Warning: smut
"You can't do what?"
Nikki grabbed at my arm when I got my dress back on and rubbed at my puffy cheeks, avoiding his gaze.
"Christine! Fucking look at me!"
"You know what! You know exactly fucking what!" I started to shake with rage and my words came out hoarse, trying my hardest not to bellow any louder than what I already was.
"I didn't mean to do what I did, Chris! You know that hurting you wasn't what I wanted to do--it was an accident, I was fucked up! You threw a shoe at me first!"
"I threw a shoe at the fucking door." my tone turned calm as I stared up at him, eyes still watering. "But that wasn't exactly an excuse to launch a half-full bottle of whiskey at my fucking head. You scared the shit out of me, you reminded me of my fucking father."
He stilled and glared at me, feeling all kinds of hurt that I'd compare him to such a monster.
"You even looked like him when you threw it at me. Eyes full of fucking rage, a sickly sweet grin the second before you decided that 'oh, Christine deserves to get sliced open by a fucking whiskey bottle!' Thanks, Sixx!" I wiped at my eye and zipped the back of my dress up. "Thanks a fucking bunch!!"
"Sliced open--" he cut himself off with a laugh, "you barely have a scratch!"
"That isn't the fucking point, is it!? You still tried to hurt me!"
"I'm fucking sorry!" His arms flew up in the air and he let out a laugh, before groaning when he saw the look on my face.
"Say it like you mean it, Nikki."
He exhaled deeply and didn't even bother coming after me when I made my way to the door, unlocking it and striding calmly to the table to meet the guys once again.
I probably blew that way out of proportion, and Nikki was right to get as agitated as what he did for me bringing it up constantly, but I was fucked on cocaine too.
I quickly learned that when I got high on coke I acted out, overreacted, and had completely disregarded anyone else's thoughts or feelings that weren't my own.
Tommy leaned into my side when I lifted my head up and silently thank him for letting me dip my nail into his cocaine, discreetly taking a hit without anyone beside Mick noticing.
I groaned when Nikki plopped down at the table next to me, grumbling to himself and trying to button his shirt up a little more.
It was either a case of him getting fucked up in the bathroom for the twenty minutes that I was at the table, or him having sex with someone in the bathroom while he pretended that it was me that was getting him off.
Probably both to be honest.
"What happened back there?" Tommy mumbled lowly and nodded to my half-conscious boyfriend whose eyes were barely even the size of pinpricks.
I shrugged, licking the wine off of my bottom lip. "We were about to fuck but then I didn't want to, after last night, and then we had a fight."
Nikki slammed a fist down onto the table, drawing everyone's attention to us. "We fought because you wouldn't stop fucking crying!"
I just let out the most bitter cackle I could possibly muster up and turned to face him.
"I cried because I couldn't stand the thought of you touching me after what you did to me last night!"
"Well if you didn't talk to me like the shit you fucking stood in, acting like you're better than me because you're too precious to do anything besides cocaine, then maybe I wouldn't have had to!"
"You didn't have to do anything!" I threw my napkin onto the table with a huff and stood up. "Outside. Now."
"Fuck you, I'm not gonna stand outside and listen to you bitch to me about everything you've already fucking said."
"Maybe if you listened," I smacked the back of his neck when he turned away, and he growled at me, "I wouldn't have to fucking bitch at you!"
"Take it outside, listen to her man." Tommy interjected, trying to be civil but Nikki was having none of it.
It looked as if he was about to swing for the drummer when he stood up, grabbing the table because he started to wobble.
"You're only doing this because you know she'll fuck you if I cheat on her!"
"Nikki, shut up!! You're embarrassing me."
"Shut up Christine!"
I raised my brows and noticed how Sharon was trying to compose herself and ignore the way that I was being talked to.
"Why do you always feel the need to defend her, dude? You're my friend, not hers. She's just my girlfriend--"
"--Just your girlfriend? So I don't mean anything to you? I'm just a lay and someone to vent all your deep-rooted frustrations to?" He stayed silent when my eyes began to prick with tears. "You always say about how Vince and Beth treat one another like shit but look at the way that you're treating me now!"
"You're comparing me to him?" Nikki spat disgustedly, and I just held my hand up to apologize to Vince who was sat right in front of us. "Please, if I really was like him, you'd have left me months ago."
"Christine." Doc let out harshly and, to be honest, I completely forgot that he and Doug were even at that table. "Come on, he's fucked don't rise to it."
