| December 29th | Saturday Night |
~ Sam's POV ~
With the end of December approaching, I couldn't help but reflect on everything that had happened within the last month. The passing of time felt strange, because every day was a new challenge for Megan and me. We went back to work, we walked Charlie together, we cooked together, did laundry together, and we talked about trivial things, and not-so-trivial things like therapy. We mended, we bickered, we repaired, we retracted, and although we agreed to take it day-by-day, we still tried to plan for the future.
We had collectively decided to not return to Missouri for Christmas, which was a hard decision but felt necessary. We celebrated Megan's 26th birthday on the 27th, along with Shawn and Casey. Megan had wanted something simple, so she received a birthday dinner at one of her favorite restaurants. I continued therapy, and now had about two handfuls worth of sessions under my belt. Of course, Dr. Dupree and Megan could see the difference in myself more than I could, because change was gradual for me. I felt different, but I still had good days and bad days, the only difference was that there were more good days than bad now.
But as much good as I was experiencing, Megan had yet to wear her engagement ring since taking it off the night of Shawn's wedding.
I had never taken mine off, because I knew what I wanted. A promise was a promise, and even though I agreed not to rush Megan's decision making, I was beginning to feel anxious. It had been an entire month. I had been sober for a month. Done nothing but good for a month. So, what was causing her to remain hesitant?
Eventually, I snapped out of my head and continued making the bartenders' schedule for the new year. I was nearly done, but as my red pen crossed out Jade's name, I realized today was in fact her last. She was still moving to California, and Crossroads would be closed until January 2nd after tonight. I momentarily wondered how she felt before finishing up the schedule and exiting the office.
It was nearing closing time, and the bartenders and servers should be cleaning and getting ready to leave for the night. Then, out of nowhere, Chris, the owner and my boss, appeared.
"Sam, hey, are you staying for the party?" he wondered.
"What?"
"It's Jade's last day and we're gonna throw her a little moving-away party after all the people leave and we clean up." He patted my back. "I think it would mean a lot to her if you stayed."
How had I missed the memo of an after party? I mean, don't get me wrong, I probably could get away with leaving, but it would certainly look rude to a lot of people other than Jade. Plus, I was the bar manager...
I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Megan.
"Crossroads is having a little party before we close for the next few days. Promise I'll be home by midnight." Then I hit send.
After I texted Megan, I proceeded to help clean up and allowed the sound guy to put on some party music once our last patron left. We locked the doors, and everyone cheered, which was a surprise, but I just went along with it. Maybe this was tradition on the last day of the year for Crossroads.
Ty nudged me.
"Want me to make you a drink?" he wondered.
"No, I'm okay," I declined. "I'm not drinking anymore."
He sipped his own drink he had made and tilted his head.
"Any particular reason?"
"I've had issues with alcoholism," I confessed. "And it got me into a lot of trouble recently, so, I quit cold turkey."
He just nodded. "Well, good for you, man. I'm glad you're recovering. I'll jut fix you a virgin soda cranberry then."
I laughed. "Sure."
As Ty disappeared to make my faux alcoholic beverage, I watched Jade converse with Mia and a few other servers. She was excitedly talking, probably about moving to a new state in a few days, and I couldn't help but wonder why I had screwed up what could've been a decent friendship with her. I had really messed up, and after she had basically told me I had messed with her emotions, she hadn't really talked to me since. I couldn't blame her, either.
The party progressed and people enjoyed a relaxed environment with their coworkers. I mingled a bit but avoided talking to too many people in fear of stepping into Jade's spotlight. She deserved to say goodbye to her coworkers without me tainting the experience.
"So, Sam..." Chris appeared next to me. "What are you doing for New Years?"
I shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. Probably just hanging out with my brother and his wife."
"You should definitely watch the fireworks over the bay. That's always a sight," he suggested.
"What about you?" I wondered. "Any big plans?"
"Relaxing." He laughed. "Seriously. I'm literally not going anywhere for the next few days."
"I'm actually a little jealous," I admitted.
We talked for a few more minutes before he moved on to a drinking game with some of his staff. I found it funny that the owner was partying with his bartenders, but also found it endearing. Then, I checked the time and realized it was already 11:30pm. I should leave soon.
I decided to approach Jade who was fixing another drink at the bar, knowing I should tell her goodbye to keep things civil. It was really so other people didn't question what was going on between us.
"I'm uh... I'm gonna head out," I said, gaining Jade's attention. "But I wanted to tell you good luck with moving. I hope California treats you well."
She hesitated to say anything, which I figured was just her drunk way of silently telling me to fuck off. So, instead of lingering I just nodded stiffly before turning around to leave.
"Sam," she said hastily.
I turned back around.
