The school year came to an end too quickly. The last week of June crept when we least expected it. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the train back to the orphanage.
Last few things I remembered was singing off pitch in the common room, dancing in the rain, blowing up potions.
I miss the cold mornings where we snuggled up against each other in front of the fire, the steaming afternoons while laying on the grass with my burning back to the sun.
The year went by like a flash with so few memories to remember on.
But it was all overshadowed by the fact this girl told me to find her when I made up my mind.
I made my decision the week after she told me about her great grandmother.
Visiting the intimidating Ravenclaw door, I sat there for half an hour trying to answer the riddle. Why must they go over the top and have a riddle for their password?
I remember the door asked, "You and your three friends stay overnight at a motel. It costs thirty to stay over. Each of you pay 10 bucks. Shortly after you get back the bellhop arrives and gives you 5 bucks because it was only 25 dollars. You give the bellhop a tip of 2 bucks and your friends both a dollar...
"Where did the last dollar go?"
I even took out a piece of paper to write the riddle out. I've never been good at maths. Much less riddles. I was determined for those 30 minutes.
"You know what? I don't know where that damn last dollar went," I answered exasperatedly.
"Correct. Go on in," it replied.
"Excuse me?"
Their door opened and I went inside, absolutely clueless. Nevertheless, I searched around for that girl. A bit unfortunate for me because she never gave me her name.
I assumed her surname would be 'Pride' but there was no one that went by that name. Later, I resorted to describing her appearance. That went in a better direction and I finally found her.
She was surprised I entered their house. I asked her why I was able to enter and she replied with, "Some things are better left unknown. You don't need to know everything. Having other mindsets to certain mysteries in life are wise too."
Pondering it, I realized she really had a deep personality. I tried not to think too much about it because my main priority was Rosanna.
She explained that she will take me to St. Mungo's when the train stopped. She told me to find her at pillar 9 quarters. Finally, she revealed her name. A beautiful "Pandora" she said.
I was nervous, thinking about how I would only be meeting this woman in a mental hospital in hours. I sighed, interlocking my fingers.
"Are you in a bad mood because you'll miss my fine ass?" James teased.
I cringed, narrowing my eyes at him. "Sir, are you aware that we are in a public area? And those thoughts are not permitted anywhere? At all? Like no where?" I replied.
"You're just jealous that Padfoot gets more action with me than you," he joked.
"Prongs.." I warned.
Good thing Sirius wasn't paying attention and was conversing with Peter and Remus. Discreetly, I flipped a middle finger at James and his shoulders dropped in regret.
"Well, is Padfoot spending the summer with you again?" I questioned.
"Ah.. no. He's spending it with his family.." he answered lowly.
I nodded, side eyeing Sirius. His interest piqued when I said his name. He cleared his throat, paying more attention to the conversation he was just in. He flicked Peter's forehead, the latter whining and holding the area.
"Where are you going, Cry?" Prongs countered.
I paused, wondering if I should tell him. This whole time, I haven't told any of the Marauders about Pandora and her great grandmother. I barely have given any details involving Tom Riddle either. They don't know much. And I plan to keep it that way.
"Back to the orphanage. Only got a couple more years left until I leave. I want to spend some time with the little ones before then," I lied.
"You can't be serious? You never have fun in your summers," James complained.
"Dum dum.. I'll tell you all about it and you can coo about how cute the stories of the kids will be," I defended.
"No.. Fawkes, don't do this. Not in front of them... they can't know," he whispered.
"We're all in the same compartment. We can hear your conversation, you know?" Moony interjected.
James fell in the same ashamed position again. I snickered, slapping Remus' shoulder at the comment. He pushed me away from him, chuckling.
The train began to slow down, meaning this was going to be goodbye.
My laughs quieted and my smile faded. I don't know how the summer will turn out. I don't know if I'll come back as the same person. What if I don't come back at all?
The others gathered their things, making me get up and do the same. Without any words, we made our way out of the compartment and down the train.
Padfoot's back was in front of me and I watched him run a hand through his hair. He pulled his luggage behind him and glanced through every other compartment. He does that every year. He looks to see if anyone forgot anything on the train, willing to return it to their owner before students leave the train station. So far, it's only happened a couple times last year.
This year no one left anything. I stepped down the train steps after he was completely down. He turned, quickly making eye contact with me. I flushed, inwardly cursing myself for staring at him the whole time.
"So, mates.. this is until September," Padfoot declared.
"Until September," Prongs said.
"Until September!" Wormtail exclaimed.
"Until September, you all," Moony repeated.
I blinked, watching their eyes travel towards me. I choked up, my fingers turning white as I tightened my hold on the handle of my luggage. They waited for me to repeat it. I cleared my throat, lowering my eyes.
"Until September..." I mumbled.
"Aw, are you feeling sad? It's only a couple months, Fawkes! You'll see us then," Prongs reassured.
Sirius pulled me into a side hug, rubbing my arm to cheer me up. He chuckled, "Come on.. you never cry when we part for the summer. Just look forward until we're all together again."
"It's not like we'll disappear suddenly. We'll be okay," Moony told.
Remus pat the side of my head, tucking some hair behind my ear afterward. My eyes welled up with tears and I tried swallowing back the lump in my throat.
There's a chance I might never come back.
