“Young Min, with all due respect, leave me alone.”
Today was the funeral. I hardly knew most of the guests. Not that there were many people that attended in the first place, but most of the population comprised of Sun Won's friends and their parents, as well as some of her teachers. I don't remember inviting them, but of course they found out. I wasn't in the right state of mind to talk to them anyway. I'm glad they took the time to come either way. I tried to remain strong and greet them politely, with tension in my jaw.
The guests I know were Mr. Lee and Young Min. That's all. They expressed their sincere condolences and made their way to the hall where they were to have their meals.
Meanwhile, I just sat there in the main hall, not even looking at the picture of my sister surrounded by the white flowers. I was leaning my head against a wall and closed my eyes. I hardly slept since it happened and the tiredness was just getting to me. I haven't been able to attend my classes or go to work. I was preparing my saved up money to have this funeral. I should probably start going back to work since my money was entirely gone, plus debt.
My mother couldn't even fly home because her boss wouldn't allow it. Unfortunately, she was under one of those cruel bosses in America that would be featured on some reality show or the news. She was weeping and repeated "sorry" to me for what felt like a million times. We just wallowed in our grief over the phone. I handled everything alone.
I felt a presence slide down next to me. “There's some food you like in the other hall. It tastes good. Let's go and sit with Mr. Lee.” Young Min, bless him, had tried everything to cheer me up the past several days. He managed to get a smile out of me from time to time and seemed content with that achievement.
“Young Min, will all due respect, leave me alone.” I said, still keeping my eyes closed, my voice weak. Young Min sighed but didn't say anything. He didn't make an effort to get up either. “You should go to Mr. Lee. I don't want him to be alone.”
“Mr. Lee would understand. We don't want you to be alone,” he said softly.
“I'll be fine,” I said with a halfhearted smile. “I'm always fine.”
After a few minutes of silence with my friend beside me, I felt a nudge on my right shoulder. I looked at him questioningly. He nudged his head forwards.
I turned my head and my gaze hardened.
Anna and her parents were walking towards us. Anna looked pale and exhausted. Aside from her uncharacteristically pale lips and cheeks, there were no blemishes, or any indication that her face was bare of makeup.
When her eyes met mine, she looked anguished.
Young Min sensed the tension and bid me goodbye, bowing respectfully to the three guests before scurrying off.
I got up from where I was sitting and stood up before her. “What are you doing here?” I asked stiffly.
She gulped. “Yeon Joon, I'm you friend. Remember what I said? I will always be here for you. I meant that.”
I rolled my eyes, not caring that her parents were seeing me being rude. “I think you'll forgive me if I say that I don't believe in that anymore,” I said coldly.
Anna pointed her gaze to the ground. “I haven't seen you at school.” Ugh, I hate small talk.
“Yeah, I was kind of busy with the whole funeral thing and dealing with the emotional weight of my sister being gone just like that on her birthday.” She flinched. I was coming off bitchy but I didn't care. Not anymore.
“Ah, of course.” Even her parents looked uncomfortable.
“I'm very sorry for your loss, Yeon Joon,” Mrs. Song interjected. “This won't mean much but Sun Won was a delight to have around the house,” she said sadly. “She drew an unflattering picture of my husband a a couple of months ago and I still have it pinned to our fridge,” she chuckled. “He hates it.” She pointed to Mr. Song.
In spite of myself, I chuckled. “Thank you.”
“Where is your mother? I haven't spoken to her in so long. I want to express my condolences.”
I inhaled and exhaled sharply. “She couldn't get a ticket home.”
Mr. and Mrs. Song looked appalled that my mother didn't even attend her own daughter's funeral but out of respect, didn't voice their opinions out loud. “Oh, well.” Mrs. Song smiled tightly at me and Mr. Song gripped my shoulder comfortingly.
“You can go see her if you like,” I said, gesturing to Sun Won's framed picture. They both nodded and bowed lightly at me before stepping slowly away.
Anna didn't follow them. Not that I would ever allow her to. She stayed rooted in her spot and kept her gaze low. “I'm sorry,” she said, blinking away tears.
“I got the memo. You've been sending me voice mails nonstop.”
“I-I'm sorr-”
“If I hear that one more time-” I gritted out, pulling my hair in frustration.
