Asimina
The moment that door closed behind him, I fell apart. I've already lost him, at least that's how it feels. My heart shattered into millions of little pieces, and I fell back into a dark abyss once again. I'm finding myself in the same situation as I was two years ago. Only this time, it's different Raffaele who stood before me, cold and expressionless. He gave me his reasons. This time I know why it's happening. This time it's my fault.
I crawled into bed an hour or so later. I struggled to pick myself up off the floor. My world is torn apart. Nat and Petro's word replayed over and over. Think before you act! Every situation isn't the same; your impulsivity will cost you dearly one day! I never listen.
Sal and Mark checked up on me throughout the night, left me food, and kept the bedroom door locked. I lay here still in the same clothes I wore yesterday, staring at the ceiling while tears continue to run. They haven't dried for a moment. My head is pounding; the horrific headache hasn't settled. Paracetamol is doing nothing to ease the pain. With every breath, whimpers continue to leave my lips. I have lost my voice from screaming into a pillow most of the night.
My bedroom door opens. I don't know what time it is. It doesn't even matter; my broken heart is confident we will not find him waiting at that altar. It screams at me constantly that we have lost him.
"Mina?" Nat's voice is gentle. Blinking the tears away, they run down the side of my face. She takes a seat on the bed next to me.
"Mina," she speaks again. Keeping my eyes close, I swallow the endless pain, and my agonizing cries begin once more. My sister lays next to me and throws her arms around me, placing her forehead to mine.
Forming words is difficult. I gasp for air several times before I barely stutter, "Y-you w-were r-right!"
Squeezing her hold on me. I open my eyes and look at Nat, her tears fall onto my pillow, "No, I wasn't. You survived through so much. You battled alone." Hearing despairing breath around me, I glance around at the others. Lia, Kat, and Jaz stand with slump shoulder faltering their eyes. Each of them crumbles at the sight of me. Wiping my tears, Nat encourages me to sit up. Pushing myself up drains my energy quickly, and a dizzy spell almost has me falling back.
"How are you feeling?" Kat mumbles and lowers her eyes again; she curses at the silly question she is asking. "I'm sorry, stupid question!"
"It's okay," I pull the covers over me. Although I'm clothed, and it's warm outside, I'm freezing. My body is trembling, and I can't stop the uncontrollable shake.
"We're here for you." Jaz takes a seat next to me. Taking hold of my hand, she gives it a comforting squeeze.
I veer my eyes, glancing at Petro. His expression remains stoic, and he gives nothing away.
"He..." I begin to say, but I've been flooded with heartbreak again, and I start to choke. They wait patiently for me to compose myself. "He gave me an ultimatum. I'm only to go to that church if I'm prepared to comply." Shaking my head, I advise them with a cracking voice. "He couldn't answer me when I asked him if I would find him at that altar."
Frustrated, I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and rub my head to ease the throbbing pain. Pouring some water into a glass, Petro walks over, handing me some pills. My features form with confusion. "They are safe. I wouldn't give you something that wasn't."
Meeting my cousin's eyes, I thank him. I need some pain relief; I can barely sit up then alone stand. My body feels so weak. My shattering heart wants to crawl back into bed and just lay here.
"Has he spoken to you, Petro?" Lia's voice cracks in anguish.
"No." Clearing his throat, he glances at me and continues, "before he left last night, all he said to me was to be here for you in the morning." Diving his hands into his pockets, he lowers his head, "Tommy called him when they caught the man responsible for the attack. He gave Tommy instructions to deliver him to a location and leave. He wanted no one around."
I could always read my cousin; he has become better at hiding some of his thoughts and emotions with a cold and hard exterior, but he can't hide how devastated he is for me.
"Will he be at that altar?" Lia fearfully questions with a quivering jaw.
"I don't know," he responds. His anger starts to soar as he pulls up a chair. , Sitting directly in front of me and leans his elbows on his knees. "I love you, brat. I love the fire that drives you." Dislodging the clog and his throat, his eyes narrow, "You and I are close, practically siblings, and you're my best friend. So, I'm going, to be honest, even if it hurts you."
I had hoped my tears would have dried by now, but it seems I have an endless supply on hand. My vision blurs, and the taps are left running once more. "He doesn't consider me his equal," I mumble.
"That's not true!" Petro curtly responds, "has he ever treated you as if you're beneath him? Has he ever stopped you from doing what you wanted to?"
Scanning my memories, I shake my head no. My heart starts to fall to my stomach's deepest pits, a feeling of hopelessness consumes me.
"I always knew that you would be drawn to each other. Not many men could stand by your side and survive. Raffaele is a stronger personality and could somewhat handle your impulsivity." Clenching his jaw, he grits, "But your reckless behavior leads to some damaging situations."
