David's Pov
Dawn wasn't by my side when I woke up the next morning. She didn't speak to me either. I couldn't blame her. I acted like a total dick last night but that hadn't been my intention. Granted, my state of mind was fucked. When you find out the kid you thought you killed who turned out to be alive is sick and dying again, it kind of just throws you off.
But believe me when I say I wanted to tell her everything. I did. After hearing what Stella had to say, I'd planned on coming clean to my wife. I worked up a speech in my head. I was going to tell her I did something horrible. I was going to tell her about Stacey, about the pregnancy. I was going to tell her why I wanted the baby gone. I was going to tell her that every single woman who ever had a son in my family died.
I didn't know why, I didn't know how, and the doctors didn't have a logical reason either. Somehow it just happened, and I didn't want the same shit to happen to her. The birth control pills, all the crap about not wanting kids; it was all just a way to cover up my cowardice and faults.
Last night, I was just about ready to tell her all this, but one step inside the house, one whiff of the homely air, and the thought of the things I could lose if things went south, I bailed.
It was greedy, selfish, cowardly of me, I knew but I'd already lost a lot of things in my life and I didn't want Dawn to be one of them so I was going to try to fix this. There were so many different layers to this problem but I was going to unfold it one by one, starting with my kid.
"So you're telling me Stacey had the fucking kid," Tanner asked me for the umpteenth time as he drove to the hospital. "You fucking have a three-year-old son, David."
"I know," I said, contemplating if this huge brown teddy bear I'd gotten from the shopping mall was going to be a good enough present.
"Still can't believe Stacey is dead," Tanner spoke again as he maneuvered into the hospital's driveway. "I liked that chick."
I hummed a reply whilst looking outside the window and wondering what the hell I was supposed to say to my son.
Did I even deserve to call him my son?
If he knew the shit I put Stacey through just to have her get rid of him, he'd hate me.
"Remember the last frat party we busted and how she drew you by the ears out of the house and whipped your ass for doing drugs on an exam night?" He cracked. "She was the only one who could control you and make you—"
"Tanner." I stopped him. "You're not helping."
"I'm sorry, it's just—" He shook his head. "This is a lot to take in."
"We'll have to accept it eventually; Stacey is dead and she left me a last fuck you present in the form of a kid."
"It's not your fault, David." He tried to console me. "Her death is not your fault."
"Oh yeah." My grip on the teddy bear tightened. "If I hadn't fucked her or gotten her pregnant, she might have still been alive."
"This was a choice she made."
"No shit, Sherlock."
"Hey, I'm just trying to be a good friend, what the fuck are you getting pissed at me for?"
I exhaled. "I'm sorry okay, I'm freaking frustrated."
The past days had been like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from.
All I wanted to do was to go back to the way things were. I wanted to go back to my wife and lay in her arms without this freaking guilt eating me out.
Tanner parked the car and turned to me. "You shouldn't go through this on your own, David. Let Dawn know what's up."
"She'll hate me and I know it."
He shrugged softly. "Well, It's not like you cheated on her or something. This happened way before you met her."
I scrunched my forehead. "Might be true, but I kept a huge life-threatening secret from her." I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in frustration. "God, it just feels like I'm losing everything."
"I know it's hard but you have to fucking man up. Let her know before anything else because no matter how hard you try to spin it, she is your wife and deserves to be told." He gave my shoulders a friendly tap. "You've got this. Everything's going to be fine."
I simply nodded and thanked him as I got out of the car. With the teddy in my hand, I started towards the elevator. It didn't matter if everything was going to be fine or not. Either way, I was going to have to deal with my reality and the choices I made.
Doctor Anthony, the oncologist I'd spoken on the phone to last night approached me as I stepped out of the elevator.
"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting," I said, accepting his handshake. "I had a few things to take care of."
"No worries, it's nice to finally meet the father of that exceptional little boy." When he let my hand go, he led me into his office and offered me a seat. "As you've been informed, Alexander has a very rare case of chronic lymphocytic leukemia. It's aggressive. We've tried targeted therapy as well as radiation therapy but these standard treatments have been less than effective."
"Is there—" I croaked, paused, and took a deep breath.
"I understand if you need a moment to take it all in."
A moment?