"No! I'm not having you telling me what to do again, Doc! I'm fucking sick of you telling me off, and shitting down my throat, and blaming me for things that Nikki has done!"
My hands started to shake and before I could even say anything else, I was being dragged out of the restaurant by Tommy and Nikki followed behind us yelling obscenities because he thought that I was about to have sex with his best friend.
"T-Bone." I twisted my arm, trying to free myself from his hold. "Please, get off me."
He just apologized because he thought that he'd hurt me, and shook his head when Nikki started laughing at me.
"You have the nerve to say that I'm embarrassing you when you pull something like that?" He produced a carton of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and placed a stick between his lips. "You're exactly like Beth."
"Yeah, well. I meant what I fucking said when I compared you to Vince!" Nikki ignored me and I watched as Tommy awkwardly paced next to us. "I wouldn't be surprised if you've been fucking whores like Vince has been too."
"You think I'm as bad and as sleazy as Vince?" I nodded and he let out an exasperated laugh.
"I don't know. Are you?" I stared at him blankly, folding over my arms. "Have you been sleeping with other girls Nikki?"
He shook his head but I noticed how he swallowed in a way that made him seem almost guilty.
"Answer me. Have you fucked anyone since we've been with one another?" He didn't answer, again. "Nikki. Answer me. How many girls have you slept with since we've been with one another!?"
"Too many to keep fucking count of!" He spat harshly, and Tommy grabbed at my arms when I lunged forward, desperate to rip chunks out of him.
"You've been fucking girls since we've been together!?" He just shrugged and sent a nod my way as if it was fucking nothing. "You bastard! After everything you fucking said to me!" I yelled, shaking, on the verge of tears.
I guess I walked into that one... asking him a question that I knew the answer to, but not wanting to believe until he spat it in my fucking face.
"I'm not leaving him, Vince. I'm not doing that." I said as the blonde stood in front of me, just watching as I played with my rings when we could hear Tommy and Nikki hashing it out in our room. "How would you like it if Beth just left you because she found out that you slept around?"
"You're forgetting that I want to get divorced." I rolled my eyes, waiting for him to continue digging himself deeper.
"Sixx doesn't treat you good, Chris. He's a junkie. He's hot one minute and cold the next, and you don't deserve that--you deserve someone who loves you all the fucking time, because, you're a great girl."
"Thanks." I replied flatly, not even looking at him.
"Chris, come on. You're too much of a pushover these days. The old Christine wouldn't even entertain the thought of staying with someone who fucked her over." I couldn't even put up a fight because I knew that what he said was true. "What the fuck happened to you?"
"Nikki happened. I'm in love with him, Vince. I've never felt like this before. I can't let him go because I love him!" I sighed out and wiped my fingers underneath my eyes. "But I want to hurt him...like he hurt me."
He looked at me with a confused expression. But then his eyes widened and he shook his head no.
"Don't. Chris, come on it isn't worth it."
Vince reached for my arm when I grabbed the handle of the door and stormed my way to Nikki and I's room, where I was instantly met with the two of them at one another's throats.
I just watched because neither one of them had noticed that me and Vince were in the doorway, and I stayed silent until Nikki tried to punch Tommy when he came out with: "Dude, you treat your girl like shit. You don't fucking deserve her." Then I snap.
"Nikki, get the fuck out!" I yelled though I was coming off as pretty calm. Well, as calm as calm could be.
"No, this isn't even your fucking room--or your tour. You get out."
"Okay, fine." I smiled bitterly and stared at Tommy, motioning for him to go with me. "Come on, T. I'm staying with you."
"No, you fucking aren't!" Nikki exclaimed and tried to stop Tommy from going to me, but he just scurried past him and stood next to me.
"Oh, you slut. You fucking slut!" He raised his voice, and if I wasn't so consumed by pure adrenaline, I would've burst into a fit of hysterical tears. "You're gonna fuck him!"
"The only thing I'm fucking is done with you!" I spat, grabbing Tommy's hand and storming to his room, ignoring Nikki when he yelled at us walking down the hall.
"Don't rise to it, don't listen to him. I'll talk to him in the morning when he isn't so fucked up." I rubbed his arm because he looked as if he was about to shit himself at how angry Nikki was getting.
"He called you a slut for coming with me, Christine! I'm fucking mad--"
"--Don't be, honey. Don't be mad." I put a hand on his cheek when we stopped in the hallway, smiling softly at him. "He's just mad that he upset me and I didn't give into him."
"You fuck him, you're off this fucking tour!" Nikki yelled from down the corridor and I turned to face him when Tommy and I got to his room, noticing Vince trying to push him back inside the door.
