Jane Rizzoli
I was in the bathroom at work, looking intently to the positive pregnancy test I just took; rubbing my forehead I was thinking what I was going to do, overwhelmed by this hit, I thought I should keep it to myself for now. I was feeling weird the last week, feeling nauseated, a dull headache during the day, worsen at nights, the lack of my period that worked like a clock.
Feeling a little tear welling up at the corner of my eye, I decided to bury myself in my work, we had caught a rather difficult case, so I started to catch up on my paperwork, trying to keep my head busy. No longer logical and calm I was now in complete distressed.
A couple of hours later Maura arrived to my office. "Hey, Jane. I'm going to have lunch, would you... Don't get this wrong but you look awful." Maura said as a joke to get my attention.
"Thanks Maur," I said not even lifting my head off the papers
Maura look at me with worried eyes "Jane, what's wrong? You look upset."
I held my head up, "I'm fine."
"O-kay..." Maura acclaim, knowing me too well to believe in that and continuing, "So, would you like to go to have some lunch, I'm sure your mother is doing some weird new thing at the caffe."
"I'm not hungry, but I'll accompany you." I cleared up my desk and grabbed my things before walking towards the elevator. Not saying a word, Maura followed along side of me.
We arrived to the Caffe, where Ma greeted us, as always. "Hi girls, how are you?"
I forged a small smile to say hi and past by them. Maura walked to the table I had chosen. "Jane, talk to me. What's wrong?? You're definitely not okay."
"Can we talk later? I'm not feeling good so I'm going home, early." Without saying goodbye, I grabbed my belongings and left, leaving a worried sick Maura sitting there completely confused by what just happened.
Later that night, I was sitting on my couch, looking through some baby boutiques on the internet, with my hand rubbing my forehead, scrolling the pages, I couldn't think of anything else than how to tell Casey about this.
I suddenly heard the opening of the front door and Maura walked in, causing me to close my computer violently. "What the hell, Maur," I seen it was past eleven. "How did you—"
Maura waved me off. "I've been worried all day. What's going on with you, you're not talking, not picking up my calls... Jeez, I'm sounding like a jealous boyfriend,"she said, causing us both to laugh. Maura walked over and sat beside me on the couch. "So... what's going on?"
I opened my mouth a couple times but couldn't bring myself to say it. So I stood up to retrieve the small object and gave it to Maura. Maura in turn took hold of the pregnancy test, "It's positive." She was shocked none the least.
"I know..."
"Jane you're pregnant."
"It appears so doc." I chuckled a little at Maura's tone but not before a little whimper of pain came out with it. And Maura caught it.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and start to run down my cheeks, wiping them away. At this point she had placed the test aside and engulfed me in a tender hug. This was what I needed, a friend that would hold me in my darkest times. Maura just ran her hand through my darken curls, letting me pour out my miseries.
"This must be the mood swings" I commented, showing a sad smile, making the doctor laugh a little. I continued, "I don't know how to tell this to Casey. What if he doesn't want to have this baby with me? And leaves? This is way too much for me to take by myself."
Maura took my chin and made me look into her eyes. "Jane, look at me... No matter what, you are in no way alone in this. I'm here, we are all in this for you,"she said. "Besides, Casey will be thrilled. Just watching him with Isa proves how much he's devoted to this family. On the bright side, it might keep him here on a more permanent basis."
I smiled sadly at Maura and leaned back. "I don't know, Maur. I can still tell that he wants to take care of me. He wants to go all domestic when he comes back, but I can't help but feel that's all some plan of his to keep me in line. You know, distract me from disarming crazies with grenades or something like that."
Maura laughs lightly. "Jane. He makes you happy. I don't understand why you can't accept that."
I lowered my head, a soft thunk resounds as my forehead hits the table. "Relationships suck. This sucks."
"Humans are fallible, Jane. I'm, apparently, a whiney pain in the ass, but you still value our relationship."
"You just won't drop that, will you?"
"And if Casey had absolutely no flaws at all, you would still find something wrong because you have just as much to fear as he does. I think he's just had a bit more clarity on your relationship lately and that has built up his confidence to reunite with you. Is that really wrong?"
"Maybe not." I lift my head back up and insist, "But he could have told me his plans before he sexed me up."
"Would you still have slept with him?" Maura counters with a smirk.
"Yes," I say defiantly, furrowing my brow in determination. I quickly roll my eyes though, then admit, "Maybe. I don't know."
"He's still a man," Maura says nonchalantly. "You're beautiful. He was thinking with his other head."
"God, Maura, enough," I groan. "I hate this, alright? I'm such a teenage girl. I mean, his accent just does it for me. He might have told me he's decided to form a militia to overthrow our capitalist government and I probably would've stripped right there on the sidewalk."
"Primal Jane," Maura says, eyes lighting up some. "I like it."
"Again, enough," I warned. She laughs. Maura's irritating optimism regarding my on again/off again buddy with benefits is somewhat disturbing. Although, I do understand this is her way of saying she just wants to make sure I'm happy. It's just how Maura is.
