'Farewell to the fairground, these rides aren't working anymore'
My hands were shaking as I held onto the bowl of the toilet. The bile was rising again in my throat before I felt the sick rising in from my stomach. My muscles contracted heavily as I vomited into the pan again. I fell back against the wall before reaching for a piece of toilet paper and wiping my mouth clean then through it into the toilet.
"Syd?" I looked up as I heard my name being spoken before there was knocking on the bathroom door. "Are you okay?"
I scrambled to my feet as I turned the lock, making sure it was non-accessible to the man who was checking on me. "I'm fine," I lied before flushing the toilet and washing my hands. I didn't like not telling I'm the truth but I feared there was something much bigger happening than me not feeling great.
"Do you want me to get you anything?" He asked me as I leaned my forehead against the mirror, my eyes meeting my own in my reflection. "A water, maybe?"
Wiping away the tears that were in my eyes, I sighed as I looked at my reflection. I could now see the difference in myself. I was beginning to get a little bigger in the face, my brown eyes looked dull and the bags under my eyes were getting out of control. "Lando?" I looked away from the mirror before I unlocked the door and opened it. I looked up at him then put my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me. "I need a huge favour."
He held me back, he didn't question the hug as his grip was as tight as mine. "What is it?"
I gulped, my eyes closing as I didn't let him go. I didn't want to look at him as I spoke. "Can you take me to the hospital?"
Lando stepped back, away from my hold and looked at me. "It's just a sickness bug, you don't need to go there." He tried to assure me but I already knew the truth.
"Please," my voice was breaking as I asked him.
He didn't ask any more questions before he nodded. "Okay," he smiled at me. Even when he was concerned, he still had his boyish good looks.
XOXOX
The hospital wasn't as busy as I thought it would be. Lando parked up before meeting me inside. I had already signed in so he wouldn't have to wait for me. He joined me in the waiting room, sitting next to me, looking over at me.
"What's going on, Syd?" He asked me as he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.
I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked away from him. It was so hard being close friends with him sometimes, especially when he was away for so much of the year. I hated burdening him with my problems but I needed a real friend right now. "It's not a sickness bug," I admitted quietly.
"What is it then?"
Looking back at him, my eyes looking into his. "I think," I didn't know what the right words were. We'd said we'd be honest with each other, "I know, I'm pregnant."
He leaned back on the chair as he breathed out heavily. "Pregnant?"
Nodding my head, I sighed. "Pregnant," it seemed I was just repeating the word.
"How far gone are you?" He asked me as I tapped my right foot rapidly on the floor, my thigh shaking throughout. "Syd?"
Grabbing my leg, I tried to keep it still. "I have no idea."
Lando raised an eyebrow, "When was the last time you and Bradley slept together? Surely, he should be here with you, not me."
I looked down at my hands, "Me and Bradley are not together anymore." I held my hands together as I thought about the relationship I had shared with Bradley.
"Wait? When was this? Why didn't you tell me?" Lando asked as he put his hand on mine, my eyes looking up at him. "We've spoken almost every day, you could have said something."
"Sydnee Evans?" I heard my name being called out, I looked up and saw a woman in scrubs who was looking at around the room.
Making myself known, I got to my feet and smiled at the woman before I looked at Lando. "Will you come in with me?"
His mouth opened as the look of panic spread over his face, "Oh, I don't know if it's a good idea."
"Please," I didn't want to tell him that I was scared. I was more scared about the fact it had been a while since I had broken up with Bradley and although I had not missed a period, I could feel the difference in myself. My boobs were being to hurt, I'd been throwing up almost every other day and my jeans were getting a little tighter. It might not have been obvious to someone else but to myself, I knew it was.
He got up and nodded, "Come on then."
The doctor listened to my concerns in the office before she asked a few questions, jotting down the answers. "When was the last time you have sex?" She asked me as she looked up from her clipboard.
I awkwardly looked down at my hands, "A couple of months ago."
"Months?" Lando's voice was loud next to me as I looked up at him. "When you said you'd broken up I thought you meant a week or something."
The doctor ignored his outburst as she smiled at me, "Hop up on the bed, unbutton your jeans and we'll do a quick ultrasound. We can have a look what's going on inside there." I went behind the curtain before doing as she asked, my eyes filling with tears as everything being too real at this moment in time. The doctor appeared with a machine before she squirted some cold gel on my stomach. "Do you want your friend to come and sit with you?"
I nodded as I struggled to speak knowing that if I did I might cry. Lando appeared at my side, sitting in the chair and reaching for my hand as the doctor started to move a handheld machine over the gel on my stomach. "I'm here for you, whatever happens."
Squeezing his hand was the best response I could give at this moment in time.
"Oh, there we have your baby," the doctor announced as she turned her monitor as I could see it.
My eyes were wide as the tears fell down my face, I bit my lip as I looked at the screen. I didn't know much about being pregnant but it looked a lot like the time I accompanied my mother to her scan when halfway through her pregnancy.
"I would say from the look of this," the doctor moved the handheld machine a little bit before nodding to herself. "That you are about eighteen weeks pregnant."
"Eighteen weeks?" The words spat from my mouth as I sat up, that's when I realised how long I'd ignored it. "I can't be eighteen weeks."
The doctor took my hand and tried to calm me down, "It's okay to be nervous, love."
"I'm eighteen!" I shrieked as I thought about what my mother was going to say. "I'm eighteen and I'm pregnant."
Lando put his hand on my arm, "Syd, you're going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay."
I laid back on the bed as tried to calm myself down.
"Do you want to know the sex?" The doctor asked me as she cleaned up the machine, handing me a paper towel to clean my stomach.
My eyes met hers before I gave her a slow nod.
"It's a girl."
"It's a girl?" I repeated.
"It's a girl?" Lando repeated after I said it.
Both of us were flabbergasted as I turned and looked at him.
"It's all real now, isn't it?" I asked him before biting my bottom lip.
He smiled at me, "You are the strongest person I know, Syd. You can do this." Lando gave me a small wink as he comforted me. "I'm always going to be here to help you, you know that?"
I cleaned myself up before I got down from the bed, "Thanks," I mumbled to the doctor who then gave me a load of information on pregnancy then told me to book in at my doctor's surgery with a midwife. I left the hospital with Lando, we walked silently to the car climbing in before we finally spoke again. "I'm not having this baby," I told him as I leaned against the headrest.
"What about Bradley?"
"What about Bradley?" I asked him as I sighed. "I'm eighteen, I can't raise a child. I can barely get up in the morning. No, the best thing to do is to give her up after she's born."
Lando looked over at me, "You have to think long and hard about this, Syd. This isn't a decision you can just make on a whim. It's going to change the rest of your life, love."
"You are my best friend, Lan, I understand what you are saying but I'm the one who has to live with a child forever. Not you, not Bradley, not my mother." I shook my head as I looked out the window. "Please don't make this any harder than it needs to be."