hey quick warning for penny, c/ward is used a lot in this
also wrote this during like two mental breakdowns so oops?
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kokichi ran off.
he ran away.
he ran away from his issues.
he hurt the one person he loved most and instead of apologizing he ran.
he was such a fucking coward.
he didn't mean to hurt shuichi.
he didn't mean anything he said.
it was all on accident.
shuichi had lashed out on kokichi, he had accidentally struck a nerve.
he backed away before he was able to apologize.
he ran.
he ran from it all.
he slammed the door of his dorm room.
he slid behind the door and cried. he didn't mean to do anything. he never knew where the line in and when to stop. he always took things to lightly and was so caught up in keeping up his facade he forgot to consider how others felt.
no one ever cared how he felt.
so why should he care how they feel?
they never cared for him.
he cared so much about them.
he could only hope shuichi could forgive him.
kokichi was unable to muster up the courage to put up his facade.
so he didn't leave his room.
he didn't want anyone to see him like this.
they didn't want anyone to see him for who he was.
a scared boy who just wanted to fit in.
he had fallen for a boy, who he felt like he had lost.
he thought he lost the one he cared about most.
he cried as he thought about the taller boy.
kirumi had knocked on the door and asked kokichi to come eat, he never responded but sometimes ate the food she left outside his door.
a few people had thought he had died, and tried to break down the door the make sure.
gonta had broke through the door, with the help of kiibo, and saw kokichi sitting in the middle of his bed.
his face was abnormally pale as he sat in silence and didn't even acknowledge their presence. he had tear stains all across his cheeks, his eyes were bloodshot.
"is kokichi okay?"
kokichi looked up at the gentle giant to his left, and smiled.
"yeah gonta,,, kokichis fine."
"is kokichi sure! to gonta it looks like kokichi was crying!"
"well gonta," he smiled again. "kokichi has been, can you do me a favor, gonta?"
"of course gonta can! anything to make kokichi feel better!"
kokichi felt himself begin laugh, god gonta was so overwhelming sweet.
"can you tell saihara i'm sorry for everything. everything ive ever done, and i'm sorry that i'm a coward." he chuckled.
"kokichi is not a coward! kokichi is strong and a leader! but gonta will do as kokichi asked!" and with that gonta ran off to find shuichi.
kokichi felt himself begin to cry again as he thought of gontas words.
he was told he was strong.
he was a leader.
no.
he was the ultimate supreme leader.
he had to stay strong for himself, and dice.
kokichi got off his bed and washed his face, making sure to it look into the mirror until after he finished washing his face.
he weakly smiled at himself, feeling slightly stronger than he was before.
thank you gonta.
he ran to the dining hall and grabbed a panta and chugged it to make himself feel better.
he smiled after looking at the now empty bottle.
he went back to his room and smiled as he saw the broken door and saw the knocked out kiibo on the floor.
he sat on his bed, hoping gonta would come back.
sometime while waiting he fell asleep.
when he woke up he saw shuichi at the end of his bed.
after feeling kokichis eyes on him, shuichi turned.
"morning sleepy head" he smiled.