5// “If You Don’t Think Then You Shouldn’t Talk”
After a very uncomfortable appointment with Doctor Stines that followed breakfast I headed to therapy session. I saw Jaxon and James walk into the room having a very heated discussion about why Stark Trek: The Next Generation was better than Stark Trek: Deep Space Nine. Blondie and Cherry soon followed and I headed in after them already wanting to run away. Therapy session was so tedious and it just made me nervous about my depression. I sat next to Blondie who was yet again slouching in her chair like she literally couldn’t care less. Cherry was sitting beside Blondie wearing all red today, I wonder if she even had colour coded underwear.
My shameful thoughts were interrupted by Alisa who strolled into the room, causing the place to go quiet. Everyone seemed to fear Alisa to some degree, whether out of sheer terror or respect it was hard to tell. Alisa took a seat on the opposite side of the circle, dressed in a black skirt that reached the middle of her thighs and a loose fitting white shirt that showed a lacy black bra underneath. I suppressed a moan as she sat on her legs, the skirt rising up on her smooth legs.
Our group therapist Hillary walked into the room with her sickly sweet smile that always made me want to puke. Today she was wearing a charity organisation shirt today the charity was different again. In the few weeks that I had been here she hadn’t worn the same shirt twice. Her mousy brown hair was tied in a braid and she had large hipster glasses balanced on her large nose. She sat down and waited for everyone to cease their chatter before she began the session.
“Okay good morning everyone” she smiled and looked around at everyone trying to make eye contact. As per usual I didn’t look up from my feet that were crossed at the ankle before me.
“So we’ll begin by going around the circle and introducing ourselves” she said and the girl to her left started. We did this every single session, as though we had all lost our memory in the past twenty four hours. Hillary’s voice was so shrill and happy go-lucky it made me want to kill myself even more.
On the outside of the institute Mom had suggested that I go to psychologists and therapists and try to work out what was causing me to become so deeply depressed. I had gone to numerous places that all said the same thing ‘you’re not alone’. Lies…all lies. Of course I was alone. Sure other people had depression and they felt the same way. But they hadn’t gone through what I had gone through. I was alone.
Memories of when he died flashed back to my memory. He was a good man. I clenched my fists and sat up straightly in my seat. Beside me Blondie turned to me acknowledging the fact that I getting uncomfortable. I pushed the memories to the back of my mind, somewhere deep and hidden. That was one thing that I don’t regret learning from all of those psychology sessions, suppressing the painful memories that had once threatened to consume me entirely.
It was now Alisa’s go to introduce herself and her…condition. I felt Blondie’s hand touch my arm slightly, silently asking if I was okay. I turned to her and gave her a weak smile. I looked away and to Alisa who had her gaze pinned directly to me, her eyes shifted down to my arm where Blondie had touched it. Something that might have resembled anger on a normal person flashed across her face.
“Alice?” Hillary asked again, her professional smile never faltering. Everyone was now accustom to calling the schizophrenia girl Alice, otherwise she would have a mental breakdown and order a beheading, scream her strange language at them and grit her teeth. There was no use trying to wean her off the adopted name, it was a huge step in her recovery. If she would ever recover…
Alisa finally spoke, however she never looked away from me, almost like everyone else in the room was non-existent and she was just having a conversation with me.
“I am Alice. I am a prisoner in The Red Queen’s dungeons. I am not crazy” her brow lowered till she almost looked like she was frowning at me. A wave of murmurs came from the other patients all debating with each other about how she, of all of them, was potentially the most crazy.
“We’re here for you Alice” we all mumbled in unison. I however remained silent and just kept staring intently at Alisa just as intensely as she did at me.
The circle introductions continued, but her gaze never wavered from me. Then she did something that made me suppress a moan, she bit her lip and lowered her eyes in the most seductive look I’ve ever received. Why was she doing that? I watched closely as her tongue dragged along her top row of teeth, one of her hands sliding up inbetween her thighs. How was no one noticing this? The introductions came around to Jaxon sitting right beside me. Oh god I was going to go crazy. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to not let Alisa get to me.
“My names Michael” I began trying to stop the nervous shudder my voice had, “I’m 17 and I have depression” A wave of “we’re here for you Michael” spread through the group. I tried to not draw attention to myself as I attempted to not get turned on by the girl sitting opposite me. Finally after an excruciating fifteen minutes of intros, Hillary finally got around to the point of this stupid session.
“This week we’re going to be working on what makes you happy”
Happy? The emotion was a stranger to me. Happy? The only part of me that was happy right now was the guy downstairs as Alisa gave me a wink, it was such a playgirl sort of thing to do. Just like the look the popular girls at my school gave the jocks.