I just wish that night ended differently.
I wish that I slept next to Nikki in our bed, cuddling with one another because we were happy and content and hadn't just had a huge blowout in front of the band and everyone at that damn restaurant.
But it didn't. And, to this day, I fucking hate myself for that.
"Be quiet." I slurred, laughing when Tommy tripped and almost fell over his own feet when we got back to his hotel room, and I had to fumble around in my purse for a while to find the key. "If Nikki hears that we're back he's gonna kick your ass--" I hiccuped "--and then mine."
When we got in, I rushed to the bathroom because I thought that I was about to puke, but when I got there, I was fine. I just took a good look in the mirror and realized what I was about to do, and how much it was going to end up hurting Nikki.
I could've done one of two things. I could've gone back to my boyfriend and try to talk to him about what had happened. But I thought about how I could've walked in on him with some random slut, and came to my senses.
Well, my lack of senses.
He grinned down at me while he thrust deeper into my soaking core, pushing into me to the hilt with one hand on my waist and the other on the headboard above me, trying to stop it from hitting against the wall.
Sweat fell from his forehead and onto my chest, and I couldn't help but moan out when his eyes met mine and we both smiled softly at one another--as if what we were doing wasn't the worst thing we possibly could've been up to.
I had to bite back a harsh moan because Tommy was bigger than Nikki, and taking all of him was a feeling much too euphoric to even begin to describe.
"Fuck--you really are so fucking tight." He threw his head back, thrusting deeper into me, my mouth hung low and slight, impish whimpers fell from my lips.
"Tommy--" I moaned out with such ferocity, I was surprised that nobody came knocking at the door, and arched my back when he put both hands on my waist, completely ignoring the noise that the bed was making, and started to kiss down my chest while still mercilessly fucking me.
I matched his movements while one hand flew to my hair and the other to my clit, moaning out in pure ecstasy when I touched myself at the same pace as what he was fucking me.
"God--" he moaned, pulling out and getting me to straddle his waist when he leaned lazily against the headboard.
A wave of guilt washed over me, but Nikki was momentarily forgotten about when I was on top of his best friend, riding his dick as if my life depended on it.
"Holy shit, Chris." He choked out while I tried to avoid eye contact, palming both of my tits to feel some sick sense of relief.
"Nikki doesn't fuck me like this."
He tried to force a smile at my words but it was clear that he felt bad. However, he ignored his guilt and thrust up into me until I was moaning out uncontrollably and he was trying his damndest to hold himself together at the sight of my tits bouncing up and down in his face.
I completely forgot to ask him whether he had a condom because, clothes were being strewn left-right, and center the second we set eyes on one another, but I had the pill. And I was 99% sure that Tommy wouldn't be so stupid. But then again, he was having sex with his best friend's girlfriend.
"Fuck, Christine. You're gonna be the death of me." He exasperated but with a grin, eyes screwing shut when I slowed down while lifting myself off of him, and sinking back down, feeling all of him filling my soaked cunt.
I leaned in, and pressed my chest to his, my hand coming to his chin and cupping it, making him look at me.
"You feel so fucking good, Tommy." In the heat of the moment, he pressed a kiss to my lips, and it was soft and much too comfortable. It was like we'd been doing it forever.
It was only a matter of minutes before I felt myself coming onto his cock, and riding him, ignoring the unbearable ache between my thighs, to get him to reach his peak. And when he did, that's when I was reassured that he was wearing a condom.
"Oh my god, that was amazing." I let out when I slumped down next to him, my chest heaving as I tried to calm my breathing, and Tommy laughing softly to himself because he'd never seen me like that before.
He turned to face me, his smile faltering a bit.
"I know you only fucked me to piss Nikki off, but that was seriously some of the best sex that I've ever had."
"I meant it when I said that Nikki has never fucked me like that before." I kissed his cheek before sinking next to him when he fell onto his back, and his arm draped lazily around me.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
I sighed out, noticing how Tommy also had a guilty expression slapped on his face, and got up to go shower.
Nikki didn't fuck me like that, I didn't lie. But the sex with him was better because he was my boyfriend, and I was in love with him. When I had sex with Tommy it was all lust, no feeling.
Tommy was a lot more gentle than Nikki, and he took the time to make sure that I was okay with what we were about to do. And I said yes, with my whole chest...
I think the whole time that Tommy was fucking me, I was just pretending that it was Nikki.