A moment wasn't going to be enough. A lifetime wouldn't be enough either. Nothing would.
I took another deep breath. "You mentioned chemotherapy to me on the phone last night."
"Yes, we plan on starting his first dose of standard chemotherapy but we still need a ready stem cell donor and that is why I asked Stacey to bring the father in."
I sat up straight. "Have my blood tested right away then. I don't mind."
"Very well." He reached into his drawer and pulled out a typed sheet. "I need you to fill this and once you're done, we can proceed to the lab and have your blood samples examined."
"Thank you."
I didn't hesitate to fill the sheet out. I owed Alex so much and if there was a chance my donation could save him then I was willing to take it.
***
"When will I hear from you?" I asked Anthony when he ushered me to the private ward I'd asked them to transfer Alex to.
"You'll hear from us within the week, Mr. Argent." He informed. "For now, just take care of your body and hope for the best."
"I will, thank you."
When we reached the door, we stopped and exchanged a brief handshake. That was when Stella stepped out and approached me.
"Thank you so much for the room, David, Alexander loves it very much." Her eyes lowered to the red spot on my arm. "Does it hurt much?"
I shook my head and managed a smile. "It's nothing I can't handle."
"I'm sorry you have to go through all this, I couldn't think of a better way out of this."
"Don't worry about it. For Stacey's sake, I'll do what I can to save him."
Her smile widened. "Are you ready to meet him?"
"I'm a little nervous," I admitted, lifting the teddy. "Maybe I should change this and get something masculine instead, what does he like?"
"What he would like right now is to meet his father." She proceeded to the door, opened it, and nudged her head with a smile on her face. "Come in."
I inhaled heavily. Once I officially met Alexander, there would be no going back.
Fuck, alright, I could do this.
I had to.
Not being in his life was not an option.
I expelled a breath and walked into the blue and white color schemed hospital bedroom, and I didn't know how possible it was but seeing the pale kid swathed in a blue overall standing by the window made my stomach flutter and my heart skip a beat at the same time.
"Oh my God, Alex, what did we talk about you staying close to the window when I'm not around?" Stella scolded, rushing to help him down the makeshift stairs he created with a stool.
"I'm sorry, tía, I just wanted to count the birds." His voice was barely audible and his speech was dragging. My stomach sank at the realization of the unfathomable suffering he was going through right now.
"It's fine." A sad smile crossed her face as she caressed his cheeks. "There's someone special here to see you."
"Who?"
I sucked in my breath when his gaze suddenly shifted and locked on mine.
His eyes were grey shades. Like mine, except darker. He had no hair, his head was covered with a blue warmer but I could tell by his brows he had my hair color too.
"Who are you?" He asked me pointedly whilst holding unto Stella's hand and looking like he was about to run and hide behind her.
"Don't be rude Alex." She corrected, shifting her gaze to me. "I'm sorry, he's very sensitive around other people."
"It's fine." I put on a smile and took a few slow steps forward. He didn't move back. That was a good sigh.
"Hi, Alexander." I tried to make my voice as soothing as possible. "You probably don't know me yet but you will soon." I knelt in front of him and stretched out the teddy. "I got you this."
His eyes moved from mine to the teddy and then to mine.
I couldn't tell what he was thinking.
This was harder than I thought it will be.
After a moment, I sighed and shook my head softly. This was probably the most pathetic thing I'd ever done in my life.
I withdrew my hand slowly when he still didn't take the teddy. "You don't have to accept my gift. I know you're still a child and I understand it's going to take a while to get used to me but—"
"I love blue." His words stopped me.
I blinked and blinked again.
"It's my favorite color." He added, shifting his eyes back to the teddy. "It's not blue."
I looked to Stella for help but she only smiled down at me.
"Well i—"
Shit. I was dumbfounded.
Did he not like the teddy?
I cleared my throat. "I'll have it changed to a blue one for you, would you like that?"
It took a few seconds before he nodded his head and to my surprise, he freed Stella, taking a step forward to place his tiny cold hand on my face.
I didn't understand the gesture but I felt this immense relief and unexpected elation in my chest.
"It means he likes you," Stella told me with a huge grin on her face.
I grinned back at her. At this point, my heart was filled with so much happiness that it almost hurt.