Phoebe
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When I wake up, Noah isn't next to me... I have a bad feeling about today. I don't know what it is... So I sit up, clutch my robe and walk into the living room.
"Noah?" I call out, but he isn't in the living room or the kitchen. "Noah?" I call out again, looking around the whole apartment and he isn't here.
I walk to the front door, seeing his bag and his lab coat missing.
I make myself some breakfast, even though it's almost noon and I decide to look at my phone. Noah sent me a text that he loves me.
I calm down within seconds, knowing that I was panicking for no reason. Since the trial, I have been less anxious knowing Jay is in prison. But Noah told me that I will still have anxiety...
I was depressed for a week after the trial... I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be seen. I wanted just to hide away, but Noah wouldn't let that happen...
I look over at the door that is back on the hinges. I'm still shocked that Noah took off the damn door to keep an eye on me. I wasn't actually going to hurt myself... I wanted to, but I couldn't. Physically I couldn't even get out of bed.
Noah even took a whole week of work just to watch me... After court, I don't remember the ride home or how I got into the apartment. All I remember is walking into the front door and immediately heading to the guest room. Not even an hour later, I hear the door being taken down.
Noah brought me food every day, even when I didn't eat it. On day two, I got so frustrated with him trying to get me to talk; I threw something at him... The days started to fade, getting blurred, but I remember telling him I'm sorry for that.
I still haven't dared to call my family back... I've texted my sisters that I am okay. But I can't hear them speak... My mother doesn't want anything to do with me, and my dad just wants me to come home. He says that America ruined me...
I take my empty plate, putting it in the sink and as I am washing it. I see the scars on the palms of my hands... When Noah saw them, he didn't say a word. He just cleaned them and wrapped them up, later on though, I told him what happened. I did this to myself to keep myself calm... I didn't want to fuck up the trial; I just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.
When I was willing to talk about everything, Noah suggested that I see a therapist. This made me furious, and that ended up being our first real argument.
"I am not crazy, Noah!" I yell, standing up from the couch.
"I never said you were crazy, Phoebe. I'm saying; you should see a therapist to help you with this." Noah stands up with me, but I shake my head.
"I- I don't need a therapist!" I yell in disbelief. "I don't need someone to sit across the room and ask me how something makes me feel." I stomp into the guest room, quickly remembering that Noah took off the fucking door. "I know how I feel, Noah! I'm fucking pissed off!" I turn around to face him.
"Then maybe you should see a psychiatrist too."
"A psychiatrist? Are you fucking serious, Noah?" I am fuming...
"Yes, Phoebe. I'm fucking serious. You're depressed, you have anxiety... You- you have dealt with some horrible things, and you need to talk about them." Noah tries to grab my hands, but I pull them away.
"Get out!" I yell, not wanting to think about this. "I did get out! Get out!" I scream, grabbing the nearest thing, the lamp, and tossing it at him.
Noah looks at me with shock, puts his hands up and walks out of the room.
I zone back in, continuing to wash the dishes. I look in the fridge and notice that we have nothing in there. I don't want to leave the apartment... But I want to have dinner made when Noah gets home.
As I am getting ready to head to the grocery store, get this odd feeling in my stomach. The same feeling I had when I woke up... What the hell is going on? This is all in your head, Phoebe.
I grab my bag, a hat and a pair of sunglasses. Praying that I won't get recognised by anyone... As I make my way to the elevator, I feel my heart beating fast, causing me to freeze in the middle of the hallway.
"I'm fine," I whisper to myself, taking a deep breath. I force myself into the elevator and my car. It's starting to become spring in New York, but it's still fucking cold out...
When I arrive at the grocery store, I sit in the parking spot, contemplating for over ten minutes on whether or not to leave my car. When I managed to suck up the nerves and leave my car, I saw a few people looking at me. I kept my head down and tried my hardest not to react.
