The leader knew Jungkook had lost a considerable amount of weight over the past couple of months, but even with Hoseok's information about the way the youngest had severely limited how much he ate, it wasn't until now that he realized how bad things had gotten, how small their maknae had become.
Namjoon couldn't help but panic and drop back onto his face when Jungkook all of a sudden turned away from the closet. There had been no sound when he shoved his head back in the pillows, but the movement had been too abrupt, and it felt like his hands were shaking as he waited to figure out whether or not the action had caught the maknae's attention.
It felt like forever had passed by the time he heard their door forcefully click open, but he still didn't dare to look up – still caught in the last clutches of fear – until he heard the sound of receding footsteps. He got a last glance at Jungkook's bony back and thin arms before the younger disappeared through the now wide-open door.
He knew the younger was going to come back – otherwise he wouldn't have left the door open – and sure enough, only 30 seconds passed – not that he was counting – before the sound of someone coming down the hallway returned, bringing with it the knowledge that the maknae was approaching their room again, and Jungkook reappeared in the doorway, this time wearing a familiar black worn out t-shirt, the same one Seokjin had changed the younger male into earlier when they had been in Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung's room. Yoongi's shirt.
The thought hadn't crossed his mind before now, but how come Seokjin hadn't said anything about Jungkook's shrinking frame when they'd been talking with Hoseok? The elder had not only been the only one of them who had seen the younger's chest at that moment, but he had also been the member who had made the most physical contact with the maknae lately – something Taehyung wasn't the most ecstatic about since he was Jungkook's boyfriend, not Seokjin.
He wanted to question the younger about the shirt when the two of them made eye contact, but Jungkook was looking away from him again and moving to close the door before he even got the chance to open his mouth. Since he was already there, Jungkook pressed the light switch as well, throwing the room into almost complete darkness – as a bit of light from the hallway was able to shine into the room because of the tiny opening underneath the door.
Sensing that the younger didn't feel up to speaking, either because he simply didn't want to explain what his obsession with that specific shirt was – other than it being Yoongi's – or because the maknae actually did listen to him earlier and decided it was too late for this conversation, Namjoon moved the question into the box in the back of his mind and shuffled under his covers.
It wasn't easy to see, but the leader did his best to keep his eyes on what he believed to be the outline of Jungkook's body until he heard the younger slink into his bed and the rustle of the other's comforter as he rolled onto his side, facing the wall his bed was pushed up against. The elder kept his eyes on the maknae's form for the following couple of minutes, waiting for the moment the Jungkook stopped moving as much and his breathing evened out – the moment that was supposed to signal that his roommate had fallen asleep – before he let himself roll onto his back and closed his heavy eyelids.
Jungkook had been able to feel Namjoon's uncomfortable stare on the back of his neck, so he'd, in an effort at hopefully making the elder believe that he'd dozed off, tried to keep as still as he possibly could. He didn't know how long actually passed before he heard the first gentle snore leave the leader's mouth, but it felt like an eternity. For the first time in however long, he finally felt like he could relax his tense body and sink into his mattress, and the fear he'd felt, because of the pair of eyes observing him from the other side of the room and the unspoken words the his hyung never got to say, was gone – for the time being.
The maknae continued to lay there, right side of his body pressed against the mattress and his eyes closed, but sleep wouldn't come to him, his mind was too awake to let him off into peaceful slumber. Frustrated, Jungkook turned around until he was facing Namjoon, getting his legs twisted in his comforter in the process, and took a peek at the small digital clock on his nightstand – the one the leader across from him had fished back out of the garbage after when he, Jungkook, had gone through his things and had thrown out stuff he no longer used – 2:13am. He didn't know what time it had been when he'd first laid down – only that it had been around 1:30am back when his roommate had ushered him back to their room – but it had to have been a while ago.
At the moment, he didn't know if he should be more upset about having been kept out of things as if someone had turned back the clock and he was once again 15 years old, or that his overactive mind wasn't allowing him to get the couple of precious hours of sleep he still had the chance to get before they had to be up and about again and ready for another tiring day in the practice room.
His thoughts were running wild in his heads, and it was impossible to close his eyes without his mind turning all of them into overly detailed animated pictures. It was annoying and upsetting. He had just wanted to doze off, but the unshakable feelings were adding more wood to the already roaring fire flowing freely underneath his skin and making sleep feel like a concept his mind no longer knew what meant.