I remain mute as he takes my hands, squeezing. Lowering his head, he struggles to be blunt with me, even though he has never found it difficult in the past. "Your hands are freezing." He acknowledges. "In your private life with Raffaele, Mina, you're not only his equal, but you sit higher than him, and everyone knows it. In the mafia world, you're not on his level. What you did yesterday was interfering in a situation he had under control."
Shaking his head disappointedly, he advises, "We had the three of you covered. At the sound of the first gunshot, guards started closing off and surrounding the area. Tommy's two assassins were in position. When the windows lowered on the Range Rover, the boys had a clear shot. Until you jump in front."
At my cousins' words, breathing becomes painful, my lungs burn. In fact, flames engulf me, turning me to ash. What have I done?
Letting out a breath, Petros lowers his head to meet my eyes, "You need to trust him. You're not on his level. You don't know how to handle those situations. He has structured and well-thought-out plans. We all play a key role under him, and you only need to be impulsive and fight when he isn't there or until he gets to you. Do you understand?"
I vigorously nod. I understand. I do. It has never been clearer to me. I'm petrified it's too late. I'm dying with the thought it's over. Wiping my tears, I take a dreaded breath. Nora, along with Tommy and my beautiful son, walks in.
Nathan leaps out of his godfather's arms and rushes towards me. My shaky hands lift him, and I indulge in his cuddles. "Hi, baby," my voice is croaky. His beautiful green eyes meet mine, and that smile melts my heart. "I'm sorry," I have this desperate need to apologies to him.
One day those eyes and that stare of his will intimidate everyone, especially the ladies. I fight back the tears. "I love you so much," I mumble, placing a kiss on those chubby cheeks. Nuzzling his face into my chest, he yawns. It must be around lunchtime if he's sleepy. Caressing his cheek, I watch him squirm, and those eyes fall heavy.
Petro stands and motions Nora to take a seat. My cousin is always a gentleman. Smiling meekly, she thanks him and glances at Nathan before meeting my eyes. Her features painfully morph. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she opens her bag and pulls out a box, "It was my grandmother's." Nora smiles at her memories. "One of our traditions is something old and something blue." Opening the box, she reveals a beautiful decorative hairpin with a blue stone in the center. It's elegant and an antique. I'm honored she would want me to wear it.
"It's beautiful," I mutter.
"Does that mean he will be at the altar waiting?" Kat finally speaks and asks a question I desperately need an answer to but also dread.
Shaking her head, Nora takes a shallow breath, "I wish I could answer that question, Katerina." She sweeps her eyes back to me. "I haven't seen or spoken to my son. He has not returned my calls."
"This is cruel," Katerina's anger gets the better of her, "he needs to give her an answer before she heads to that church."
Scoffing, Tommy breaks his silence, "I saw my brother three fucking hours ago, and he was yet to decide."
On the one hand, it gives me hope, and on the other, anxiety swallows me.
"So, postpone the wedding." Kat barks back, "Sort this out and then rebook it. It's cruel to leave her at the altar." She becomes heated.
Agitated, Tommy takes domineering steps towards Kat and emphasizes, "My brother fucking loves her. Against his better judgment, he let her into his life. All you women are the same!" Taking in a breath, he seethes as he speaks, "you can't follow simply fucking instruction. None of you are on our level. None of you belong in the midst of a gunfight. This is a world filled with feral animals that kill with no remorse that thrives on rape."
Katerina is taken back, her mouth seals shut. Tommy's raging stare turns back on me; I've never seen The Gun this heated. "What would have happened if Amir or Jamal pulled that trigger a fraction of a second before they saw you leap in front?"
My eyes falter at his question. I fight back the tears that want to run again. My body numbs, and my heart thunders. I had no idea assassins were in position. "My brother would have been grieving you and your unborn child," he emphasizes.
Unable to hold back the waves of emotions flooding out. I squeeze my hold on Nathan and rest my forehead on his head. I can't think anymore, and I can't bear the tight pain in my chest.
"Tommaso," Nora warns her youngest son. He snaps his head around and curses in Italian. "Take Nathan to the car. I will be down in a few minutes," she demands.
Walking over, he doesn't hesitate to comply. Taking several breaths to compose himself. He gently picks up Nathan.
"The worst thing that can happen to a man is a woman," are the last words he speaks. Spinning on his heels, he walks away.
"Raffaele is right!" I mumble, still looking at the door. "Just because we love each other doesn't make us right for each other," I repeat his words, and I start to crumble.
Nora hums and places her hand on my arm, distracting me from the chaos in my head. "You can't change a person. That much is true!" Closing the box, she rests it on the bed next to me. "A behavior and a reaction on the other hand," smiling softly, she makes a statement, "every great man has a remarkable woman standing behind him, but she always stands behind him, guarded and protected." Releasing her hold, she places a kiss on my cheek and stands, "I'll be at the church, hoping that I will see you both there."