"He's not a bad man. Not to mention he's passionate, smart, brave..." Maura trailed off.
"Maur," I stopped her in mid sentence. "Your point?"
"Point is, he was given a second chance. "
"More like a fourth chance, if we count high school."
"Okay, a fourth chance. Some people need to be hit over the head that many times to get it." Maura reached over and grasped my hand. She squeezed tightly and smiled brightly now. Trying to enlighten and warm up the environment.
"That doesn't matter now, the only thing that matters is that you need to understand how of an amazing mother you're going to be," Maura said with a reassuring smile on her face.
"How are you so sure, Maur?" I asked in disbelief.
"Just because it's you Jane. Isa simply adores you. Your amazing, i know for sure that you'll be a great mother to this child too... End of discussion." She said strictly.
I put my head in her shoulder and snuggled in close. "You're the best." Maura kissed the top of my head "I know,"she whispered, resting her cheek on my head.
_____________
My chin rested on top of my knees as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The smell of the sea went to my head bewitchingly, embracing me in a soothing way that made a timid smile play on my lips. The sensation was well needed.
But soon I forgot about my surroundings and everything came back to my mind when laughter rose on my left. Abandoning these thoughts that kept on haunting my mind, I turned my head around and watched how Casey was approaching holding Isa by the hand.
I waved at them, smiling brightly.
The little girl left footprints on the sand, her cotton dress dancing in the wind; caressing her chubby little legs. She looked ecstatic. All of a sudden, she let go of Casey's hand and ran to me with her fist tightly clutched.
My curiosity piqued as I raised an eyebrow. "What are you holding?"
Proud, Isa opened her hand to reveal a seashell. "For you."
Emphasizing my pleasure, I gasped – grinned – and accepted the seashells before taking the girl in my arms for a big hug, holding her so tight that I rolled on the sand with her, the echo of her laughter covering for a few seconds the sound of the waves.
"You should go and collect new ones. We will make necklaces out of them. But don't step into the water. It's cold, now."
Isa nodded and ran a few feet away down the beach. Settling next to me, the blonde looked at her for long seconds before focusing on me. He passed an arm around my waist – planted a kiss on my shoulder – before resting his head on it.
"The sunset is still as breathtaking..." Casey's voice rose in the air, full of melancholy. His typical delicate sweetness.
I nodded and smiled as the sun began to caress the sea, embracing it of its orange shades.
At every corner memories seemed to rise with strength. From our first kiss to the ocean of doubts I had lost myself into as the days had passed by and Casey had imposed himself as the love of my life.
"She seem to be enjoying herself." I motioned at the girl in front of us. Running around, screaming of delight while picking up seashells on the sand with the innocence that only a peaceful childhood could bring.
Casey nodded, revealing an honest smile. As I watched, I then understood more than ever the fragility of life and how precious it was. How lucky I was to have Isa in my life.
"Isa! What did we say about stepping into the water?" Too late. I made a face as I saw the girl make a step towards the sea and a wave crashed against her naked legs.
Cries in three, two, one...
I rolled my eyes – stood up – and went to pick up my daughter who has not appreciated much the late bath. "Why is it that you never listen to me?" Pause. I swallowed hard. "Oh god... I sound just like Ma."
By the time I reached the dry sand, Casey had stood up, ready to leave. "Angela called. They're waiting for us at the restaurant."
I nodded and cast a last glance at Isa who was pouting against my chest. The little girl was hopping mad to see her seashell adventure come to an end so abruptly.
"She's way too excited. Bedtime is going to turn into a nightmare."
The remark made Casey smile. He leaned over to plant a soft kiss on my lips.
"I have high hopes over the power of sea breeze. With a bit of luck, she will have passed out by the time we have dessert."
I rose an unconvinced eyebrow. Isa was back on the ground, running around everywhere; shrieking of delight. And if nothing had changed, we would all be awoken at 7am by the melody of a soft giggle.
"You surely sound hopeful..."
Casey shrugged – pouted – and grabbed my hand as we headed towards the main path that led to the restaurant.
"I might have other plans for tonight than fighting with a four-year-old over stuffed animals that aren't suited for bedtime."
I smirked, not missing a bit of his implicit allusion. "I don't know, Cas'. Actually I'm kind of tired myself. I guess I'll just crash in with my girl and watch the rerun of the game."
Barely restraining my excitement, I turned my head around to look at the blonde. Was it shock or distress that the mock of horror on Casey's face illustrated? Hard to tell.
I rolled my eyes and giggled. "It was a joke."
"It'd better be." Cold tone, somehow snappy before he lifted me over his shoulder. Laughing as he spun me around.
"Not so tight," I warned. Almost forgetting about my newfound discovery.
On these words, Casey released me and I ran after my daughter.
It wasn't good to keep harping on about the news of my pregnancy. I had to focus on the time being, on Isa who was here. Healthy and happy. Utterly happy. She was my life and I was really lucky.