“Yeon Joon-”
“I don't want to hear anything from you. And I don't have anything to say to you.” I side stepped out of her way, moving away from the hall to who knows where my feet would take me.
But then I felt a hand grab my arm, preventing me from going away. I could easily move away, but I didn't. Why?
Because this would probably be the last time my (ex) best friend would touch me?
My breath hitched and I couldn't move.
“Please hear me out, Yeon Joon.” Anna begged, her voice trembling.
I withdrew my hand from her grasp and walked away. But before I could leave the hall, I called back to her without looking back. “Sun Won is a kind-hearted child who would forgive you, so I'll let you see her and maybe pray for her, I don't care. But I will never forgive you for this. Goodbye.” I say with finality and exit the hall.
°°°°°
Because a man is expected to reel in his emotions during funerals, I brisk walked the halls until I could find an empty room.
The vacant room consisted of extra tables and equipment. In the dark, I slid down the wall with my right leg stretched out front and my left leg was pointed at an angle that let me rest my elbow on.
I had just managed to grab my bag before pitiful stares followed me. I clutched at the object that I carried with me since Sun Won died and then I let my tears fall. Again.
I muffled my sobs until I was shaking. When will this misery end? Will I ever move on from this?
In the middle of my breakdown, I saw a handkerchief being offered in front of me. I turned my head upwards to see Mr. Lee, my boss, looking at me with sympathy. I hated that look, bug I suppose I should get used to it, especially when I'm acting pathetic like this.
“Take it, Yeon Joon.” Mr. Lee said to me in the form of a scold. I laughed mirthlessly but accepted the handkerchief. Accompanying me by sitting beside me, he clapped me on the shoulder. “This is not what you want to hear right now, Yeon Joon, but I will still say it,” he said. “You will be okay. Not fine, but you will get through this. You're a strong kid.”
“You're right. That's not what I want to hear right now.”
He sighed in resignation. “I just hope that this won't be too much for you.”
“Thank you for being the father I needed, Mr. Lee. Especially right now.”
He turned towards me with a fond smile, almost in tears. I knew that Mr. Lee wasn't able to have kids. It's not that he didn't want them...
His then fiancée broke things off with him when he was younger because he found out from his doctor that he can't give them the gift of a child. He was heartbroken, but he had come to accept it. Instead, he immersed himself in work. Because of that work, he was able to find a son in me the moment I applied for a job at the chicken place.
Even when my biological father was still with us, Mr. Lee was more fatherly than my own father could ever be. I don't know where he is nor do I care.
Mr. Lee gave a sniffle. “You're making me cry, boy.” For the first time since Sun Won died, I genuinely smiled. Teeth out and everything. “I'm sure you want to be alone now, right? I better give you some space.” He got up and brushed off the dirt from his dress pants. “We'll see you later?”
I nodded.
When I was left alone again, my thoughts turned to Sun Won.
She was so young. She had a whole lifetime ahead of her.
I wonder if she had a small crush on one of her classmates that she never told me about, or if that classmate was in this building right now. I wonder just how much Anna taught her about makeup. I felt myself getting angry at the thought of Anna, so I distracted myself with how Sun Won could have grown up.
What hobbies would she have? Would she continue drawing or pursue something else? Would I be constantly warding off many potential suitors who wouldn't ever be good enough for her? Would she be interested in dying her hair a different color? Would she give me a heart attack and get piercings or tattoos? How tall would she be at 16 or 20?
My endless questions would never be answered. All those possibilities about Sun Won's future would never happen because of one fateful fire accident.
Instead, I only have the memories of her childhood. I suppose I should be happy of the sureness that Sun Won never got to experience the troubles of adulthood and realizing how much we were actually struggling just to get by, or how our father abandoned us and our mother couldn't even get home for her funeral.
I clutched on the material thing that represented her happy childhood. I never got to give it to her, and that was one thing I will regret, but I clutched on the Barbie doll present real hard.
A/N
This is shorter than the first two chapters but everything is more sad sksksks
Okay so next chapter will probably be more productive, meaning that I will finally get to the point where and how Yeon Joon became the new owner of the hotel.
On a sidenote, who else cried when Soo Hyun burst into tears in My Love from the Star 😭 Yo, that was some vulnerability I wasn't ready for 😭