FIVE YEARS AGO
I was told it would be the big finale to senior year.
This house party was the house party to end all house parties. What a mouthful, huh? All day I struggled to remove Vincent's persuasion out of my head in order to coerce me into attending. I struggled. And I failed. I caved. I succumbed. He was just so damn influential. And truthfully, I was desperate to let loose tonight.
Senior year exams had been kicking my fucking ass and I'd abstained from parties until they were finished, despite attempts from other girls to get me to attend just so we could have a party of our own. The last thing I wanted was to disappoint my parents with abysmal grades to graduate high school with, so I responsibly revised and I think I rocked the shit out of them in the end.
"Jenny's really hot friend will be there tonight," Vincent said to me via a phone call.
We were both getting ready at our respective homes but for some reason Vincent felt the need to call me up and ensure I was attending tonight, and if I wasn't, he was well equipped to supply me with further persuasion.
And as much as Jenny's friend—I knew who Vincent was referring to—was hot, that wasn't the incentive I wanted. But yes, I could have done with getting laid. It had been so damn long and I wasn't about to resort to using my hand as frequently for much longer.
Jenny was Vincent's high school sweetheart and they'd been going strong for a while now... until a pregnancy scare, actually. It had been rocky between them since the pregnancy scare a while ago, but as much as I suspected Vincent was over it, there was something distinctly holding him back from Jenny. I think as soon as the summer was over, he was going to break up with her. It wasn't cemented or anything, but it was a theory I was willing to bet money on.
"Do you even know the name of Jenny's friend?" I asked, placing the call on speaker so I could slip a tight-fitting graphic T-shirt over my head.
He though about it for a moment. "Freya," he replied correctly.
I sighed. "Vince, I already told you I'm going. I'll meet you there in like half an hour, okay?"
"Did I mention Freya really likes you?"
"See you there, Vince."
Without waiting for a response, I hung up and locked my phone, striding to my mirror to inspect my reflection. I looked good. I was slimmer than I was muscular, but I'd slacked on my usual workouts during exam period, substituting it for revision. While I was in the process of getting the definition back, I was still in good shape now. Really fucking good shape if I said so myself.
Running my fingers through my hair, I tousled it to create the effortless-but-shaggy look. Satisfied, I scooped up my phone and traipsed downstairs to discover Mom and Dad watching some sappy romcom. Mom had the box of tissues at the ready beside her while Dad seemed oddly amused by the entire ordeal.
Mom and Dad were always cool with me attending high school parties. I suppose if they knew what I truly did during them—I wasn't a typical relationship type of guy as I did the majority of my hooking up at parties—they would retract that and probably thwart me attending any more. So that was one of my best kept secrets, and let's be honest, what guy tells their parents about their high school trysts?
"I'm off now," I told them.
Dad paused the movie. Despite his aversion to sappy romcoms, he watched them for my mom, and he paused them just for her so she never misses out. It's something I've always witnessed him doing. He was selfless like that. During the day he was CEO of Kelly Industries, inheriting that position from his dad who created the company, but when he returned home, he was an absolute family man at heart. He would do anything for both Mom and I. I learnt very quickly to never take that for granted.
Mom smiled at me. "Don't you look dapper, Joshua."
"I don't think people say dapper anymore, Mom," I told her in that usual teenage drawl with the usual teenage attitude.
Dad chuckled. "You driving?"
"Yeah, but I'll be drinking. I'm crashing at Vincent's afterwards. He's not drinking so he's going to drive us."
Mom raised her eyebrows, poised to speak, but I beat her to it.
"I'll make sure he doesn't drink, don't worry, Mom," I told her, touched by her motherly concern though it was a mother's prerogative to worry and instil advice like that. "I'll be back in the morning. And I'll stay safe and everything else you're about to tell me." A smile tugged at my lips.
"Enjoy tonight. You've earned it after the exams," Dad said. "Call us if you need anything, okay?"
"I will. See you in the morning."
"Enjoy!" Mom called out as I was ambling toward the front door, mere seconds before Dad played the movie again.
It had been a stormy few days in Riverside, and today was no exception to that. The rain had been constantly on-off until today where it hadn't seemed to cease entirely. Thunder rumbled occasionally through the sky and lightning struck, but I'd not seen much activity bar the rain for a while now. Due to that, I jogged from my front door to my car, having to examine the rain's damage to my hair in my mirror.
Not too bad. Okay. That was okay. I could deal with that.