"Good luck, with Megan and everything..." she slightly slurred. "I hope you two can work it out."
"Me, too."
"I know I probably won't be invited to the wedding but..." She shrugged. "I hope to see some cute wedding pics."
I just smiled, unsure of where this would leave us.
Then, she moved in for what looked like a hug, but tripped and her drink flew right into my chest. The chill of the ice rolled down my torso as she retracted quickly and apologized while I just burst into laughter.
"Why are you laughing?" she panicked.
"Because..." I paused. "Does this make us even now?"
She just shook her head and then released a smile and a laugh in return.
"I guess so."
I dabbed my shirt as much as I could before deciding it was dry enough to leave. Then I took one final look at Jade, told her goodbye, and left to return home. There was barely any traffic, which allowed me to get home right at midnight. When I let myself inside, Charlie greeted me, which was strange. Usually she was curled up next to Megan in bed at this time.
That's when I saw Megan sitting on the couch with a glass of red wine in her hand.
"Babe, what are you doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep," she snapped as she remained staring at the TV.
I shook my head and approached her, wondering why she seemed to be in such a horrible mood. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if she's finally decided she didn't want to stay with me? What if we were minutes away from breaking up?
"Are you okay?" I asked nervously.
"Where've you been?" She finally looked at me. "And why do you have a massive drink stain on your shirt?"
"I've been at work?" I replied in confusion.
"Were you drinking?"
The confusion was almost too much, but the anger on Megan's features was starting to scare me. Why was she suddenly accusing me of lying? I had sent her a text over an hour ago! I had done everything right!
"No," I answered. "Did you not get my text?"
"What text?"
"The text I sent over an hour ago?" I fished for my phone. "I said they were throwing a small after party since Crossroads is gonna be closed for the next few days?"
"Sam, if you're just gonna lie, please just... save it."
"I'm not lying, Megan."
"Were you hanging out with Jade?"
Don't lash out, I demanded. She needs some clarity. She's drunk and she's in her head because you put her there. But damn, was this infuriating. I had been so good for over a month, and she still didn't trust me fully. I understood, but that didn't mask the disappointment.
"Look." I pulled up my messages and showed her proof. "The message didn't send, but I sent this around eleven."
"So, what's with the stain?" she continued to press.
Fuck, I internally cursed. I had to tell her the truth. There was no harm in that, right?
"Jade spilled her drink on me," I admitted.
"So, you were hanging out with Jade."
"Megan-"
"Don't Megan me." She stood from the couch. "I've been trying, Sam, but after everything you admitted to me, why would you even be around Jade?"
"Because-"
"You can't just tell me the truth?" she fumed.
"Let me talk!" I grabbed her shoulders, but only to make her focus. "It was her last day. She's moving to California. I didn't talk to her all night, and then I was leaving so I went to tell her bye, as a formality, and she tripped and spilled her drink on my shirt before I left."
She just stared at me in shock.
"I've been working so hard." My voice shook with emotion. "I haven't drank or smoked since the wedding. I've been going to work and coming straight home. I've been going to therapy. I've been open and completely transparent with you since all of this, and I need you to see that, Megan."
"I need you to see that I'm doing everything I can," I pled. "And I'm being patient, so please, tell me what else I have to do in order to make you trust me again!"
We both remained silent for a moment after. She seemed shocked at my outburst, but her sad eyes bounced between looking at me and looking at my lips. Suddenly, I was hot under her gaze. She hadn't looked at me like that in a long time.
Then she smashed her lips into mine and my head spun in response. My stomach clenched like I was freefalling as my hands gripped her waist, unsure of what was happening but knowing I didn't want it to stop. I pulled her closer, the fronts of our bodies pressing together as her hands desperately ran through my hair.
She carefully guided me to our bedroom door that was currently closed before pressing me against it. Her fingers skillfully started unbuttoning my shirt while I wondered if this is what she truly needed right now. Sure, it had been months since we've had sex, so I was desperate for her touch, too, but was this the right time?
"Megan, wait-"
"No," she interjected. Her fierce gaze held mine. "I don't wanna talk anymore, Sam."
I decided if this is truly what she wanted, I would let her take the lead and show me what she needed from me. So, I allowed her to remove my shirt as I led her inside the room and closed the door behind us.
My back hit the bed as I stared up at her, watching her hands grip the edge of her t-shirt and remove it in one quick motion. Then, she kicked off the rest of her underwear. My heart leapt at the sight of her perfect shape. The contours of her ribs flexed as she took a deep breath, and her hip bones protruded as she climbed over to me. My hands automatically reached to touch her.
But she grabbed them and pressed them into the mattress on both sides of my head. Our gazes locked for a split second before she leaned in and kissed against my neck, sending a massive wave of chills down my body. I couldn't help but release a small moan in response, hoping she took notice to how my body was responding to her touch.