“We’ll be exploring what makes you happy and excited” excited? However about the drop dead gorgeous being whose trying to put me over the edge.
“Some of the reasons why we get up in the morning, the things that we look forward to most in the day” Hillary continued.
“Sex” Blondie hollered loudly beside me. The therapy room gave a ripple of chuckles and comments.
What made me happy? Recently…nothing. If I had to ignore the erotic pleasure right now and focus on what made me happy. I’d come up with nothing. It wasn’t easy to ask a depressed teenager what made them happy. Most likely it would make them even sadder.
“Let’s go around the group and say what makes us happy” Hillary suggested. All of us groaned and muttered under our breath about how fucked up of an idea that was. Pretty much all of us said sex, alcohol or drugs. Despite the fact that these three things were the top most DO NOT’s here at the institute, Hillary didn’t mind, just nodded and smiled. Well what did she expect? We were horny teenagers who enjoyed the underage and illegal things that got most of us in here. However when it came to Alisa’s turn she said three words that made me blanch,
“The Mad Hatter”
Jaxon, James, Blondie and Cherry all snorted as they tried to subdue the urge to burst out laughing. My mouth hung open in shock. Thankfully no one else got the joke and just exchanged confused looks. I made Alisa happy? Me? I made her happy?
“Okay well that’s very interesting” Hillary said, her smile finally drifting away to show a look of shock and horror.
“Not really” Blondie mumbled beside me as she snorted into her hand, trying to suppress the laughter. I smiled at her no filter mouth only to get a death stare from Alisa.
After the eternal suffering of therapy session we were excused for lunch. I got out of the room quickly so that I could snatch Alisa and ask her why the hell she tried to—why she did that. I stood by the door waiting for the headful of blonde curls. Finally she emerged the last out of the room. I grabbed her hand and pulled her down the corridor and into a little inlet that had a fire extinguisher and would keep us out of sight. I pinned her to the wall, her bright blue eyes looking up at me.
“What was that?” I hissed at her, holding her against the wall with my body weight, my hand resting just beside her head. I didn’t care if she felt intimidated. Why did she feel the need to do that to me?
“Do what Hatter?” her voice was innocent, but the twitching of her mouth, threatening to stretch into a grin told me she knew exactly what she was guilty of.
“You know exactly what Alice. Tell me why” I grit my teeth, pressing myself against her even harder. I felt her take a sharp intake of breath, her mouth opening slightly, damn it if I didn’t want to kiss her right now.
“Twas only an experiment, tis all in jest” she assured me.
“Well don’t do it again” I seethed desperately. She was so warm against me, but I think if I got any closer she’d stop breathing.
“Why not?” she cocked her head to the side, exposing the milky flesh on her neck and shoulder,
“Do not provoke me Alice” I threatened, my jaw tightened and she squirmed beneath me, attempting to get free. Lowering my mouth to graze her earlobe, I hissed in her ear “because next time I won’t let you go so easily”
With that I moved away from her and away from the wall. Her absence was an immediate change in my body temperature, however I still think I needed to go and have a cold shower. She would never know half the things that she made my body do.
“Threats that simultaneously intrigue and frighten” she muttered as her hands went to go and shift back a few stray curls, her shirt riding up till I saw her stomach. Another moan was about to make an appearance so I looked away, scratching the back of my neck and mumbled the last part.
“Good” and walked away.
***
Back in the lounge room Blondie was yet again watching another explicit TV show, James and Jaxon were playing another trivia game and Cherry was hurriedly cleaning and fixing things up. They all had their place, I felt so out of place. They all had their routines, I still hadn’t come to terms with being in here under lock and key. If Alisa was here she would be singing to herself in the corner on the wooden stool, but she was at her private psychology session…thank god. I went and sat next to Blondie on the couch, she was watching Game of Thrones season 1. In particular the incest scenes between Jaime and Cersei Lannister.
“Do you like this stuff?” I asked her, trying to not laugh at the twins on the TV.
“Which parts?” she smirked, not taking her eyes off the TV and the couple bent over each other. My mouth hung open uncertain of what to ask.
“Uh, well, the sex or the blood and gore?”
She just gave a laugh like I just revealed the punch line to a joke,
“Little bit of both Michael, little bit of both” she was quiet for a moment as the twins finally got what they were doing over and done with. As the scene changed Blondie turned to me,
“I’m surprised. I would have thought you know, since you’re a guy you would like this sort of shit”
I raised my eyebrows. It was funny how almost everything that came out of her mouth was just so blunt and straight-forward.