The party was being held by a popular senior who also just happened to be our leading quarterback. His parents regularly went out of town and left him housesitting, so what does he do? Like the popular student, he threw kickass parties and invited just about everyone, the house virtually quaking from the vibrating speakers emanating the music and new alcohol stains as well as students hooking up in the multitude of bedrooms.
And I was not left disappointed when I arrived.
Having parked a few blocks way, I definitely did not cherish the usual stroll in the evening light to the party, despite the torrent of rain having calmed temporarily. The sun had been absent all day with gun metal clouds barricading it, casting Riverside darker than it should have been for early summer. Pacing to the senior's house, I kept my gaze low.
Thunder rumbled through the sky. It was quiet, seemingly far off. As I passed two houses, thunder roared through the sky again. It was only minorly louder this time.
I glanced up just in time to witness and almost perfect strike of lightning mar the sky, giving the gunmetal clouds a dark purple hue. It was beautiful, truthfully. Secretly I always adored storms. Though I would never admit to it, I'd watch the lightning and listen to the thunder well into the night when I should usually be asleep.
Vincent was latched to Jenny's hip by the time I entered the extravagantly large house with its plush décor and over the top property portraits adorning the walls. The music pumped so thunderously through the speakers that I could feel the vibration of the beat against my heart and it masked the sound of the thunder. It was never a sensation I particularly liked, and if I had my way, I'd turn the fucking music down. It was some sort of club remix. I didn't know the name of the song.
Waving me over, Vincent tapped Freya on her shoulder and nodded his head in my direction. With her hazy expression—she was distinctly inebriated already—her lips slowly morphed into a grin. Great. She seemed like a clingy drunk. I didn't like clingy drunks.
As Vincent detached himself from Jenny and approached me, he clapped me on my back and leaned in close. I took this as the opportunity to harshly mutter, "She's fucking drunk already?"
I tousled my hair, noticing a few droplets plummet straight into Vincent's drink, though he didn't seem to notice, nor did was he bothered that my hair was drenched and my already tight-fitting T-shirt was clutching to my biceps and stretching across my chest further than it was when I first slipped it over my head.
All he did was chuckle. "She was nervous?" he answered, posing it more of a question than a statement. He was utterly amused by the ordeal.
I was just thankful that I was unable to detect any hint of alcohol surrounding him. He was clutching a red solo cup and as I peered inconspicuously into it, I was relieved to confirm it was just Coke. With the lack of stench of rum, I knew Vincent was making good on his promise to be the designated driver for us, although I would have assumed he'd holed himself up in a bedroom with Jenny already. Despite their turbulent relationship, they were like that.
Despite my aversion to Freya already been so intoxicated her eyes were completely bloodshot, I allowed Vincent to act as the middle man between us. Jenny seemed enthralled by our interaction, though her eyes were not red-rimmed at all. With a furtive glimpse into her red solo cup, it seemed she was also sipping on Coke.
At one point, Freya departed from our small group clustered by the wall in the lounge to retrieve another drink, claiming to divert from the alcohol now. Thank fuck.
Jenny giggled into her Coke. "She really likes you, Josh. She's just so nervous."
Humming a gentle frown, I glanced down at my red solo cup that contained some type of rum punch—heavy with the rum, less so with the punch—before monitoring the makeshift dancefloor behind me. Some random students were shaking around way too much skin and others were virtually half naked. There was a couple in the corner I wasn't even aware had gotten together that were basically groping and pawing at one another.
Lightning striking outside caught my eye in the window. Rain hammered against the glass panes, but no one seemed to care that a storm was beginning to wreak havoc on half of Riverside. Some parts of town had already complained that the storm had left them in and outage, casting several communities into blackouts. As far as I was aware, they were still without electricity now and floods were beginning to broaden across roads. The river, as I'd viewed proof on social media, was flooded and several apartment blocks that neighboured it were perilously close to having their parking lots out of commission with substantial flooding.
"I thought she liked that guy in her chemistry class," I said, glancing pointedly at Vincent considering he'd been the one to feed that titbit to me not too long ago.
The rum punch was beginning to zing leisurely through my bloodstream. My words were only partially slurred considering I was on my second drink and I wasn't quite sure of the proportions of punch to rum—rum was definitely victorious, but exact measurements I was clueless. Regardless of Jenny confirming my suspicions that she was a clingy drunk (she'd slipped against my side once and never strayed until now to retrieve another drink) the idea of fucking her was appealing more and more to me.
