"Seems Like Only Yesterday, Life Belonged To Runaways"
February 3, 1997
Los Angeles, CA
I couldn't help the eerie feeling that washes over me as I dart through the crowded terminals of Los Angeles International. Hardly anything has changed since the last time I was here in 1994 and that is not a time I want to be reminded of today.
The time I spent with him is the last thing I want to think about today.
My last memory of the golden state is a sad one, ending with me crying in an uncomfortable airport chair while an attendant from Delta Airlines informed passengers that our flight to Seattle had been cancelled due to fog accumulation. I broke down and none of the businessmen cared enough to lend me their shoulder to cry on.
Walking into the sunny outdoor arrival area was an instant relief, even if my blue eyes stung from the overwhelming UV rays. My lungs felt less constricted as I adjust the strap of my duffle into a more comfortable position, silently praying that Dave was still here. Waiting patiently for me to arrive like he said he would during our phone call this morning.
My eyes awkwardly scan down the line of cars, looking for something that would scream 'David Grohl' to me, but nothing catches my eye. I expected to find him through the sound of aggressive death metal, but all that can be heard is air traffic traveling through the wind.
Fuck, maybe he forgot about me...
Or maybe this was all a joke to get back at you for the Kurt situation.
I shake the dark thought from my head and do another sweep of the cars before a pair of hands cover my eyes, making me gasp and jab the person in the stomach with my elbow. "Fuck!"
"Dave?" My heart was beating so fast when I turn around to face the man that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. "What the fuck were you thinking?"
His hand is clutching his abdomen as a shy smile appears on his face. Since the last time I saw him, he'd grown out his facial hair and I couldn't help but notice how it made him appear five years older. "You were looking around like a lost puppy, so I wanted to surprise you. I didn't think you'd go all Jackie Chan on me."
"I'm a girl who's alone in an unfamiliar place and you don't think I'm going to karate chop your ass if you sneak up on me?" I cross my arms over my chest and grumble when he copies me. "You said you'd be in your car."
A family of tourists pass by and I can see the young daughter's eyes widen when she catches sight of Dave standing in front of me. Before he can come over though, her father yanks her by the arm toward a nearby cab.
"Your flight was late, so I parked." Dave signs in relief, glad that he won't get bombarded by the stranger for god knows what. "For a minute there, I thought you had bailed."
"Glad to know we were on the same page," I sigh as he grabs the strap to my duffle, tugging it over to his own shoulder. The sweet, closed mouth smile that appears after was his way of silently asking me not to argue.
Carrying my bag is his attempt to slowly glue our shattered relationship back together, but it was weird. This whole situation was weird if I'm being honest.
I flew out to LA to stay at my ex-fiancé's bachelor pad and ultimately assist his band with the recording of their sophomore LP. Nothing about that picture is remotely normal.
Dave and I exchange a look out of the corner of our eyes as we turn the corner towards the parking garage, his left hand moving to rest on my low back as he leads me through the aisles in search of his Chevy Tahoe. "So, how was the flight?"
"The layover in Vegas sucked, but other than that things were fine." My hands are tucked away in my jean pockets, and the only thought running through my head is 'awkward'.
Talking in person is always going to be harder for us than phone conversations because we actually have to face one another. At least with the phone, we can pretend it's someone else. "It's a cool airport at least. A lot to do when you're stuck for hours on end."
"Yeah, but I don't have any spare cash to gamble at the moment, so my only real option was to get Starbucks and listen to some tapes while I waited." I shrug as Dave pulls out his keys to unlock the SUV, tossing my bag in the backseat before both of us pile in. "So, what are we doing first?"
He places his key in the ignition but hesitates to start it so he can answer me. "Do you want to drop your bag off at my place first, or just worry about that tonight when we're done?"
"I don't mind waiting," I shrug and try to ignore the butterflies that form in my stomach as I stare into his brown eyes. The golden specks that I'd grown to love over the years apparent as the sun reflects off them. "I am kind of hungry though if you don't mind stopping for some food on the way to the studio" He smiles, sliding on a pair of aviator sunglasses before finally starting the truck.
It doesn't surprise me when Neil Peart's familiar drumbeats fill my ears since Rush was always one of our favorite bands. Maybe he was feeling a bit nostalgic today..
The stereo is turned up to an unhealthy level, but I don't mind. Anything to keep my mind off the beautifully talented man currently driving me to my death sentence.
You should've ran while you still had the chance Rosemary...
-------
I toss a fry into my mouth as Dave clumsily switches the Rush CD out for ABBA's Greatest Hits at a red light. After arguing for twenty minutes in downtown traffic about where to eat, Dave finally took control and pulled off the freeway to grab In-N-Out. "I fucking hate you Grohl."
