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Lori and Natalie left Rick in the dining room, who watched the two women, with a confused expression.
They walked out to the porch outside, Natalie leaned up against the banister staring at Lori waiting for her to start talking.
"Look I appreciate everything you've done for us; saving Carl, letting us stay, giving us food, a place to sleep but you had no right to talk to Shane the way you did just now," Lori said scowling with a low voice, to which Natalie furrowed her brows slightly. "He's being pragmatic, something that I think your family doesn't know how to do."
Natalie nodded her head in fake understanding, "I get it, you're defending your husband- oh sorry, my mistake Shane isn't your husband and you're not his wife," she said breathing out a laugh, "how stupid of me. for a second there I thought you were from the way your behaving. Do you by any chance defend Rick the way you are now for his best friend or do you always leave it for someone else to do? Just a thought." She said giving her a friendly yet sarcastic smile before walking away and climbing down the stairs to the field. Lori remained where she stood, following Natalie with her eyes.
Natalie felt them, she turned around to face her, "I have every right to talk to him the way I did, he forced my family to face their biggest fears of losing our families forever, when they weren't even prepared to do so, he put Beth in that state, he caused my father to run off to making us follow and save then Randal," she said harshly, "Everything that has happened here has happened because of Shane."
She finally walked away, leaving Lori to scowl at her retreating figure.
Hours may have passed but Natalie didn't notice. She sat with her knees to her chest and her arms resting over her knees.
She watched nature pass by her, the wind gently moved her hair and the sea of summer grass ahead of her.
Natalie felt as though being on the farm there was an eternity in each second, a joy that came from the birdsongs and a gentle and comforting steadiness constantly filled her body.
Then she would remember the harsh reality she lived in. The reality that held walkers. That held Shane.
She signed in defeat as she attended to find a source of relaxation but had failed because of her thoughts.
Arms circled her neck, she leaned her head into their arms and exhaled seeing it was Isabel and Emilia sitting next to her. "What you doing out here ma?" Isabel asked as she rested her head on Natali's back.
"Thinking."
"About what?" Emilia asked also leaning onto her mother's side.
"There are so many things that are going through my head, that shouldn't concern you two," she said smiling at them.
"Maybe we can help," Emilia said smiling.
"How you finding it here?" Natalie asked.
"I like it, it feels safe," Isabel said, "haven't seen a walker in weeks."
"Hopefully it stays that way." Isabel lifted her head and came in front of them both, sitting cross-legged.
"Do you mind?" Isabel started looking down at her fingers, "me calling you ma?"
"Why should it?" Emilia immediately said, "you're my sister, that means my mama is your mama!" Isabel smiled but still looked at Natalie for confirmation.
"She's not wrong, you are my daughter," Natalie said opening up her arms to which Isabel instantly climbed into.
"I've never had a ma before," Isabel started, "when I was born she left me to my dad, never seen her, don't where she or what's she's been doing or what she even looks like."
"Do you want to meet her?" Natalie asked as she brushed her fingers through her hair.
"I did, back before all this, anything to get away from dad, but now I don't want to know anything about her, because I've got you now, both of you," she said bringing Emilia into the hug as well.
"That's so cute," Emilia cheered causing the other two girls to laugh.
"Come on let's head back inside," Natalie instructed, as they walked her arms were hung over their shoulder as they talked and laughed among themselves. "Go on upstairs, I'll come up in a bit."
Natalie entered the kitchen to see Lori by the sink, "you good?" Natalie said standing beside her, "the baby?"
"Yeah we're okay," Lori said calmly.
"Despite our differences," Natalie said facing her, "If you need anything tell me, make use of me whilst you can."
"I will, thanks," Lori said giving her a small smile, which Natalie didn't reciprocate. "She hasn't eaten, I went to talk to Beth but she's just so unresponsive, I told her we'd go out on a walk later on."
"Hmm, thanks, I'll check up on her- where's the knife?" Natalie said noticing the plate full of food but no knife. She rushed into the room.
"Beth, sweetie, give me the knife," Natalie said calmly. Beth had her back facing her. "Beth you don't wanna do this. Give me the knife."
Beth slowly turned around and held out the knife, Natalie quickly took it from her, she passed it back to Lori, "Get Maggie," Lori nodded before running out.
