'AWPH set three bullets to fire this year,' The headline says.
"Aspiring Wordsmith Publishing House has gained millions of support not only in the Philippines but in almost all parts of the world, targeting the Filipino readers who are fond of reading romance. Throughout the years, you are acclaimed to reach the booming sales of books, specially the published books from your senior writers. What more could AWPH give to the people who have been supporting your for ten years now?"
Ibinaling ni Careen ang mikropono sa kaniya at saka nagwika, "First of all, AWPH would always be thankful for everyone's support regarding our unique projects and book releases including the book signings around the country. Of course with this, rest assured that all of us, including my co-editors and co-writers would give them the best of the stories that we aim to produce in more years of AWPH. In line with this, we also aim to change some sort of our writing styles to give some spice in our stories, as well, for our readers."
Napalunok ako nang bahagya sa mga sinabi ni Careen, ang isa sa mga editor ng AWPH. I have a quick hint about her statements that will surely shake my writing style.
Kitang-kita ko ang pag-asa sa mga mata ng karamihan sa mga taong dumalo sa nationwide release ng sampung bagong libro na magmumula sa Aspiring Wordsmith Publishing House. Isa itong serye ng mga librong isinulat namin, bawat isa, na naglalaman ng tila ba huling istorya nasulat sa paraang kinasanayan namin.
Ten years is not a joke for a publishing house like us. We started from being an independent publishing house, until we reached this position after those years of hardship. Aside from that, we almost failed when we reached our fourth year but then, through our passion and the effort that we exerted, we happened to maintain the quality of our works and our will to share stories to a great population.
"So Ms. Roseate," the male interviewer caught my attention upon calling my penname. Bahagya akong nawala sa sarili dahil sa malalim na pag-iisip, at nakabalik lang nang tawagin niya ako.
Nakasuot siya ng asul na pang-itaas na may disenyong maliliit na puting bilog na nakapaloob sa kaniyang pambaba. Sa mata niya ang salamin at sa leeg ay nakakurbatang pula, gaya ng suot ng mga serbidor sa isang high class na restawran.
Nginitian ko lamang siya, karaniwang hudyat ko ng pagpayag. Tumango ang lalaki at sinimulan ang pagtatanong.
"What can you change in your own style since Ms. Cafsim already admitted that AWPH authors would have transition regarding their writing styles?"
I smiled once more. I sighed before I get the microphone and say my opinion. "In reality, I have nothing to change about my writing style. People loved me as an author because of the topics, plot, characters, and the remarkable ending of my stories. So if AWPH would have a system reset, including the way the writers put the stories into words, I would probably retain my tragedian way of writing. Thank you."
The people in the crowd applauded as I gave out the microphone. I saw some of them whispering and murmuring words that I cannot understand. Was it about my statement earlier? I did nothing but keep my mouth shut.
Nag-obserba lang ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko habang tinatanong niya pa ang iba kong kasamang manunulat. Tahimik at maayos lang akong nakaupo at nakikinig sa mga sinasabi nila.
Hindi ko lubos akalain na rito mismo sa Siargao nagaganap ang book launch at book signing namin. Kakaiba talagang magplano ang buong team dahil mas pinipili nila ang mga lugar na hindi gaanong pinupuntahan ng ibang publishing house para sa malaking event na gaya nito.
Back to the thought of conducting this activity in Siargao, I don't know if this is all scripted or not. All of the senior writers and editors that are my friends have known my background about this island. Never to mention, I always have hard times and frustrating thoughts about this place. How I wish someone could realize that I am not comfortable anymore, that I want to go home soon.
"Well, Ms. Roseate." Again, the interviewer got my barely handled attention. Our eyes met and I smiled again, as always. "Going back to you, the audience wants to know your answer on this question."
I giggled. "Question from the crowd always creeps the tragedian side of me."
The crowd laughed and someone at the back even screamed 'Go Ms. Roseate!'. I just smiled at them, showing my dimple, shaking my head to quickly fix my bangs.
"Okay, here goes the question..."
"I'm waiting."
He chuckled. "Is there ever a chance that Roseate from Aspiring Wordsmith Publishing House will writer pure romance with a happy ending?"
The crowd was shocked with the question, as well as I was. Hindi ko ipinakita sa kanila ang pagkagulat ko sapagkat alam ko na namang may magtatanong talaga nito. Palagi nilang sinasabi na magsulat daw ako ng isang istoryang puro romansa at may masayang katapusan. Parang ang hirap naman yata.
I cleared my throat. They are all waiting for my answer.
"Again, I am a kind of writer who is fond of using tragedy as the main focus of my works. Tragedian, like what we are called. Minsan ko na rin nasabi, I won't write something that I haven't felt before. So I guess, read between the lines. Thank you."
Alam kong malaki ang magiging epekto ng mga sinabi ko sa magiging imahe ko sa karamihan. Maging ang mga kapwa ko manunulat na nakaupo sa mahabang mesa ay nagulat din dahil sa mga sinabi ko. I am just being honest here. After all, I want to be true to the people who supports me as a writer. Ang mga tunay na nakasuporta sa akin ang makakaintindi ng mga pinagsasabi ko, ang makakaalam ng nararamdaman ko bilang isang manunulat.
"Another question Ms. Roseate." Again, I smiled at him. "Is there a possibility that you will write romance if someone had courted you and eventually the two of you will be together?"
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa kaniyang katanungan. Gaano ba kalaking isyu na nagsusulat ako ng tragedy? Hindi ko rin alam. Tanging kaba na lang ang lumulukob sa puso ko dahil sa mapang-intrigang tanong niya.
"I think, yes." The crowd applauded again and even cheered my name. I didn't disappoint them, did I? "But only if someone would meet my standards."
