"You're kidding," Lydia said, rubbing her forehead sarcastically, "you two are writing little love notes like children?"
I stuck my tongue out at her as I unfolded the neatly written note.
'Girlfriend of the Year award, signed Atticus'
"He made me a girlfriend of the year award!" I giggle, showing Lydia. She cracked a small smile and watched as I tore a similar piece of paper from a notebook.
'Boyfriend of the Century award signed your baby bee' I scribbled out.
I folded the note and tossed it over to Atticus' desk with a thud. He unfolded the paper and read it quickly, turning to me with a look in his eyes that I could only describe as pure love.
***********
"I'm so sorry" I curl into a ball with bubs, mortified, hiding my face, which was a burning red. Cole was silent for a while. I felt movement from the couch, and a shadow appeared in front of me. I used a blanket to cover up slightly.
"Bee, move the blanket please," he whisperers. I shake my head frantically and feel Cole gently grip the blanket, moving it to the side. I whimper and clutch myself tighter.
"You don't need to be embarrassed, little one," he rubs my leg and I flinch away.
"Bee? Are you okay?" he asks, "Do you want me to call Chase?" he asks. I shake my head and close my eyes tight.
"Bee, I'm serious. It's okay. It was an accident. Okay?" he asks. I can hear his smile but I merely whimper.
"Why are you scared?" he asks gently. I whimper again and look up just slightly.
"I had a bad daddy..." I whisper. His face contorts and he moves to the spot on the couch next to me instead of crouching in front of me.
"do you want to talk about it?" he asks, opening his arms slightly. I whine and shake my head.
Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. I extended my arms to Cole and he lifted me with almost no effort, placing me in his arms.
"It's okay, little one, I'm here," he rocked me back and forth as I cried and whimpered. He shushed me gently and held me tight. I nuzzled into him and my tears slowly stopped, replaced by hiccuping.
"do you want me to get you some juice in a sippy?" he asks. I shake my head.
"No get up," I whine, my eyes still blurry with tears. He stands up with me in his arms and I squeal. Yes, I was relatively smaller, but I was still an adult.
He carried me to the kitchen and set me down on the counter, walking to the fridge and opening it. It took him a while to find the apple juice, but once he did he placed it on the counter next to me.
"Where are your sippies, baby girl?" he asks. I blush and sniffle.
Baby girl. Baby girl. Baby girl. Baby girl. I love that.
"Dey are in my room. I has to hide dem. In my closet in a bin," I look down at my feet, dangling off of the counter.
"I'll be right back to grab one for you." he quickly walked to my room, and as soon as he was gone, he came back with my favorite sippy. I only had two, not including the new ones that had to be washed. It had a red top with yellow spots on the clear sides.
Cole carefully poured some juice into the sippy and handed it to me. I sipped on it while he picked me up and returned to our spot on the couch.
"Are you calmed down yet?" he asks, setting me down between his legs. I clutch onto his T-shirt.
"Yes..." I whimper.
"You don't have to talk about it right now, Isabella," he whispered, messing with a piece of my hair.
"I kinda wanna, but I scawed," I cuddle into his chest. He smelled really good. Gentle. Like downy and vanilla.
"How about this," he readjusted me so that I sat on his knee, "when you can look me in the eye for ten seconds at one time, you can tell me. Because if you can do that," he tucked me to him, "you'll be able to trust me," I placed my ear against his chest.
"Otay," I smiled, sipping my juice.
"I hate to do this, Isabella, but I have to go home," he smiled at me and gently moved me off his lap.
"It's otay," I yawn and cuddle Bubs.
"Okay, little one," text me if you need anything. I can't remember if I put my number in your phone or not, so I did again after I called Chase. Okay? Do not hesitate to call or text me," he kissed my forehead and I blushed.
"Wait," I called, standing up. Cole turned back to me and smiled, crouching down. I ran to him and kissed his cheek before returning to my spot on the couch. Cole laughed and watched me, grabbing his hoodie and saying goodbye before exiting the front door. I waited until I heard the roar of his car's engine fading in the distance to squeal. I kicked my legs and hugged Bubs close. A cheek kiss was really close to the lips.
I'm insane
******
"Chase!" I yelled happily across the parking lot. He was leaning on his truck, waiting for me. his eyes widened when he saw my outfit.
"What are you wearing?" he asked demandingly. I blushed. I was wearing a red and black plaid skirt, my thigh highs, and a long-sleeve, off-the-shoulder black shirt. don't forget about my red suspenders and Converse. I felt cute. I even put my hair in space buns.
"Clothes," I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed.
"You're lucky I'm in a good mood today, bub. Now what was the emergency?" he asks. I smile and fill him in on everything that happened the day before.
Chase stood at my locker as I filled him in, a devilish smile framing his lips.
"What?" I asked.
"You have a huge crush on him," he booped my nose and I squealed.
"It's not a big crush," I whined, grabbing my books, struggling to grab something from the shelf on top. Chase handed it to me and shut my locker.
"Just be careful, Bee. Remember what happened with Atticus," he whispered, grabbing my hand. I shivered at the name and hung my head low.
"Sorry, I know you don't like it when I bring him up, but I'm just worried about you. I like Cole, but Atticus was our friend too," he tipped up my chin and I nodded. Movement caught the corner of my eye and I looked up. Cole was at his locker, running a hand through the waves on the top of his head. He was smiling, his bright, white teeth showing. But then I saw who he was smiling at. Abigail. Very pretty. Straight brown hair and deep brown eyes. She always kept her hair in a high ponytail. She had beautiful blue glasses that I admired.
Chase followed my eyes to Abigail.