I quickly shopped for my items, refusing to look at the cashier of the bag boy and barely speaking to them as well. When I left the store, a few people were taking photos of me. But I ignore them, set the bags in the car and drive away.
When I arrive at home, Noah isn't home yet, and this gives me enough time to put the groceries away and cook dinner.
I switch on the television, put on the radio and dance around the kitchen. I realised that I traits of myself before Jay is returning as well as new traits...
Dinner is made, so I put the plates on the table, and sit down at the table. After a couple of minutes, I find myself staring at the front door. I catch myself drinking glass after glass of water...
Where is he? I look at my watch, and it's been over an hour since I placed the dinner on the table. I mean, he could have gotten tied up, right? Surgery can last hours... And then New York Traffic.
I start to feel a bit queasy and anxious, thinking about Noah leaving me...
"He would never leave me!" I say to myself out loud. "Never," I state, grabbing my things and leaving the apartment. He must have gotten hurt or something...
I drive to the hospital, parking quickly, and almost race into the hospital. When I enter, everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. But I ignore them, racing up to the nurse's station.
"Excuse me. I'm looking for Noah McGuire- Doctor Noah McGuire." I say, but she looks at me like she has no idea who I am talking about. "He- he is a doctor here. He is my boyfriend." I state, and she shakes her head. Still not knowing, "Then page someone who will know!" I am now yelling, making her call someone.
"Phoebe?" I hear my name, and I look over to see it's the other doctor who performed surgery on me. Olivia Wilson, I remember her name is. "Are you okay?" She asks, walking up to me.
"Where is Noah?" I ask, making her shake her head. "No, you too- just, get me someone who knows-"
"He left." Doctor Wilson says, making me confused.
"What do you mean? He never came home." I shake my head, feeling my heartbeat out of my chest.
"No, Phoebe. He- he left. Noah left for the airport to go to Doctors Without Borders." Doctor Wilson looks at me in the eyes, and instantly I can't breathe...
"No. No!" I nervously chuckle, "He- he wouldn't." Now I am crying, grabbing onto my chest. "He- I, I can't breathe." I fall to the floor, Doctor Wilson calling for a gurney as I faint.
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I jump awake, looking around to see myself in a hospital bed with large curtains surrounding me. I'm hooked up to machines, with an oxygen cord in my nose. I need to find, Noah... I start ripping everything off of me when Doctor Wilson enters.
"You're awake." She smiles, walking towards me. "You should lay down," Olivia says, but I push her hands away from me. "Phoebe, you need to calm down. This isn't good for you guys."
"What do you mean? Noah left me! He- he promised me." I yell, tears falling down my face again. "Fuck my chest hurts," I yell, making her usher me back into bed. She puts the oxygen cord back over my face and hooks me back up to the machines.
"You're suffering from broken heart syndrome, Phoebe," Olivia says, sitting down on the bed with me.
"What? Fuck!" I grab my chest, feeling horrible pains coming from my chest.
"Broken heart syndrome is a temporary heart condition that's often brought on by stressful situations and extreme emotions." Olivia looks down at the tablet then back at me. "Phoebe, Noah switched all your records over to me, uh, maybe I shouldn't tell you this right now."
"Tell me!" I say through clenched teeth, trying to hold back my tears.
"Noah, left this morning. He got into work pretty early, and then he told our Chief that he would be going overseas. That he will be doing Doctors Without Borders..." I shake my head; this doesn't sound like Noah. He is a planner... He- he wouldn't just leave. "I'm sorry, but it's true. I- I am the one who took him to the airport. That's when he told me he switched all of your records over to me and for me to tell you that he is sorry and that he loves you."
"I don't understand." I am breathing heavily now, tears falling down my face. "What did I do wrong?" My voice breaks and Olivia hands me a box of tissues.
"Phoebe, there's one more thing." Olivia looks down at the tablet, then back at me. She grabs my hand, making me look up at her. I can't handle it anymore... "You're pregnant, Phoebe."
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THE END