"Do you still want me?" she whispered into my ear.
My hands tightened into fists as her grip on my wrists squeezed harder.
"More than anything," I answered.
Then she released my wrists and sat up, her legs still straddling my hips as I drank in the image before me. Her dark waves cascaded over her slim shoulders, while those ice-blue eyes stayed locked on me, her face flushed with color... There was nothing more I wanted than to show her how much I loved her. How much I still undoubtedly needed her.
"Then show me," she said.
I took a second to gather myself before lifting myself up to place my left-hand on her back and the other up to cup her face. My lips met hers and demanded their attention. The hand on her back pressed her into me, and then traveled down the indentation of her spine, then over her right leg, stopping only inches away from where her thighs met the rest of her body. My mouth sucked against her bottom lip, and then her jaw, and then her shoulder. Then my hand touched her arousal.
She moaned into my neck as I entered her, feeling her tense and then relax. Feeling her around me was divine. God-like. It felt new but familiar, exciting, delicate and terrifying. Her hands buried themselves in my hair as her lips tickled the inside of my neck. Tiny pants and moans vibrated against the tender skin while I tried to focus on keeping a rhythm.
My right arm snaked around her thin waist and held her steady while my other worked against her body. I ignored the cramping in my left hand as I continued the motions eliciting her amazing response, feeling her slowly remove herself from the prison of her mind. She leaned back and allowed me to see her face, which was flushed with even more color due to her increasing pleasure. Her forehead was damp with sweat and eventually, she placed both of her arms behind her, gripping my legs, and leaned her weight back.
I took in the sight and thanked God immediately, knowing this was the closest to Heaven I would probably ever get. Then, I prayed that I could keep it once this moment was over.
"Sam..." she moaned desperately, letting me know she was close, but needed more.
I stopped my motions and gently rolled Megan off from on top of me and took my place over her. The jeans I still wore were restricting but I didn't want to interrupt her orgasm, so I ignored it and entered her again. Her back arched in response, the look on her face reassuring me that I was doing everything right.
I kissed between her breasts and continued. My lips could feel her rapid heartbeat. The combination of her natural scent with the floral bath soap she had used earlier filled my nose. Her legs tightened around my hips. Her eyes squeezed shut. Her mouth opened slightly to moan my name while pressing her head back into the pillow, exposing a small vein in her neck. I leaned down and kissed it.
Then her hands pulled against my hair, keeping me close as I felt the wave wash over her. She shuddered against me as I held her, allowing her body take it's time to settle down. I watched her spasm and flex in orgasm and felt the need to kiss her everywhere. She was... stunning. Absolutely magnificent.
She rolled onto her side with her eyes closed while facing me. I did the same and let my left-hand trace over her hip and then up the rest of her body. I wanted to know what she was thinking, but didn't want to ruin the moment, because she looked to be in pure bliss.
I quickly removed my jeans and laid next to her, allowing her to bury her head in my chest. She didn't speak. She didn't move away from me. She just laid there and quietly started drifting off into a slumber. But, before she was a complete goner, she spoke quietly.
"That was so much better than fighting."
I smiled. "Significantly better."
"I'm sorry I accused you of lying."
"It's okay."
"It's not," she included. "I know you're trying hard. I know you've been doing better, I just... I got in my head and I'm sorry. I'm trying to be better too."
"I know, babe."
"I love you."
My heart jumped in my chest as I pulled her small frame into me and felt her nestle her head into my neck.
"I love you, too," I answered.
Then we both drifted off to sleep.
* * *
I had to admit, it was nice living in a place where it wasn't frigid on New Years Eve. In Missouri, we would be huddled in large jackets surrounding a fire because of the cold temperatures, but here, we could actually enjoy being outdoors without being miserable.
Casey and Megan were talking about something while me and my brother enjoyed each other's company. This was the first time hanging out with them since Megan's birthday, and I had a few things to tell him. He was excited things seemed to be much better between me and Megan, but I knew we weren't completely out of the woods yet.
"She still hasn't answered me," I admitted. "I mean, I know I agreed to give her time but... it's been over a month."
"Yeah," Shawn included. "She seems happy though. Maybe talk to her about it soon?"
That's when Casey and Megan rejoined us.
"Are you two done gossiping?" Casey joked as she hugged Shawn's side.
"I guess we are now," Shawn teased back.
Megan looked at me and grabbed my hand in response. I gave her a smile but still felt the nerves in the pit of my stomach. Shawn was right. Maybe I needed to bring up what we had talked about after his wedding. I wasn't stringing Megan along anymore, but I needed the same energy from her. It was only fair.
"It feels weird, right?" Megan asked me.
"What?"