“I don’t not like it. It’s just a little too…”
“Raw?”
“Fake” I countered.
“You think Game of Thrones is fake?”
“Well I mean look” I gestured to the TV and now Khal Drogo and Daenarys Targaryen were together in a tent, “it’s just yuck”
Blondie just smirked and laughed again, “Yuck? You’re a little too innocent for my liking Michael”. I just shook my head and we continued watching Game of Thrones. The next episode started playing but was cut short when Jaxon peered out the door and down the corridor in his usual quarter hourly surveillance. It was his thing that him and James shared, just in case Blondie was lighting up again or Alisa had gone off the rails.
“Blondie! Michael! Shut it off, Carrigan 3 ‘o’ clock” he hissed. Blondie switched off the TV, James hid the trivia game and replaced it with chess. Sure enough Nurse Carrigan came back, however she had someone in tow. It seemed she had escorted Alisa back to the lounge room from her psychology session.
“Blondie, Doctor Miles would like to see you now” Nurse Carrigan informed as Alisa stepped into the room and up to the stool in the corner.
“I’ll see you later Michael” Blondie gave me a wink before leaving. Nurse Carrigan escorted her out much to Blondie’s dismay she rolled her eyes and flounced down the hallway and out of sight. Once the room was quiet once again and Jaxon and James were playing their trivia game and Cherry had commenced cleaning, only when it was silent once more did Jaxon ask the question that seemed to be on everyone’s mind.
“Alice why does The Mad Hatter make you…happy” Jaxon stumbled at the last word, as though it was a profanity to some degree, as though the word burnt his tongue on the way out. Then again the word wasn’t just thrown around in a place like this. The girl sitting in the corner looked up at Jaxon and gave him an intense glare full of sapphire coloured curiosity.
“Whatever do you imply?” she asked, her tone hitching slightly. Jaxon turned around and gave me a look of uncertainty.
“Why is the new kid your happiness?” Jaxon thrust a thumb in my direction. I raised an eyebrow at his choice of words, but I had nothing else to offer. The corner of Alisa’s mouth turned up into a mischievous grin. She pulled her legs out from under her and placed them on the ground rather daintily.
Her gaze veered to me as I sat dumbstruck on the couch, having no idea how to proceed with this awkward conversation.
“Why ever not?” she rose from her spot on the stool and started towards me. I looked around at Jaxon and James who was in mid-motion about to place his knight down on a black square, Cherry who had paused cleaning and was unashamedly staring as Alisa sashayed towards me.
She stood infront of me, her knees almost knocking with mine.
“Why would he not make me happy?” she smirked, something sinister under the surface. I twisted around in my spot and looked at the other three.
“What is happening?” I asked them, my voice faltering. Jaxon and James gave me the same confused and freaked out expression, it seemed Alisa had never acted like this before. I looked over at Cherry who had dropped her cleaning products and was…giggling. I gave her a frown before turning around again to face Alisa.
She leant down and put her hands flat on my knees. I involuntarily leant back till my neck hit the back of the couch, it was something I had picked up. When someone got to close, I put space between us. She leant in, the smell of vanilla and roses almost clouded my vision and her nose grazed against mine as she crushed her lips to mine. I hadn’t even gotten over the fact that she had her hands on my legs which prevented me to move. But now she was kissing me with such ferocity I didn’t know how to react. I sat there with wide eyes as I heard the sharp intake of breath from Jaxon and James, Cherry who gave another loud giggle.
It was barely a second of kissing, or in my case stone cold movement when Alisa finally pulled away. Her cheeks weren’t flushed, lips weren’t bruised, no rapid breathing, no surprise or enjoyment displayed on her face. Infact her expression was bent into a sneer, she gave a deep sigh,
“Ghastly, stone demeanour Hatter. I am authoritatively rendered disillusioned” with that she moved away from me, strode over to the stool and resumed her silent contemplation. My mouth still hung open from where Alisa had pulled away from me, my brow knitted together in pure astonishment.
“What just happened? I don’t know what to think” I asked not looking back at the others. There was complete silence as Cherry was giggling like a school girl,
“If you don’t think then you shouldn’t talk” she chimed in a delighted tone,
“Dude I think she just said that you suck at kissing” James announced, ignoring what Cherry had just said. Widening my eyes I turned around and looked at them all in the eyes. Finally I gave Alisa a glare, her grin of pure mischief, one of her eyebrows raised. Really? She wanted to play this game. Our expressions were met with hysterical laughter from Jaxon, James and Cherry.
“Fine” I admitted, “let’s see if I can sway your opinion then…Alice”