Louis can't help but toss and turn in bed that night.
He has a lot on his mind; and by a lot, he means the kids.
Of course, Liam is at the forefront what with the way he's been behaving lately. The kid has never been the sort to block him out. On the contrary, Liam has always been the first to let him never whenever something isn't quite right with him, and it's always made his job as Dad much easier.
Now he's struggling to break through to the boy; his mood swings have been out of control and whenever he tries to talk to him about it, he seems to make things worse. And he hates that, that feeling of helplessness because it's all he ever wants to be there for his son.
For all of his sons, as new as that thought still feels to him.
Harry's been worrying him too, the kid's nightmares haven't been frequent but they have been causing new issues to arise. As he lays there in his own bed, Zayn is up in the younger boys' room changing his sheets after yet another accident.
The kid had been terrified the first time it happened, trying to cover it up himself out of fear of getting into trouble. They had reassured him that it was okay, of course, and it still is - he's just worried that the boy is getting too comfortable with never talking about his dreams and letting the cycle continue.
As for Niall, the boy is good at giving them just that extra added dash of stress that puts them close to bubbling over the edge. He has a slight problem with wandering.
And by slight, he means that the toddler had nearly given them all heart attacks on several occasions. The most recent being that day in the supermarket.
He'd demanded that he be allowed to walk rather than confined to the chair inside the trolley, and they had allowed him to on the promise that he keep ahold of his Papa's hand at all costs since Louis would be pushing the cart. And Zayn had let go for barely a second to get something down from a high shelf that he had been unable to reach; only for the boy to be nowhere to be seen when he had tried to take his hand again.
Of course, they had panicked. All of them; even Liam had shown the most emotion (other than anger) that he had seen in the boy in weeks. They'd eventually found Niall in the toy aisle, smiling and happy enough as he trotted up to them and asked if he was allowed to have the biggest teddy in the store.
He can smile at the memory now, but at the time it has been like living his worst nightmare of losing a child.
His mind is still full when Zayn reenters the room, letting out a sigh as he climbs back under the covers on his side of the bed.
"Is he okay?" Louis asks, rolling over to face his husband.
Zayn leans across to press a kiss to his forehead before settling back into the pillows. "He's fine. Think we need to have a proper chat with him about these nightmares tomorrow, though," he says, and Louis nods in agreement, both of them exhausted from the past twenty-four hours.
He's said it before and he decides to say it once again as he closes his eyes. "What a day."
They make sure to have that chat with Harry after breakfast the following day. Niall's already emptying the entire contents of the toy box over the living room floor and Liam has managed to skulk back off to his room, and so they take the opportunity whilst they have the kid alone, sitting him on the counter in the kitchen.
He looks a little worried, as if he's waiting for bad news, and Louis hurried to reassure the kid because dammit - he can't handle the ways those big green eyes are looking at him as if he's about to tear down his entire world.
"You're not in any trouble, sweetie," he says quickly, and the five year old slumps a little in relief. He glances across at Zayn and the man picks up where he left off
"We just wanted to talk to you about these nightmares, Curly," he says in a gentle voice, one hand reaching out almost subconsciously to play with the child's curls. He smiles slightly at the way the boy leans into the contact.
"Oh," he murmurs, then sits up a little straighter again. "I promise I didn't do it on purpose," he says, and it breaks Louis' heart that the boy is apologising for having a nightmare.
He shakes his head. "Sweetheart, you don't have to be sorry. You haven't done anything wrong...we just thought it might be good for you to tell us about them. The bad dreams," he attempts to explain, and Harry hesitates before giving a tiny shrug.
"I don't really 'member," he says, the innocence in his voice reminding him of just how young the boy is. "But I get scared that the monsters are comin' to take Ni away," he adds quietly afterwards.
Louis winces at that, knowing that the fear clearly comes from the kid's messed up start in life; all the uncertainty, the abuse from his biological family only to be taken away and dumped in a place where couples would come and try to take him or his brother without the other.
Zayn speaks up first then, hand still pushing through the child's hair. "You know you don't have to worry about any monsters or anyone coming to take Niall away from you anymore. See, me and your Daddy are really good monster fighters. Daddy knows the best moves to take them out," he says, glancing up at Louis with a smirk.
He laughs a little at that, though Harry is looking up at him with wide eyes as if he's sitting in front of an actual hero.