"Spending New Years in another state." She sighed. "I mean, we're in such a different place than we were at this time last year."
"Well yeah, we're in Florida now."
She nudged me and giggled at my joke. "Yeah, but I mean just different mentally and emotionally..."
I wondered if she was hinting at the things that were clearly on edge, like our relationship status. Don't get me wrong, things felt more normal now than they have in months, but I still didn't know where she stood on it all. Should I bring it up now? Was now a good time to have that talk Shawn was encouraging me to start?
"Is that a bad thing?" I wondered.
"Not anymore," she answered. "I mean, it was at certain points, but things feel different now, but good different."
So, if they felt "good" different, what was she so afraid of?
"Can I ask you something?"
She looked at me and I felt her hand squeeze mine just a bit tighter.
"What's that?"
"I don't want you to feel like I'm rushing you," I admitted. "Because I know what I did hurt you, and healing takes time, but if things feel "good" different now, why haven't we talked about our future?"
Her gaze pulled away from me and I wondered if this was the wrong time. Did I just screw everything up? Was she going to tell me something that was going to break my heart now? God, I shouldn't have said anything.
"I guess..." she started. "When everything happened, the negative thoughts were drowning out every possible good thought I would have. I was scared. I'm still kinda scared, Sam, but I know I love you and I know I want this to work."
I just watched her in silence, scared to say anything.
"I've been waiting for those negative thoughts to go away," she admitted. "Or at least for the good thoughts to start fighting back. It wasn't until recently that that started happening."
A chilled gust of wind danced through Megan's dark hair as she stared down at our joined hands. She seemed to be choosing her words carefully, which I appreciated.
"You know..." I looked at her. "Dr. Dupree offered a few couple sessions for us, no extra charge..."
Her eyes looked up and at me. I didn't want her to react badly to the news, but I figured it was worth a shot. Maybe we needed a safe space to discuss our fears and have a third-party help guide us to the finish line.
"You would want that?" she wondered. "You would wanna hear all my negative thoughts?"
"Of course." I nodded with a smile. "Only if you feel comfortable hearing mine."
"Hey you two!" Shawn called out to us. "The countdown is about to start!"
We joined Shawn and Casey, along with a crowd of people, out closer to the water where you could faintly see the boats that were about to host the firework show. My left arm hugged Megan into my side as I felt her head lean against my shoulder.
"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two..." the crowd chanted.
"One!"
Then the fireworks display started, lighting up the dark sky above us. The reflections of light danced on the water as the thunder of explosions above us echoed through the night. Megan leaned back and gazed at me.
I brought her face to mine and kissed her while thinking of all we had been through over the years. We could make it through this. I knew we could, we just had to keep fighting. We had to fight the demons and the bad thoughts because what waited on the other side was so significant, it would make it all so worth it.
She pulled back, but her eyes remained closed for just a small second, allowing me to study her. This woman was everything I wanted. She was everything I would ever want for the rest of my life, because no one could ever measure up to her. It was impossible.
"Megan, I don't wanna live this life without you," I said. "I want you, forever, but I need to know..."
She tilted her head into my hand that cupped her cheek and looked up at me. My heart was racing, and suddenly, my body was hot in anticipation. I quietly prayed she would answer me.
"Okay," she agreed. "I'll stay. I'll keep fighting as long as you do. I still want this, Sam. I still wanna marry you."
It felt like an entire ton of bricks lifted from my chest. I exhaled the breath I wasn't aware I had been holding and hugged her, never wanting to let her go again. I was never going to make that mistake again. I kissed her neck and silently thanked God she had found the strength to trust me and try again.
"I love you," I said into her neck.
"I love you, too."
The fireworks continued as I held Megan and took her in. Things had completely fallen apart, like a tornado had ripped through the house we had spent years building. After my mistakes, all that had remained was the concrete slab, indicating there once stood a mighty home that was now gone. Debris was scattered, broken picture frames and damaged furniture laid around in total devastation.
But we would rebuild. We had already started. And if we worked together, we could make the bones of our house stronger than they had been before. We could build a home that could withstand the toughest of storms. We could do it, together, and create the life we both deserved.
And I realized that what feels like the end, is often just the beginning.
***A/N***
Well, there you have it. The end of Season 3!
Look, I know this season was rough, but sometimes, things get ugly and things get bad, but you just gotta keep fighting. I understand Segan is a beacon of hope for a lot of you, so I may put them through the ringer every now and then, but in the end, I would never dream of giving them any less than what they deserve!
Season 4 is already in the works, so stay tuned. Also, stay safe and stay healthy!
Also, shoutout to Jordan, who sent me my first ever fan-mail and completely re-inspired me with their words. This chapter is dedicated to you!
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Be Proud. Stay You.
Lauryn