A:
First of all sweetheart, I am sorry for your loss. You need that this is the cycle of nature. People come and do. There is no escape from death. Please know this your best friend is in much finer place. Heavens are indeed the best residence for angels.
The simple answer to your question is that let her go. Take your time to grieve but liberate her soon. Don't dwell in past for long. You will only get hurt. Have you ever seen a tree how gracefully it let goes of leaves? Those leaves ultimately become a part of soil and indirectly aids in trees nourishment. Acceptable? May be no. But those leaves also became part of that tree if you pay attention.
Put your hand on your heart. Is it beating? Yes. Now follow me closely. Dear, she is living inside you. When you think about all the happy and sad moments; try thinking about those things she taught you or you adopted indirectly because of her. Remember? Now that's the part of her living inside you. My best friend snowfairy taught me to take care of myself. Now I eat even when I don't have heart. Ditch work to take short power naps because at the end of day I matter. I will be forever grateful to her for this. So think and relate she is there embedded inside your spirit only if you are willing to pay attention. Before going into further depth I want you to tune into this video.
Now listen closely dear one, I am there these days. I lost one of my closest best friend in start of March in a really painful way that I can't say. I am still here. I am here to tell you this it will be ok. The dark cloud of sadness covering your sky will wash away soon and bright sunshine will come. Stay patient and gentle with yourself. Take as much time as you need. Its okay to grieve and cry. You got this right and no one can question. If you feel like you are all over the place its okay just do what you feel like don't cage your emotions. Flow with the flow. Now I am gonna summarize whole experience in one go. I hope it helps.
Soon after the loss one might feel like I am dreaming or let's just sleep may be when I get up it turns out to be a prank. Even when you get up she is still not there. This is the first stage denial. It may take some days but you will register this fact that your loved one is gone. After it comes second stage anger. "Why me?" this is that stage. You might feel like burning the whole world in rage. Its okay. Look for healthy ways to pent up your frustration. Lean on trusted and loved ones. Don't make a fool out of yourself by crying in-front of everyone. Admit it or not but we live in a society where anxiety and mental disorders are considered as attention seeking tactics. People might not understand you. So better be safe then sorry. Don't stop praying I repeat its gonna do no good. You might sink away more. Cry, yell or shout its okay, you will be fine.
Then comes third stage bargaining. In my opinion this is the most lethal stage of all. Precisely speaking about it its "what if?" stage. Now comes sudden rush of guilt and strong emotions. Like what if I held onto her tight! I wasn't careful may be I should have tried harder. Its all my fault. May If i did this may be she have been here. Or you may get nightmares or flashbacks regarding dead one. You feel like going insane because it was all your fault.
I said STOP!
STOP RIGHT THERE!
STOP!
Register this fact you are not a God neither prophet. You can't control everything. What is meant to happen it happens! Its destiny. Even if it was your fault somewhere its okay. Look towards the times when you did well. In my opinion its okay to make mistakes because this is what makes us human. The crushing pain inside your chest might seem like overwhelming. Talk it out. Please its my humble request to everyone who is facing any unfortunate loss. Talk it out. To your parent or friend or teacher or therapist or any elder. Don't stay in dump overthinking and giving a dose of stress hormones to yourself. You got your loved ones. You are not alone. Tell this to yourself repeatedly. You did well. One painful experience doesn't have to mean that now you can live by shutting world out. I repeat watch your step. Its not your fault. There is no need to hurt yourself.
After it comes depression. This is the part where your senses register this fact that the person is really gone and your life is changed. Its okay. Cry it out. You will be fine. You are not alone in this. Keep holding onto your loved ones. Don't stop dressing up. Don't stop eating. Don't stop life. Warriors live on. You are awesome for still being here after such a war. Look for new friends. Connect with them. You aren't being unfaithful to your late best friend. Just like old leaves have to go for new ones to come same goes for people. Try filling that void. I lost one but thankfully I got new ones. They are always there for me. They love me and cherish me the way I am. Stalking me, worrying about me and loving me through this process patiently even if I create a mess. I do create mess; I am a huge mess maker when I snap. But its okay! its life! your emotions and feelings are valid! Its okay to fall and crash but its not okay if one stay in dump for long. Now do me a favor delete those old texts and stop stalking her social media. She is gone. She is not there in person so there is no need to talk to empty apps. Part of her still lives inside of you. She always wanted your happiness dear one. The best you can do is to keep going and accept this fact that when God closes one door He always opens up other. Live such an exemplary life that when you go up there she holds you and say: "Wow babe! I am proud of you."
I hope this helped. May the process of grief and healing turn easy for you.
~ Romi♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