Napa-oh ang mga tao habang ang iba naman ay napapalakpak. Napakalaking isyu nga ng love life ko pagdating sa kanila. Hindi naman ako nagsusulat ng romance, bagkus mas gusto ko ang tragedy.
Pinindot ko ang buton ng remote control upang patayin ang telebisyon. Pabagsak akong humiga sa malabot kong sofa at napatitig na lang sa kisame. Napapikit na lang din ako at bahagyang pinahinga ang isip.
"Oh, bakit mo pinatay ang TV?" Tanong ni Nanay sa akin. Agad niyang binuksan ang telebisyon gamit ang remote na kalalapag ko lang sa maliit na mesa ng aming sala.
"Nay, pataying mo na lang." Kinuha kong muli ang remote na inilapag niya sa lugar kung saan ko ito iniwan kanina. Napaupo na lang ako sa sofa.
Tinabihan niya ako matapos ilapag ang isang tray ng bagong lutong agahang iniluto niya. "Ate, bakit ayaw mong panoorin ang naging press conference niyo sa Siargao?" Tanong niya sa akin nang sikupin niya ang buhok ko patungo sa aking kanang balikat.
"Nay, that interview is something I would regret in my whole life. Kung anu-anong lumabas sa bibig ko nang araw na iyan. Puro pangako yata dahil sa mga tanong nila. Baka umaasa sila na magsusulat talaga ako ng istoryang labag sa estilo ko."
Bahagyang inaayos ni Nanay ang bangs ko. "Ate, wala namang masamang magsulat sa ibang estilo." Muli niyang binuksan ang telebisyon at inilayo ang remote mula sa akin.
"I believe that Roseate will find her true love. Makakapagsulat din siya ng isang akdang tungkol sa pag-ibig at walang kapaitan," Careen told the interviewer after being asked on her opinion about me and my style.
Cisca got the microphone and answered the same question. "Us, writers, have hidden perspectives about the things around us that really affects our writing. I guess, Roseate, together with my co-authors, we will try to change the way we write to give something new to our readers."
"See, your co-authors are hopeful that you will be able to write romance someday."
I focused my eyes on the TV Screen while she sermons on me. Umaasa rin naman ako na isang araw, mahahagip na lang ng mata ko ang isang lalaking babasag sa matigas kong puso.
"How was the AWPH experience?" The interviewer asked the sophisticated guy who just passed by the camera. He wears the typical tuxedo of a businessman, on his white top and red tie. He has those same familiar brown eyes, very similar to what I usually see.
"Of course, Ms. Roseate never failed to amaze me with her answers. I idolize her so much."
I smirked. Does he really do? I don't think so.
I grabbed the remote control from afar and turned off the television. Ikinagulat ni Nanay ang ginawa ko na kanina ay abala pa sa pagsesermon at pagsusuklay ng buhok ko.
"Oh, bakit mo pinatay? Narinig ko ang penname mo ahh. Buksan natin ulit."
Akmang kukuhanin ni Nanay ang remote mula sa mga kamay ko nang ilayo ko iyon sa kaniya. "Nay, huwag na."
"Bakit naman? Siargao loves you," she uttered.
"I am not comfortable with Siargao Island anymore. Kahit mahal ako ng mga tao roon, hindi pa rin maaalis sa isip ko ang mayroon sa lugar na iyon."
Bumuntong-hininga siya at hinaplos ang aking likod. "Can't you still forgive him?"
I smirked. "Nay, madaling magpatawad pero mahirap makalimot. I forgave him, many times, but it feels so bad when I start to forget things. Napakahirap. Napakaimposible."
Ilang beses ko namang sinubukang ulit-ulitin sa isip ko na kalimutan na ang nakaraan subalit paulit-ulit lang ding bumabalik ang sakit. Kung sa pagpapatawad, madali ko iyang nagagawa, pero kung sa pagkalimot, baka ilang taon pa ang lumipas at hindi ko pa rin magawa.
"Okay, I understand." It will always be the same line that my mother would say at times when she fails to make me understand her point.
"Nay, you always say, huwag akong magtanim ng sama ng loob. I do. It is not in my vocabulary to plant hatred in my stone heart," ani ko habang hinahaplos ang kumukulubot nang mga kamay ni Nanay.
Imagine the 28 years of hardship in the office and doing the household chores on her own. Only single moms can do that alone.
"Still, you've got your stone heart, anak."
I giggled. "Feeling ko naman Nay, yelo lang ang nagpapatigas ng puso ko. When my icy heart melts, it will surely beat like how a sixteen-year old maiden loves."
I am hopeful, of course, that I will find the scorching love of someone who could melt down my heart. Sigurado akong may kaisa-isang lalaking kayang patibukin ang puso ng isang tragedian, kahit pa hindi ako naniniwala sa happy ending at purong pag-ibig.
"Kailan kaya ako magkakaapo?" Natatawang tanong ni Nanay sa akin.
Napakamot na lang ako ng batok. "Nay, kapag nagkaasawa na ako, akong bahala."
Napuno ang sala ng tawa naming dalawa. I missed us laughing like this. "Di ba sabi mo, twenty-five ka magpapakasal? Tatlong taon nang expire ang pangako mo anak. Gusto ko na ng apo mula sayo. Gusto ko na ng baby sa bahay na ito."
I smiled at my mother. "Nay, ako muna ang baby mo habang naghahanap pa ako ng asawa. Baka ma-miss mo ako kung sakaling magkaroon na ako ng pamilya."
"Sa bagay..."
Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit at pinagsaluhan namin ang inihanda niyang agahan.
Me too, Nay. I wish for a happy and peaceful life with my future family.
To be continued
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