It had been a while since I'd last gotten laid.
Don't ask me how long. I really can't think that straight right now.
"He fucked a junior in the guys' locker room apparently," Vincent replied.
"She didn't like him after that rumour spread," Jenny added, a glint to her eyes.
Despite flirting with tipsiness, I knew Jenny would prefer if I hooked up with Freya and see if something could spawn from that one drunken night. She knew as well as Vincent did that I didn't do relationships. Not long-term, anyway. I'd barely managed to surpass six months for a relationship during the entirety of high school. I just didn't do relationships. It was easier that way.
Maybe in a few years' time I would come to change my mind. But right now, while having been immersed in high school life for four years, I never wanted to settle with someone. Vincent was either moaning to me about Jenny and the habits he detested or the guys she had to sit by in lessons and how they'd shamelessly flirt with her or he turned into a sappy fucker and was professing his love for her to me. One time he even said to me, "I'm going to live with her one day and get married," and I swear I almost gagged.
I've got nothing against happy marriages that begin in high school. My parents had friends who were still married after being high school sweethearts and they seemed happy as ever. But it wasn't for me. And to be on the receiving end of that declaration was nauseating.
Relationships, right now, just weren't for me. Feelings were shitty and complicated. It was so much easier to fuck and detach.
I was aware of Freya's arrival immediately because she virtually rubbed against my hip. As I turned my attention to her, I raised my eyebrows. She had either stumbled into me or that was an intentional action. Whatever it was, I just knew she was beginning to annoy me less and less. She was entertaining when she was drunk. Clingy, yes, but also mildly entertaining, and that was beginning to outweigh her clinginess.
Despite the party having been going on for at least an hour now, the lounge was beginning to get immensely crowded and we'd had to cluster closer against the wall. Some people were inadvertently nudging me as they weaved stumblingly through the throng of underage drinkers.
Freya's hand snaked up my arm as she raised her red solo cup to her lips. Her eyebrows rose in a way that made my cock stir in my jeans. Fuck. It really had been a while since I'd been laid.
One second, I was gazing down at Freya and observing her neck as she gulped down her Coke and the next, the entire house was plunged into darkness and fleeting silence. Silence engulfed everyone for the merest fraction of a second before girls were squealing and guys were hollering, distinctly relishing in the temporary darkness to get away with whatever the hell they wanted.
"Hang on! Hang on! The generator should kick in soon!" a guy hollered, his voice hefty with slurring and with absolutely no trace of concern detectable.
With no music pumping through my body, I savoured the removal of it and spun around. Despite my rapid blinking, my eyes didn't at all adjust to the darkness. It was completely dark outside, and thunder roared through the sky. It seemed as though it was directly above us. The large rain droplets that had pelted against the window blurred the outside world until lightning struck to momentarily light up the lounge.
Suddenly, someone staggered right into me.
Releasing a groan, I stumbled forward from the impact and my red solo cup flew from my hand. My feet tripped on the carpet until I halted.
My body crashed against someone else's.
My body definitely hit a body against a wall, trapping her in.
My hands clutched at hips as I attempted to steady myself.
Her body was utterly still.
With the rum lingering in my bloodstream, it took me several seconds before I registered the feel of breasts pressed against my chest. Whoever I was touching, she was tall and slim. Her hair tickled my bare arms. She didn't make a sound. And neither did I.
I couldn't see a fucking thing. The generator still wasn't kicking in and pandemonium hadn't kicked in just yet. I couldn't distinguish anything from the girl in front of me. All I could feel was the rising and lowering of her chest and her slow breaths.
Leaning down, I was about to whisper an apology, my mind begging me to step back. But as I inclined my head, she must have done the same but raising it.
Because the next thing I knew, my lips had found hers.
I'd underestimated how close we were.
Neither of us drew away.
For a mere second, I felt okay. It wasn't a bad kiss. Actually, it was nice. Good. It felt good. Somewhere in the pit of my stomach, something was blooming. I could feel it. Still neither of us pulled away. She didn't place her hands flush against my chest and shove me away like I'd invaded her space or kissed her without her permission.
But that blooming in my stomach felt... unsettling all of a sudden.
My body tensed as I felt her small, delicate hands clutch at my wrists where my hands were still clutching her hips. I'd not let go. I was inebriated now but I was sobering up rather quickly. Too quickly. She squeezed my wrists, but still she didn't detach herself from me. She didn't push me away.