Natalie sat on the bed, next to her as Beth sat up, "I know it hurts," she said putting her hand on her's, "but you have to be stronger than this, you are stronger than this Beth, we lost them us, but did you even think about us? What it would do to the rest of us when we would come in here and saw your dead body?" Natalie said softly, "it would kill us, Beth, imagine if Emmy came in here and saw you-"
"Are you crazy?" Maggie came storming in, "What if dad found out?"
"What he gonna do? Kill me for committing suicide?"
"Stop being a brat," Maggie replied.
"Maggie!" Natalie scolded at her use of words.
"He'd die, so would we, this isn't just about you!" she said sitting on the bed, "we all lost mom. This isn't the time to be selfish" Maggie said raising her voice again.
"Selfish?" Beth shouted in reply.
"Guys. You're right opposite eachother you don't need to shout." Natalie tried to peace keep but was ignored.
"I get it you're hurting, but so I am, so is dad and so is Natalie! But you have to find another reason to live, find another purpose! Suicide is not an option!"
"It's always been an option if there's a will there's a way."
"You can't mean that," Natalie said looking at her youngest sister in unbelief. "You have us, you can scream, you can cry, you can shout, you can take it out on us, but please for the love of God, don't hurt yourself."
"Mom would be ashamed to know she raised a coward. Dad too." Maggie said calmly.
"He had us waiting round for a cure."
"He knew he was wrong," Natalie interjected.
"When has dad ever admitted he was wrong?"
"He did, to me in the bar, he knew he was wrong for robbing you of mourning for your mother, those were his words." Natalie soothed, "and what about Jimmy?"
"We went out for three months, and now I'm married to him?"
"And Natalie? And me?" Maggie said, "I can't take another funeral."
"You can't avoid it, what are we waiting for?" Beth said sighing, then looking back and forth from both of her sister's eyes, "we should do it, all three of us at the same time."
"What?" Maggie said disgustedly.
"It's hard to do it, no one wants to do-"
"Stop talking like that!" Natalie suddenly screamed grabbing onto Beth's arms. "You think I'm gonna do that? You think I'm gonna leave my two daughters? Emmy's seven, she's scared all the time! I'm not gonna leave her!"
"It would be our choice! Then it would be over." Beth screamed, "no one can protect us."
"That's not true!" Maggie said.
"Then who? Glenn?" She said looking at Maggie, she then turned her head to Natalie, "where's Chris, Nat? Where is he?" Natalie scoffed and shook her head.
"Rick'll protect his family, and the others too, we're alone, it's us alone in this world against those things, I don't wanna be gutted - I wanna go, in this bed, with you two beside me, please," Beth said in an eerily calm manner.
Natalie turned her head to look at Maggie who staring at Beth crying.
There was a knock on the door and Andrea opened it, "you can't sit on top of her." she informed.
"We can't leave her alone," Maggie said.
"You're gonna have to." Andrea said, "you out get some air I'll watch her, Natalie, Isabel was looking for you. Don't worry I've got it."
"Okay, thanks," Maggie said walking about with Natalie following.
Natalie walked up the stairs, then opened the bedroom door seeing Isabel reading to Emilia, "Andrea said you were looking for me?" she said leaning against the wall. The two looked up in confusion.
"No," Emilia shook her head, "but Izzy's reading The Chronicles of Narnia to me." Natalie slowly shook her head, then the sudden feeling of dread came through her.
She ran down the stairs urgently, "Beth!" she screamed opening the door. She wasn't on the bed.
"What happened?" Maggie said coming in, "where is she?"
Then they could hear crying from the bathroom, "Beth?" Natalie said rushing towards it. There was the sound of glass smashing on the floor causing, Maggie and Natalie to start banging on the door.
Lori also came in trying to get Beth out of the bathroom, "we left her with Andrea," Maggie said coming back trying to find the key.
"What did Andrea say to her? Okay, Move back!" She said shoving Lori away, "Beth get away from the door!" She started kicking at it, she gave it one final blow then it flung open, revealing Beth holding her wrists which were oozing blood out.
"I'm sorry." she cried. Maggie and Natalie walked towards her lead her to the bed so Natalie could treat her cuts.
"Sit down," Natalie said sighing and started to stitch her wounds. Maggie had stormed out to find Andrea.
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