He contemplated just staying in bed and waiting until the time where Namjoon would wake up again, but then he was ripping his comforter off of himself and throwing his legs over the edge of his mattress, and the idea was thrown away. The floor was cold against the bottom of his feet, causing his toes to curl up, but he didn't let it discourage him from getting up and walking to the door, steps slow and as calculated as his fatigued mind allowed them to be in order to not wake Namjoon.
After sending a quick look back at the rapper still snoring calmly away on his own bed, buried under his warm covers and a Ryan themed blanket, Jungkook turned the doorhandle, a quiet sound leaving his mouth when a click slightly louder than usual was released when the latch was retracted, and left the room, taking light steps forward until he'd passed the threshold and could close the door once again.
The maknae turned away and began walking down the hallway, feet slapping soundlessly against the wooden flooring as he passed the living room and made his way to Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung's room. The door to the three elders' room had been left slightly open by the people on the other side of the wall, giving the low light coming from the turned on lamp in the living room the chance to peek into the room and cast a dim strip across the end of Hoseok's bed.
With an ease he'd had the opportunity to practice several times the last couple of weeks, Jungkook lightly pushed at his hyungs' door until there was enough space for him to be able to comfortably stick his head into the darkened room. It took a couple of seconds for his eyes to properly adjust to the shadows, but he wasn't complaining, as waiting those few unimportant moments ended up granting him the ability to make out the two figures curled up together on Jimin's bed and the lone lump in Taehyung's.
It was almost absurd how many times he'd found himself in this position over the years, the position where he and Taehyung had gone to sleep in each their own bed and the fire thrumming in his veins had become too much and he'd been pushed to stand in front of the elder's door because he'd been made unable to reach sleep on his own. Normally, a night like this would start with him sitting in the living room, staring out at the city below them, and end with him in Taehyung's bed, his partner's arms wrapped lovingly around his waist, but tonight his brain seemed to have a different plan in mind, as instead of slipping into the three members' room, he found himself pulling his head back, closing the door behind him in a manner similar to how he'd closed his and Namjoon's door, and walking further down the dim hallway in the direction of Seokjin and Yoongi's room.
Taehyung's warm embrace was the only force that always achieved the goal of lulling him into a restful sleep no matter how many thoughts were plaguing his mind, the warm arms around him a comfort great enough that they managed to somehow temporarily seal away the thoughts that kept him from melting into his mattress, but this time it seemed the 95-liner wasn't the person who's presence his subconscious wanted – even though Jungkook was honestly craving the soft touch of his partner after not having allowed himself anything more than the occasional hug and kiss from the elder over the last three weeks.
The light from the living room was practically nonexistent by the time he had reached the end of the hallway and was able to see the outline of the door leading to his two eldest hyungs' room, but luckily the majority of the layout of the dorm had pretty much been seared into his brain at this point in time, so he had no trouble finding his way around in the dark as long as he kept a hand on the wall to his left.
Seeing that the door to Seokjin and Yoongi's room was closed once he stood in front of it was enough to make Jungkook falter in his step and rethink whether he should actually continue on or turn around. His two hyungs were most likely already asleep and he couldn't imagine that either of them would appreciate him waking them up at 2am – whether by accident or not – especially the person whose bed his brain was planning on making him slip into.
Despite everything else in him telling him to walk to the living room or his and Namjoon's room, he reached out towards the handle with a slightly sweaty palm and pressed down – with more force than he should probably have used – causing the door to pop open with a sharp clack that, because of its abruptness, almost made the singer recoil. Jungkook stood completely still for a second, chest not moving because no new breath being drawn in, as he stared at the door with wide sleep heavy eyes, waiting for the sound of sheets shifting around and feet moving again floorboards. It was quiet on the other side of the wall.
The maknae stared at dark space where he could look into the room beyond threshold before briefly turning to look down the hall. He wanted to walk away and forget that this had ever happened, but his legs were working against him and keeping him rooted to the spot.
In the end he doesn't really know what happened. One moment he'd been in the hallway, body stiff, unwilling to moving anywhere, and then he'd blinked and he'd been inside Seokjin and Yoongi's room, standing a couple of steps away from the rapper's bed, door closed behind him as firmly as it had been when he'd first seen it – what couldn't have been more than – two minutes ago.
