I woke up from what felt like a never-ending dream. My body in panic mode. I was overheated and felt like running. This happened a lot. I would wake up in cold sweats and not sure what was happening. This is when I meditated. I wasn't the best at meditation but it always calmed me.
I slowly peeled my body from the mattress and opened the curtains and the window. I sat down crossing my legs and closing my eyes. Just listening to the sounds that came through the window. I wasn't sure how long I was sitting there but I was pulled out of it as my phone went off. I scrambled to my feet and reached for my phone, reading the name that flashed across my screen.
Christian. My brother.
"Hey, Chris. What's up?" I asked surprised to hear from him.
"I just wanted to ask how last night went. Did you succeed yet?" He asked laughing at me. Of course, he was going to call to make fun of me.
"Did you not talk to mom?"
"No. You know how she is. So tell me. Tori said there was something on, what Instagram? But I have no clue what that means."
"Dude! It was way better than I thought it would be. And Harry said Gabby's name a lot," I told him recalling memories from the night before.
"So a celebrity knows of my daughter. I'm locking the doors right now."
"Shut up. You can't tell her though!"
"I know I know. I just wanted to see what was going on. You coming home now?" I couldn't help the slight groan that left my mouth.
"No. I want to keep going. I told mom that and she kind of freaked out but I don't care. I need to do something for me." I explained to him. I was hoping he would understand. We always got along pretty good and he and his wife Tori were usually the ones supporting me.
"Good I'm glad. Give him hell," he said, talking about Harry. It was my turn to laugh. He usually knew how to make me feel better.
"Thanks, I'll try. I'm headed to D.C. today but I have a day before the next show so I think I'm going to go see the sights."
"Sounds like a plan. I'll let you go. I love you, Sis."
"I love you too." I went to hang up the phone but Chris continued before I could.
"Hey DJ?"
"Yeah?" I asked, bringing the phone back to my ear.
"Be brave," he said and hung up. He knew I struggled to be brave. I was a disaster, continually, over and over, and everyone around me knew it. I wasn't sure how to be brave but all I could do was exist and not let anything from my brain stop me. I needed to be more open to life happening, and not keep pushing it away. At this point, I felt like I was just drilling it into my head and not doing it. I got up and walked to the bathroom.
"Now listen here, you little shit," I started pointing at myself in the mirror, "I know you have been through a lot in your life, but you can't let that stop you from living. You can't be scared to open up and let people in. Stop being so guarded and insecure. No one is going to come around until you let them. I am proud of you for making it this far, that was a big step, but you have to go further. You hear me?" I was talking to myself again but at this point, I didn't care. No one could see me and It was for a good cause. "Do you hear me?" I asked again, just being ridiculous now.
"Yes, I hear you, geesh." I looked up, answering myself. I quickly stripped down and got in the shower. I didn't have anything else to say. It was up to my brain to give up control now.
***
I had decided I would go see the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and anything else I could before I headed to D.C.. I had been to D.C. once before, on a class trip in middle school, but I wanted to see as much there as I could before the show on Sunday night. I checked out of the hotel and my bags were loaded into the rental car I was driving to Washington. The historical district of Philly wasn't far from my hotel so I figured I would just walk and take it all in. As I walked up the sidewalk I looked around.
It was a beautiful June day. There was a huge lawn in front of the Liberty Bell building. Sidewalks going in all directions through it, and Independence hall met up with it at the opposite end. The way it looked reminded me of New Haven, Connecticut, or at least the photos of New Haven I had seen. As I began walking I felt free. I felt the sun on my face and I wanted to prolong this feeling of freedom as long as possible. I walked to the middle of one of the lawns and sat down. The air around me was warm. I put my arms behind me propping myself up and tilting my head towards the sky. Eyes closed taking it all in.
"Are you following me?"
"Excuse me?" I asked my eyes still closed. I was trying to relax and this person was blocking my warm bath of sunlight.
"Are you following me?" I opened my eyes, trying to focus on the person in front of me. My eyes met long legs. I brought them up to meet the person's face and my breath caught in my throat. He was wearing sunglasses and a hat, trying to hide who he was, I guessed. Not that it probably helped. I knew who he was.
"Uh. Um. No. Not exactly." I couldn't help but stutter. Not because of who he was but because I was caught off guard and what was I going to tell him? I technically was following him. I didn't follow him here, but I was following him around the country.
His face scrunched up as he let out a laugh. "Um okay. I was kidding," he said continuing to laugh.
"Oh. Yeah. Of Course, you were. I was too." I needed to shut my mouth. I sounded like an idiot.
"What are you doing?" He was being so nonchalant. I wasn't even sure how he knew who I was. Surely he didn't remember my face like that. He did though. Or maybe he thought I was someone else.
"How did you know who I was?" I asked, not answering his question.
"I wouldn't forget that face," he said, his dimple popping up on his left cheek. WHAT?
"What does that mean?" I asked feeling the heat rise in my face. He just shook his head.
"You didn't answer my question."
"I'm just enjoying the sun. What are you doing?" I asked not too sure where this conversation was going, or what was happening.