"You can fight 'em? Like - like Batman!" He says, wiggling a little as excitement creeps into his voice.
Zayn tuts at that. "Oh, kiddo. Not like Batman, like Ironman. We don't have any of that D.C. rubbish in this house," he jokes, but Harry pays no attention to him. He turns to look at Louis again.
"But - but what if the monsters are really big and scary?" He asks, looking a little doubtful.
Louis smiles, reaching out to take him by the little hands. "That doesn't matter. Me and your Papa are the best monster fighters around. As long as we're kicking and breathing, none of those monsters are ever gonna get to you, okay?" He says, and the boy nods as if the man has just told him something he believes more than anything else in the world. "And you and Ni are never going to be taken from each other, okay? Because you're here now, part of this family. And that means nobody can ever try to take one of you away again."
Harry seems to think it through for a moment before he gives a small nod. "Okay," he says after a pause, then grins. "Can I go play with Ni now?"
The men laugh and watch him skip off into the living room.
He doesn't have anymore bed wetting incidents for the following few days, and the men hope this is how it'll go on.
Liam's next appointment with Gabbie comes around during those following few days. Louis takes him, like always, on a Saturday afternoon; the sun is still up and the weather isn't too cold yet, despite it being mid-October.
Still, the boy zips up his jacket so that it covers his chin, slouching down in the back seat of the car so that it comes up to his nose instead. He glances at the kid in the mirror, frowning in concern.
He knows there something going on with the kid, which he mostly puts down to the change of Harry and Niall joining their family, and he supposes its all he can do to try and make sure he feels as involved as possible with everything.
Still, he wants to make sure that Liam knows he wants them to be able to talk the way they always have, so he turns to face the kid once they've parked outside the doctor's office.
"Hey, I was thinking about coming in to see Gabbie with you today. If that's okay with you?" He offers.
Liam glances up at him with his brows furrowed. "Why?" He asks.
"Just to catch up on things a little. What do you think?" He says, and Liam just pauses before shrugging.
"Okay."
He doesn't talk when Louis goes in with him, all of the psychologist's questions going unanswered. So he leaves and goes back to the waiting room, hoping that the kid at least speaks to Gabbie whilst he isn't there because god knows that he has to tell someone what's going on inside of his head.
Liam comes back out of the room half an hour later looking misty eyed, and Louis steps forwards to hug him only for Gabbie to wave him over. They step back into the room and she closes the door behind him, leaving the nine year old under the watchful eye of the receptionist in the waiting room.
"Did he say anything? I'm getting really worried about his behaviour lately. He keeps saying he's fine and I don't want to push -"
"Maybe try pushing," Gabbie tells him with a nod, tucking her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear.
He frowns a little at that, because he's never had to push anything with Liam before since the kid is always usually such an open book. He's worried about how he'll react. "I don't want to upset him even more."
She just shakes her head. "You might. But the chances are, you might just get through to him. Because I didn't get much today, and from what I did get, he's displaying a lot of the signs of early depression," she says, and Louis practically flinches at the words, frowning at the woman.
"Depression - what? He's nine years old," he argues.
Gabbie gives a sad sort of smile. "It's not uncommon for children with anxiety disorders like Liam to experience low moods, mood swings, a lack of energy - all symptoms of depression. I understand he's faced a lot of change lately and it could all be down to that, but personally, I don't think it's just that." She puts a hand on the doorknob again. "Like I said, just try talking to him. He responds best to you, you know that. He's probably just worried that you won't have the time what with the new little ones. He needs some reassurance."
He nods, letting out a breathy sigh as the door opens. Despite being in a mood still, Liam hurries over to his side like always, seeking the security.
He smiles at that, resting an arm on one of his shoulders and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Give me a call if you need me, yeah?" Gabbie says as they leave, and Louis replies with a nod and a wave before he and Liam are out of the building and back in the car.
And it only takes one glance at the kid for him to know that he isn't getting anything out of him today, so he smiles and gives one of his hands a squeeze.
"I know you're probably all talked out for one day, and that's okay. I just want you to know that I'm here whenever you're ready to talk about it, Bear. I'm never too busy for you, okay?" He says softly.
He doesn't get a verbal answer, but he does get a tiny smile and a nod.
And in the midst of the mess that the past weeks have been regarding the kid's behaviour, he decides to take that as a win.