"That's not something you tell the person who just paid for your food." He zips the leather CD case up, dropping it onto my lap with a loud smack before turning his attention back to the road. "So ungrateful."
I roll my eyes and sit up to place the case back in the glove box, but Dave slams on breaks, resulting in the seatbelt yanking me back into the backrest. "Fuck!" It takes everything for him to hold in his laughter as my wide eyes scan the scene around us. "Mother fucker don't break check me like that!"
"I don't know that you're talking about Pierce," He brings the truck to a slow stop at the next light and once I know that I'm safe, I smack his arm with the compact CD case. "Ow!"
My arms cross over my chest after finally tossing my weapon of choice into the glove box, kicking it shut with my Van clad foot. "You're such a dick."
"You love it." His comment is confident, and I can't help but smirk in agreement. I do love it.
I've missed how easily we can bring out each other's inner child. It's what my current relationship with Liam lacks. We're too serious, too focused on our careers. It's more of a mutual agreement than it is a relationship.
"You wish." I lean back into the comfortable passenger seat, staring out at the passing scenery as Dave works his way though Los Angeles traffic. The short thirty-minute drive already turned into an hour, and we're still stuck in East Hollywood. "Is it always like this?"
I can feel the man's eyes dart over to look at me for a second, "What the traffic?" Without looking back at him, I nod and wait for his next response. "Yeah, it's one of the major downfalls. I tried going around the freeway, but this is just as slow."
"God and I'm probably going to have to move here next year after graduation..." Dave clears his throat, signaling for me to continue. "Oh, I'm applying for internships out here. Most of the big-name producers live here and I really don't want to live in New York City, so this is the next best choice."
My head spins around to look at the twenty-eight-year-old, watching the wind blow through his short shaggy hair as he beings the truck up to speed. His elbow is propped on the door panel as a cigarette nonchalantly burns between his middle and pointer fingers. He looks calm, calmer than he did at the airport.
"Can I bum a smoke?" Without saying anything, I watch as he places his current cigarette between his lips, struggling to pull a pack of Marlboro blues out of the back pocket of his jeans. Returning to his original position after handing it over. "Thanks..."
"Do you want to move here?" His question caught me off guard, not fully understanding what he meant by it. I don't particularly love the city, but if this is where I have to be to start my career, then so be it. "I just mean, could you see yourself being happy here?"
I shrug and cup the end of my cig to light it before taking a deep breath, "I don't know, maybe? I'd probably try to find a place in a less dense area or in the desert."
"It would be cool to have someone I trust around other than Pat..." He takes a drag before pulling into a small parking lot next to what I assume is Grandmaster Recorders. "Most of my 'friends' are just around because I have money. It's all fake, I'm kind of tired of it if I'm being honest."
A frown etches its way on my face, "Well why don't you leave?"
"Where would I go?" His question stumps me as both of us unbuckle our seatbelts. A mutual agreement to let the conversation end here for now. "Pat's going to flip shit when he sees you."
I slam the door shut and can't help but smile at the thought of seeing the LA native again. Pat Smear and I had a brief but loving friendship. On the outside he appears to be one of the most bad ass rockers out there, but really he's a sweetheart. "What's the game plan?"
"I'm going over some drum tracks today, that's the main goal. Nate and Pat are going to work on what they can before we call it a night. The two of them have been here for most of the day already." I nod, stubbing out my cigarette before walking through the door that Dave held open for me.
When my eyes lock on to a dyed blond head of curls, I abruptly stop, causing Dave to run into the back of me. "Pat Fucking Smear." At the sound of my voice, the man whips around. "How are you?"
"Rosemary Ann," One of the biggest grins appears on his face as I step away from Dave and into his arms, "It's been too long." He eventually holds me at arms-length, getting a good look at me before smiling. "Lovely as ever."
I shake my head, "Blow that smoke up someone else's ass because you're the only one out of us who looks lovely."
"Oh, how I've missed you." He throws an arm around my shoulders, glancing back at Dave before pulling me into the small crowded space. "So of course, you know John from our years with Nirvana, but this red head is our very own Nate Mendel."
Nate and I exchange a few greetings before I take a seat next to my friend, "I loved Sunny Day Real Estate by the way. My friend and I used to go watch you guys play at the Crocodile."
"You're from Seattle?" The bassist's ears perk up at the thought of meeting someone else from his home state.
"Sadly, no." I chuckle and brush a few strands of hair from my face. "I was uh... a good friend of Dave's and would always be out there visiting."
