TOBIAS' BIRTH HAD STALLED enough time for things to return back to normal--well something like that. For one, Raymond and I had a mutual understanding of our feelings. We were in love, but there was absolutely no way that our relationship would flourish if I kept picking at my now five-month virulent wound.
And although every time I caught even the slightest feeling that Raymond was near and was tempted to run into his arms and rip off his shirt, we were surprisingly mature about the whole situation.
I'll tell you one thing: being mature was sometimes a bitch.
Secondly, my friends were doing nothing more than giving me ample reasons to miss them when I finally do leave. We had a few game nights here and there. Kat finally made the first step with her business after she talked it over with her fiancé who was majoring in business. As a thank you gift, she made me the first person to model one of her dresses that Malik did a fire photoshoot of.
Being friends with gifted people was a blessing.
The big bomb drop was that the gang and I got into a fight with Lola for taking cocaine. She ended up in the hospital because of it. Her reason for doing it was that she felt like a zombie with no purpose or motivation in life. We told her to get her shit together because she had the rest of her life to figure out who she was.
Despite telling her what she needed to hear in his blunt Malik fashion, it was obvious that Lola still had a place in his heart. Even Carlos wasn't oblivious to that fact.
Hakeem and his Abuelita taught me how to prepare some finger-licking tostones and empanadillas. I still needed work with the empanadillas, but who knew fried green plantain would be so flavorful?
Yum!
My mother conspicuously cleared her throat as she gave me an urgent stare. With the way Chris and my father were staring at me too, she must have said something important.
"What did I miss?"
"If you weren't so indulged in that tostoses-"
"Chris, it's pronounced tos-to-nes," I grinned, taking another cheerful bite. My Spanish was getting decent if you asked me.
"-tos-tos....whatever, Tweets." Chris dismissed that subject with a hyper wave. "Mums just said we're not moving anymore. Ever."
"No fricking way! Please say that again so that I know that this is real." Throughout this whole back to normal kinda thing we were pulling, I kept thinking that it was only a matter of time for my parents to tell us to pack yet again so that we could get moving.
So you can imagine my surprise now.
My mother gave me a light tap. "Hush child. You're going to wake Toby. Would you like to put him back to sleep if he wakes up?"
I hesitated at the thought. Tobias, who was only two weeks old, was already dominating the whole place like the prince he was. His talent was keeping everyone on their toes, sleeping for hours, and crying.
That baby had about twelve different cries. All for different reasons.
"No way, mums."
"That's what I thought." My mother silently screamed in excitement. "We're not moving anymore! Your father and I bought a house. This house. This is our home now."
I crashed into my parents with a long hug in appreciation. "You don't know how much this means to me, mom and dad. Okay, I'll go see that shrink...if the offer is still on the table."
"Geez, we should've bought the house a long time ago," she joked with dad through her exhaustion.
I laughed not being able to wipe the smile off my face for the rest of that day. Instead of reacting by telling my friends the news, I decided to hold onto the moment of euphoria for myself just a while longer as I laid in bed.
My smile however dwindled when Raymond climbed into my room, looking distraught as ever.
I quickly sat up as he settled on my bed with his head in his hands. This was my first time seeing him this way, so I didn't know whether I should hold him or let him be. Eventually, I went with the former.
I've seen him mad before. I should know because I've pissed him off enough times, but this was different.
"What's wrong? You look...distant."
He placed his head on my shoulder. At that moment I didn't care that his hands were loosely at his sides instead of around me for comfort, or that his ragged breath tickled my neck. I was too relieved that he didn't push me away.
"He's back."
"I'm not following, Raymond. Who's back?"
"My father's back with one leg and a smile as if that can make up for all the time he lost."
Usually, when something or someone a.k.a me bothered Raymond, he'd let his frustration out by having sex with me. He'd devour my body, using it as his playground and I'd let him.
It was satisfying for both of us.
However, this time when I offered my body to him he politely declined. Insulted, I looked away even though he couldn't see me.
He noticed.
