Tahimik lamang sa pagda-drive si Vince. Hindi siya nito tinanong kung bakit dito siya nagpasundo. He didn't even ask kung ano ang nangyari. Vince is like that. He doesn't pry.
"Aren't you even a bit concerned?" she asked.
"Why? What's there to be concerned about?" He glanced at her. "Akala ko ba ayaw mong pinakikialaman kita?"
"But come on, hindi ka man lang nagtatakang tinawagan kita para magpasundo?"
He shrugged. "I found that a bit odd."
"A bit? You know you're the last person I want to see."
"Then why call me?" he asked calmly.
Bakit nga ba? Kanina pa rin niya tinatanong ang sarili. But she knows what the answer is. She just doesn't want to acknowledge it. Aside from Vico, she only has Vince. Vico has his hands full and she needed to get away from all those people. Wala naman siyang dalang sasakyan and she knew that Troy won't let her borrow his, matapos nang ginawa niya kanina.
"I needed a ride," she told him.
Vince's eyebrows furrowed to what looked like concern. "Did you get into a fight again?"
She rolled her eyes. Even though she didn't answer his question, sa buntong-hininga pa lang nito ay alam nya nang alam nitong tama ang hula nito. From experience na rin siguro. Simula noong mamatay ang mommy niya ay madalas na siyang mapaaway. The first few times, napaniwala pa niya ang mga kasama sa bahay sa mga dahilan niya. But she couldn't fool Vince.
He always had this knowing look in his eyes. But he never confronted her.
"Regina, you're old enough to make mature decisions—"
"Don't call me that!"
Vince sighed. "Fine. Red," he amended. "Don't you think it's time to set your immaturities aside?"
"Stop the car." Ayaw na ayaw niyang pinangangaralan, especially kung si Vince ang mangangaral. He's always been the better one and she hates that. Kaya mas pipiliin pa niyang maglakad na lang pauwi kesa makinig dito.
"We're in the middle of a highway. Wala kang masasakyan."
"I don't care! I'll call my driver!"
"I told him to take a day off."
Napapalatak siya. "What the hell?! That's my driver! You have no right to give him a day off!"
Vince rolled his eyes. "You really need to learn how to drive."
"Why do it when I can have someone do it for me?"
"Because there will be times like this," he answered. "And I'm sure you wouldn't want to always call me whenever you will need a ride home."
She hates the fact that he's right again. Paano na lang kapag nagpunta ng Maldives si Vico? Who will take care of things for her? Sino na lang ang magtitimpla ng kape niya sa umaga?
"Can you make coffee?" she asked Vince out of the blue.
"I'm not your assistant," he replied blandly.
She decided to not engage into another word battle. Tumingin na lamang siya sa labas ng bintana at naghintay na makarating sila sa bahay. Vince must be enjoying the silence because he didn't start a conversation again.
--
Nahiga na siya pagkapagpalit ng damit at pagkatanggal ng makeup. The night is still young but she feels so exhausted. She remembered the scene she made earlier and how it felt so satisfying. But the satisfaction didn't last and after a while, she just feels empty.
Hating is her game and she's used to being hated. Alam niyang hindi tama na nasasanay siya sa ganoong pamumuhay, but what can she do if she's already used to it?
She let out a sniff. Life had been difficult since her mom died. Nag-iisa na lamang siya sa mundo, walang karamay. Her dad left her to hide. He should have at least asked her if she would want to go with him. Dahil ito na lamang ang nag-iisa niyang pamilya, mas gugustuhin niyang magtago kasama nito.
But of course, her dad won't let that happen. That's why he left without a word. And now, all she's got are Vico and Vince. But Vico would soon leave her. Matatapos na ang kasunduan. Only a few years and he will leave her for good.
Sino ba naman ang gugustuhing magtagal sa poder niya. She's always been mean to him. She cannot ask him to stay. Vince? She didn't know what his true plan is. Malay ba niya kung mapagkakatiwalaan ba ito. He might be after her family's money.
And Troy? Well, he's always been clear about what he wants. And that does not include her.
"Damn it!" She wiped her tears away. "Fuck off, feelings. I never wanted you here."
Crying always provides relief and she knew that her mom would encourage her to cry when she's lonely. But she's been lonely everyday. What made her cry now?
Naiiling siyang bumangon. Baka malapit na ang period niya. She's usually like this when that time of the month is near. Bumaba siya sa kusina at kinuha ang isang bote ng red wine sa taas ng refrigerator. She always keeps a stock in case the need to drown herself comes up.
Napapalatak siya nang hindi niya matanggal ang cork. Nawawala yung pambukas.