"Don't worry, be happy!" Wormtail prodded. He pressed a finger into my cheek, pushing up the side of my mouth to replicate a smile.
I laughed, a tear falling from my eye.
They all yelled out after seeing me cry.
"Aw you big baby!" James exclaimed.
Remus yelled, "How could you do this to me? My heart is hurting!"
"You're going to make me cry," Peter wailed.
I laughed some more, my cheeks running with tears. I wiped away at some with my wrist but I kept sobbing. My sobs mixed with giggles and I tried to keep a smile for them.
Padfoot pulled me into him. I buried my face into his shirt and cried into his chest. His hand rubbed soothingly on my back. He didn't say anything. If he did then I think I would've cried some more. He knew this.
They were pretty quiet now. They listened to my sobs calm down, hearing me hiccup a little.
I pulled away from Sirius, wiping away whatever was left on my face. I coughed while laughing at the same time.
"God, I'm so annoying," I exclaimed.
They burst in laughter, patting my back and shoulders in reassurance. I noticed they all had to get going soon. I smiled again, gesturing for them to shoo.
"Go on. My orphanage director said she would be late today. I'll watch you all go," I dismissed.
Their smiles were endearing but sad at the same time. Peter and Remus were first to leave.
Remus pulled me into a tight hug, whispering, "Don't miss me too much."
I nodded, looking up to catch his gaze. He smiled sadly, turning around quickly. Peter placed a hand on my shoulder, silently saying goodbye. The two went in the same direction, walking and conversing with one another quietly.
"Huggies for Prongsies!" James cried.
I giggled, opening my arms and he jumped into them. He engulfed my whole frame, holding me like a teddy bear. Sometimes I forget how big his whole body is. He usually has such a gentle welcoming energy so it's easy to forget.
"Love ya, Fawkes. Be safe," he bid.
He released me, holding me from arms length. I winked at him in mock flirtation, he gasped like a little school girl and let go. He fanned his face and pulled on his luggage, walking away.
Sirius and I watched him meet his parents. James' dad pulled him into a tight hug and his mom cried into her handkerchief. We laughed at how he tried to calm his mom down. Soon enough, his family walked far enough where we didn't know what was going on.
"You going to be okay, back at home?" I ask.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Probably not. Regulus is going to give me hell of a time," he replied.
"Do you regret not being in Slytherin sometimes?" I questioned.
He looked at me, wondering what was really going on inside of my head. He shook his head, answering, "No. I'll miss the connection I had with my family but the bonds I have now are stronger than the ones I have with them."
I didn't reply, my eyes flickering from my tear stains in his shirt. I flushed and felt bad for crying into his shirt. He watched me for a moment.
This is it.
This might be my last time seeing him again.
Why don't I just fess up?
Why don't I just tell him my feelings?
"You're not going back to the orphanage, are you?" he said.
I stiffened. How did he know? Does he know me that well? There's no point in lying. But if I do lie, he won't be concerned anymore. I can't lie to him when these might be our last moments though.
What do I do?
"No.. I'm not," I responded.
His brows furrowed. He's probably disappointed in me for lying to all of them. Hell, I'm disappointed in myself. But this is to protect them. If I turn out to be someone that can't control their powers then it's better that they don't know I'm causing harm to others.
It's better that they think I'm back at the orphanage. Maybe then, they can forget me as the girl that loved hard but wasn't able to be with them for the rest of their lives.
"Whatever you do, be safe. If you won't tell me the truth then I respect that you did it to protect us. Even if I hate the thought of you away from me," he admit.
God, he's making it so much harder now.
Why is he doing this to me?
The fact that he respects me and will do anything to support me, hurts. He should be arguing with me right now. It's like he's doing this to get back at me for lying and not telling the truth.
"Padfoot, I-"
"Sirius, get a move on. Mother and father are waiting for us," Regulus cut in.
I frowned, seeing him on my other side. The boy glowered at Sirius, matching grey eyes. The tension between the two was unbelievable. Sirius glanced at him with irritation.
"Okay. I'll be there in a minute," he replied stiffly.
"We must get going, Siri-"
"I said I'll be there in a minute," he repeated himself, sterner this time.
Regulus closed his mouth into a thin line. His dark brows lowered but he listened anyways. Despite the hatred between the two, Regulus was still his little brother.
And no matter what happened between them, he'll listen to his older brother at any cost.
It's heartbreaking.
He walked away. I bit my lip in apprehension, guilty that I keep taking up Sirius' time. He could get in trouble with his parents...
"You know how I feel about you, Fawkes," he said.
My eyes met his and I spluttered, unable to reply. How is he going to expect me to respond back when he outright said that?
"And I know the way you feel about me. So remember that. Remember it and come back to us.. September 1st. Don't forget the way I feel about you," he continued.
"Sirius, I don't-"
"This moment, this very moment between us. The time-" he glanced at his watch, "The time is 4:23 p.m. The day is June 28th. This moment is where you remember us. On September 1st, at 8:45, you continue this moment," he said.
"You got that? You're coming back, no matter what the hell happens over the 6 weeks apart," he confirmed.
I nodded, unable to say anything. He lowered his eyes, pulling his luggage upright. Then, he turned. He pulled the handle behind him and walked in the direction Regulus did.
He's gone.
-lana