Somewhere in my head I knew it was wrong. I knew it was so goddamn fucking wrong.
Something dark and unidentifiable was festering in my gut.
It was the way she was clenching my wrists. Her hands so velvet soft and dainty. How did she possess such strength?
If lightning struck and people caught a flash of our embrace, they'd merely witness two teenagers kissing at a typical high school house party. But I knew the reality. And I think she did too.
My heart seemed to explode then, tearing itself apart into small shattered pieces before each individual shard pummelled my gut, just to add to that nauseating festering. Upon each impact I felt myself weaken. But I still couldn't step back. I couldn't step away from this mysterious girl. She was clutching to my wrists for dear fucking life and that wasn't normal. As much as I knew this was never supposed to happen, she was holding onto me, willing me not to lose myself in the crowd.
The squealing ceased. In my head it did. I'm sure the reality was brimming with cheerful hollers and overzealous gasping. But I couldn't hear anything. Not in that moment. I couldn't even sense anyone around us.
It was just us.
Me and her.
Something was wrong. Something was too wrong. A kiss, no matter how much of an accident it can be, should never feel like that, right? I should never experience the guilt and confliction I was in that moment. It was a scorching burning in my gut, twisting and tugging.
It wasn't just that this girl and I was kissing that was the disturbing factor. It was something else. Something deeply rooted that I was unaware of, but I could sense it. This girl didn't belong, and she was taking out her misery on my fucking wrists. She hated her presence at this party.
The kiss was intense. Too intense. My heart was shattering, yet all I could focus on was her.
Who was she?
Ultimately, I was the first to draw away. My feet were rooted, and my nose grazed hers. It was the moment our lips detangled when I realised my cheeks were wet, but I wasn't the one crying. Holy shit. What had I done?
What just happened?
As if her impulsiveness was beginning to shed from her body, she released her vice-like hold on my wrists. That was when I was able to move my feet, but it was a mere shuffle along the carpet, staggering blindly back to where I hoped my group was still loitering.
Before I knew it, I registered Freya's clingy grip along my arm and she was murmuring in my ear. "I lost you," she whispered, her words too heavily slurred.
Despite the rum punch, I felt sober. Stone cold sober. Stone cold sober and so fucking heartbroken.
Lightning struck outside and thunder howled outside, lighting up Freya's slow-curving smirk aimed right at me. Maybe that's what the generator required to kick in, because abruptly I was wincing as the entire house illuminated all over again. Music blared through the speakers and everyone bellowed their appreciation for the generator.
Everyone, it felt, except two.
"Hey, where's your drink gone?" Vincent asked, gaze dipping as he perceived my empty hands.
Without answering and due to the illumination, I couldn't help myself. I couldn't fucking help myself. I was a glutton for punishment and I turned around, surveying the lounge, hoping to catch even a glimpse of the girl I'd just kissed.
And there she was.
I knew it was her immediately.
Only a few people away, the girl—tall with sleek and pin-straight black hair—was monitoring the crowd in front of her. Her lips were slightly parted, and her cheeks were shiny—tears. She was crying.
As I watched her fingers fiddle with the ends of her long hair, I reached up and rubbed my cheek. Only a thin sheen of her tears remained, but Vincent, Freya and Jenny didn't seem to notice. Freya was too occupied with draping herself over my arm to notice my abrupt sobriety, and Jenny and Vincent were immersed in whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears, their bodies as close as I assume mine had been with the nameless girl.
The raven-haired girl didn't seem to notice me and my blatant gawking. Instead she shook her head almost imperceptibly, wiping her tears frantically before she weaved through the crowd harshly, nudging students out of the way haphazardly.
For a second, I was poised to follow her and out myself. Tell her it was me that inadvertently kissed her and stumbled into her. But I was inundated with a split-second hesitation, and it was at that moment when Freya tugged on my arm, demanding my attention. My head snapped back to her, my brows furrowing into a glower. She didn't seem to notice—not with her inebriation.
When I turned around for one final fucking time, the raven-haired girl had disappeared.
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Author's Note:
Sooo that was Josh's secret!! What do you think was happening with that girl?? You think Josh ever made contact with her again??? And what do you think Madeline will make of this??? Let me know all your thoughts on this chapter please!! Now we just gotta wait until Madeline's secret is revealed :)))))
Thank you :) x