* * * * *
This isn't what any bride wants to feel on her wedding day. Although Raffaele and I are married, and he already holds the title of my husband. It doesn't mean much; an annulment would bring an end to that beautiful day on Milos. I've spent the last hour and a half showering and having my hair and makeup done. Once again, Jaz has me looking beautiful. She managed to hide the cracks on the porcelain doll. Standing in front of my wedding dress, I run my fingers over the intricate beading and embroidery. It's stunning! I remember trying this dress on. I pictured walking up to Raffaele and hoped I could leave him breathless.
"Are you ready?" Nat smiles.
"No," I answer truthfully. "I'm terrified,"
"You don't have to do this. Just talk to him and rebook this wedding." Kat argues. Her pleading eyes beg me. She doesn't want to see me heartbroken.
"If I don't go, I will regret it," throwing off my robe, I stand here in my bridal lingerie, and the ladies help me slide into the dress.
"You're stunning," Lia complements.
It's breathtaking. However, no amount of makeup or beautiful gowns takes the pain away. Lifting my dress, Lia kneels and helps me with my shoes. Kat hands me my earrings; they are a gift from Bianca and Petro. Simple and elegant small diamonds. Jaz secures my veil, and I'm a bride once more.
"You still have half an hour," Lia says, glancing at her watch.
Playing with the veil's hem, my focus is on the hairpin on the side of my head. Nora has become a secondary mother to me; they're all family. The shine on my engagement and wedding ring catches my eye. When Raffaele fell on one knee and asked me to be his only meal, it was my happiest moment. Have I lost the love of my life?
I hand my wedding ring to Nat, and suddenly, my finger feels naked. They are just a piece of jewelry, but the meaning behind those rings means everything to me. Raffaele and our family mean everything to me. Turning to face Nat, I wipe my fallen tears, "let's hope they find their way back onto my finger," I smile weakly and fail to stop the quiver on my bottom lip.
"He's not there yet, Mina," Jaz says, worried.
Nodding, I take a deep breath and make my way into the lift, "I'll wait in the car for a little bit."
I'm trying hard to stay positive and believe his love for me will bring him to that altar. My head is still pounding from the constant crying, and even though I have taken an anti-nausea pill, it has done nothing to stop bile rising into my mouth. Deep breathes only settle me briefly as the doors open. Stepping into the lobby, my cousin stands from his seat and waits for me to approach. I can't help but ask, "Any news?"
"No," his voice barely audible. "There's still time," He attempts to sound confident.
"He won't come," I turn to face Petro as he opens the door for me. I'm starting to lose the glimmer of hope I had.
"You don't know that," he says those words, but his eyes falter.
"I feel it,"
"Then why are you going?" He questions, confused. Worry lines form on his forehead. Distress shines in his eyes.
"I need him to know that I didn't give up on us. That I showed up, ready to take an oath he wanted me to," I slide into the car.
Closing my door, Petro runs around and takes a seat next to me. "I'm going to call him,"
Placing my hand over his, I halt him, "The decision needs to be his. Without influence from anyone. If he is not at the church on his own accord in the next twenty minutes, I have my answer."
Rubbing his jaw, his breaths increase, and he begins to get emotional. Petro doesn't cry, yet his eyes are glossing over, "I'll be there for you. This time I will help you pick up the pieces."
Resting my head on his shoulder, I try and prepare myself for further heartbreak. I close my eyes and try breathing through the pain enhancing in my chest. Running my hand over my stomach, unintentionally, I mutter, "I'm sorry, it's my fault. This time it's my fault."
Petro exhales heavily, cracking his jaw as he clenches it. I feel his worry, his anxiety. He doesn't want me broken. He hates the thought of me devasted. When we were kids, my cousin very much lived by the rule. He and he alone could pick on me and give me shit. If anyone else upset me, he would step in and deal with the problem. A meek smile forms on my lips at our memories. How much I wish I could turn back the clock relive those days. When heartbreak was far from my reality.
The car is coming to a stop, sorrowful breath escapes me, turning to my cousin, I lose the battle, and tears start to flow. "I'm not letting you get out of this car if he isn't in there waiting for you." Petro swallows. "Stay here," he orders with heated breaths.
I quickly comply. I thought I could walk into that church and face everyone, proving to him that I'm willing, but I can't! I've never cared about what anyone thinks, especially strangers, but his family and Capos' pitiful eyes will send me over the edge. I'm praying for cold exteriors instead.
Opening the door, Petro steps outside, my body loses its warmth, and the uncontrollable shake returns. It's too much. Everything is becoming too much. I reach for the back of my dress, trying to loosen it a little. My air supply is restricted, and I start to hyperventilate. Unable to form words, I fall forward in the limo and weakly tap on the glass. My vision starts to blur; I'm in complete hysterics as I watch a distraught Petro exit the church.
He's not here! He's left me!
Yay or Nah?
Thoughts on the Sisters, Katerina, and Jaz?
Thought on Petro, his words and actions?
Thoughts on Nora?
Thoughts on Tommy, his words?
Thought on Asimina?
Theories?