Raymond pulled away from me, forcing my eyes on his. "Shorts, it's not that I don't want to. I simply respect you, and I don't need you to go back on something that's so serious for you. Heal first. I'll be ready whenever you are."
"But I'm ready now." It sounded like a pathetic plea.
He beamed. "No, you're not. You're trying to help me. I love you for that but don't compromise this. I'm so happy that you don't have to hide your broken pieces around me anymore. You're amazing and so important to me."
"Are you sure you didn't make an excuse to come lecture me?" I murmured with folded arms.
He scoffed, unconsciously rubbing my thigh. "As if I'd need an excuse for that." He then sat me on his lap. "Anyways, sex isn't the help I need. I just need you here, Shorts. That's all. I need my mind at peace, and you're my peace of mind."
He's so cheesy, it's cute. "Where'd you get that? Google?" I interrogated, still trying to sound irritated at him.
"That was from my heart, but are you an electrician? Because you're definitely lighting up my day."
My failed scoffed morphed into hysterical laughter. Raymond raised his hands up in surrender. "Okay, I got that one from google."
This boy was so unreal. There was no doubt his parents didn't do a splendid job at raising him up to be a gentleman.
We embraced each other with my arms around his neck and his face on my chest. We probably stayed that way for what felt like a second, but in reality, it was actually almost thirty minutes.
Almost thirty minutes of me consoling him with a hug.
Our relationship would always be different from the average opposite gender relationship, I thought. We loved each other and now we both knew it. However, he was allowing me my time to get over my demons or more likely rise above them, because we all knew too well that our demons never really left us.
They simply lingered in the background, waiting impatiently to bombard us when we were at our lowest again.
And on my quest to defeat my demons, if Raymond ever decided that he needed to be in an actual romantic relationship with someone, I'd honestly be okay with that.
Not that it wouldn't hurt, but I wouldn't want him to wait around for me until thy kingdom come.
What if my demons won every battle? How would that ever be fair to Raymond? What if he lost his chance at true happiness at the end?
I can't do that to him.
"Seriously, I feel better already, Shorts. I just don't know how to react," Raymond uttered, thankfully pulling me out of my nagging thoughts.
"How do you feel? That's what's important."
"I feel...I feel relieved that he's alive. I also feel...like I have to get to know my father all over again. It's been two long years. He went to war with two legs and came back with one, I'm sure he's bound to be depressed by whatever he's gone through."
"Soldier's heart," I whispered more to myself than to Raymond. It wasn't until now that I understood Dr. Patel's brief words.
"What?"
"There's a possibility that he may have PTSD. Most soldier's come back home traumatized."
"Exactly! It took you forever and a day to get comfortable with me. Imagine my father."
"Key word your father. He's already known you. Personally, I believe that the memories of your siblings, your mother and you are what got him through his toughest times and you are the reason he's still here today. The memories of the past and the memories that could possibly be in the making is why he's here. One leg and all."
Raymond pressed a kiss on my forehead. I loved it when he did that. Such a simple gesture yet it made me feel so whole and safe.
"Admit it, you're gonna miss me when you go off to college."
"Of course," he answered shamelessly. "But you're gonna miss more, Shorts."
I pinched my thumb and index finger together until the space between them wasn't there. "Maybe this much."
Raymond threw his head back in laughter. "You're such a liar."
"Fine. I am going to miss you but what's the point of swelling that big head of yours."
"Hey! My head is not big unless you're talking about my other head."
I pretended to measure his head. Don't be so dirty. I meant the one with a face attached to it.
"Now that we're talking about it. You actually have an enormous head, Mr. Raymond Evans."
He threw me on the bed, attacking me with tickles.
"Pleaseeeeee st—op."
"Only if you say, I'm sorry, love. Both of your heads are quite the perfect size for me."
I giggled uncontrollably. "Never."
"Then feel the wrath of these malicious fingers."
When I couldn't take the harassment anymore, I obliged. "I'm sorry. Both of your heads are quite the size."
Oh my gosh. This is absurd.
"Uh Uh Uh. I'm not stopping until you say the full thing. Properly."
And so then I added to his already enormous ego.