop for breakfast-I mean lunch?"
She stole a glance at her little heart-shaped watch. "It's the best cafe ever, and they give out free frielen after purchasing any of their items."
My mouth watered at the mention of Belgian fries in traditional paper cones.
Fries and Flemish stew were my best takeaway, plus smothered meatballs in a tomato stew.
Talking about food brightened my mood even though I was worried.
'Le café,' stood in large italics on the brown wooden door which led into the cafe.
Jana pushed through and that's when my heart made little flips.
The interior looked like a mini-museum, with antique furniture scattered here and there.
The interior had natural flowers that towered an isolated suit where cushions were arranged in a semi-circle.
The hanging lights, added more beauty, to the interior decor.
The strong scent of roasted coffee tickled my nostrils and I sneered.
Jana led the way to a private cabin and we settled around the glass furniture.
The place screamed money and I didn't want to even get started on the price of one ordinary cappuccino from their brochures.
Free fries were served to us the instant we settled into our seats.
"I will like to have one Starbucks, Grey shrimp croquette plus a carbonnade à la flamande. "
Jana placed her orders and the waiter took notes on his clipboard.
"What have you decided?" Jana asked, popping fries into her mouth.
"Let me think. . ." Everything was so expensive and I didn't want to waste money. "Two slices of sandwich and a cappuccino, with nothing more."
I smiled at the waiter as he penned my order on his clipboard.
The cafe was silent as people minded their business and sipped whatsoever kind of coffee they ordered.
Jana finished her fries and wiped her mouth with a table napkin.
"Mrs. Horton, there is always a way out in every situation. I'm not the best person to give you any advice or lesson, but I know that it's always good to follow your heart. When one door closes another one opens up. There is always a second time to pursue your dreams. Snatch it now."
Jana's words played in my head and I knew that she was right, but I didn't raise my eyes to glance at her.
I didn't dare to face the worry in her eyes.
"Here are your additional fries, your Starbucks and this is yours, the sandwich plus the Cappuccino. More fries? We are on promotion. It's free."