"It's okay, Bee. She's very friendly," Chase whispered. I nodded and made my way to class, past Cole. Abigail was giggling and pawing playfully at his arm. He laughed along with her and shut his locker. As we passed, I felt a pair of eyes on me.
"Sorry, Abby, I have to go, excuse me," he said politely. Then he was beside me, smiling down at me.
"Hey, Ella," his deep masculine voice soothed my head, and I resisted the urge to lean into him.
"Hey," I smiled gently at him and walked with him to class, not saying goodbye as I entered the classroom.
Was I jealous? Probably. But it was just a conversation. I just forgot, I guess, that other people would be interested in him too. Not just me. It just concerned me. Why would he want me when there were girls ten times as pretty as me who were far easier to be with? Being a caregiver was exhausting and unfortunately, I couldn't control my regression as well as I used to.
"Isabella!" my head snapped up and I looked at who the voice belonged to. My Science teacher.
"What did I tell you about drawing on the desks?" she bellowed I looked down and saw the accidental doodle I must have been drawing.
"I'm sorry I didn't," I started erasing it, "I...I didn't know I was doodling...Ma'am," I mumbled, gulping deeply.
"Eye contact, Miss Isabella," she roared, "I am this close," she held up her fingers, "to giving you a detention. Don't let it happen again," she slapped her pencil down on her desk and I flinched. This teacher never liked me because I always was dazed in her class, and I only got mediocre grades because I couldn't pay attention.
Right as the bell rang, Chase was on me, grabbing my hand.
"You okay?" he asked. I nodded.
"Yeah, perfectly fine. Why?" I ask. She had startled me, yes, but it was over and done with now.
Chase grabbed my hand and held it up. It was shaking again.
"Damn it," I mumbled. Chase sent me a warning glare and I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not in little space, dumbass. I can cuss when I want to, I mumbled, tucking my hand to my chest.
My hand settled down when lunch came along. I sat down at my lunch table and noticed Lydia was sitting with Abigail and her set of friends. We made eye contact, and I swear I saw a flutter of guilt before she frowned and turned back to her table. I looked at my lap and started fiddling with my skirt.
Atticus loved this skirt. This is the first time I've worn it since he moved away.
"Ella?" Cole's soothing voice echoed in my mind and I looked at the chair next to me. There he sat. I leaned into him without explanation, and although I could tell he was surprised, he wrapped an arm around me and gently rubbed my arm.
"You look nice today. I love your hair," he poked one of the buns on my head and I giggled.
"Your skirt, though," he leaned into my ear, "is too short," he pulled it down slightly and I fought the urge to smile, scrunching my legs together tightly.
"Yo, Cole!" a group of guys walked toward the table. I recognized them instantly. Atticus' friends. I looked away and curled into a ball. Cole's arm tightened around me, but he faced the boys.
"Hey. What's up?" he asked. I felt Evan's eyes on me. He was Atticus' best friend.
We had some bad blood. He blames me for Atticus moving away when in all reality, I had nothing to do with it. It just made his getaway easier.
"Nothing. I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the track meet later. Coach wants you to think about joining," he leaned on the table. Track was Chase's favorite, but he almost considered quitting because of these three guys.
Evan, Dylan, and Darion. Darion was the school's favorite athlete. He was in almost every sport the school had to offer. Dylan was the fastest on the track team, and Evan was the basketball star. I was surprised he was even on track. Atticus used to be the fastest, and Dylan was second, but Atticus moving opened up that spot for him.
"Not really my thing. I'm more of a baseball guy, but tryouts are over. That's fine, " he slid his plate over to me, silently suggesting I eat, but I shrunk into him further.
"hey, Isabella," I heard Evan's sneer and winced internally.
"Hello, Evan," I mumbled, grimacing at the taste his name had left on my tongue. Bile crept up from my stomach, resting in my throat.
"How have you been?" Evan asked. I cleared my throat.
"Fine," I muttered, wishing he'd go away.
"I'll talk to coach after school about baseball for you. Meet me in the gym right after. You in shape?" he asked. Cole nodded and smiled at them before saying his goodbyes, watching them walk away.
"What the fuck did they want?" Chase asked, approaching the table with his pre-packed lunch.
"They want me on track, but I'm more of a baseball guy. What's wrong?" he asked. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it.
"Let's just say, we don't like them. At all," Chase opened his lunch bag and unzipped a pouch, handing me a sucker from a secret stash of candy he had there. I took it and unwrapped it carefully, putting it in my mouth.
"Actual food too, Hun. You can't live off of candy and juice," he teased. I nodded, on the verge of tears. My body wanted to cry so badly. I didn't particularly appreciate seeing those guys, let alone talking to them. Chase got up and nodded at Cole. Cole, reluctantly, moved away and let Chase take his spot. Cole was amazing, but I needed Chase to keep me going strong.
Besties forever.
"You can do it, Bee!" he whisper-cheered, handing me his yogurt. After he and Cole were satisfied with how much I ate, I felt a lot better, and regressing was pushed further back into my mind.
"So, Abigail invited me to her party this weekend, and I don't want to go," Cole took a bite of pizza and looked in our direction, "but if you two would go, I'd like it a lot more,"
"I'm down," I looked at Chase.
"Same here. When does your Mom get back? We can both crash at your place if we need to," Chase asked. I nodded.
"Yeah I have no idea when she'll be back, but she was here a little while ago, so I think we'll be okay," stood up and brushed off my skirt.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Cole called, throwing the rest of his lunch away.
"Bye!" I waved. He smiled at me one last time before walking out the cafeteria doors.
Edited.