Pat gives me a sideways glance before leaning forward to look at Nate. "They used to bone."
"Okay," Dave steps in to save me from any more embarrassment, "Let's get to work."
I shoot Pat a glare, internally groaning when he winks my way. I love the man, but sometimes he does things to specifically annoy the shit out of me. This is one of those things.
-------
Nate and I are sprawled out on the studio floor holding basses as we play through 'Wind Up' together, pausing anytime we think of something new to add to the song. "So, if you're only a producer, how are you so good at this?"
"Well, I put a major focus on the writing side of producing in the first year at Syracuse," I respond while writing something down, "That along with studio recording and live recording that way I could be a sound engineer for a tour as well. Multiple expertise means more opportunities down the road."
The bassist agrees and I can't help but notice the downcast expression on his face. Since I arrived earlier, Gil had been laying into him rather hard. He's still young, still learning, and that's not how you teach an aspiring musician. From what I'd heard around the studio, he did the same thing to the drummer, which is why Dave is rerecording everything.
Well, that and he's a control freak when it comes to shit like that....
"Don't let the comments get to you, okay?" I shoulder bump him slightly, "Gil is a good producer, he knows what he wants and always expects too much from the musicians that come in here. This is your first real album in a serious recording environment. It's going to suck, but this will teach you a lot."
The redhead is about to respond when Dave and Pat's raised voices interrupt us on the other side of the studio divider. Someone had obviously left the mic on without realizing it...
"Man, you and Jen already have enough fucking issues and now you're going to bring Rosemary back into the picture?" Pat is furious, and rightfully so since he and Dave's ex-wife are close friends.
I half expected Dave to turn around and end the fight right there, but instead he speaks up in a tone just as harsh as his bandmates. "Rosemary isn't doing anything wrong."
"That may be true, but you are by enticing her over here." Nate places a hand on my shoulder as a form of support, "You know damn well that your intentions are, and I've stood by too many times to let you cheat on Jennifer again. Even if the two of you are separated. She's still waiting for you back in Seattle Dave! If you wanted to, you could run up there and she'd be putty in your hands all over again."
"We were on tour and I was fucked up man!" Dave couldn't even convince himself of the excuse by the tone of his voice. It sounded broken, pained that he did such a thing to her.
"You knew exactly what you were doing Grohl Just like you did when you started cheating on Rosemary with her back in '93." I can see what looks like a stack of papers go flying across the room, "Both of them loved you and you took advantage of that. I also know about your dirty little secret called Louise Post. Everlong, seriously?"
The blood in my veins runs cold at this statement. I truly thought that Dave had gotten better with time. That deep down he was still the same happy go lucky man that I knew when we were teenagers, but something tells me now that he's buried deep inside whoever this new version is.
"Pat."
"Don't 'Pat' me Dave." The guitarist's hand points toward the room that Nate and I are currently hiding in. "Rosemary fucked up in the past, but she seems like she has her shit together now. Don't drag her back in. You aren't at a place in your life where you're ready to settle down."
I can only assume that the two are glaring at one another, playing a game of who has the bigger pair as the room falls silent. We had almost thought they left until Dave says, "We're adults. We can take care of ourselves."
-------
Present
Toronto, ON
"Would you just hit the fucking play button already?" Amy shouts from her spot on my living room couch. Her legs curled up beside her as she rests her cheek against her hand. "Not getting any younger here."
My head snaps around, shooting threatening glare in her direction which causes her to put her hands shoot up in surrender. "I'm trying, okay? This is fucking terrifying Amelia."
"It's like riding a bike Rose," Jack sighs and swiftly kicks his boots off and under my coffee table, "Just put the CD in. We're all here for you."
Casey nods in agreement, keeping a safe distance between her and Jack to prevent any awkward situations from arising. "The faster we start all of this, the faster it will all be over and done with. We can go back to our normal lives again."
"My life is never going 'back to normal' after this guys..." Frances and I exchange a look of understanding as I slide the disc from it's case. "From here on out, I'm just another file folder of information in Dave Grohl's already overflowing cabinet."
The room falls silent as I place the CD into my DVD player, waiting a second for the loading screen to disappear before hitting pause. "Come on Rosemary," Jack and Amy pat the spot between them on the black leather couch, but I don't dare move.
Tears began forming along my waterline and I start a silent countdown to myself. Going through a mental checklist so I am prepared for the turmoil that I'm about to go through with this album. Every word is a possible statement that Dave never told me, or a misinterpretation of words that came out in a moment of anger.
"Alright..."
I sniffle and wipe the stray lines of water from my face, letting my thumb hover over the play button for a moment before finally pressing down.