"I was just going around to see somethings since I have a few days. I am supposed to do an interview later but I just needed to get out. That's when I saw you and wanted to say hi."
"Is this something you do?" I asked him, still not sure what was happening, or why he was talking to me.
"What do you mean? Take walks? Yeah, I like to get out."
"No. Talk to random strangers. Is that how you get your kicks?" I had clear confusion on my face but he just laughed.
"You're not a stranger. You're DJ," he said, clearly aware of who I was. So he didn't think I was someone else. "Oh shit. Do you not know who I am?" He squatted to my level removing his sunglasses, and lowering his voice, "It's me. Harry. You know from last night." As if I could forget last night. I did love how humble he was just then though. This time it was my turn to laugh. "What? What is so funny?" He asked putting his glasses back on.
"Oh, nothing. Just, does that work for you?" I asked, pointing to his makeshift disguise. He reached a hand up fidgeting with his hat.
"Not really, honestly. But you got to try." I nodded, acknowledging his effort.
"Hey, so I saw the photo you posted last night. Thanks for that. Gabby is going to freak."
"Oh yeah, no problem. Thanks for coming." This was all so very weird. It seemed at this moment like I was just talking to any other person. Not a celebrity, worldly known.
"This is all a little weird, isn't it?" I asked, moving to stand up. Harry grabbed my hand pulling me to a standing position. "Thank you," I said wiping my hands on my pants.
"What do you mean, what's weird about it? I'm just some guy, talking to some girl. Nothing weird about that." So we were going to pretend to be different people. I could get behind that.
"You are right. Well, some guy I just met. I was going to go take a look at the sights," I began.
"Oh yes, of course, have fun," he said, disappointment in his voice, though I wasn't sure why.
"No silly, I was going to ask if you wanted to walk with me?" I wasn't sure what came over me. Whether it was the pep talk I gave myself this morning or if Harry just made me feel comfortable, I wasn't sure.
"Yes," Harry said, all disappointment gone from his voice. A cheeky smile growing on his face. I began to walk quickly in front of him, so he couldn't see the wheels turning in my head. All I could do was think how weird this whole thing was. He didn't even really know me and he was acting like he's known me for years. He was acting weird.
"Weirdo." Shit. Did that come out of my mouth? I quickly covered my mouth, not sure how he would react to that. Wishing desperately that I could take it back.
"What did you just say?" He asked jogging to catch up to me.
"Hmm? I didn't say anything." I turned my face to look directly at him. He was beautiful. I wished I could look half as good as he did at this moment. He looked like a mess, but a cute mess. What was I thinking? This wasn't who I was. I have never liked him. Not even in my One Direction days. I was always a Niall girl. The quiet one who was cute but never really got noticed. Who was I becoming? I needed to set aside all the thoughts of One Direction and who he was. I needed to follow his lead. He was just some guy. He did honestly feel that way, like he was just some guy.
"Yes you did, I heard you. You called me a weirdo," he said poking his finger in my direction. I looked at his hands. Was it weird to think how attractive his hands were? Yes definitely.
"So what if I did?" A smile breaking on my face. He wasn't mad, he was playing. It was very enduring. He scrunched his face up in a look of concentration, but it fell quickly into a smile as he shrugged. I continued to walk towards the crowd that surrounded the bell.
"How many times have you been here?" He asked me, catching up to me once again.
"This is my first time. What about you?" I knew he had been to Philly before, so he surely has been here right?
"A few times. Sort of. I usually am doing a lot while I'm on tour so I don't have a lot of free time."
"Tour? You, tour? Hmm, some guy, you are very interesting, aren't you?" I laughed, knowing he was rolling his eyes, even though I couldn't really see them through his sunglasses.
"No, silly," Harry said copying my words from earlier, "I didn't say tour. Tour? Who's she?" It was my turn to roll my eyes. That was when Harry's phone went off. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket. "Shit. I'm sorry. I got to go."
"Oh yeah okay, that's fine." I didn't know why I felt saddened by this. It was kind of ridiculous. Harry came closer to me, grabbing both my arms, with his large hands.
"It was really nice meeting you, DJ. Thank you for talking with me today." He said releasing my arms and wrapping me into a hug. I shrunk away, not used to being touched this way, but he didn't let go.
"It was nice to meet you too, some guy." A chuckle left Harry's mouth as he brought his face close to mine kissing my cheek. I jerked away. "Sorry."
"No I'm sorry, that was weird," he said his face dropping. Shit. "Anyways. I got to go. Bye, some girl." He said as he turned from me, leaving me there once again with a look of shock on my face. I felt bad for jerking away from his touch. I didn't mean to. It was just one of my walls I built up to keep guys away. After what happened to me, I wasn't sure how to break that wall down.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welp. That was a turn of events.
Sorry, another semi-short chapter. but just wait and see what happens next.
Also, I know that is a photo of him from in LA but it is the idea I had in my head of what he looked like when he found DJ.
Book Playlist:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2OsnXctpYzEaYqIYHO1BRC?si=ndQ7jb0sRf-xFu3oLvGVtQ