That night I didn't sleep a wink. I sobered up, came down, and realized that I had made a decision that was eventually going to cost me my relationship with the man that I loved, and also the relationship between two bandmates.
I was fucking dangerous, and I didn't know it until it was too late. Much, much, too late.
I sat in front of Nikki and next to Tommy, whose arm was behind me on the booth, watching to see if my suspecting boyfriend was about to snap at one of us. But to my surprise, he never did.
Doc made us go out to get breakfast as a group, to make sure that 1. I was still there and under control and 2. He wanted us to talk things through while we were sober and able to form coherent sentences.
Tommy and I didn't address the night before after he heard me crying in the bathroom and decided that it'd be better left forgotten about than brought up ever again. But obviously, I couldn't forget what we did...he wouldn't be able to either.
"I'm sorry." I blurted out to Nikki when Tommy and Vince got up after Doc suggested leaving to 'pay'.
It didn't take four of them, plus Mick who was outside smoking, to take care of the bill.
"Why're you sorry?" His eyes burrowed into mine. "You don't have anything to be sorry about, Chris."
If only you knew.
"I know." I spoke quietly, trying to hold back tears of guilt, "but I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have gone in on you like that--you were fucked up. We all do stupid shit when we're high and not thinking straight..."
"Babe--Chris." He shook his head, not knowing if he should be calling me that after what he did, "I had sex with another person, you had every right to yell at me. I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it."
"Nikki, it's fine, alright? It happened, it's in the past, I can get over it." I smiled softly when he looked uncertain, but he quickly reciprocated my gaze. "I promise."
"Okay. Yeah--yeah it's fine," he reassured himself. "I shouldn't have done it but it happened, and as long as you're okay with moving past it, then so am I."
"Yeah, I am Nikki. I swear."
I don't know why he never questioned me forgiving him so quickly. Had I never had sex with Tommy, I wouldn't have hesitated to leave his ass high and dry.
I noticed how Tommy and Vince were watching us through the window when Nikki and I hugged and made up inside. I was scared that he might've said something to him, but as Nikki was holding me close to his chest and kissing the top of my head, all worry seemed to have melted away and I was finally content again.
"We've gotta get back for soundcheck now, do you wanna watch, or are you just gonna hang with Sharon?"
"Uhh, I think after last night it might be a little awkward with her." I giggled softly when he put his hand on the small of my back. "But I want to see you guys do what you do best anyways."
"We'll have a little time when we get back to the hotel..." he trailed off and my stomach just dropped, making me feel as if I was about to puke.
"Really?" I bit down on my lip and let out a squeak when he squeezed my ass, momentarily forgetting about my biggest regret, and actually enjoying being in my boyfriend's company.
When we got back to the hotel, it was (almost) the same as always.
Tommy and Vince bicker over something nobody else cares about, and then Vince finds a random blonde who takes his fancy, leads her to his hotel room, and fucks her senseless for the whole damn building to hear.
When he's in there, Tommy either accidentally walks in on Nikki and me while one of us is going down on the other, or he and Nikki get fucked up in our room together.
Mick just keeps himself to himself, sometimes joining us if we're drinking together, but he usually smokes and nurses a bottle of vodka alone in his room.
And I just go with the flow. The flow being Nikki...I do whatever Nikki does, besides shooting up.
"Babe, come on." I wrapped my fist against the bathroom door, just hoping that Nikki hadn't shot up yet and wasn't about to turn into his sick, twisted, drug consumed second self. Sikki.
He griped harshly on from the other side, opening the door. "What? Can't you fucking see I'm busy, Christine?"
"Yeah, about that..." his pupils were still wide and I was just relieved to see that he hadn't yet injected himself with that damn 'liquid gold', that he and Tommy always seemed to gush about. "Can we just stay together before the show tonight? Please? We didn't talk all night, and I missed you."
I found myself cringing at how clingy I sounded, but it worked, and before I knew it he was sighing out and wrapping his arms around me.
"We have a couple of rest days after the next few shows in Vegas. How's about we have a date night? Spend some time together?" He looked down at me, pushing hair from my face, "alone."
"Sounds good to me, Sixx." I closed my eyes when he lowered his head, and his lips pressed against mine in a soft, albeit, guilt-ridden kiss that I couldn't seem to pull myself away from.
I was beating myself up and losing sleep over what I did to him, but it was like Tommy had just forgotten about it the second I left his room and went crawling back into bed with Nikki.
I think what's even sicker is, we both kept it from Nikki for years.
"Hard truths can be dealt with, triumphed over, but lies will destroy your soul..."