The room was dark since no light was able to find its way through the tiny space underneath the door, but the maknae's eyes somehow easily found the small male who was laying on his back, head turned to the left, so he was facing away from the direction of the door and therefor also away from Jungkook. The only sounds in the room at that moment – apart from the youngest's own quiet puffs of air – were the soft breathing coming from the rapper in front of him and the light snoring that was making its way around the big white bookcase that was dividing the room into two equally large halves.
As gently as he could in his fatigue induced uncoordinated state, Jungkook stumbled the last couple of steps forwards and slipped under Yoongi's heavy comforter, making sure to stay close to the edge of the mattress as he settled down so there was enough space between them that they wouldn't end up bumping into each other during the night if one of them were to turn over in their sleep.
It was almost bizarre how quickly his mind could change its stance on something. When he'd first made his way down the hallway, the only thing that had kept him from turning around had been his insisting brain, but now that he'd followed all the way through with what the organ had wanted him to do, his brain was all of a sudden backpedaling and joining the rest of him in doubting whether doing this was actually okay. Back in the early days after debut, Seokjin and Yoongi used to let him slip into his bed if he couldn't sleep, but while he knew that his eldest hyung would still let him under his covers on a difficult night, he had no idea if the male next to him still would – especially after what had happened a few months back – His heart began racing at the thought that the rapper was going to wake up and get angry at him.
Jungkook was pulled out of his head and sent into a pit of dread when the comforter shifted behind him and he heard Yoongi let out a small groan that was cut short at the exact moment he suddenly felt something harshly strike down on his back, causing a bolt of pain to shoot up his spine.
The maknae laid as still as he possibly could, even going as far as temporarily halting his breathing. His eyes had been wide open, staring at the endless darkness in front of him, but then he felt the mattress dip behind him as the other male moved closer to him, and they'd snapped shut. His lungs had been screamed at him when he finally let oxygen reach them again. He tried to deepen his intakes of air to make the illusion of sleep more real, but it was hard when it felt like his heartrate was increasing with one beat every single time the rapper moved the slightest bit to close more of the distance between them.
"Jungkook-ah?" Yoongi muttered, voice heavily laced with sleep. The maknae kept his mouth closed and did his best to keep his breathing stable, even when he a second later felt a knee poking against the back of his thighs. The mattress sunk further behind Jungkook, and the singer felt his body rock slightly back and forth with each of the elder's movements.
"Jungkookie," Yoongi continued in a low rumbling voice. The youngest couldn't help himself from almost flinching when he felt a hand land on the bottom half of his ribcage and grip at what remained of his side – most likely so the elder could attempt to shake him awake – and he only just barely managed to keep himself still when the hand disappeared from his body as quickly as it had appeared, as if the owner of the extremity had been burned when he'd touched him.
He thought the elder would move back to the other side of the bed and ignore his presence, so he was startled when the mattress dripped again, and he could suddenly feel the warmth emitting from his hyung's body settle against him as the rapper pressed his front to his back. The arm that in the following moment found its way around the curve of his narrow waist and the hand that settled lightly on his breastbone weren't uncomfortable, but it had been such a long time since he'd been cuddled like this by anyone, so it took him by surprise and made him forget how to breathe for a second.
Yoongi didn't immediately say anything to him after that – or at least not anything he'd been able to hear past the blood rushing in his ears – but instead just rubbed soothing circles into his chest, an action that quickly began to induce drowsiness and made his eyelids feel like they were being weighed down with bricks. He thinks the elder mumbled something behind him, but at this point his brain had been reduced to mush and he was unable to put meaning to any of the syllables his ears were managing to pick up.
The elder's forehead felt warm against his nape, but he couldn't open his mouth and mumble a complaint – not that he actually wanted to. Yoongi's closeness almost felt as comforting as Taehyung's embraces did.
It took him a moment to register the wet feeling trailing down his neck in thin streams, tickling his skin when it reached the one of his ears that were partially hidden in the sheets underneath him.
He vaguely felt the arm around him tighten and the chest behind him expand and shrink in irregular bursts, but all he could think about in the last seconds before he was abruptly pulled under the surface, was the feeling of lashes against his skin and the way his hyung's breaths escaped his mouth in trembling puffs.
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Next chapter will be up on December 10th