Grunting, pumunta siya sa kabilang bahay at kumatok. Agad namang bumukas ang pinto. Vince's wearing a simple shirt and his boxers. Bukas ang TV sa sala. Nanunuod ito sa ESPN.
"What?" he asked.
She handed him the bottle. "Buksan mo."
"You came here just for that?"
"Why else?"
Nailing ito. "Say please."
She huffed. "Ang dami mong arte!"
"Inabala mo ako sa panunuod just to open this bottle. The least you could do is ask properly."
"Huwag na nga!"
Inis niyang kinuha ang bote mula rito. She marched away.
"Regina!"
"Don't call me that!" she snapped.
Nilingon niya ito at sinamaan ng tingin. His expression softened.
"Are you okay?"
The question made her burst into tears.
--
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Pilit niyang pinatatahan ang sarili pero ayaw tumigil ng mga mata niya sa pag-iyak. Ilang galon ba ng luha ang kinikimkim niya? Wala sa sarili siyang sumunod kay Vince nang hatakin siya nito papasok ng bahay. He took the bottle from her hand and put it on the table. Saka siya nito pinaupo.
"Need a hug?"
Agad siyang umiling.
"Okay." He patted her back.
Typical Vince, not prying. He asked her once if she's okay. He asked her once if she needs a hug and when she shunned him off, he didn't push it, just like always.
But somehow, his silence is comforting.
When she's done crying, he handed her a glass of wine that she drank readily.
"One more."
She kept on drinking and he kept on refilling. It didn't take long for her to drink half of the bottle's content.
"More." Inilahad niya ang baso.
"Ubos na."
"Gusto ko pa!"
Vince sighed. He emptied the bottle on her glass. But to his surprise, she handed him the glass. Walang imik nitong kinuha iyon saka ininom.
"I'll take you back to your house," he said after.
"No!" She stood up and wandered through his kitchen. She saw a few bottles of wine on the counter. Kumuha siya ng isa at isa pang baso. Iniabot niya ang bote kay Vince at saka pinabuksan iyon.
"Tama na," saway nito.
She stomped her foot.
Vince rolled his eyes. He opened the bottle and poured wine on the glasses they were holding. She smiled and chinked her glass on him saka tuloy-tuloy na tinungga ang alak. She flopped on the couch. Humingi ulit siya ng alak.
"Baka masuka ka na nyan."
"Don't worry. I know where to throw up," she told him.
Naupo ito sa tabi niya. Tahimik itong nagsalin ng alak.
They've never done this before. They haven't been this close. Huling beses yata e noong elementary pa sila. They used to play house, nanay-nanayan at tatay-tatayan. She remembered stealing canned goods from the kitchen tapos ay pupunta silang dalawa sa likod bahay. Magdidikit sila ng apoy gamit ang single burner na kinuha rin ni Vince sa kusina. They will pour the content of the can into the pan and heat it up.
Tapos ay saka sila mangunguha ng kanin at kakain sa lata.
That was before she knew na hindi niya tunay na kapatid si Vince.
"What happened to us, Vince?" mahina niyang tanong dito.
Sumandal ito at bumuntong-hininga. "You pushed me away, remember?"
Hindi niya iyon itinanggi. She pushed him away because she can't accept the fact na hindi sila magkapatid. Close na close kasi sila. She felt betrayed when she found out.
Tapos ay nagkasakit ang mommy niya. Panibagong dagok na naman. Clingy pa naman siya sa mommy niya noon. After her death, naging ilag na siya sa tao. Lalo na nang makita niyang mas malapit ang daddy niya kay Vince. Pakiramdam niya noon, lahat ng taong mahal niya ay inilalayo sa kanya.
So she distanced herself from people, avoided making any attachments. Natakot siyang maiwan. That's why she keeps on pushing Vico away. Para kung sakaling iwanan man siya nito, hindi siya gaanong masasaktan.
"Regina, I'm still here for you."
Hindi na niya ito sinaway nang tawagin siya nito sa ganoong pangalan.
"I don't need you."
"You can keep on saying that but it still wouldn't change the fact that I'm here for you. Sana lang, matuto kang pahalagahan ang mga tao sa paligid mo. People get tired of rejections."
Of course, she knew that. But in her case, she didn't get tired of it. She got used to it. And she learned how to give it.
She took the bottle from his hand and stood up.
"Thanks for the drink."
She handed him the glass and marched back to her house. Dinala niya sa kwarto ang alak at inubos iyon bago matulog. And that night, she got what she wanted. She drowned her sorrows temporarily.